Friday, June 17, 2011

A Gaping Hole

Dear Every-single-man-with-a-gaping-hole-punched-in-his-earlobe,
I just wanted to tell you how fashionable and stylish you are! And it’s not just me! Lot’s of people think you look amazing! People such as the illiterate savages in the middle of African rainforests. They’re all the time going on about how awesome punching large holes in your face looks. They prefer to use wooden grommets, but your metal ones are ok too.
A few of the hippest, most stylish Wildman Fashion Gurus told me they’ve got some totally hot tips for you to improve your look even more! You need to get a big loop and punch out a big circle in your lower lip that extends about two to three inches from your teeth. Then, you need to shove some sort of a bone or thorny spike through your nose, the bigger the awesomer. You’ll totally be stylin’ it up all over the place!
And if all this new jewelry isn’t enough, and you want to change your look too, they suggest a grass apron. Not very big, Just a few bunches, but even that’s optional if you get too hot, the look is really up to you.
In conclusion, just keep following trends. It makes everyone love you and think you’re the coolest most awesomest guy who ever walked the face of the planet Your lobe loops rule!
Sincerely,
Me.

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