Why Do People Watch the Super Bowl?

Notice to all football fans: I know that you are a passionate bunch. Some of you frighteningly so. A very small minority might even be classified as clinically insane... This post is not meant as an attack on any of you. Even the scary-crazy ones. These are my opinions, and in the grand scheme of life they mean very little, so please don't get your bloomers in a bunch.

I don't watch football. I don't like football. I know I'm probably in the minority, especially when football is probably one of the largest religious denominations in the area, but I just don't know why people want to waste their time watching it. To me it's just a bunch of grown men wearing pants that are way too tight, running around trying to keep the other team from getting their hands on a giant leather egg. Of course, to be fair, they probably think that I am wasting my time watching Cartoons, or Science Fiction, or any other kind of entertainment that "Normal" people my age don't like.

Beyond the people who watch football because they like it, it's even more confusing to me why so many people just watch the Superbowl, "For the commercials." Why? First of all, why watch the ads at all? Do you not realize that you are being manipulated into buying things you didn't want, and don't need? And even if for some crazy reason you find the commercials funny or clever, (I pity you), why watch the whole game at all if you only are there for the ads? The ads are available on the internet minutes after they air, and some of them premiere online, so you have ample chance to see them long before the game anyway. And please be honest, does anyone really think that the ads are worth watching? To me they are almost all completely, brain-numbingly, moronic.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I bear no ill will toward football fans. I just don't understand them at all. :)

Hail the Mighty god of Pigskin

This started out as a brief facebook post, since today is Super Bowl Sunday, but I kind of got carried away, and decided that it was long enough that I should just go and make a proper blog post with it.

Today is the day that people all around the country bow down to their television, worshiping their beloved god, football.
Followers of this unfeeling god participate in many strange and unnatural rituals. Some people become crazed, berating and insulting followers of other lesser groups of gods, known as "Teams". A few people go so totally insane that they strip themselves of almost all clothing, and paint their naked bodies in the color of these teams, screaming wildly at the televisions in some kind of unholy prayer, hoping that this will somehow impact the outcome. Sadly their gods do not hear their cries.
Large groups of worshipers called “Parties,” gather together in designating worshiping areas, usually in a more devoted follower’s home, where their gods encourage gluttony and alcoholism. Their followers greedily comply. With this, the gods demand sacrifice, but not from the worshipers, it is the innocent who suffer. Many poor chickens have given their wings as sacrifice to these merciless and unforgiving gods.
The revelry last hours until one group emerges victorious, and the the worshipers stumble home in a bloated, drunken stupor to await the next showdown between the gods. In the days that follow, those who worship the losing group will be forced into hiding as the followers of the victorious group will ridicule them unrelentingly. The taunting will eventually cease as the season of football fades into memory, and the seasons of the lesser deities approach.