Sunday, December 31, 2017

Rotoscopers Roundup 6

It's been quite awhile since I last updated you guys on my work for the Rotoscopers, so here is everything I've written there from the end of May through December! In the future, I think I'm going to try to do one of these updates every six months. We'll see if I remember. :)

Studio Ghibli Countdown: When Marnie Was There

Steven Universe: Season 5 Premiere Trailer Released Online

Obituary for Peter Sallis

Star Wars Rebels: Season Two Blu-ray Review

Obituary for June Foray.

DuckTales: Season Premiere Review

Star Wars Rebels: Season Three Blu-Ray Review

Star Wars Rebels: Season Four Trailer announcement

DreamWorks Animation Countdown: Chicken Run

Lego Ninjago: Movie Review

DreamWorks Animation Countdown: Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

DreamWorks Animation Countdown: Flushed Away

Samurai Jack Season 5: DVD Review

Halloween Countdown: Gravity Falls: Summerween

World of Tomorrow: Episode 2: Trailer Released Online

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: Blu-Ray Review

I contributed a review to a roundtable discussion of The Breadwinner.

An non-review article I wrote about the The Breadwinner.

Despicable Me 3: Blu-Ray Review

Star Wars Rebels: Season 4 Part 1: Roundtable Review

Birdboy: The Forgotten Children: Roundtable Review

The Big Bad Fox and Other Tales: Roundtable Review

Monday, December 25, 2017

This Christmas Online (2017)

This is basically a last month online post, but with only Christmas videos. So I did the only logical thing and made an entirely new logo for it.


I will warn you in advance, that this is going to be another rather long post. I follow a lot of artists, and quite a few of them decided to release Christmas albums this year, (Or deluxe versions of last years' albums) so there was a lot of new music! I've tried to whittle it down to only my favorites, but, you know, I can only whittle things down so far... :p

We'll start with a Lindsey Stirling one, because she started early. Like, in October.



But then, so did Pentatonix.



It's still sad to see them without Avi, but they're still as good as ever.

And of course Peter Hollens did a bunch of new music as well.



As did the Piano Guys.



And Taylor Davis



And Voctave



Even Sia released a Christmas album! I absolutely loved this video, and it might actually be my favorite video this year. I was not expecting that many cameos, and I just loved that it featured Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. :) The only thing that could have made it better would have been to have Kristen actually singing with Sia, instead of just lip-synching to her vocals. Oh well, I loved it anyway. :)



I don't normally care much about Hollywood marriages, but there's just something about Kristen and Dax that I love. :) Side note, wouldn't he be perfect for a Mr. Rogers bio-pic? Just look at him in that cardigan! They're practically twins! :p

Blimey Cow recently put out a Christmas themed video with some of my favorite brand of satire. :p I especially loved that they were picking apart of that awful "Christmas Shoes" song, and I about died laughing at the "Happy Holidays" segment. Sadly, I know too many people like that.


Let's do another Lindsey Stirling one, because I have several of those to share. I may even save the least Christmas related one for the next Last Month Online post, because I just have so many.


And another Peter Hollens


Another Piano Guys.


Walk Off the Earth did a great version of Deck the Halls! I love the creative, different ways they do all their videos! How cool would it have been to randomly be on that plane with them!


Nick Pitera recently put out a Christmas EP, and I just loved this song he did with Susan Egan.


And Mike Tompkins did a great Home Alone Medley.


Studio C has put out a few Christmas skits this month, but this one about killed me. XD


The "Missionaries" scene is even funnier when you remember that the Studio C team are Mormon themselves. I love that they keep a sense of humor about things like that. :)

Lets do one more Pentatonix before we close this. This was one of my favorites of all these Christmas songs. It's still sad that Avi has left the group, but they seem to have found a great replacement. I'm looking forward to hearing what else they do with him.


And we'll close the way we opened, with a Lindsey Stirling song. One of my favorite Christmas songs, and I love her spin on it. :)

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Overheard 3


Well, it's been a long time, a year and a half to be exact, but I am back with another post of overheard conversations! In case you don't remember, or missed the other two times I did one of these, all of these anecdotes are real conversations that I personally overheard and then wrote down to share later. Some days it pays to blend into the background. You never know what kind of weirdness people will say when they think no one is listening! Or when they don't care. Either way can be funny.

If you're curious, the previous two posts can be found HERE and HERE.

I've been collecting these since I did the last post, so I have quite a few new ones to share!

The most obvious place for me to overhear things is at work. Some customers will say anything, not paying attention to anyone around them. It's like they think we're a part of the store and not autonomous humans that can listen to everything they're saying. I suppose I should be insulted, but as long as they're not rude to me personally, and I get a story out of it, I'm kind of okay with being ignored. :p

A grandmotherly-aged woman was talking to her husband while looking at her phone as they came through my checkout line.
"I got a text from Dylan and he said his friend Jayden said 'Your grandparents are dope!' So I texted back and told him I was sorry we were dopey. And he just replied and he said, 'No grandma, being dope is good!' So I guess things have changed. Back in the day calling someone a dope was an insult!"
Earlier this year we had a total solar eclipse pass over our part of the country, and I heard a lot of people talking about it the day after. This was by far the weirdest one. It was from an old man, if that makes any difference.
“Well, I didn’t turn into a werewolf in the holocaust!”
In the holocaust. The HOLOCAUST. Just let that one sink in for a moment. No one corrected him, and he seemed completely unaware of what he had just said.

Another day, a mother was buying several boxes of macaroni and cheese, and as she unloaded her cart she said,
"My toddler just loves to eat the cheese dust out of the macaroni and cheese boxes. He calls it 'Shake shake.'"
Initially I laughed, and then I realized that, as she was buying quite a lot mac&cheese, she must have no problem with feeding her toddler copious amounts of processed chemical cheese dust, on a regular enough basis that he has given this 'snack' his own name, and I wasn't sure if I found it so funny anymore.

If you've shopped anywhere within the last six months, you've probably noticed that the credit cards with the chips are becoming more and more common. Unfortunately my store does not have the best chip readers, so it can take anywhere from 5 to 15 seconds longer than a normal swipe reader for the transaction to process. For some people this is an inconvenience of the highest caliber, about which they must loudly and rudely proclaim their anger and frustrations over. Those customers' stories I will not share here, though I may eventually end up killing one or two off, in my other series of work-related stories, Twist Endings, but once in awhile I will get one of the sainted few who decide to make a joke of the *extremely minor* inconvenience of the chip readers. Case in point, the elderly woman who couldn't quite figure out what to do with her new card right away.
"Oh dear. I’m never going to live long enough to remember this."
Across the store one day I heard a whole bunch or racket so I looked toward the pet aisle, and I saw three little girls incessantly squeaking everything in a display of dog toys. Suddenly their mother appeared behind them and exclaimed,
“Unless you have 4 legs and a tail, put those down!” 
Speaking of kids, the single most common type of overheard conversation comes from them. I have so many of these. They're all wildly different, and they're all hilarious.

Last year there was a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie released, and as with most new blockbuster films, we got a big cardboard display to set up in the store when the DVDs were released. Not long after the stand had been set up, a little girl with a very fit dad came through my line. By 'very fit' I mean that the dad was wearing a tight t-shirt and he had noticeably bulging muscles.
The little girl was probably around two or three, and as I rang up their groceries, the little girl was looking at the movie display. It's worth pointing out that these new Ninja Turtles are a bit more humanoid than the cartoony versions from the 80's and 90's, but they're still buff, green turtle monsters. The girl was studying them for awhile, and then turned to her dad, pointing at the display.
"Look! Daddy! Daddy, it’s you!"
The dad turned to look at what she was talking about, saw the muscular turtle-men, and quipped:
"Oh, thanks sweetie! Not sure how I feel about that..."
Another day a mother and child came through my line.
Child: "Mom! Mom! Can I have some chapstick?"
Mom: "No, you don't need it!"
Child: "But mom! My chips are chapped!"
Mom: "Your chips are chapped?"
Child: "Mom! No!! My lips!!"
Last year, one of the biggest online trends was the 'Bean Boozled Challenge.' The candy company, Jelly Belly, makes a game(?) where they package a bunch of different random flavors of jelly bean, with identical jelly beans of awful flavors. For example, the light green jelly beans might be lime, but they might also be boogers. For awhile, every other YouTuber was buying these jelly beans, and then they'd get together with a friend, and make a video, documenting their outrageous reactions to eating terrible flavors, like Skunk Spray, or Stinky Socks. And for some reason, this made these jelly beans insanely popular, and we were selling a lot of them. This was the funniest conversation around them that I heard during the craze, between a little girl and her mother.
Little Girl: "Mom! This one has dead fish! And rotten eggs!”
The Mom, feigning interest: "Oh!"
Little girl, very excitedly: “Last time I only got one bad one, and my brother got all the bad ones!"
She opened the package: “Mom! I found a barf one! And boogers! I don’t like those. Lawn clippings is okay though, right mommy?
"
Mom, as they left the store: “Well…”
Girl, interrupting: “There’s coconut! That’s a good one! But not baby wipes!”
Little girl, from far away: “I’m so excited!!!"
It's not always little kids, I've overheard some teenagers too. Like this one, where a group of boys came in to buy a bunch of Mexican sodas, which come in glass bottles. One set his bottles on the counter and turned to his friends.
“These bottles make great hammers! I used one of mine to pound in a tent stake!”
Okay kid, good luck with that.

Another time I overheard two younger teenage boys, discussing problems at school, culminating with one declaring everything he was going to do to fix it, 'Once he became president.' The other one replied,
"Yeah, well, when you're president, you're not going to care about middle school issues anymore."
Another place that I got a lot of great overheard material from this past year was at college. I'm out of school now, so that well has kind of dried up, but I collected a lot while I was there, especially from one class in particular. I had one teacher who was always coming up with something funny to say, and as this was a creative writing class, so were all the students. Here are some of those exchanges.

One of the first days, the teacher was trying to get to know the students.
Teacher: "What's your job?"
Student: "I'm a dog groomer."
Teacher: "Well you must be good at it because you don't have any chomp marks."
The teacher was talking to a student during role call.
Teacher: "So what did you do this weekend?"
Student: "I picked up my boyfriend from the airport. He was studying abroad in England."
Teacher: "Oh, that's exciting! Did you link pinkies all the way home?"
Student: "No..."
Teacher: "Oh... Well I would have."
During another role call:
Teacher: "Michael. Do you prefer Mike or Michael?"
Michael: "How about Mike when you're talking to me, and Michael when you're talking about me."
A student was talking about a guy he had seen, during an exercise where we were to observe a stranger for awhile and notice things about them that would be worth writing about if they were a fictional character.
Student: "He was playing a game on his phone."
Teacher:"What was he playing? Tetris? Farmville?"
A different student chiming in: "Well hello Mr. 2005. Did you know there's going to be a black president in three years?"
Teacher: "I have heard such things, yes."
The teacher also had some very random quips during conversations and lessons that just struck me as hilarious.
"It's not a good idea to eat lentils before a three mile race through the woods."
"I think she was an animal science major, because something just seemed, like, animal science-y about her." 
"Did you ever play with paper dolls? You seem like someone who liked to color and snip." 
This next one was from a completely different class, one that was optional for me, this class had the same teacher as the one I'd just finished, both advertising classes, and the teacher had invited my class to sit in for the guest speaker in his next class. There were two girls near me from that class, for whom the class was not optional, having a public, private conversation before the guest arrived
Student 1: "What even is this?"
Student 2: "This girl's coming in to talk about being a copywriter."
Student 1: "What even is that?"
Student 2: "A copywriter?"
Student 1: "Yeah."
Student 2: "They like, write all the copy. In ads."
Student 1: "Ooohhhhhhh... Do we even have to be here?"
This next one was just a random student I heard, I don't think he was in any of my classes, I think he was talking about a test he had to take, and it may actually have been in Sunday school at my grandma's church.
"You know that song by 'Bohemian Rhapsody'? Like, "I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me," that's how I feel right now."
I mean, I've only ever heard a handful of songs by Queen, but even I know that it's the SONG that's called Bohemian Rhapsody.

One of my favorite classes in my last year of school was my poetry class, which was largely due to the teacher. She was just such a great person to be around, always friendly, always talking about random things that had happened in her life. Since she was a poet, this makes sense, as she mined her life experiences for  poetry ideas. She also like to give life advice, such as this little gem, from her first marriage during her time in a traveling rock band.
"You should never marry your heavy metal guitar player. Just a little life advice for you guys."
Well, I think that's going to be all for this post. I actually still have more than this, I didn't really even touch on most of what I've overheard at church, but I think I'll save that for next time.  Hopefully I'll get to the next one sooner than I did for this one. :p

Saturday, December 16, 2017

#TrueFacts 28


Did you know that 100% Natural Cheez Kurlz are actually only 63% natural? They were pretty close, so they rounded up. #TrueFact

Did you know that most species of snowmen went extinct during the last ice age? #TrueFact

Did you know that Burrowing Mime Weasels are vegan? Well, except for Chad over there. But really, is it his fault that chickens are so delicious? I feel like the chickens deserve at least some of the responsibility here. That henhouse was just asking to be raided in the middle of the night. #TrueFact

Did you know that corks are considered legal tender in rural Kentucky? It costs 15 corks and a corncob to buy one fresh possum. #TrueFact

Did you know that fishcakes taste way better with tomato gravy on them? Or was it way worse? I can never remember. #TrueFact

Did you know that the lady who invented the poncho did so because she couldn't figure out how to sew in a zipper? #TrueFact

Did you know that Triscuit crackers are made from compressed bales of dried alfalfa hay? #TrueFact

Did you know that ipecac syrup is made from honeydew and cantaloupe? They really are nature's perfect little vomit inducers. #TrueFact

Did you know that chess is the 3D version of checkers? #TrueFact

Did you know that before settling on "Banjo" as the name for his spiffy new musical invention, Cletus McMulletson wanted to name his revolutionary new instrument the "Honkenplinker"? #TrueFact

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Last Month Online (November 2017)


I have a LOT more videos than usual this month, so let's just jump right into them!

Biggest news of the month: OK Go is back!!! MY jaw dropped to the floor and stayed there through the whole video. I am in absolute awe of their creativity. This would be an amazing video if they had shot on green screen and built all the effects with CGI and animation, but the fact that this is all practical effects, created with PRINTERS, and more specifically, PRECISELY TIMED printers, is just utterly astounding.



And speaking of people being back! Owl City is back! The first music video for his upcoming album dropped this month, and I love it! :D



Superfruit (Scott and Mitch of Pentatonix) have been putting out some extremely catchy music recently, but this video is one of my favorites. It has just the right amount of weird, random, creative catchiness. My favorite part is definitely the old granny mannequin/morph-suit person. :p



And speaking of Pentatonix, they have bumped up their content in the last couple of months, however most of it is Christmas music, which I am saving for a Christmas post later this month. This one, even though it is used as a Christmas song, is not traditionally a Christmas song, so I decided to include it here, and save the others.



I've never seen Steven King's It, and I don't really plan to, but this parody, starring everyone's least favorite Star Wars character, Jar Jar Binks, just absolutely cracked me up.



I don't think I've featured Alex Boyé in awhile, let's remedy that with his epic new cover of Imagine Dragons' Believer!



I. Love. Melodysheep.



I honestly never thought I'd feature this song on my blog. It was everywhere this summer, and I was kind of sick of hearing it, but leave it to Kurt Hugo Schneider, Sam Tsui, & co to come up with a version I really liked. :)



I'm sure you've never heard of Adler Davidson, he's a very small YouTuber, but he deserves to be bigger. I absolutely loved this video he put out, I've played it on repeat so many times. He is such a weird, hilarious genius.



Side note: I've actually had a customer get wildly, and furiously, offended at me for saying, "Have a nice day," before, because "It's none of you business what kind of a day I have." So that part actually made me laugh for more than just that it sounds ridiculous. It may be ridiculous, but it's also true. I don't know if that's hilarious or sad. Maybe both.

This is probably the least weird video that Poppy has ever made. But I still loved it for the song, despite the video's relative normality. It still had a semi-creepy face-less mop creature playing an electric guitar, so at least it had a little something extra there for me. :p



This extremely short video showed up online out of nowhere this month, and I fell in love. I've lost count how many times I've watched it and showed it to people. Who knew that a spider could be so adorable!?



This was originally an animation test by an independent animator, starring his nephew Lucas as Lucas the spider, but he has since rebranded the channel around the character and made another short! I hope he keeps going! I need a steady supply of Lucas in my life!



I already loved this song by Selena Gomez and Marshmello, but as usual, I think I like Mike Tompkins' version better.



I will never not be utterly amazed by World Order's (Dancing? Acrobatic? Choreography?) skills.



We'll end this post with another hilarious Studio C sketch. I never watch Saved By the Bell as a kid, but I loved this sketch. It perfectly captured the cheese of the era, and added heaping helping of Studio C's hilarious brand of brilliant weirdness.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Wonderland Wednesday: Ukrainian Alice in Wonderland Music Videos


So today's post is going to be a little different. This blog post was written to be a companion to today's video on my YouTube channel. As most of you know, my longest running YouTube series is Wonderland Wednesday, and today's video (which is my season finale) is all about a series of strange music videos that I found while browsing YouTube one night. I don't have a whole lot of context for them, except that they are from a Ukrainian musical, and information about that musical is extremely scarce, at least in English. I used Google translate and copy/paste searched a bunch of Russian(Ukrainian?) text and found some info, but not nearly as much as I'd have liked. I really wanted to find the movie itself, but that search turned up nothing. I did find the trailer though, so if you're interested, here's that.



So this blog post is basically a compiled resource for my followers on YouTube to come to watch the music videos themselves. You probably won't understand anything in them, I know I don't, but I still enjoyed watching them, and the music was pretty catchy. If you did not come here from the video, and would like to watch it, I will have that included here as well.



Basically all I know about these videos is that they are from a Ukrainian, made-for-TV Christmas/New Years Alice in Wonderland musical. I have not been able to watch the movie itself, so I am simply guessing what order these should be in, based on  my knowledge of the book, and the content of the videos. Which I don't understand. So it's entirely possible that I'm completely wrong. Oh well. I enjoyed these anyway. If you know me, you know I love a lot of music from all over the world, so this was just right up my alley. The music in these videos are all extremely catchy, and they have a surprisingly high production value, so even if you don't speak Russian, or Ukrainian, or whatever language it turns out that they are using, you should still enjoy at least a few of these.

In case you're interested, the artists and title translations came from this page.
http://www.kievpostproduction.com/en/2015/02/5631

Irina Bilyk - "I Got Involved up to my Ears"



Alexandr Krivoshapko - "I am Your Chebuvashka"



Svetlana Tarabarova - "World of Wonders"



Jamala - "Simple and Easy"



Dima Kolyadenko - "Aphrodisiac"



Potap & Nastya, Alexandr Krivoshapko - "It's Like Beating on a Drum"



Sergey Pisarenko & Evgeniy Nikishin - "Oh Mamochki!"



Anastasiya Stotskaya - "My Knave"



Vitaliy Kozlovskiy - "Not Mine"



Anastasiya Stotskaya - "You are Only Mine!"



Vitaliy Kozlovskiy & Svetlana Tarabarova - "You and I"



Laima Vaikule - "Make the Wish"



Cast - "Welcome New Year!"



Edit 11/30/2017: Holy cow! It took less than 24 hours before one of my subscribers was able to track down the full movie for me! I am shocked! Thank you, Matthew Darby! I will link you to the page with the movie below, in case any of you want to watch it! I think I'll have to review the full movie now!

http://alisa.kanalukraina.tv/ru/episode/myuzikl-alisa-v-strane-chudes

Saturday, November 11, 2017

#TrueFacts 27


Did you know that during Daylight Savings Time, if you keep turning back the clock, eventually you'll end up in the time of the dinosaurs? #TrueFact

Did you know that the dirty bomb was invented by a terrorist who tripped and fell into a mud puddle? #TrueFact

Did you know that Groundhog Day was originally called Ground Sloth Day? The poor ground sloth went extinct during the six weeks of winter that he himself predicted, so the groundhog was elected to take its place. #TrueFact

Did you know that the Super Bowl was invented by the American Poultry Industry as way to sell unwanted chicken wings? #TrueFact

Did you know that gummy worms are made by feeding earthworms liquid jello and putting them into the fridge to solidify? #TrueFact

Did you know that 12 is sometimes equal to 11, but only on the fifteenth of Octember? #TrueFact

Did you know that during the average lifetime, most people will swallow at least 7 squirrels in their sleep? #TrueFact

Did you know that down south, during any rare winter weather, it is tradition to harvest and deep fry the icicles? #TrueFact

Did you know that if you insert a fresh lily pad into a record player it will play Rainbow Connection? #TrueFact

Did you know that today was yesterday, tomorrow? #TrueFact

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Last Month Online (October 2017)

Okay, as you can see, I've decided to change the title of this series. Again. Previously it was called This Month in Internet, but sometimes it's just too hard to get everything ready to go on the last day of the month. I usually ended up writing it on the first and pre-dating the post anyway, just for the sake of the title. So yesterday, November 1st, I was too busy, trying to get a video up, running errands, and scheduling an online meeting with a friend to film a video for a new series, and I just didn't have time to blog. Rather than beat myself up about missing an arbitrary deadline, I'm moving the deadline. By changing the title of the series. It's now called Last Month Online, technically giving me a full month of leeway, but I'm still going to try to have it up at the beginning of the month.

Anyway, now that that's over with, let's get to the new logo, and on with the post!


Since October is Halloween Month, let's just get my one Halloween video out of the way. I know you probably just want to move on to the next holiday, but I promise this one is worth it. Plus, like the movie it came from, you could also classify it as a Christmas video. :p



Ellen just seems to have a knack for finding the most talented kids from all over the world. I don't know how she does it, (actually I probably do, she can afford to pay people to scour the internet looking for talent.) but however she finds them, I'm glad she does.



Walk Off the Earth's Taekwondo was my jam this summer, and I am loving this acoustic version.



This video is criminally short. Like, how dare he make something this amazing and only give me 60 seconds of it!!!



Mystery Guitar Man is back! Okay, this was only one video, and it was a sponsored video, so he's not really back, I wish he'd make more videos like these again. I guess I'll just enjoy this one for a year and a half (or just a few months if I'm not being overly dramatic. :p) till some other brand gives him some more money. :p



We'll end this with another amazing video from Lindsey Stirling. Technically I could have use two this month, but the other one was a Christmas video to promote her new album, so I'm saving that one for a future Christmas post. :)

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Amazing Trick-or-Treat Ideas 2017

So, today, (yesterday if you're reading this when I post it) October 30, at around noon, I decided to look at my Time Hop app, the handy app that takes you back in time to see yon posts of yesteryear, (I mainly use it to find and delete old embarrassing social media political posts that my younger, stupider self thought were a good idea to share with the world) and I was reminded of my yearly tradition of writing a post of alternative Halloween candy ideas. I had completely forgotten about it, which is also apparently becoming a yearly tradition. So since I have to work at 5 tonight, apparently I have just a few hours to write up a post. I suppose I could do it when I get off work, but I think I write better under pressure. Let's see if I can do it. If you're reading this, I probably did it. :p

For those of you who are new, every year I like to come up with new, amazing things for you to hand out to Trick-or-Treaters. After all, you want to be the most memorable house in the neighborhood, right? Well if you follow my advice, you'll certainly be memorable. It's up for debate whether that's a good thing or not.

If you're interested, the previous years' posts can be found at these links:
2013 - 2014 - 2015 - 2016




Candy - No not edible candy, Aaron Carter's hit 2000 pop single 'I Want Candy' covering the 1982 pop smash by Bow Wow Wow, which was itself a cover of a 1965 song by the Strangeloves. You can give out one of the originals too, but you're going to get egged. Oh who am I kidding. You're going to get egged anyway.

A Haunted Diadem - Do you have an ancient, cursed crown that's just swarming with ghosts, who never leave you alone, and are always opening your cupboards, looking for food they can never eat, and occasionally flushing the toilet and playing (admittedly catchy) Turkish pop music just to mess with you? Well, when you get a Trick-or-Treater around who you particularly despise, probably that rotten neighbor kid who shaved and painted your cat that one time, just give him the crown, and your troubles are over! It's perfect! If his parents complain, you can just act like they're crazy, because ghosts aren't real, right?

Cucumber - Just leave a cucumber on the porch.

Raisin Boxes - This one's a bit tricky, but for this one, just put all your real candy into raisin boxes. That way all the spoiled brats won't take any, and you can keep it all for yourself. And if they do take one, well, they must be a very polite child, and therefore they deserve the candy.

A Trick - Kids always say Trick-or-Treat, so why not call their bluff? This year, when they say Trick-or-Treat, wordlessly pull a rabbit out of a hat. When they applaud, go back inside and shut the door.

Another Trick - When the kids all say Trick-or-Treat, do some kind of a sick skateboarding trick, or a sweet bike jump. Grind down your porch rail, and ride off into the night!

A Mean Trick - Just swipe all their candy and go back inside. They asked for a trick, and they never specified what kind. Legally you are totally in the clear. Probably.

Trix - Just pour some Trix cereal into their candy bag. It's a treat and a pun!

Marbles - Marbles are pretty cheap right, right? All you have to do is dress up like a little old lady who can't see well. The kids will just assume that you mistook the marbles for candy and will be too polite to say anything, saving you a TON of money on candy. If they do say something, you can just give them a Tic-Tac out of your purse, because what self-respecting little old lady doesn't keep Tic-Tacs in her purse? And if those little rotters complain, you can just pelt them with the marbles, while screeching at them to get off your property. It's a win-win either way.

Tea - Open the door dressed like a proper British Lady, complete with the fanciest, most unnecessarily elaborate gown you can find. Bonus points if you dress as the queen and wear a crown. This goes for guys too, the exquisite gown, as well as the most exaggerated, high pitched falsetto voice you can muster, are an absolute must for this one, no matter your gender. Optionally, you can also wear some giant fake teeth if you want, but that's probably racist, so maybe you better not.

In your worst British accent, screech at the little tots that approach your door, "CHEERIO MY DARLING, I'M SIMPLY CHUFFED TO BITS TO SEE YOU!!! WOULD YOU LIKE A SPOT OF TEA?!?!" And then proceed to pour boiling hot tea out of your finest china teapot, directly into their candy bag. "HOW ABOUT A CRUMPET?!?!" and throw one of those in too. "BICKIE?" and just dump a whole box of digestives in there as well. If they start crying, whether in fright, or because you just melted all their Twixes and Kit-Kats, exclaim, "BLIMEY!!! THIS DOES THROW A SPANNER IN THE WORKS!!!" and turn around pretending that your husband is inside.

"REGINALD MY DARLING THIS TINY BEGGAR CHILD IS HAVING A RIGHT BEASTLY BLUB ON OUR DOORSTEP!!! SHOULD WE CALL THE ORPHANAGES!?!?" Then grab your carpet bag, pop open your umbrella, and float away into the night calling, "TOOTLE-OOO, LOVE, TOOTLE-OO!!! PIP-PIP!!! CHEERIO!!! JOLLY-GOOD!!! SMASHING, SIMPLY SMASHING!!!"

Thursday, October 26, 2017

#TrueFacts 26



Did you know that the term "Fast Food" was coined by a caveman chasing a velociraptor? Needless to say, that phrase lasted a LOT longer than he did. #TrueFact

Did you know that emus are the ballerinas of the avian world? Angry, vicious ballerinas. #TrueFact

Did you know that sneezes are caused by tiny nose gremlins firing little cannons out of your nostrils? They're at war with the microscopic gnomes that live on your throat, making you cough. #TrueFact

Did you know that sneezes are caused by nose demons from the sinus dimension? The sneezes are your nose's attempts at a nasal exorcism. #TrueFact

Did you know that a sneeze is the byproduct of your own forgetfulness? Every time you forget something, the thought travels out of your brain, through your sinuses, and into your nose, where the exposure to the intense amount of oxygen, (and maybe your nose hairs) causes your thought to violently explode inside your nose, causing the sneeze. #TrueFact

Did you know that I can purposely contradict any facts that I choose? I can do whatever I want! No one can stop me! #TrueFacts are mine alone to control! Mine! MINE!!! HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!! #TrueFact

Did you know that there is an island near Easter Island called Halloween Island? It is populated by 40 foot high, stone skulls. #TrueFact

Did you know that pizza is the world's least healthy vegetable? #TrueFact

Did you know that the gas giants in our solar system are all bubbles, blown by a cosmic space entity named Timmy? Timmy also likes playing with rocks, and he left his collection out between Mars and Jupiter, which is why we have an asteroid belt. Timmy needs to listen to his cosmic space mommy and pick those things up before his cosmic space daddy comes home and steps on one. #TrueFact

Did you know that before Instagram, people had to wait up to 10 years for pictures to decay enough to be presentable? #TrueFact

Saturday, September 30, 2017

This Month in Internet (September 2017)


Not that many videos this month. Not sure if it's because my favorite creators haven't been putting out as much stuff, or if I'm just not watching as much as usual. I have been getting busier and busier with my own YouTube channel, which does leave less time for watching other people's oh well. I do have a few videos to share, so let's get on with them!

Peter Hollens released a video with 'Ten Second Songs' that I just loved, which is ironic, because I actually really don't like this song, but they managed to put a spin on it that I loved.


Also I now really want Peter to sing more opera songs. :p

A channel that I recently discovered, 8 Bit Universe, released an 8-bit cover of Toto's Africa. I never knew how much I needed this to exist!


The Warp Zone did another of their geeky acapella themes, this time mashing up the various themes from different Star Trek shows.


I haven't really gotten into Star Trek yet, but I remember watching Voyager quite a bit as a teenager, so when that part of their compilation came up, I got a bit of a nostalgia hit. :)

There haven't been that many updates to one of my favorite websites, homestarrunner.com, in recent years, but on their twitter account, run by fan-favorite character, Strong Bad, they have been releasing these ridiculous little drawing 'tutorials' by Strong Bad. They've all been funny, but this one made me laugh a lot.


We'll end this post with another Kulning video by Jonna Jinton. I just love her voice. She's like a vision of a time, long, long ago.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

#TrueFacts 25


Did you know that if you eat enough raw nutmeg and aspirin you can hear colors, and see music? It's true! The Psychedelic Nirvana Owl told me! #TrueFact
(It's also a great way to find inspiration for these posts! #TrueFact)

Did you know that Swedish Meatballs were actually invented in Norway? The Swedish government has been keeping that scandal under wraps for centuries. #TrueFact

Did you know that chess boards are made from checkered racing flags? You can make your own with a nice starch dip and an iron to achieve the desired stiffness. Either that or just bury them till they're fossilized. That's what the ancients did! #TrueFact

Did you know that Crisco is actually just bleached butter? #TrueFact

Did you know that the first football goal posts were actually giant cheese slicers? Early football players, or footcheese players, as they were called at the time, would use a large wheel of cheese instead of a ball, and they would kick the cheese through the goalposts to slice it on the giant cheesewire. Many spectators over the centuries were knocked out by the flying cheesewheels, but the sport remained popular because of all the free cheese slices. This barbaric game eventually evolved into the far more civilized sport that we Americans so love today. Mostly because people realized that eating dirty cheese was just gross. #TrueFact

Did you know that ostriches could fly if they wanted to? They just choose to not. Ostriches and most other flightless birds don't feel the need to conform to society's birdist stereotypes. #TrueFact

Did you know that trees think that we are related to them? They think that our arms are weird, leafless branches, and our hair is some kind of bizarre foliage. Boy those trees sure are dumb, right guys? Yeah. They're dumb. #TrueFact

Did you know that ninja grandmothers use starched doilies as throwing stars? #TrueFact

Did you know that clowns are not well-trained, make-upped comedians? They are actually wild animals. Circuses collect them by baiting clown traps in the woods with large meringue pies, and honking bicycle horns from a nearby tree. #TrueFact

Did you know that humans spend almost 2/3rds of their lives breathing? The human body is truly a marvel. #TrueFact

Thursday, August 31, 2017

This Month in Internet (August 2017)



This months post is shorter than usual, but there's still a lot of good stuff here. Let's start it off with Lindsey Stirling! I really love the stripped down version of the song. I love her elaborate music video productions, but I also love these videos. I love that she had a song she liked, and just sat down and played it on her violin. :)



Earlier this week I shared my eclipse vlog, a video where things didn't turn out exactly as I wanted, but everything worked out anyway. Turns out, things didn't go as expected for lots of people, Peter Hollens included, but I love that even though he kind of failed at making the video he wanted to make, he put it together and put it out there anyway. It's easy to forget that people who make such amazing content like Peter have days where things don't work out for them either. I loved this little reminder of that. Plus I still loved the song, no matter what happened in the actual video.



Last month I introduced you to Ava Ryan with a video compilation of her character Charlene. Charlene is probably most people's favorite Ava character, but not mine, I do love Charlene, she's hilarious, but my favorite character is Bossy Boss Lady.



Last month I also introduced you to Joe Jeremiah, with his epic 8-bit Steven Universe song. Well this month he managed to top that, doing the theme song to Gravity Falls!



And then he also did a piano cover!



Well, it turns out that my favorite clown was not Simon Cowell's favorite clown, and Puddles Pity Party did not make it to the end of America's Got Talent. I'm sad he lost, but I know this isn't the end for him. A talent like his won't be forgotten easily. I still haven't brought myself to watch his last AGT performance, but I've been keeping up with all his videos on YouTube. Here's his latest.



Let's end this post with Mike Tompkins' latest collab with Peter Hollens. This was my absolute favorite music video all month.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Eclipse 2017 - My First Vlog!


Well, I figured it was only a matter of time after I started doing YouTube before I decided to vlog something. I've been blogging for years, so I guess this was the natural evolution. One could argue that my movie reviews are a kind of vlog, but this was me, actually going out into the world, filming something I was doing.

My cousins and I were planning on going to see the total eclipse for a few weeks before it actually happened. It wasn't until a few days before the event that I actually thought about vlogging it. Until that point I hadn't given vlogging much thought. I thought it might be fun, but it wasn't, and still isn't, something I was planning to do as a regular thing. But for something as big as the eclipse, what better thing could there be to do for a first vlog?

Sarah and I were planning on going by ourselves, but about a week before the eclipse, we found out that Shaina had the day off, so we convinced her to come. The only problem was, by that point, we still hadn't gotten eclipse glasses. I had planned to buy them on Amazon, but then there was that whole scandal with scammers making fake glasses to cash in on the hysteria, so I never got any there. The store I work at had apparently gotten some in, but they had sold out before I even knew we had them, (allegedly, to one person who bought them all, I'm assuming to resell to desperate people) and they weren't planning on getting any more in.

(Side note, that last week before the eclipse was so much fun at work... *sarcasm* SO many people coming in to ask if we had any of the eclipse glasses left. They all said they'd been all over town and we were their last hope. Apparently my store could have cleaned up if they'd had the foresight.)

The Friday before the eclipse we were down to the wire. I started calling all the local stores, going out wider and wider, until of them told me that they'd heard that the Hy-Vee in Council Bluffs had just gotten some in. So I called them and was told that yes, they had just gotten a shipment, but they were down to the last couple hundred pairs, and they weren't able to hold any for anyone. So Sarah and I jumped in the car right then, and drove to Council Bluffs to get some. We had to wait in line for a lot longer than I expected to, at a register where all they were doing was selling glasses, but we got some!

Monday morning was the day of the eclipse, and since I vlogged all that, there's no need to blog it! You can just watch it all here!



As you could probably tell, I was taking pictures while we were there, and I plan to blog them at some point, but I haven't gotten around to editing them yet. I've actually done a LOT of photography this summer, I just haven't gotten around to blogging any of it. You might have noticed, but YouTube has been my main creative focus this summer. :p

While we were driving, we filmed another episode of Wonderland Wednesday, which has quickly become my channel's main series. We had listened to a radio adaption from 1948 while we drove, so I thought it would be fun to do the review as we drove too. :)



I have no current plans to vlog again, but I did enjoy doing it, and I had fun editing the video, so I will probably do it again someday. I definitely don't want to become a daily vlogger, that just sounds exhausting, but if I'm doing something fun, or going somewhere interesting, I could easily see myself doing it again.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

SUIA (Steven Universe IS Awesome)

Awhile back I talked about making a post dedicated to Steven Universe covers, so here it is! Complete with a (probably) one-time use graphic that I just decided to make an hour before I posted this! I actually started this post months ago, and I just keep adding to it. Steven Universe is such a great show, and it has such amazing music. The composers and song writers are musical geniuses, and so many people have taken notice, you can get absolutely lost on YouTube if you just search "Steven Universe Song Covers." So, since most of you probably don't watch the show and would have no reason to search such a thing, I'll do the work for you and pick out the best ones. Some of the songs will be repeated, but I love different artists takes on different songs.

I'm just going to group these by song, and I'm not going to do introductions to most of the videos because some of these are people I follow all the time, but a lot of others are just ones I've come across online, and I don't really know who they are beyond the fact that I like their cover. Though a number of these people I discovered while researching this post, and I subscribed right away.

And just so you know, this is definitely going to be a long post, so make sure you have the time to watch, or plan to come back. :)

Steven Universe Theme



Is it a cover if it's sung live by the cast? I don't care, I love it anyway. :p



Giant Woman/Let Me Drive my Van into Your Heart



Be Wherever You Are



Comet



Stronger Than You



This has pretty much become the iconic song of Steven Universe. I could probably do a whole post on just this song along, but I won't, I'll limit it to two very different versions.



Something Entirely New





Peace and Love (On Planet Earth)



It's Over Isn't It?





Both of You



Here Comes a Thought





What's the Use of Feeling, Blue?







Love Like You (End Theme)





Wednesday, August 2, 2017

#TrueFacts 24


Did you know that the five second rule is not true? You can leave pickles, bologna, cheese, a wide variety of casseroles, and almost any other foods except baklava, on the floor for at least 2 minutes before any wild bacteria will even begin to muster up the courage to climb on board. #TrueFact

Did you know that the moon used to be a part of earth? It was a land mass located between Australia and Antarctica. The moon people were so annoying that the Australians and the Antarcticians got together to build a giant slingshot, scooped the whole continent out of the water, and launched it into space. The moon people are still mad about that, and are vengefully plotting against Australia. Their Antarctic revenge has already been enacted. #TrueFact

Did you know that dwarves are just children wearing fake beards? #TrueFact

Did you know that leprechauns are just dwarf dwarves? #TrueFact

Did you know that gnomes are just dwarf dwarf dwarves? #TrueFact

Did you know that fairies are just dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarves with wings? #TrueFact

Did you know that the ocean in and around the Bermuda triangle is ruled by an evil dolphin named Frank? He is responsible for all the mysterious phenomena that have happened there over the years. #TrueFact

Did you know that caviar was originally called fish grapes? #TrueFact

Did you know Bigfoot is just a man in a suit? The suit's Armani. It's real nice. #TrueFact

Did you know that Adam Sandler changed his last name before he became famous? His last name was originally Birkenstocker. His father also changed his last name before Adam was born, as his parents' surname had been Flip-Flopper. #TrueFact

I regretted writing that last, exquisitely, excruciatingly horrific pun, almost immediately after it had entered my brain, but it's too late now. It exists, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can only apologize and move on with my life. I am so, so sorry.

Monday, July 31, 2017

This Month in Internet (July 2017)


So the Photobucket crisis is behind me now. I still haven't updated a lot of my old posts, but I did update my previous TMI post. I went into the HTML, took out the code for the broken Photobucket links, and then uploaded the logo to that post. Then I copied the resulting code from that, and pasted it into this post. So if you see a logo above, then you'll know it worked, and that's probably what I'll do from now on.

On to the main article! These are my favorite videos from all around the internet from the month of July! Enjoy!

So let's start out this post with some music from my current favorite cartoon, Steven Universe. I have two videos here, the first is the creator of the show, Rebecca Sugar, singing one of the songs she wrote for it.



And the second is a mashup of the music done in 8-bit style by an artist I'd never heard of until this video came up in my recommendations, Joe Jeremiah. I took one listen and subscribed immediately.



Steven Universe has some amazing music, I've been saying for quite some time that I want to do a post of just Steven Universe covers, and I still plan to. Maybe I'll do that this month...

Caleb Hyles is back with a new cover, (with Jonathan Young and Adrisaurus) and while I have never played the game that the song is from, I really liked this song.



A few years ago, when Vine was still a thing, I came across an account by someone called Katie Ryan, the account had hardly anything by her, it was mostly just short clips of her daughter Ava  being hilarious. Vine is now gone, but Ava is not. She has only gotten funnier, and now that she's old enough she's writing her own characters, and she is just absolutely hilarious. If I hadn't been following her for years, I would not believe that someone this young could be so naturally funny without being told what to say.



If you want to see more of her, they compiled all of her old vines, so if you have a half an hour, you can just watch this video HERE. I highly recommend it if you need something to make you laugh. :) Also, just in case you need proof of her natural hilariousness, here's an interview she did with people magazine a few days ago.



Side note: "It's frickin' bats" has been stuck in my head for like three weeks, and it's now one of my all time favorite quotes. :p

Next up, Lindsey Stirling did a video with Kurt Hugo Schneider! I had literally just been thinking to myself just a couple days before they released this, 'I wonder why Lindsey and KHS haven't teamed up to do anything recently, they really should!' And like two days later, Boom! This came out! I think I'm like psychic or something. :p



And of course, KHS is a very prolific artist, so the video with Lindsey was far from the only one this month, he also did this video with someone I'd never heard of before, Lara Somogyi, but I loved her! She plays the harp! Like, no one does that anymore!



Now, before you go on to the next video, I must warn you, it is very weird. If you remember the few other videos I've posted with Poppy, you know that what is coming isn't normal, but I love things that aren't normal, so I loved this. :p And this song is just so weirdly catchy, it just gets stuck in your head. I'm just giving you fair warning in case you decide to proceed. :p



Mike Tompkins is back with another amazing cover!



And Pogo is back with another amazing original song! This doesn't have a video to go with it, but I LOVED the song so much, I just had to include it. :p



And finally, Simply Three released an EAR-MELTINGLY AWESOME cover of Eurythmics Sweet Dreams!

Friday, July 21, 2017

Photobucket Killed My Blog

Yes, that's an exaggeration, my blog is still here, but almost every linked image, my article logos, the fake likes and other images I used in my old Facebook parody posts, it's all gone. Photobucket recently, without warning, just shut down every single free account, and replaced everyone's images with this.


I thought it was a mistake, so I went to the website, where all my pictures are still stored, to find nothing. Nothing looked different, so I went to the address in the picture, where they nonchalantly tell you that their terms of service do not cover image hosting for free accounts. But, you can get that service by signing up for a "Plus 500" plan. They also don't have any pricing plans visible anywhere.

This still seemed sketchy, so I did some digging, only to find post after post of angry people who's blogs and businesses have been essentially held for ransom by photobucket, who, without warning, have turned off every image hosted on their servers. This started happening a few weeks back, and they have just been slowly going through and turning accounts off. I suppose since I've been using photobucket for almost a decade, I had more time, which is why I didn't notice anything until just now.

Now, I understand that they need to make money, but they failed to notify anyone, and further investigation revealed that they aren't even being upfront about the price, because the "Plus 500" plan, the only plan available for image hosting, is $399.99! I would have been mildly miffed had it been something halfway to reasonable like $19.99, but had they given plenty of advanced notice, and time for people to transition, I would have understood. The way that they have gone about this is tantamount to extortion, (if not just straight up extortion) and even if I have $400 just lying around, I wouldn't even begin to consider it.

Normally I wouldn't even write anything about something this, but this affects my blog so completely that I felt like I had to address it. Just look at the current sidebar, and you can see all the missing logos. I don't have the hours upon hours of work it will take to go back and update links, so, for all the old blog posts that had photobucket hosted images, they're pretty much dead. The TIIA posts and the posts with logos will still be readable, but the Facebook parody posts are basically ruined. I might go back and fix them someday if I'm bored and have time, but for now, for all intents and purposes, they're ruined.

Anyway, my most used logos will be replaced eventually, so I am looking for a new image hosting site. Preferably one that is free, so if you know of any good ones, specifically ones that allow html embedding, let me know!

Monday, July 17, 2017

7 Years

I very rarely remember my "Bloggiversaries," but thinks to Facebook's handy, "On This Day" feature, I realized that today was the 7 year anniversary since I started this thing.


I didn't remember writing that, like a lot of the things I find in "On This Day," but I just thought this was interesting. It really is just like me. For the last few days I'd been seeing posts from that year talking about starting a blog, looking for feedback, no one ever responded, but I decided to do it anyway. And that about sums up my decision process. I get an idea in my head,  I think about it long enough, and then I just decide to randomly go for it one day with no warning.

Completely coincidentally, today is also the two month anniversary of my YouTube channel. I uploaded the first video on May 17th, and just like my blog, it was something I'd been thinking about for quite some time, and then one day, with no warning to myself, I just randomly decided to film and upload a video, and I haven't looked back since.

Well, I guess that's about all. I didn't really have much more to say beyond that. I just found it interesting that in some ways I am a completely different person than the one who posted that first blog post 7 years ago, but as different as I am, I'm pretty much still basically the same person. And I know that sounds like something that makes no sense, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. Just how I like it. :p

Monday, July 3, 2017

#TrumpFacts

Before we begin, I just want to say that this is not meant to be an offensive political post,  it's meant to be nothing more that the nonsensical randomness that all my other #TrueFacts posts are. Plus, I'm not only picking on Donald Trump, I did this to a ton of other presidents like three years ago as well. You can find that post HERE if you're curious.

Also, before we begin, I just want to say, that I tried to avoid the easy jokes. I really did. But there are just so many! Everyone always makes fun of his hair, his hands, his cold and distant wives, and I really didn't WANT to think of any of those kinds of jokes. I really did try to have everything in this post be just as weird and random as everything else I always write, but the easy jokes just kept coming to me!

So, to compromise, before we get to the real jokes, here are the dumbest, lamest, stupidest, easiest jokes, that I came up with. I'll leave these here, outside of the "Official" #TrueFacts list, as some bonus content that doesn't actually count as my list. They were too dumb to include, but they still made me laugh, so here they are.

I apologize in advance. :p
(not the real)

Did you know that Donald Trump's hair is actually a nest of living orange hamsters? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump has a secret White House pet that no one knows about? It's an orange beaver named Winston that lives on his head. #TrueFact

Did you know that Dunston Checks In, the classic movie from the 90's about an adorable orangutan who's living in a hotel, was based on Donald Trump's hair? #TrueFact

Did you know that before Donald Trump married Melania, 27 other brides got lost in the mail? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump's hands are so tiny that he has to use a carrot with an apricot poked onto each end to lift weights? #TrueFact

Did you know that during a rough patch in their marriage, Donald Trump once tried to ship his first wife Ivana to Abu Dhabi?  He forgot to poke holes in the box and she died.  #TrueFact
(I am SO sorry, I know it's terrible, but I just couldn't help myself. And also I was literally laughing at this for hours after I wrote it, so I had to keep it. :p)

Did you know that Donald Trump once tried to tear down the Muppet Theater because he thought there was oil under it? #TrueFact

Did you know Donald Trump once tried to open a fast food franchise to sell french fried frog legs as well as turn Kermit the Frog into his own personal mascot-slash-appetizer? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump once tried to seduce Miss Piggy and steal the Baseball Diamond from Lady Holiday? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump once kidnapped Big Bird and locked him in a giant birdcage in order to force him to perform at his circus? #TrueFact

Okay, yes, the last four jokes are all the plots of various Muppet movies with Donald Trump replacing the villains. I once heard a comedian say that Donald Trump was like a cartoon villain who'd bulldoze a kid's playground to build a hotel, so of course I imagined him as a Muppet villain instead. :p

Now, on to the real(totally not real) #TrueFacts! I make no promises that any of these are any better!

Did you know that Donald Trump uses orange marmalade as styling gel? His gorgeous coif both looks and tastes incredible! #TrueFact

Did you know that while the average human is 60% water, Donald Trump is actually 60% tanning lotion? And also like, 10% hemorrhoid cream. #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump has a ventriloquist dummy modeled after himself named Li'l Trumpy? He uses it to talk to Melania when they're alone. That's the real reason she has her own bedroom. #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump's childhood idol was Scrooge McDuck? That's why he's always puckering his lips. He's just trying to be like his beloved childhood hero. #TrueFact

Did you know that Trump Tower is actually one of Donald Trump's massive money bins? Most of his hotels and properties don't have any floors, they are just giant fancy boxes to keep his money in. Just another bit of inspiration from his fine feathered idol. #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump once tried to recreate Scrooge's iconic money bin dive? In 1992, he installed a diving board at the top of his Plaza Hotel in New York. Unfortunately the Plaza went bankrupt in the middle of his dive and he ended up in a body cast for 6 months. #TrueFact
(And before you ask, yes, the moment he went bankrupt, all the money magically disappeared in a puff of smoke. I know it makes no sense! Does any of the rest of this?)
Did you know that Donald Trump owns a body cast signed by Scrooge McDuck? He actually went all the way to Disneyland himself to get it signed. Ivana Trump, his wife at the time, said it was the only time she'd ever seen him cry. It was a single tear of happiness, but it still counts! #TrueFact

Did you know that one of Donald Trump's first acts as president was to break the Presidential Lasagna Eating Record? The previous record had been held for 136 years by President Garfield.



Did you know that one of teenage Donald Trump's first jobs was to be the clown mascot for a small chain of hamburger restaurants called McDoogals? He did such a great job, they actually renamed the whole chain in his honor. #TrueFact

Did you know that the real reason that Donald Trump hates Hillary Clinton is that she rejected his elaborate musical-flash-mob-prom-posal back in 1963? He actually still has a secret crush on her, and is masking his wounded pride with insults. #TrueFact