Monday, June 27, 2016

Overheard 2

Ever since I published my last Overheard post, I've been collecting more overheard conversations. It's sometimes really hilarious what you will overhear. Church, school, work, overheard hilarity can come from anywhere. And it has.

Let's start with work. A lot of funny stuff happens when a little kid wants something.

This first one is a little girl about 8.
Little Girl: "Mom, can I have some Tic Tacs?" (She's holding up a box of orange ones.)
Mom: "Oh, I suppose. Do you want the orange ones?"
L.G.: "No, I want the green ones." *Grabs green Tic Tacs* "No wait, I want the orange ones."
Mom: "Why don't you get the box that has all the colors in it?"
L.G.: "No, I want the green ones." *Sets down the green box* "No, wait, the orange ones."
The little girl plunks the orange box on the belt and walks away from the display.
L.G.: "Mom, I am being such a Gemini right now!"
Regular people can sometimes be just as funny as kids. I'm sure this next lady wasn't trying to be funny, but she was. She was walking by a display of red, white, and blue M&Ms. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to a nearby employee and exclaimed in genuine excitement, "Oooh! Look how patriotic they are!" As if the inanimate objects were showing some sort of overzealous love of country, instead of being a clever marketing ploy aimed at... Well, people like her. :p

I've said this before, but old people can be hilarious. This exchange happened at work.
Little old man: "Why'd you go and get green bananas? I'm not going to live that long!"
Little old lady: "You'd better! I just bought a new stove!"
And it's not just at work. I've heard quite a few gems at the nursing home where my grandpa lives.

There was one day where we were all sitting in grandpa's room, and we heard a repeating pounding sound, coming down the hall, getting closer and closer. When it was right outside, we heard a nurse approaching.
Nurse: “What are you doing, Gladys? Why are you pounding on the walls?”
*No answer*
Nurse: “No, don’t go in there, that’s someone’s room! Are you looking for someone?”
Gladys: “A dentist!”
Nurse: “A dentist? Are your teeth bothering you?”
Gladys: “No, but they might!”
Sometimes it's not even the initial statement that is funny, which I didn't even hear, but the reaction to it. Like this one time I heard a nurse burst out laughing in the alzheimer's unit and say: "You'd better NOT have a man living with you!"

Church is also a wellspring of hilarity. The kids in the college age Sunday school classes can be quite funny, sometimes without even trying. Like one time where I overheard the end of a conversation between two guys. 
"It was in that Tarantino movie. You know, the one where those guys were Inglorious."
If you don't get the reference, just Google "Inglorious", and you'll get why the guy in Sunday School, didn't want to just come out and say the title. :p

A lot of times the responses to questions from the teacher are also hilarious.
Sunday School Teacher: "Did you see your sister's play?"
(The girl he was talking to shook her head)
SSTeacher: "You didn't? What kind of a sister are you?"
A low "Ooooh!" murmured around the room and one guy across the room exclaimed "Savage!"

During the Christmas program a child was reciting Psalm 37:4, which goes as follows:
“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”
The kid actually did pretty well, except instead of the word "Desires," he said "Diseases." It was all I could do to not burst out in laughter right there in the middle of service.

I'm not sure what this next conversation even means, but I overheard this from another little boy at church. I'm assuming he was talking about a video game, but it was in the middle of a church event, so it struck me as hilarious.
Little Boy: "I found an enchanted bow, with three protection, and one fire! At my cousin's!"
School is by far where I hear the most funny stuff. half of it seems to happen as I'm walking across campus, or sitting on the bus or in class. I'll just hear a random snippet of a conversation that sounds hilarious.
Girl on the bus: "We ate snapping turtle once. It tasted like chewy rubber."
Girl in class: "I can't believe I missed The Bachelor last night! Don't tell me who won!"
Girl 2: >Gasp!< "You don't know who won?"
Girl 1: "Well I accidentally saw it online, but I forgot."
Girl at school: "I mean, it could be fun, if the professor wasn't, like, drier than Arizona dirt."
Classmate 1: “So my roommate got totally drunk last night, and she left all these half-empty containers all over our apartment. So I took them all into her room and put them in her shoes. Now she thinks she’s crazy. She got up this morning and asked me, “Why did I put all my booze in my shoes?”
Classmate 2: “That sounds like an adult Doctor Seuss book. The Booze in the Shoes.” 
My Journalism Law class last semester seemed to produce a few gems. Mostly from my teacher who was kind of weird, in a hilarious sort of way. Like, he was always talking about his cat, Pattycake.
Journalism Law Teacher: "This morning at five o'clock, Pattycake learned what happens when you stick your paw, or tail, or other appendages into a running fan, and she felt obligated to share, quite loudly. So our lesson today, is don't stick your paw into a running fan, and don't hold an unlawful public meeting."
Like, always.

Tranquil pan flute music began to play somewhere in class, and was abruptly silenced.
Teacher: "Awe! I was about to achieve enlightenment! First Pattycake bites me, then you destroy my one chance at nirvana! Welcome to Monday of Dead Week!"
Those were just two examples. He talked about her at least once a week, but unfortunately I didn't write them all down. His anecdotes about Pattycake weren't the only times he was funny though, he had plenty of other moments. Like one day when we were learning about obscenity laws, and he was pretending to be the characters in his made up scenarios.
Teacher: "Let's go back to the 1970's." *Mimicking a prosecutor* "'Look at these pictures, there are people kissing and holding hands, but one is white and one is black! Members of the jury, this depiction of inter-racial affection is patently offensive, and grossly obscene!'"
*From an iPhone in the back of the room:*
Siri: "I'm sorry, I didn't get that."
And the class burst out laughing.

My other classes produced a few gems too. Even in my Arts & Entertainment Journalism class, which was my favorite class last semester, not everyone felt like I did though.
Teacher: "I have a stack of graded papers THIS TALL *gesturing with his hands* to give back to you guys. They're in alphabetical order and everything. It's going to be like Christmas."
Girl in class under her breath: "Yeah I bet it's going to be disappointing like Christmas too."
Classmate: "Can you re-send the requirements for the final essay again?"
Teacher: "I have not sent them yet, I'll be doing that soon."
Classmate:"Oh! I am less unprepared than I thought!"
This was the last class of the semester, and a student was trying to sneak out before the lecture was over. The teacher stoped in the middle of his sentence.
Teacher: "See you, Trey! Have a good life!"
The class burst out laughing and a girl shouted: "Oooh!!! Called out!!!"

My favorite teacher, aside from my A&E Journalism teacher who was great simply for the fact that he was teaching the fun class, was my advertising teacher. She is from South Korea, and she could be quite funny at times. I didn't write many things down, but she was always talking about her dogs back home, or her love of sports, and how superstitious she was. By far her funniest moment for me was this exchange, in the middle of class.
Girl: “There’s a bug in here!”
Guy: “It’s a wasp!”
Girl 2: “No! I’m allergic!”
Teacher (In her adorable Korean accent): “Do we have anyone here who can communicate with the wasp?”
That's all I've got for now. I will keep my ears peeled for more though. Hopefully I'll have another post in a few months. :)

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