Wednesday, February 27, 2013

400!

This is officially the 400th post on "My Random World!" I can't believe I've made so many posts! What started out as just a place to write about random stuff, has really been changing a lot recently. It's still all about randomness, but I have been thinking of a lot more fun things to write than ever before, from my "Facebook Friends" posts, to my "True Facts!" posts, to my "Real Story" fairy tales. I am having a great time with this, and hopefully I'll think of even more ways to be creative during the next hundred posts! :)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Iowa State University

Earlier this year I decided that I was going to continue my education past just getting my Associates degree. I applied at Iowa State University and have been waiting to find out if I was accepted. This morning I checked my e-mail and found a link to this video.

CLICK HERE

So I can now officially announce that this Fall I will be attending Iowa State University. I will be going for my Bachelors of Art degree. As I am still early in the process I don't know many details yet, but I will share more information as I find out myself.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

The REAL story of Goldilocks and The Three Bears

I had so much fun writing The REAL story of the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, that I decided to do another one. I must confess that this particular idea is not entirely my own. It was inspired by a poem by Roald Dahl where Goldilocks is a terrible little brat. His was a decidedly more macabre version, wherein Goldilocks is eventually devoured by the baby bear since she had stolen his food and he was starving. Mine won't end with the death of a child, but I still felt inspired to do another twisted fairy tale along the same lines. I love taking an old story and adding irreverent twists. :p


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Goldilocks and The Three Bears

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She was one of the most adorable little girls you would ever meet. So angelic, always friendly, always polite, "Just a treasure!" little old ladies would exclaim when they met her.

But looks can be deceiving, for as adorable as Goldilocks was on the outside, on the inside, she was a nasty little monster. On Sundays when the collection plate was passed at church, she would help herself to a few 20's. While the little old ladies were gushing over her beautiful curls, she was swiping the pocketbooks from their purses. You know the phrase, "Like stealing candy from a baby?" Goldilocks did that all the time. She thought it was hilarious to make babies scream, and then run away before their mothers knew what was happening.

In the woods outside of town, there lived a family of three bears. Grizz, Jackie, and Lil' Junior. These were not your average wild bears. Years ago Grizz and Jackie had gotten married and had left the ways of the woods to become civilized. They now lived in a little 2 story log cabin, that they built themselves once they had finished architectural and interior design school. They had also decided to become vegans, and had completely given up on eating any lost hikers they might find in the woods. Since committing to a meat-free lifestyle, the family had to learn what foods they could and could not eat. Jackie hated cooking, so Grizz took it upon himself to learn. This particular day he was trying a new gluten-free quinoa and flax seed porridge recipe.

After he finished cooking the meal, he called out to Jackie to see if she wanted to go for a walk while the porridge cooled. Jackie called down the stairs. "I'll be there in just a second! I'm getting Lil' Junior's bed made up with the new sheets I just finished sewing!"

While he waited for his wife, Grizz got Lil' Junior ready for the walk. He sat him in the little chair he had made for him, and got his shoes and jacket on. Lil' Junior was very cooperative. He was a very easy going baby. Some babies hate getting dressed, but Lil' Junior was fine. It would take something very upsetting to make him even start to cry.

As Jackie got her coat on, Grizz decided to set the porridge in a large serving bowl on the table. That way it would cool faster than if he left it in a metal pot on the stove. He set the table so they could eat when they came home and the family walked out the door.

Not too much later Goldilocks happened upon the cabin. Why would a little girl be on her own, deep in the woods, you ask? Well, if you knew anything at all about Goldilocks, you wouldn't be asking that. She wasn't allowed out there. Her mother had no idea where she was. Her mother was generally clueless of her daughter's behavior. She was probably off playing poker and smoking cigars with her girlfriends. She wasn't a very good role model for little Goldilocks.

Goldilocks peered into the window and saw that all the lights were off. "Perfect." She said to herself. "I'm starving. I'll bet they've got all kinds of food in this fancy place," and she walked right on in. She didn't even stop to wipe her feet, which was unfortunate since she had been jumping in mud puddles all morning.

The first thing she saw when she entered the cabin was a huge table with a big steaming bowl on it. "Wow, that looks good!" she thought. The table was all set so she jumped into the smallest chair with the smallest bowl, filled it right up and dug in.

"UGH!" She gagged. "What is this crap!?" Goldilocks had a very foul mouth for such a sweet looking little girl. She was so mad by how gross the porridge tasted that she dumped the whole serving bowl on the floor and threw the dish she was eating at the wall. Both of them smashed of course.

"Surely these people have something edible around here!" She jumped down and went to the refrigerator. "Sick!" she exclaimed. "Nothing but vegetables!" Then she saw Grizz's cookbook on the counter. "101 Simply Scrumpti-licious Vegan Recipes."

"These people are nuts!" She thought to herself. She decided to rifle through the cupboards instead. In the last drawer on the bottom, she found Jackie's private stash of Sugar Free Carob-Chip cookies. She tried one and thought it was nasty, but not too nasty, so she ate 7 of them, and then dumped the rest on the floor.

After eating her fill of cookies, she went to explore the house. In the living room she saw the biggest couch that she had ever seen in her life. "Man, these people must be fat!" She exclaimed. She climbed up and started jumping on it. It was really springy and super fun. Of course, seeing as how she had also been jumping in mud puddles that morning, the couch was soon covered in footprints. On the plus side, at least her feet were pretty clean now.

Five minutes and two ripped cushions later she got bored and decided to sit in a little chair and watch TV. It collapsed under her weight. It was made for a baby bear, not an eight year old girl. "This place is messed up," she grumbled to herself. She forgot about the TV and decided to keep on exploring the house.

She found a flight of stairs and started climbing. As she walked up, she began to notice something strange about all the pictures on the wall. None of them were of humans. All of them were of bears. "Wow," she thought. "These people have some seriously bad taste in art."

When she got upstairs she found the most gloriously huge bed she had ever seen in her life. Right next to it was a bed much more her size for sleeping, but sleeping was the last thing on her mind. She climbed right up and began bouncing like her life depended on it. She bounced and bounced and bounced. Then she had an awesome idea. She took a flying leap and launched herself off the bed. "WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" she screamed as she flew across the room and landed squarely on the little bed.

She jumped off, ran back to the big bed, and launched herself again. "WOOOO! This is awesome!" Over and over she she jumped and landed. Finally the small bed couldn't handle the stress and all four legs broke at the same time. Goldilocks went flying, hit the wall, rolled under a night table, and blacked out.

Not long after, the family came home from their walk and immediately knew something was wrong. The door was ajar and there were muddy footprints leading into the house. The footprints led to smashed dishes, spilled food, and a ruined couch. Jackie ran to the phone and called the police, while Grizz went to sit Lil' Junior in his chair and give him some Organic Baby Fruits brand fruit snacks. The chair of course was destroyed, so he set him at the table, and went upstairs to look around.

When he got upstairs he found that their beds were a mess. The blankets were everywhere, and Lil' Junior's bed was completely destroyed. The lamp on the far night table had been knocked to the floor and was smashed. As he searched to room he noticed something strange under the night table. A heap of blue cloth that did not look familiar.

"Jackie hates that shade," Grizz said to himself, "Why would she make anything with that color of material? He reached under to pull it out. It was a little girl! "Well! I guess I know who destroyed our house!" he exclaimed. He held the girl under his arm and started down the stairs. "Jackie! Guess what! I found our intruder!" Suddenly Goldilocks came to and began kicking him and screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs. "Quiet, you!" Grizz said. "We're not going to eat you, we haven't eaten any small children in years." Goldilocks kept screaming and reached into the pocket of her dress. She whipped out a can of pepper spray and sprayed it directly in Grizz's eyes. Now it was his turn to scream. He dropped her immediately and she rolled down the rest of the stairs.

At the bottom she leaped to her feet and bolted for the door. Jackie was too quick, and jumped in front of it. She was too far away for Goldilocks' little can of pepper spray to reach, so she reached into her dress and whipped out a TASER X26. With 50,000 volts, Jackie went down immediately. Goldilocks looked back and saw Grizz tumbling down the stairs clawing at his burning eyes and she laughed. Turning to leave, she saw Lil' Junior at the table holding his fruit snacks with his mouth open in shock and confusion. Goldilocks calmly walked over, snatched his fruit snacks and triumphantly ran out the door laughing wickedly. Lil' Junior began to sob.

Half an hour later, Officer Hubbard arrived on the scene. After questioning the family it was discovered that they had a nanny cam in the bedroom upstairs. They went and got the tape. Upon inspection of the footage, officer Hubbard recognized the girl as one who attended his mother's church. It was suspected that she had been stealing from the collection plates but no one had ever been able to prove it. Officer Hubbard decided to launch a full-scale investigation into the girl, and she was arrested that afternoon. Her mother was also arrested for child neglect, and both of them were sent to jail. The State Pen for her mother, and Juvie for Goldie. As she is a very uncooperative child it is most likely that she is still there.

And she did NOT live happily ever after.

The three bears however were completely insured, and everything was paid for by Fairyland Farms Insurance. Grizz loved making furniture, so he made everything brand new, and Jackie finally got to buy the beautiful new sofa she'd been dreaming of. Grizz was a little upset that Lil' Junior couldn't have defended himself better, so when he was old enough, he bought him two pairs of Nunchucks, and enrolled him in Karate classes. He is now the most dangerous little vegan bear you will ever meet. It would be very unwise for anyone to ever try to take his fruit snacks again.

The End.

Friday, February 22, 2013

TRUE FACTS! 2!

I was bored, so I decided to make up a bunch of junk again. :)


 photo TrueFacts_zps430d290d.png

Did you know that all boxed cereal was at one time outlawed in the United States? After President William Howard Taft tasted Kellogg's new cereal "Corn Cob Clumpies" he declared it to be "The worst thing he had ever eaten," and "A threat to the freedoms of all mankind." True fact!

Did you know that Lemurs are actually just extremely smart Monkeys? They became tired of living with their wild, ignorant, hillbilly cousins, so they declared themselves a separate species, built an airplane out of palm trees and coconuts, distilled their own fuel from fermented papaya and coconut milk, and flew to Madagascar where they set up the only country ruled by non-human primates. True fact!

Did you know that scientists recently discovered a planet whose oceans are comprised entirely of mayonnaise? True fact!

Did you know that prunes are not actually dried plums? They are imported from a tiny village in South America where shaman women make them from shrunken monkey heads. True fact!

Did you know that unicorn legends were started when a very fashion forward horse decided to wear a cotton candy stick as a hat? True fact!

Did you know that there are no such things as narwhals? They are all just really stupid whales who liked the "Unicorn" idea but wore the cotton candy cone as a nose instead. True fact!

Did you know that bats are completely extinct in the south? Hillbillies mistook them for "A Great Big Honkin' Plague of Tiny Hairy Dragons!" and shot every single one out of the sky in 1965. To this day bats are afraid to move back into the area for fear of a similar massacre. True fact!

Did you know that there is no such things as diamonds? Jewelers just cut some glass chunks really fancy as an excuse to guilt men into buying their wives something super expensive on Valentines Day. True fact!

Did you know that lemons are actually just shriveled up oranges with a skin condition and a really bad attitude? True fact!

Did you know that mermaid legends were not actually started by sailors? The stories were invented by mermen who saw human women and became jealous that they didn't have a beautiful counterpart of their own. True fact!

Did you know that the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote cartoons are actually nature documentaries? It is a well known fact that coyotes use elaborate gadgets in order to catch their prey, and that all roadrunners can run faster than most man-made vehicles, while they emit their signature call, "Beep, Beep!" True fact!

Did you know that slugs are just homeless snails? True fact!

Did you know that tofu is the most boring cheese in the entire world! True fact!

Did you know that vinegar is just spoiled water? True fact!

Did you know that pigeons are actually just hippie doves? True fact!

Did you know that the funny, sped-up way that people move in old films isn't the result of the primitive cameras, people actually used to move like that! True fact!

Did you know that Beanie Babies are actually the taxidermied remains of real animals from a tiny island somewhere near China? True fact!

Did you know that Hello Kitty is actually regarded as a deity in Japan? Those who belong to the Pink Temple of Adorableness gather to worship her once a week on Friday evenings. True fact!

Did you know that Jesus' favorite pizza toppings were Canadian Bacon with Mushrooms? True fact!

Did you know that cows invented SCUBA diving? They had planned on using it as a means to escape to freedom once they became aware that those semis that all their friends were being loaded into was not actually taking them to Disney World. The plan fell through when a little girl discovered their detailed drawings scratched on a barn wall. She told her dad, who photographed the ideas and patented them as his own. The cows who actually invented the SCUBA diving system were served with Heinz 57 sauce at his "I'm rich now!" banquet. True fact!

Logos!

I've been busy...

I decided to stay up all night so I'll get to bed at a halfway decent time tonight. I've been sick for over a week and my sleeping schedule is way out of whack. I'm trying to fix it now that I'm starting to feel a little better.

Anyway, since I needed something to do all night, I worked on my blog. I updated the layout, added some widgets, and more importantly, wrote some new posts! I have a whole bunch coming in the next few days, including another twisted fairytale, and a second installment of True Facts!

In order to make my blog seem more "Legit" I decided to whip up a few logos for all my different kinds of posts. So, before they make their official debuts in the posts they were made for, here are all the new logos I designed last night!

First off I decided to update my Facebook logo that I've been using to link to my Facebook fan page, and start out each "Facebook Friends" post.

 photo NewFacebook_zpse1c67e83.png



Next I decided to just do a whole new logo just for the Facebook Friends posts.

 photo FacebookFreinds_zps7b951b78.png



My other longest running series needed a logo next, so here is the new logo for U Spel bad.

 photo USpelbad_zps83f8b785.png



I have decided to make TRUE FACTS! Into a series, so I designed a logo for that one.

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I also am making If I Were a Troll... into a series, so that needed a logo as well.

 photo Troll_zps518484b3.png



Finally, if I am going to keep writing twisted fairytales, I decided they needed a logo too, so here's that one.

 photo TheRealStory_zps2e15d813.png


Stay tuned later today for the latest True Facts! And if you haven't "Liked" my Facebook fan page yet, CLICK HERE to do so, because I am posting exclusive content there all this week. :)

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Mu$iC@ll¥ R@Nd0m

Recently I decided to do a "Random" post. I hadn't done one of those in ages, and I felt it was high time I did another. Really though, the only reason I wanted to do one was to have an excuse to post this hilarious Fish Hooks video.

It will probably make no sense to you if you don't understand the show "Fish Hooks" and how random it is, but I love it.



So after having this post languish in my drafts folder for ages, unfinished, I decided to not do a "Funny" random post, but a music video post instead. Still random, but less so. :)

This video is from one of my favorite YouTube artists, Nataly Dawn, of the duo Pomplamoose. I'm not sure why I like this song so much, I just do. I bought her whole album because of this song. I really love her voice. :)




Another favorite YouTube artist is Peter Hollens. I have both of his albums, and this is one of my favorite songs he does.




I couldn't do a music video post without including a Lindsey Stirling video. :) This is a cleaned up version of a Nicki Minaj song. Of course, this version is way better than the original. :)




And since I'm doing Lindsey, I should do one of her original songs. By all rights, I would normally hate the concept for this video, because I am so sick of the over-saturation of zombies in our culture, but I guess Lindsey can do unexplainable things to me and I don't hate this at all. :)



Finally I'll end with this song. It is by Bella Thorne and Zendaya of the show "Shake It Up." I'm sure a lot of people will find it cliche' but I love the dancing, and the message, which is basically a "Be yourself" message, which is something that I am still working on myself. As I've posted before, all my life I have cared too much about what other people think, so I have pretty much never "Been myself". There are very few people who know the real me, and even they most likely don't know everything about me. So here's a "Confession" if you will. Someday, I want to dance. That is of course not going to happen for years, but I want to learn. Though I rather doubt I will ever be able to move like the teenagers in this video. :)




P.S.

Okay, one more, this time I'm going back to just random and goofy. A music video from the sadly now cancelled show "So Random." (Guess why I miss it! :p) The song is called "Ketchup on Everything." It just cracks me up. :p

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

If I Were a Troll...

...This is what I'd say...

And by troll, I don't mean the nasty kind that lives under a bridge conspiring to devour innocent Billy Goats, I mean the kind that lurks on YouTube replying to people's stupid comments for the sole purpose of getting a rise out of them.


no, because if you cook ham it turns into beef

I think I'll just sit over here in the corner and cry a little.


i just oredered 1 to cheesy hahahah lol

What the... I don't even know...


eat led moster!!!!!! ha ha ha ha

You're a moster for murdering the English language.


I was scarred and now I'm scarred form life

Yes, yes I'm sure you are.


slap to the face and their is no a fencing!!!

What?


I CANT WATE

And I can't wait until you... Oh never mind. You never will anyway.


your rocken My world today

Well, with your grasp of the English language, "your" not "rocken" mine.


Where  her buy clothing? In Walmart LOL

Where them learn English? In caveman time LOL


nat i am hook more more

Less, Less. Please!


thups up, if u first choose was 3.

I give you a thups down. Please get yourself some help.


No go Oama!!

This person is very anti-Obama, and wants everyone to know about it. Republicans everywhere weep with shame.


Us vegans resent the phrase turkey day!

This was on a thanksgiving video, and was replied to with this comment:

Us omnivores resent you vegans!

To both statements I have the following reply:
We grammar Nazis resent both of your incorrect uses of the pronoun "Us".


fred is again! Please would you do us the happiest Think

I'm sorry, but whatever this mess was may have just broken my brain.


animated ones will never be as good as the original stet up eg clams casino

To whoever originally wrote this comment:
Does this even make sense to you? If so, you need some kind of help, either just grammar, or perhaps psychiatric.


WELL HE GOT THAT FROM THE POLL HOKEY PING PONG TABLE BECAUSE I HAVE A TABEL THAT HAS A POLL TABEL THEN U PULL SOME SWITHCES AND FLIP ITIY TURNS INTO A HOKEY TABLE AND THERE IS A SEPETE PIECE THAT LOOKS LLIKE A PING PON TABLE AND U PUT IT ON THE TABLE ....AND WHEN U DONE U JUST FLIP IT OVER AND PUT IT AWAY

Should I feel sad that I pretty much figured out what this atrocious mess was supposed to mean, or proud that I was smart enough to decipher it?


Each of them have a amazing mind

They might, but you, not so much.


im just lazzy

But at least you're honest.


stop i need to write an essay i need to stop watching videos

My advice is to just keep on watching the videos. It's obvious you're going to fail that essay anyway.


when a kids smarter than you ths first one made me feel stupid

At least you have come to terms with your disability.

Monday, February 18, 2013

U Spel bad 8

Horrible spellers of the internet untie!

Intended words have been capitalized in bold.


Marive

If I were MARVIN, your misspelling of my name would greatly offended me.


Hocey

I'm done trying to pronounce this, even just to make fun of it. The word is supposed to be HOCKEY.


Absolutley Amazayn

What's ABSOLUTELY AMAZING is that you go online in your condition.


Velcrow

Did you discover a new species of bird, or are you just dumb? (VELCRO)


Intacked

Is your brain INTACT?


Potatas its potatoe

You only tried twice. Maybe you shouldn't have given up... (POTATO)


Bannanah

Sometimes I'm surprised by how many people misspell easy words. I've been online long enough though, I really shouldn't be... (BANANA)


Marshmellow

Please tell me you're in pre-school. (MARSHMALLOW)


Mustase

How could you even think that was right? (MUSTACHE)


Sac

Normally I try not to use misspellings that are under 5 letters, but really? REALLY? (SAKE)


thersday

Sometimes dumb just doesn't even seem like the right word. I need something that means so much more than just dumb. (THURSDAY)


Squirl

Granted, a lot of people have trouble with this word, but you're on the internet. There are literally hundreds of dictionaries just a click away! (SQUIRREL)


ssupperman

So, is this the superhero who takes the evening shift after llunchman has gone home for the day? (SUPERMAN)


Appel

'Murica is doomed. (APPLE)


Go's

Your stupidity just melted my brain. (GOES)


Twinkles

This was supposed to be TWINKIES. I laughed pretty hard. :D


Diffently

Yeah, you DEFINITELY need help.


Ceethah

This is the second time I've found the word CHEETAH spelled very wrong. Why, internet, why?


Wathing

I think you should start WATCHING what you type more closely.


les mirable

Just because it's in another language doesn't mean you have a good excuse to get lazy with your spelling. (LES MISERABLES)

Sunday, February 10, 2013

The REAL Story of the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe

This started out as a very different story. Yesterday I made a joke about the old woman who lived in a shoe moving into a flip flop. April French told me I should actually write that as a story. So I was going to. But then... Well... This happened instead...

I think something might be wrong with me... :p

Update 2/22/13: I've decided to make this a series, and I've designed a logo!

 photo TheRealStory_zps2e15d813.png
The Old Woman Who lived in a Shoe

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread;
Then whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed."

Does this sound like a stable parent? I think not. But Gladys Foote was not always the insane old lady portrayed as an unstable, abusive mother-figure in this fairy tale. She was actually a very good mother before she moved into this secondhand, lace-up, knee-high boot that she’d found at Goodwill.

With 27 children, she couldn’t afford to go to any new shoe-stores, and with the children getting older some of them needed their own rooms. The sneaker they were living in just wasn’t cutting it so they went to Goodwill to find the biggest, cheapest shoe they could afford. The problem was, the boot that she found was very old, and the glue that held it together had been outlawed years ago. It was made with some very hallucinogenic properties, and it had been used by teenagers for “Sniffing” purposes. Unfortunately Gladys’ bed was right by one of the seams. As it was an old shoe, the seam was coming apart, so all night the smell of the glue slowly made her more and more insane.

One evening her best friend, Old Mother Hubbard, came by with 14 dozen cookies for the family, and she saw Gladys lining up all of her children and whacking them all with a beanstalk for no reason whatsoever. This behavior was very unlike Mrs. Foote. Mrs Hubbard had known Gladys for years, and she had never once seen her lay a finger on any of her children. Even when Julesgard had tied 7 of his sisters into the shoelaces of the house and thrown figgy pudding at them, she had just sent him to his room with no dessert. Of course, no one else had gotten any dessert either, since it was all over Margret, Marjory, Marmalade, Mariska, Marzipan, Marcella, and Clyde.

Old Mother Hubbard was very concerned, but she didn’t want to call the Fairyland Child Protection Services. They were well known for doing pretty much nothing at all, in even the most severe cases. She had called them dozens of times about the VonSchneider family but nothing was ever done, then one day poor little Hansel and Gretel were just gone, and no one had seen them since. Besides, up until now, Gladys had been a perfectly good mother. Something must be wrong and Mrs. Hubbard was determined to get to the bottom of this.

She ran down the road toward Mrs. Foote and grabbed the beanstalk from her. “What are you doing?” she asked. Mrs. Foote gave her a crazed look and grabbed the basket of cookies and began to wildly cram as many as she could into her mouth, cackling wildly, and flinging cookie crumbs everywhere. She then began hooting like an owl and ran up the nearest tree. Now it was Old Mother Hubbard who didn’t know what to do.

“Mamma’s been like this for weeks.” said Farnsworth. “She started making soups for supper out of rutabagas, grapes, tree bark, and Marigold’s Teddy bears. And I HATE rutabagas! And then she whacks everyone with a beanstalk before bed.”

“Don’t worry sweetie,” Mrs. Hubbard said, “I’ll find her some help.” She went inside to find a phone to call Dr. Know-All, but when she stepped into Gladys bedroom, she was overwhelmed by the smell of glue. Suddenly she knew exactly what the problem was.

Years ago, Mrs. Hubbard had been one of Fairylands best cops, and had led her team on the drug bust of the decade that had discovered the gang who had been selling glue to teenagers. She was one of the officers who testified in the trial that ultimately ended up getting the toxic glue outlawed. When she smelled the stench of glue pouring out of the wall by her best friend’s bed, she knew why she was acting so strangely. Instead of calling the doctor, she called the head of her former department and asked for some help to get her friend out of the tree, and into rehab.

Two months later Mrs. Foote was released with a clean bill of health, but now faced a new problem. She needed a new home. The Fairyland Department of Health had deemed her home to be a hazard and had ordered it be burned down. With winter coming on, she needed to find a new home and fast. But she didn’t need to worry long. Old Mother Hubbard, having taken in all 27 kids while Mrs. Foote was in rehab, had set up a charity fund to help pay for a new home. She had collected so much money that Gladys was able to buy a brand new pair of Uggs! That winter they were warmer than they had been in their entire lives. And they lived happily ever after.

The End

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Why Do People Watch the Super Bowl?

Notice to all football fans: I know that you are a passionate bunch. Some of you frighteningly so. A very small minority might even be classified as clinically insane... This post is not meant as an attack on any of you. Even the scary-crazy ones. These are my opinions, and in the grand scheme of life they mean very little, so please don't get your bloomers in a bunch.

I don't watch football. I don't like football. I know I'm probably in the minority, especially when football is probably one of the largest religious denominations in the area, but I just don't know why people want to waste their time watching it. To me it's just a bunch of grown men wearing pants that are way too tight, running around trying to keep the other team from getting their hands on a giant leather egg. Of course, to be fair, they probably think that I am wasting my time watching Cartoons, or Science Fiction, or any other kind of entertainment that "Normal" people my age don't like.

Beyond the people who watch football because they like it, it's even more confusing to me why so many people just watch the Superbowl, "For the commercials." Why? First of all, why watch the ads at all? Do you not realize that you are being manipulated into buying things you didn't want, and don't need? And even if for some crazy reason you find the commercials funny or clever, (I pity you), why watch the whole game at all if you only are there for the ads? The ads are available on the internet minutes after they air, and some of them premiere online, so you have ample chance to see them long before the game anyway. And please be honest, does anyone really think that the ads are worth watching? To me they are almost all completely, brain-numbingly, moronic.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I bear no ill will toward football fans. I just don't understand them at all. :)