Monday, November 30, 2015

Facebook Friends #14

Two Facebook Friends posts in one year? What is this, 2012?

I have a couple new characters, one who makes a post, one who is just tagged, it's a redneck couple, as you'll be able to tell from the names. :p

Also, just as a point of clarification, a bunch of this was written ages ago, particularly the political post, which was written when conservatives were losing their minds over Obama's drone strikes. That is very old news now, and this post is no longer relevant to today's news. But I already wrote it, and I don't want to get rid of it, so I'm just leaving it in. I just wanted to clarify so no one was confused as to what I might have been parodying. :)

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Rainbow Sunshine
Just sitting here reflecting on my dear Granny Sunshine. She would have been 99 today. I'm sure she's up in heaven smiling down on me. Go hug your grandmas for me, ok everyone? I love you all!!!
Joyful Exclamations Awwe, that's so sweet, Bow!! We love you too!!!

Ima Bean
I just saw a poor, lonely gummy bear, lying in the dirt. Someone had dropped it. It would never be eaten, its chewy sweetness had gone to waste. Its life was over, and its existence had been meaningless.
So I stomped on it. SQUISH!
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngLurking Liker likes this.
Rick Troll Boy do you need help.
Lorenzo Literate We all know this. We've been trying to help her for years.

T. M. Info
Woo! I just snarted!
Mrs. Info I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am going to regret asking this, but what is that supposed to mean?
T. M. Info It means I sneezed, and blasted air from both ends! :D
Mrs. Info I'm shaking my head sadly and walking away now.

R.W. Republicrazy
Freakin' O'Malley going to drag us into another war! The  photo Censored.png warmonger! Bring our troops home!!!!
Rabid Liberal I'm always amazed by the right's love of peace when a democrat is calling the shots. Hypocrite.
Rabid Liberal I'm still for peace, I never said I wasn't. I don't like what O'Mally's doing over there any more than you do.
R.W. Republicrazy You aren't?
Rabid Liberal No, of course not. Not every liberal worships the ground he walks on. Most of us are perfectly normal.
R.W. Republicrazy Wow. I think this is the first time we agreed on anything. Care to join me at an O'Mally impeachment rally next week?
Rabid Liberal Of course not!!!
R.W. Republicrazy Well that didn't last long. 

Roxy Repost

Lorenzo Literate Now this is the kind of meme I can get behind! Sarcasm for the win! You can't see it, but I am literally slow clapping my genuine applause for this gem of an old woman.
Gladys Grizzle Good for her, but if I were her, I'd be using my cane to knock some sense into my no-good grandson!

Hannah Hashtag
We're holding a mayonnaise-a-thon to help cancer! Donate 20 bucks, and I'll add another jar of mayonnaise to the pool I'm jumping into! #peace #love #mayonnaise #cancer #blessed #givingback #charity #donation
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngLurking Liker likes this.
Rick Troll Wow. Who knew that charity could be so #moronic.
Izzy Illiterate o u mean lik u?
Rick Troll Nice, someone's developed an attitude!
Izzy Illiterate boom babyy. u kno tats rite!

Redd Neckston
Holy cats! Ruby-red! Were makin this mess fer dinner!!!!
Bacon Wrapped Bacon Grilled Cheese
w/ Cheddar-Bacon Dipping Sauce 
2 Slices of White Bread - Don't you dare use wheat or gluten-free. This is NOT a recipe for health nuts!
4 Slices Processed 'Murican Cheese - Don't even think about using Brie or Gruyere. This is NOT a sandwich for rich, hoity-toity, snootity-snoot-snoots.
4 Slices Pre-Cooked Bacon - Don't you DARE use turkey bacon!!!! This is AMERICA and we eat REAL BACON here!!!!
6 Slices Uncooked Bacon - Don't you even DARE use tofu bacon, or some other vile, ungodly vegan concoction you Communist PIG!!!! DON'T YOU EVEN FREAKIN' DARE!!!!!!!
1 Jar Processed Cheddar Cheese Dip - Don't you even THINK ABOUT using any of that frou-frou Pennsylvania Créme Chése! This is not your Great Aunt Deloris's 50th annibirthary with salmon croquettes and LOX!!!!! YOU EAT THAT PROCESSED CHEESE LIKE GOD AND NATURE INTENDED!!!!!
1 Cup Bacon Bits - Don't you even come within 10,000 feet of the recipe with any of those heinous imitation soy-bits like grandma Phyllissabeth keeps in the ice-box! This is not the 1970's!!!! This is 2015! Those soy chunks are well known to cause stomach cancer and mouth boils!!! Quit trying to force that soy garbage on me you ignorant heathens!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!! YOU'RE POISONING YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!
2 Sticks of Butter - Don't you even freakin' DARE use Margarine or Olive Oil!!! What are you trying to do, kill yourself?!!? That margarine is made of plastic and who knows what's in that olive oil mess!!! Besides! This is AMERICA!!!!! IN AMERICA WE EAT BUTTER ON EVERYTHING!!!! WHY ELSE WOULD GOD HAVE CREATED COW UDDERS THAT SQUIRT A DELICIOUS MULTI-PURPOSE BEVERAGE OUT WHEN YOU SQEEZE THEM?!? SO WE COULD MAKE YOGURT LIKE SOME HECK-DANG HIPPIES?!?! I DON'T THINK SO!!! GOD INTENDED FOR AMERICANS TO EAT BUTTER!!!! IT IS OUR PATRIOTIC DUTY AS CITIZENS OF THIS ONCE GREAT NATION TO EAT ALL THE BUTTER OUR GOD-FEARING HEARTS DESIRE!!!! FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!! FOR OUR FOREFATHERS!!!!! FOR FREEDOM!!!!!! *Eagle screech* *Fireworks* *Star Spangled Banner* 
1. Layer the cheese and cooked bacon inside the bread LIKE A GOSH-DARN PATRIOT!!!!!!!
2. Rub an entire stick of butter all over the outside of your sandwich and fry that thing like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, and Ronald Q. Reagan would have wanted you to do!!!!!!
 3. Wrap the uncooked bacon all over the outside of your sandwich so that no bread is showing and throw the other stick of butter into the pan. Fry that thing until the bacon is crispier than Uncle Cletus's back on sunshine day!!!!!
4. Once the sandwich is done, pour the cheese dip and bacon bits into the leftover butter and bacon grease and mix it until it's warm and drippy. Then dunk that thing till all the dead patriots that have gone on to glory, cry tears of joy and sing your name from the heavens!!!!!
5. Bask in the knowledge that you, and only you, are the truest American patriot that ever walked this hallowed ground, and that The Lord Almighty Himself has reserved a special place of honor for you when you ascend to glory to receive your reward. You are what make this country great. You, Butter, and the almighty Bacon strip. You couldn't be more Patriotic if you kicked a hippie in the face while ten thousand eagles soared overhead pulling a giant, tattered Old Glory behind them. WELL DONE, THOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL PATRIOT!!!!!!
Ferdie Foodie This recipe is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I want this in my mouth right now!!!!!
Fiona Foodie Are you trying for a heart attack before age 35?
Hippie Critical OMZ!!! This looks Uhmayzayng!!!!! Except for all the hippie-slurs... That part is really offensive...

T. M. Info
Dear Diary, Today I went to the bathroom and realized I had my underwear on inside out. Then I thought, Oh well, it's too late now, I've come this far, I might as well leave them that way, so I put them back on. The end.
Mrs. Info Really? Two posts in one day? Have you no shame?
T. M. Info Uh, no. Have you met me?
Mrs. Info It was a rhetorical question. 

David Duvvie
Today was the worst day of my life.
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngRick Troll likes this.
Lorie Luvvie Oh no! Why!? I really thought that the tasting job at the Baskin' Bunny Ice Cream Imaginarium would be the one! What happened!?
David Duvvie They hired a psycho to invent the flavors, that's what happened! Corn-Cream Vanilla with Wasabi Fudge swirl and Crispy Bacon Crunchies!? Who would CHOOSE to eat such a thing!?
Ferdie Foodie I WOULD!!!!! I NEED THAT JOB!!!!!!!!
Fiona Foodie Why am I not surprised?

I tried a new flavor of Jell-O today. #Living
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Wednesday, November 25, 2015

PHIA (Peter Hollens is Awesome)

In putting together my other TIIA posts, I realized that I had a disproportionate amount of Peter Hollens songs, so I decided to give him his own post. As one of my favorite YouTubers, he deserves the spotlight for once anyway. :)

Peter has become very well known for his amazing covers of songs from The Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit, and this one is no exception.

Quite often a song will come out, and it will be ruined by overexposure. This next song is one of those, but Peter's version, featuring rapper Watsky, is one of the best versions I've ever heard, and a refreshing change from hearing the original everywhere I go.

Next we have a beautiful collaboration with his wife, Evynne, and The Piano Guys. It's so good.

Peter recently recruited teen vloggers, Brooklyn and Bailey for a music video, which was something they had never done, and they were so good.

I have never seen the movie The Gladiator, but that doesn't stop me from absolutely loving this cover of the main theme from the movie

Peter and Evynne make absolute magic every time they work together for a video, and their latest collab is no exception. Tangled is one of my favorite recent Disney movies, and this song is one of the best Disney songs in recent memory.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

TIIA 9 (The Internet Is Awesome)

Let's start this post off with a video from Postmodern Jukebox, a cover of one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, Bad Blood. It is literally one of the best covers I have ever seen due to one musical surprise about halfway through. You'll know it when you see it. :p

Next up we have another video from Player Piano, this time doing a Super Mario Brothers Medley.

This next video I'm sharing more for the video than the music, which is still amazing, but these Air Wheel things have become the latest internet craze, and Kurt Hugo Schneider managed to use them in a far more creative way than anyone else I have seen, anywhere on the internet.

Pentatonix recently covered another one of those songs that seems to be just everywhere, but as usual, their spin on it is far superior to the original, and will definitely replace it in my head as the definitive version of the song.

This is another song that is absolutely everywhere right now, but again, this version is made so much better by a cover artist, Alaa Wardi.

This song is one of my favorite songs from Mika's new album, if not his whole body of work.

Let's close this post with one of the best musical collabs I have seen in ages, Evynne Hollens and Nick Pitera doing a mashup with one of my favorite recent songs, Shut Up and Dance, and a great song from the 80's, Video Killed the Radio Star, which actually fits perfectly! The video was awesome, and the music was amazing! I bought the song immediately and it has been on replay ever since! When it was released, I was sharing it everywhere, even tumblr, which I almost never use! Watch it!

Monday, November 16, 2015

Baby Giraffes - A PSA

Public Service Announcement:


Is a newborn baby giraffe.

This beautiful GIANT bundle of sweetness and light,

Baby giraffes are 6 feet tall when they are born.

So stop sharing this abomination on Facebook!!!!!!!!

This THING is NOT a baby giraffe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by someone who loves giraffes far more than you EVER will. Which is obvious because you mistook a dik-dik, the worlds smallest antelope, for a giraffe, the world's TALLEST LAND MAMMAL!!!!!!!

(Disclaimer: I do not actually hate dik-diks, despite my apparent animosity towards this one, I just REALLY love giraffes.)

P.S. Woah, this brought out my sass! This is the first rant I've written in a LONG time! I think it was for a worthy cause though. Gotta do my part to stem the tide of zoological ignorance! :p

Friday, November 6, 2015

True Facts! 19!

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Did you know that the Giant European Moose Ferret is both the biggest deer, and the biggest weasel? #TrueFact

Did you know that Nilla Wafers are the world's most crumbly currency? #TrueFact

Did you know that Gregory Warren Esquire the Third, was the first lawyer in America to stick a lemon meringue pie upside down on the top of his head and wear it as a hat? #TrueFact

Did you know that the Carnivorous Donkey Bat is the only hoofed mammal with eight legs? #TrueFact

Did you know that Shakespeare worked at McDonald's his entire life? All his plays were just fan fics about his favorite TV shows that he posted on his blog at night. They didn't even become famous until like a thousand years after he died, and everyone had forgotten what TV shows he was writing about. #TrueFact

Did you know that cheese Pop-Tarts are a thing? At least they were. A few weeks after he invented them, the guy suddenly remembered that cheese is supposed to be refrigerated. I won't even try to describe what he found in the cupboard, but after that he decided they were probably a bad idea. #TrueFact

Did you know that beloved fire safety icon, Smokey the Bear, was a serial arsonist? The forest fire PSAs were a condition of his parole. #TrueFact

Did you know that prior the invention of elastic, people had to use tiny belts around their ankles to keep their socks up? #TrueFact

Did you know that beloved children's entertainer, Clorox the clown, was once sued by a large bleach company? No one knows why. We think they were probably a bunch of clown racists. #TrueFact

Did you know that in the early 1990's, a small chicken named Betty would regularly hijack city buses? She used them to free over 7 million chickens from factory farms all over the Midwest. Farm owners everywhere developed an intense phobia of public transportation, fearing that any vehicle could be "That Blasted Demon Chicken" coming to steal their livestock. Sadly, poor Betty disappeared one Sunday afternoon, and an abandoned bus was found in the woods near a factory farm with its tires shot out. Chickens everywhere still tell their chicks heroic tales of the exploits of their beloved hero, "The Henegade." #TrueFact

Sunday, November 1, 2015

TVAA (The Vagabonds Are Awesome)

I don't do many personal posts, and usually not ones featuring the people in my life, but my friends are pretty awesome video creators, and I felt like more people needed to see their work. The post is titled "The Vagabonds," because we've called our group that for years. I've picked out a few of my favorite videos that they have created, but they've made a lot more than these. You really should check out their channels if you get a chance.

First up we have Alex French. Alex has been a friend of mine for years, but she recently became my brother Joel's girlfriend, which is quite exciting. :) Anyway, Alex is awesome. Just watch her lip sync to an old song you've probably never heard of, "Someone Left the Cake Out In the Rain," and you can see for yourself.

Next up is Alex's youngest sister Alayna. Alayna is hilarious. She did a lip sync of Julian Smith's "Bless You," and it's one of the funniest things ever. I love how serious she stays throughout the entire thing.

The second French sister is Amanda. Amanda is also hilarious. Exhibit A: "Holding Out for a Hero."

April is the third French, but she doesn't do too many videos, which is a shame, because she can be very funny when she wants to. Sort of a dry, understated funny, which I love. She made an appearance in Alayna's video for "I Love My Lips," and she did a great job.

You can see all of them in Alex's "Unusual" video. Just not their faces. :)

I didn't want to leave out our friend Rachel, but as she doesn't do nearly as many lip sync videos as the Frenches, so I'm including one of her music videos instead. Music videos are her forté anyway, and this one is one of her best. This is a video she put together using footage from a bunch of our Vagabond events.

Alayna made this video, "Good Morning," featuring a surprise cameo at the end. It's one of my favorites ever.

Amanda is responsible for one of the weirdest, which might translate to best, videos that any of us ever made, "Boris the Spider," which apparently is a real song.

Alex sure seems to like old songs. Especially rediculous old songs, such as "Rattle And Shake Me Honey Tree."

Alayna once did Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball," and I must say, I like her music video much better than the original. :p

Amanda did my very favorite Disney villain song, if not my favorite Disney song period, "Poor Unfortunate Souls." It never fails to make me laugh. :)

Lets end this with a video from my brother Joel, who has also been known to get in on the action. Just watch this awesome video he made with Alex and April to Rhett and link's "My Favorite Pillow!"