Monday, November 30, 2015

Facebook Friends #14

Two Facebook Friends posts in one year? What is this, 2012?

I have a couple new characters, one who makes a post, one who is just tagged, it's a redneck couple, as you'll be able to tell from the names. :p

Also, just as a point of clarification, a bunch of this was written ages ago, particularly the political post, which was written when conservatives were losing their minds over Obama's drone strikes. That is very old news now, and this post is no longer relevant to today's news. But I already wrote it, and I don't want to get rid of it, so I'm just leaving it in. I just wanted to clarify so no one was confused as to what I might have been parodying. :)

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Rainbow Sunshine
Just sitting here reflecting on my dear Granny Sunshine. She would have been 99 today. I'm sure she's up in heaven smiling down on me. Go hug your grandmas for me, ok everyone? I love you all!!!
Joyful Exclamations Awwe, that's so sweet, Bow!! We love you too!!!

Ima Bean
I just saw a poor, lonely gummy bear, lying in the dirt. Someone had dropped it. It would never be eaten, its chewy sweetness had gone to waste. Its life was over, and its existence had been meaningless.
So I stomped on it. SQUISH!
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngLurking Liker likes this.
Rick Troll Boy do you need help.
Lorenzo Literate We all know this. We've been trying to help her for years.

T. M. Info
Woo! I just snarted!
Mrs. Info I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am going to regret asking this, but what is that supposed to mean?
T. M. Info It means I sneezed, and blasted air from both ends! :D
Mrs. Info I'm shaking my head sadly and walking away now.

R.W. Republicrazy
Freakin' O'Malley going to drag us into another war! The  photo Censored.png warmonger! Bring our troops home!!!!
Rabid Liberal I'm always amazed by the right's love of peace when a democrat is calling the shots. Hypocrite.
Rabid Liberal I'm still for peace, I never said I wasn't. I don't like what O'Mally's doing over there any more than you do.
R.W. Republicrazy You aren't?
Rabid Liberal No, of course not. Not every liberal worships the ground he walks on. Most of us are perfectly normal.
R.W. Republicrazy Wow. I think this is the first time we agreed on anything. Care to join me at an O'Mally impeachment rally next week?
Rabid Liberal Of course not!!!
R.W. Republicrazy Well that didn't last long. 

Roxy Repost

Lorenzo Literate Now this is the kind of meme I can get behind! Sarcasm for the win! You can't see it, but I am literally slow clapping my genuine applause for this gem of an old woman.
Gladys Grizzle Good for her, but if I were her, I'd be using my cane to knock some sense into my no-good grandson!

Hannah Hashtag
We're holding a mayonnaise-a-thon to help cancer! Donate 20 bucks, and I'll add another jar of mayonnaise to the pool I'm jumping into! #peace #love #mayonnaise #cancer #blessed #givingback #charity #donation
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngLurking Liker likes this.
Rick Troll Wow. Who knew that charity could be so #moronic.
Izzy Illiterate o u mean lik u?
Rick Troll Nice, someone's developed an attitude!
Izzy Illiterate boom babyy. u kno tats rite!

Redd Neckston
Holy cats! Ruby-red! Were makin this mess fer dinner!!!!
Bacon Wrapped Bacon Grilled Cheese
w/ Cheddar-Bacon Dipping Sauce 
2 Slices of White Bread - Don't you dare use wheat or gluten-free. This is NOT a recipe for health nuts!
4 Slices Processed 'Murican Cheese - Don't even think about using Brie or Gruyere. This is NOT a sandwich for rich, hoity-toity, snootity-snoot-snoots.
4 Slices Pre-Cooked Bacon - Don't you DARE use turkey bacon!!!! This is AMERICA and we eat REAL BACON here!!!!
6 Slices Uncooked Bacon - Don't you even DARE use tofu bacon, or some other vile, ungodly vegan concoction you Communist PIG!!!! DON'T YOU EVEN FREAKIN' DARE!!!!!!!
1 Jar Processed Cheddar Cheese Dip - Don't you even THINK ABOUT using any of that frou-frou Pennsylvania Créme Chése! This is not your Great Aunt Deloris's 50th annibirthary with salmon croquettes and LOX!!!!! YOU EAT THAT PROCESSED CHEESE LIKE GOD AND NATURE INTENDED!!!!!
1 Cup Bacon Bits - Don't you even come within 10,000 feet of the recipe with any of those heinous imitation soy-bits like grandma Phyllissabeth keeps in the ice-box! This is not the 1970's!!!! This is 2015! Those soy chunks are well known to cause stomach cancer and mouth boils!!! Quit trying to force that soy garbage on me you ignorant heathens!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!! YOU'RE POISONING YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!
2 Sticks of Butter - Don't you even freakin' DARE use Margarine or Olive Oil!!! What are you trying to do, kill yourself?!!? That margarine is made of plastic and who knows what's in that olive oil mess!!! Besides! This is AMERICA!!!!! IN AMERICA WE EAT BUTTER ON EVERYTHING!!!! WHY ELSE WOULD GOD HAVE CREATED COW UDDERS THAT SQUIRT A DELICIOUS MULTI-PURPOSE BEVERAGE OUT WHEN YOU SQEEZE THEM?!? SO WE COULD MAKE YOGURT LIKE SOME HECK-DANG HIPPIES?!?! I DON'T THINK SO!!! GOD INTENDED FOR AMERICANS TO EAT BUTTER!!!! IT IS OUR PATRIOTIC DUTY AS CITIZENS OF THIS ONCE GREAT NATION TO EAT ALL THE BUTTER OUR GOD-FEARING HEARTS DESIRE!!!! FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!! FOR OUR FOREFATHERS!!!!! FOR FREEDOM!!!!!! *Eagle screech* *Fireworks* *Star Spangled Banner* 
1. Layer the cheese and cooked bacon inside the bread LIKE A GOSH-DARN PATRIOT!!!!!!!
2. Rub an entire stick of butter all over the outside of your sandwich and fry that thing like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, and Ronald Q. Reagan would have wanted you to do!!!!!!
 3. Wrap the uncooked bacon all over the outside of your sandwich so that no bread is showing and throw the other stick of butter into the pan. Fry that thing until the bacon is crispier than Uncle Cletus's back on sunshine day!!!!!
4. Once the sandwich is done, pour the cheese dip and bacon bits into the leftover butter and bacon grease and mix it until it's warm and drippy. Then dunk that thing till all the dead patriots that have gone on to glory, cry tears of joy and sing your name from the heavens!!!!!
5. Bask in the knowledge that you, and only you, are the truest American patriot that ever walked this hallowed ground, and that The Lord Almighty Himself has reserved a special place of honor for you when you ascend to glory to receive your reward. You are what make this country great. You, Butter, and the almighty Bacon strip. You couldn't be more Patriotic if you kicked a hippie in the face while ten thousand eagles soared overhead pulling a giant, tattered Old Glory behind them. WELL DONE, THOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL PATRIOT!!!!!!
Ferdie Foodie This recipe is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I want this in my mouth right now!!!!!
Fiona Foodie Are you trying for a heart attack before age 35?
Hippie Critical OMZ!!! This looks Uhmayzayng!!!!! Except for all the hippie-slurs... That part is really offensive...

T. M. Info
Dear Diary, Today I went to the bathroom and realized I had my underwear on inside out. Then I thought, Oh well, it's too late now, I've come this far, I might as well leave them that way, so I put them back on. The end.
Mrs. Info Really? Two posts in one day? Have you no shame?
T. M. Info Uh, no. Have you met me?
Mrs. Info It was a rhetorical question. 

David Duvvie
Today was the worst day of my life.
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngRick Troll likes this.
Lorie Luvvie Oh no! Why!? I really thought that the tasting job at the Baskin' Bunny Ice Cream Imaginarium would be the one! What happened!?
David Duvvie They hired a psycho to invent the flavors, that's what happened! Corn-Cream Vanilla with Wasabi Fudge swirl and Crispy Bacon Crunchies!? Who would CHOOSE to eat such a thing!?
Ferdie Foodie I WOULD!!!!! I NEED THAT JOB!!!!!!!!
Fiona Foodie Why am I not surprised?

I tried a new flavor of Jell-O today. #Living
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