Saturday, November 30, 2013

Chicago: Day 3 - The Field Museum

Our third day in Illinois, and we actually went TO Chicago! We took the train into the city and caught a bus to the Field Museum! It was so much fun! My only regret for the day was that I didn't get to meet one of my favorite YouTubers, Emily Graslie, of the channel "The Brain Scoop." She works at the Field Museum, and we had been Tweeting each other that day trying to see if it would work to meet, but she ended up having meetings all day, and it didn't work out. Hopefully next time!

I don't have quite as many pictures as I usually take, as I kind of just got caught up in looking at, and reading everything, and just kind of forgot to take a lot of pictures.

 Waiting for the train.

 The train arrives!

 Window washers rappelling down the side of a building. That would be a scary/exciting job! Not how most window washers jobs are described...

 The Field Museum! *Angelic Chorus*

Tradition. :)

 Outside the museum

 Sue!



Sue, from above.




My favorite dinosaur! The Parasaurolophus! I don't even have to look up the spelling. I've known it by heart since I was a kid. :)


And that's about all I had that day. I'm sure I'll be back there again. I'll do better on taking pictures next time. :)

Saturday, November 16, 2013

9

So, there's this thing going around Facebook, where people post a specific number of little known facts about themselves. At the end they say, "Like my post and I'll give you a number!" And then, you're supposed to go make your own. Normally I steer clear of these things. I don't like doing what's popular, especially on Facebook, (Whatever, I'm probably a hipster.) but I did decide to comment on my cousin Mandi's post, and she asked if I wanted a number. For some reason I agreed. (Whatever, I'm not THAT much of a hipster. :p) But since I'm still too cool for Facebook, I decided to turn it into a blog post instead. But unless someone BEGS me, I won't be passing out numbers. I still don't like following trends. :p The number that Mandi gave me was 9, so here are 9 things about me that you probably didn't know. Unless you're related to me. :p

1. The nature of the conversation that got me into this list was a discussion of My Little Pony. So I thought it fitting to use my first "Fact" to reveal that I was a brony before it was cool. (Wow. I sound so hipster...) Although I wouldn't call myself one now, I don't watch the show, don't have any toys, when I was a little kid, I loved them. This was mainly because I loved horses. I had a ton of realistic horse toys. I also loved bright colors, as most kids do, and My Little Ponies were both. I don't think I saw them as "Girl's Toys" I just saw rainbow horses, and they were cool.

2. This fact is easily followed by the fact that I liked other things that one would consider girly too. I liked Lisa Frank stickers, I played Barbies with my cousin Shaina, though I used non-Barbie toys, and she had the dolls. (My Lion King toys were my all time favorites at that age.) I did want a Ken doll though, because I thought that would be the boy equivalent to a Barbie. I was breaking down those gender barriers at such a young age. :p

3. My next fact is that I have been a fanboy since I was about 10. (For those of you who have never heard the term, a fanboy, or fangirl, is someone who obsesses over something, a movie, a TV show, a book, a singer, pretty much anything that can qualify as a fandom) My first series that I obsessed over was a PBS show called Wishbone. I had other shows that I had liked a lot before then, Carmen Sandiego, The Magic School Bus, Zoom, but this was my first legitimate obsession. I tried to tape every single episode, I bought the movie, I bought the books, I even bought a stuffed Wishbone plush toy. I couldn't get enough.

4. In addition to television shows, I have gotten obsessed with various book series over the years, and my first big obsession was a series called The Boxcar Children. I loved those books so much. My cousin Shaina and I even made up a club in honor of them, called The Boxcar Children Club. We even made up our own theme song. No I will not sing it for you.

5. Let's move on to more recent years for the rest of these. Over the last couple of years I have lost around 50 lbs. I've always had health problems that have made losing weight difficult, but in the last couple of years I've started to manage them a bit better, and because of that, I've lost quite a bit of weight. I think that it is still coming off, even though the scale hasn't shown it recently, because for the last couple of weeks, I have found it increasingly difficult to keep my pants up. Apparently I need to start wearing a belt...

6. A lot of people get really personal with these things, and I've been debating with myself whether or not I should do so as well. So I don't get TOO personal, I decided to just do one single entry. I don't usually like getting very personal, so it remains to be seen if I will even keep this in the post. Over the last few years I've changed my views on a lot of things. I used to be a die hard Baptist/Republican/Conservative/Fundamentalist/I'm right/You're wrong kind of a person. Not so much any more. I came to realize what kind of a person that kind of a harsh, judgmental attitude made me, and I didn't like it. I decided to leave it behind. Now I don't claim any denomination, or political affiliation, and my life has been infinitely better since then. I am now one of those people who doesn't like to discuss religion or politics, because I know what those kinds of discussions can do to relationships. Especially on Facebook. You can post one innocent comment and someone will jump down your throat like you were the devil himself! I've found it's much better just to let people think they're right, and salvage your relationship, rather than prove them wrong and have them hate you.

7. Well, that was pretty heavy. Let's lighten this up a bit, shall we? How about this? Here's something that no one knows about me. Well, except for a few people I don't even know in person. I have a secret blog. Whoops, I guess it's not so secret anymore... Any of you ever heard of a little site called tumblr? Yeah, I've had a blog there since right before I moved to Ames, and I published the first official post a couple of months ago. I mainly use it as a place to re-post my fiction, and write about my fandoms. I'm hoping that I'll eventually find an audience other than my family and friends, who read my stuff because they actually like it, not just because they know me. So far I have 19 followers! Followers who found me and subscribed, without me asking them to read my stuff at all. They just came, liked what they saw, and kept coming back!

8. Which brings me to number 8. Why do I want strangers to read my work? Because eventually I want to be a published author. I have a ton of ideas for stories that I could write. Every time I think of a new one I open the "Notebook" on my iPad and quickly type it in before I forget it. I have so many ideas I don't know where to start. I don't even know if any of them are any good. A lot of them are just generic sci-fi/fantasy ideas that I want to put my own spin on. I can't decide if I want them to be serious, or if I want them to be funny. Ideally I'd like them to be similar in tone to Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events books. He has the perfect blend of laugh out loud funny, and deadly serious. I'm not really sure how to capture that without blatantly copying his style though.

9. Last, but not least, and probably the most unlikely of all my "Dreams" is that some day, I would like to be a voice actor. I have loved cartoons ever since I first watched Looney Tunes cartoons and Disney movies as a kid. If I could somehow lend my voice to an animated character, my life would be complete. I'd love to work on cartoons in general, but to actually voice a character, would be so awesome. :)

So, there's my list. I'm sure you learned at least one new thing about me. Hopefully you enjoyed it. If any of you are interested, you can find the link to my tumblr HERE. And if you know someone who you think would find my writing humorous, (They'd have to be quite the weirdo themselves... :p) share this blog, or my tumblr with them. I'd love for more people to be able to enjoy what I write. :)

Friday, November 15, 2013

U Spel bad 15

 photo USpelbad_zps83f8b785.png


Dilliches

I can only hope that this was a joke. (DELICIOUS)


Unclus

Your UNCLES would not be happy if you started calling them that.


Hoaks

Is this a HOAX? Tell me you wrote this as a joke...


Genetic Enginating

Yeah. It's GENETIC ENGINEERING. I feel sorry for your family. Wow. I was pretty mean here. I'll try to be kinder the next time.


loney tuens

Ok, I promised to be kinder the next time, so I have restrained myself from punching you in the face for this horrible affront to the LOONEY TUNES good name.


Garuntee

I can GUARANTEE that you spelled that wrong.


Thumps Up

THUMBS down for your intelligence.


Ofnsiev

>Blink< ... >Blink< ... Your face is OFFENSIVE.


Obnocious

The fact that you post anything on the internet, ever, is OBNOXIOUS.


Chiwawa

Wow. Just wow. (CHIHUAHUA)


Dooped

If you were told you were a good speller, then you were DUPED.


Comming

It's COMING. You poor, poor, soul.


Thots

Your THOUGHTS could have benefited from a spell check before you let them free to roam the internet unsupervised.


Sweedin

SWEDEN hereby bans you from coming within two country's distance from them.


Anonemuss

This is yet another time when I pray that you spelled it this way as a joke. But I rather doubt it. (ANONYMOUS)


In Less

UNLESS you go back to school, you're going to end up as a homeless street mime, because no one is going to want to hire someone that dumb.


Partocipants

What kind of pants are Partoci Pants? (PARTICIPANTS)


Respondsibility

It was your parents RESPONSIBILITY to get you a proper education. Obviously you had bad parents. Oh, did I say that out loud? *Walks away slowly, whistling innocently* *Runs*


Replibicans

I really can't figure out if this misspelling was intentional or not. If it was, you're a very insightful human being, with a good head on your shoulders. If it was not... You need help. Quickly.


Season Finally

It's spelled FINALE. Now, go stand in the corner and think about what you've done.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Moment of Self Reflection

Today I watched a video that caused some self-reflection. I will link to it for you.



Why would something like this cause self-reflection? I really have no idea. It's just that after I watched it, I realized something about myself, that seems completely contradictory. What I enjoy in entertainment is often the polar opposite of who I am in real life.

In real life I am, or at least I try to be, an optimist. I always look for the good in people, I always try to have a good attitude, I try to be a very pleasant person. Someone that everyone wants to be around. (And if they don't, I probably don't want to be around them anyway.) Some people would probably say that I am TOO nice. This is pretty much the opposite of a lot of my favorite characters, in all sorts of media.

I seem drawn to the characters with bad attitudes. Characters who are pessimists, gloomy, people who get easily angry over things. I always find them a lot funnier than the nice ones. I am not against the nice characters, but when it comes to comedy at least, I seem to like the "Less-Than-Pleasant" people better. Oscar the Grouch, and Grumpy Cat, are two good examples. I just find surly characters to be a great source of humor. And not just surly ones, some people that are just downright unpleasant for all sorts of reasons are some of my favorite characters.

Take Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes. That kid is a nasty little menace! He terrorises Suzie, makes life miserable for his parents, and torments his teacher and babysitter constantly, but for some reason, I love him.

Another example is Hyacinth Bucket (It's pronounced Bouquet!) from Keeping Up Appearances. (A British Comedy) She's a nosy busybody, always trying to "Fix" everyone she deems to be below her standards, and she would be just an awful person to be around in real life. Yet, as a character on a TV show, I love her.

Many more examples can be found in almost any Disney Villain. The first two that immediately pop into my mind are Maleficent, from Sleeping Beauty, and Ursula, from The Little Mermaid. They are without a doubt, two of the most loathsome characters in the Disney canon, but they are two of my favorites. I just love a good villain. (As an aside, I am way too excited for the live action Maleficent movie coming next year!)

I have also found, that when I write my fictional stuff, I find that I have the most fun writing the bad characters, or the ones with attitude. The people that say and do things that in real life I would never even dream of doing.

Take Lorenzo Literate from my Facebook Friends series. I think that, in a way, he is me. He is what I want to say to people, but I never would. Sometimes I have found myself scaling back his reactions to people, and completely rewriting them because I think I finally went to far. I don't want to be mean, even to fictional characters. See what I mean? I'm too nice. :p

The other great example would be my REAL stories of various fairytale characters. I have the most fun writing the villains. By far my favorite character so far has been Goldilocks. I loved writing what a terror she was. And (Spoiler Alert!) I'm working on a sequel. :p

So, anyway. That was my moment of self-reflection for the day. I like the "Bad" characters, but at the same time, I'm glad that I'm not anything like them. Or am I...? Mwa ha ha ha ha....

Saturday, November 9, 2013

The REAL Story of The Big Bad Wolf

Your enjoyment of this story will be enhanced if you have already read my "Real Story of the Three Little Pigs," which can be found HERE. Several events in this story run parallel to the events in the Three Little Pigs, just told from the opposite point of view.



 photo TheRealStory_zps2e15d813.png

 The Big Bad Wolf

Anyone who has spend any time on the internet these days knows that there is an unhealthy obsession brewing beneath the surface of our culture. Bacon. For many people this obsession is not anything more than a mild, sometimes humorous, addiction. But for one poor individual, this addiction became a full on obsession. This is the story of Dylan. Dylan D. Wolf. This story won't be pleasant, this story won't have a happy ending, but this story still must be told.

Dylan's obsession began in childhood. As a pup, his mother fixed him bacon every morning. To Dylan, Bacon became synonymous with love. His father had disappeared when he was a baby, so his mother was all he had. One day his mother had gone off into the woods to buy more bacon. They were down to their last package, and she wanted to make sure they had enough to last the week. But she had never returned. There were rumors throughout the wolf community of a psychotic killer on the loose who wore a red, hooded cape. Everyone suspected that this assassin had been responsible for the deaths of both his parents, but no one knew for sure. Regardless of how it happened, Dylan was left alone. He left the house in search of his mother, but he was mistaken for a stray puppy and was sent to the pound. There he spent the rest of his puppyhood becoming bitter, angry, and slightly insane.

One day when he was around three, a teenager in wolf years, a little girl named Samantha came to the pound. Her father told her she could get a pet. He thought she'd get a kitten, but she had other plans. "Daddy! I want that wolf!"

"That's not a wolf, sweetie. Wolves are wild. People don't put wolves in the pound."

"Daddy," Samantha said, rolling her eyes, "That is a wolf. Look at the size of its paws, look at the length of its coat. There is no way that that is a regular dog."

"Oh, little girl," said the poundkeeper condescendingly, patting her on the head. "Don't you think a big, smart grown-up like me knows a wolf when he sees one? That is obviously some kind of a beagle, mixed with a sheepdog or something."

Samantha stared at the guy like he was the biggest idiot she'd ever seen in her life. (Because he was) She turned back to her dad. "Dad, can I have the "Beagle" please? I promise I'll love it and feed it, and care for it, and clean up after it!"

"Really?" her father asked. "Even all of his doggy boom-booms?"

Samantha rolled her eyes again. "Please don't ever say those words again. Yes."

"Even all of his tinkles?"

"Daddy!"

"Ok, ok," he said laughing. "You are getting to be more responsible now. I think you could probably handle a dog."

"Yes!" Samantha cheered. "I'm gonna name you Steppen!" As the poundkeeper clipped a leash to his collar, Dylan began plotting his escape.

Escape not meant to happen right away though. The family lived in the middle of a city, and their were strict leash laws. Dylan found himself chained in the backyard with no way out. Every day Samantha would come home from school and come to visit Dylan, or Lil' Stepp, as she had begun calling him. She would always bring home new books from school and read them aloud to him.

One day she brought home a book called "The Journey of Food." Dylan was fascinated. He listened, enraptured, as she explained where meat came from. When she got to a chapter entitle "Bacon: The Physical Incarnation of God's Perfect Love" Dylan sat bolt upright. This was what his mother used to fix for him! As he listened intently, Samantha read all the beautiful details of how exactly pigs are made into bacon. It was the most glorious story she had ever read to him. He wished he knew how to find a pig. Last week, Samantha had read all about farms. It had talked about pigs in that book, but he had never seen a farm before. He decided that the first thing he would do after escaping, would be to find a farm and get himself a pig.

Weeks passed and there was still no escape. Dylan was getting anxious. He wanted out of this miserable place. Samantha was nice and all, but he was sick of being chained up. He had to get out. That afternoon Samantha came home, bursting with excitement. "It's science fair time, Stepp!" she called. "Wow. Sounds fun." Dylan thought sarcastically. He lay down as Samantha began to dump out her backpack in front of him. Soon he was surrounded by all sorts of containers, wires, pipes, and other small items. Then she sat down next to Dylan and pulled out a book that would change his life forever. "The Anarchist's Cookbook."

Dylan listened intently as Samantha began reading all the wonderful details of how to create explosive devices of her very own. As evening began to fall, Samantha's mother called her in for supper. By this time Dylan was ecstatic. He finally had his way of escape.

All night he worked using all of Samantha's science fair materials. The next morning, just before sunup, he finally had what he needed, the perfect pipe bomb. He set the fuze and put the bomb in the dog house as close to the end of the chain as possible, then he ran around to the other side of the house as far as the chain would let him. With a glorious KHWHAFHOOM! The doghouse was incinerated and the chain shattered. Dylan was free!

He ran as far as he could before first light. When the world started to wake up he hid in an alleyway behind a dumpster. He slept there all day, and when evening fell he left once more and ran for the woods. He found a large thicket and decided to make a temporary shelter there.

The next day he was starving and his collar was bothering him terribly. It was time to find a farm. He started at the edge of the forest. Staying just inside the treeline he walked along the edge. Miles and miles he walked. He was about to collapse from hunger when he saw it. A huge red building. It looked just like the pictures from Samantha's book. A barn! Time to find a pig and some pruning shears!

For the next few weeks, Dylan lived in a cave and went to the nearby farms for a small pig every time he ran out of meat. Soon, however, the farmers began to tire of losing their livestock, and formed an angry mob. After appointing an angry mob leader and picking their angry mob marching song, they lit torches, grabbed various pointy farm implements and marched into the forest. Dylan heard their rousing song from far off and knew he was in trouble. He ran for his life, as fast as he could. He ran until he could no longer hear the mob's terrible, off-key singing. He didn't really have too much to worry about though, because after marching for about a half an hour, the mob got tired, decided to call it quits, and headed to Dairy Queen for Blizzards.

Dylan ran deep into the forest until he found himself in a place that was very familiar. It was the edge of Fairyland forest where he was born and raised. For the next week he searched the area until he found his childhood home. Inside he found everything as it was the day that his mother disappeared. The last package of bacon was still sitting in the fridge, now quite moldy.

That night Dylan climbed to the top of the highest hill and howled mournfully to the moon over the loss of his mother, the loss of his childhood, and the loss of that package of bacon that went moldy. After completely exhausting himself he fell asleep right there on the hill.

Late that night he awoke with a start to find himself surrounded by wolves. They called themselves "The Pack." A band of wolves who lived in the forest hunting other creatures for food. They were perfectly capable of joining society, and becoming respectable citizens of the Fairyland community, but they liked the thrill of the hunt. They liked to kill. They liked being Big Bad Wolves. After listening to Dylan's story, Lupé, the leader of The Pack, asked him what he could offer their group. Dylan thought for a moment, and then he had an idea. He told them that he was able to escape the city because he had learned how to create a bomb. If given the chance to learn, he knew he would be able to do so much more for them. When the other wolves heard this, they were ecstatic, and unanimously granted him membership.

Over the next few months Dylan studied all kinds of pyrotechnics. He was appointed their explosives expert, and was put in charge of coming up with creative ways to use his skills. For the next year they were the terror of the Fairyland forest. Everyone feared the unknown arsonists. The Fairyland Detective Agency investigated every case but always came up short. There were never any bodies found, and any evidence was always destroyed in the explosion. The Pack felt invincible.

One day they came to a part of the forest that they had never been to before. There was a whole community of animals living in one small village. Including pigs. When Dylan heard the other wolves discussing which animals to target he spoke up immediately. When he told the other members of the Pack all about the wonders of bacon, they immediately agreed. They needed to try it for themselves.

They sent out a surveillance team to secretly watch the entire town to find out where the pigs lived. When the team returned, they reported that there were two families of pigs living there. There would be enough meat to last for months. The first night they focused on the house with a huge litter of piglets. There must have been 20 at least! Dylan was almost unable to contain himself. They looked so delicious that he wanted nothing more than to go grab a couple of the smallest ones right then, but that would have ruined the mission. The key to success was to blow the house first. The feast would come later.

That night, after the house had gone dark, The Pack set charges all around the house and blew it sky high. Their mission was a success! They gathered their spoils and ran deep into the forest. They knew that the area would soon be swarming with cops and they would need to lie low for at awhile before going back for the other house.

A couple months later the wolves learned that the investigation had been closed. The cops had no new leads and had given up. The wolves prepared to go back. This time they were after five pigs. Two huge adults, and three almost fully grown young pigs. They'd have enough food for weeks!

That night they crept through the forest till they came upon the house. It was already dark so they got right to work setting charges all around the outside. Once they were finished they got well out of range and blew the straw house to kingdom come. Nothing was left but a smoldering crater.

"WHAT?!?!" Screamed Lupé, "WHERE ARE THEY?!?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU BLEW UP THE HOUSE WITHOUT MAKING SURE THEY WERE IN IT?!?!"

"Well you didn't make sure either," said Clyde, a really stupid wolf that the others suspected was retarded.

Lupé leaped through the air and pinned him to the ground. "You're lucky I promised Meemaw that I would look out for you, or I'd end you right now." He raised his paw to slap him upside the face when they heard sirens approaching fast. "How did they get here so fast?!" He exclaimed, jumping off of Clyde. "EVERYONE! BACK TO THE CAVE! DON'T LET THEM TAKE YOU ALIVE!!!"

The wolves scattered immediately and disappeared into the woods. The pigs would have to wait.

For the next few months the wolves lived on wild game in the forest. They were to afraid to return right away. It was obvious that the police in that village were more alert than they had expected. They would need a much more foolproof plan before going back.

Lupé put Dylan in charge of planning an attack, but without knowledge of where the pigs were living, he couldn't plan anything. Every couple weeks Lupé sent out the surveillance team to see if the pigs had returned, but the reports were always the same. The blackened crater was still there, the pigs hadn't come back. Finally he called a meeting.

"We've been living here way too long." Lupé announced. "It's obvious that we frightened off those pigs, and they are not coming back. Right now it's too risky to go back to that town just for some puny little animals like chickens and ducks. I'm sick of having to catch wild game, so I think it's time we move on. Pack your belongings, everyone. In two days, we move out."

That night, Dylan started packing all of his bomb making supplies, and while he did so he flipped on the TV for some background noise. As he boxed up his tubes of nitroglycerine he heard something that made him give the TV his full attention.

"Tonight we're going to meet three brave pigs that have faced more hardship in the last week than most will face in a lifetime. These three little pigs just returned after 6 months away from home to find that they had lost everything, their belongings, their home, and most tragically of all, their parents."

Dylan watched as Ty Megaphone, host of the reality show, Extreme Construction: Home Edition, introduced three of the pigs they had intended to carve into a bacon feast. As Ty elaborated on plans to build a brand new home for the pigs Dylan ran to find Lupé.

Lupé called an emergency meeting and turned on a big screen at the back of the largest room of the cave for everyone to watch. The pig's new home was going to be hard to get into. It was extremely secure, with state-of-the-art surveillance technology, and loads of weapons. They even had a panic room. This was discouraging, but the wolves knew that they still had a chance. With the knowledge gained from watching this program it would be much easier to get to the pigs than had they known nothing.

Over the next week they put together a plan. They were confident that it would be foolproof. Beauregard was an electronics expert and he would be able to shut down the motion detectors easily. Dylan would be in charge of explosives as usual, and the quintuplets, Nigel, Willy, Randolph, Betty and Quark, would be in charge of the blowtorches they would need to cut into the panic room after the house was gone. Everyone else would be armed with net guns, and hide in the woods surrounding the house just in case the Three Little Pigs tried to escape.

As the night settled around them they crept around the house setting the charges and cutting off the electricity. Dylan, having become slightly psychotic, decided it would be fun to terrify the pigs before eating them. Knowing that they would have fled to the panic room as soon as they had lost power, he left one security camera going so they would be able to see their impending doom. He climbed up into the tree next to the hidden camera and in his most chilling voice, began to quietly recite a rhyme from a story he had heard as a child.

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the hair of your chinney, chin, chin? Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house... Up."

As he spoke the final word, he detonated his charges, and the house disintegrated in a massive fireball. As they watched the remains of the house rain down, rockets began to fire from around the former perimeter of the house. The wolves ran for cover, but the rockets never came down, they just flew into the air and detonated themselves. The wolves laughed in relief and Nigel, Willy, Randolph, Betty and Quark ran to the now exposed panic room and began to cut through the metal roof.

When they were almost through, Dylan heard screaming and machine-gunfire from the woods. Foolishly he ran toward the sound, and discovered three members of the pack lying dead by a hidden door disguised as a boulder. "They've escaped!" he shouted to the others. "They've got machine guns! Wendy, Tompkins, and Thelma-Louise are dead! Everyone! On your guard!"

More shots rang out, and Dylan picked up Tompkins' net gun and ran toward the sound. He saw a wolf fall out of a tree, and noticed the pigs running into a clearing. He fired the gun, launching a net in their direction, and heard others doing the same. One by one the pigs went down.

The entire pack had left the remains of the house and were now closing in on the three helpless pigs. Dylan was almost beside himself with joy. The bacon would finally be theirs!

Lupé laughed menacingly and stepped toward the three little pigs. "You thought you could get away from us?" he asked. "No one escapes The Pack! No one! Tonight you will all become bacon!"

Suddenly they heard a scream so terrifying they would have sworn it had come from the pits of Hell. The wolves leapt to their guard but it was too late. Out of the woods ran a pack of savage wild hogs. The wolves did not stand a chance. Dylan ran for his life, and barely made it into the woods. As he ran, he heard the savage snarls of the hogs as they made short work of the pack.

Dylan ran deep into the woods, and never looked back. Life as he knew it was over. He didn't know where he would go or what he would do, but one thing was for sure, his obsession with bacon had been completely cured.

So, let this tragic tale be a lesson to you all. As Dylan's entire pack discovered, bacon may be delicious, but it can also be deadly.

The End.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Video Blitz 3

First off, I'm just going to get this one out of the way, even though anyone who is anyone has already watched this thing like a million times already. Or just once, because they hated it. Those are some sad people.



I watched this video only a day or two after it was released. It only had around a thousand views, and I said at the time that it was destined for viral-ity. I was even more right than I knew, and it blew up BIG time. It is currently at almost 200 million views.

This next video has two different versions, and I love both. It's a collaboration between two of my favorite YouTubers, Peter Hollens and MysteryGuitarMan.



I think I prefer Peter's acapella version, but they are both so great.



This cover of Imagine Dragon's "Radioactive" is a perfect demonstration of what I said last year in my POST about Dupstep. When it is paired with something else, in this case a piano, it is so much better than when it is by itself.



As an aside, this video was shot by Devin Graham, one of my favorite cinematographers on YouTube.

I usually try not to have too many repeat artists in these posts, but I have to share another video by Peter Hollens. I loved this song so much, I bought it immediately, and it has climbed all the way to number 4 in my top 25 most played songs on iTunes in less than a month. And that's not counting all the times I've watched the video.



After I watched this video, I had to find out more about Alaa Wardi. I looked him up on YouTube and immediately subscribed. He is amazing.



No video post of mine would be complete without a Lindsey Stirling video. This one isn't one of her better videos cinematography-wise, it's essentially an ad for NBC's new Dracula show, but I'm sharing it because the music itself is BEYOND fantastic! I loved her original Debstep version of "Elements" but this new orchestral version? It is SO much better! It make me hope that eventually she'll do orchestral versions of all her music, because it's amazing!



And finally, today Pentatonix released their second album, which I had preordered ages ago, so it was waiting in my iTunes for me this morning, and they released this video to go with it. I can't stop watching it. The whole thing is just mesmerizing. This video is the perfect example of why they are my favorite group on YouTube.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Super Awesome Bucket List Ideas!

Have you always wanted to write a bucket list? Are you no good at coming up with awesome things to do before you die? Well then have I got the post for you! Here are twenty super-awesome things you can do before you die! Too bad you can only choose one!


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1! Snuggle with a shark!

2! Go skinny dipping in Antarctica!

3! Lick a pile of jellyfish!

4! Eat at McDonalds!

5! Saddle a tiger and go for a joy ride!

6! Play chicken with the Wienermobile!

7! Slap a rabid clown!

8! Dive into an abandoned mine full of chocolate pudding!

9! Reveal a politician's secrets!

10! Wet the bed while using an electric blanket from the 1940's!

11! Go cliff diving! At the Grand Canyon!

12! Wear a suit made of bananas while teasing some angry lab chimps!

13! Go hunting with Dick Cheney!

14! Chew on some old dynamite!

15! Make a smoothie with a can of lead paint and some old batteries!

16! Nap in an occupied badger hole!

17! Cuddle a bear cub in front of it's mother!

18! Eat mysterious berries you found in the forest!

19! Subtly hint to a wolverine that it needs a shower!

20! Invent time travel and throw water balloons at a velociraptor!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

A Twist Ending! 6!

The true half of this story took place in Harlan. We are required to scan everyone's IDs for any alcohol or tobacco purchases, regardless of age. The computer will not let any sale proceed until you have scanned an ID. A manager can bypass this, but no one else. This is apparently a heinous inconvenience for some people.

~

"Do you have an ID I can scan?" I asked the man, running his case of beer over the scanner.

"What are you, stupid?" exclaimed the man, glaring at me like I'd just blown my nose on his grandmother's curtains.

Caught off guard, I looked at him dumbfounded, not knowing how to respond.

"I'm 76 years old!" He declared loudly "How stupid are you?"

"I'm sorry, sir," I apologized, "But in order for the machine to process the sale of alcohol or tobacco, it needs to scan an ID."

"Well, nobody's ever asked me for one before!" He stated angrily.

"The managers can skip it." I explained. "I can't, unless I call a supervisor to override the system."

"Well, I am NEVER buying this here again!" He stated angrily, handing over his ID at last.

As I finished his order, he grabbed his beer and marched out of the store.

Tossing his case of beer in the trunk, the man climbed into his dented station wagon and headed for home. As he drove, a shadow fell over the vehicle. He couldn't see what it was, but he heard an eerie shriek from above. Suddenly the roof of the vehicle crumpled above his head with a metallic crunch, and the car slowly lifted off the ground and into the sky.

Far below, near the edge of a cliff, lay a nest the size of a house, containing three eggs, each the size of a Volkswagen. As the car began to descend toward the nest, a giant beak tore off the roof. A giraffe-sized pterosaur extracted the man like a canned sardine and dropped him into the center of the nest. Dazed, he tried to climb up the side of the nest to escape, but at that moment, the eggs began moving. Suddenly, the side of one of them exploded outwards, and an infant quetzalcoatlus burst forth, swallowing the man in one hideously adorable gulp.

Friday, November 1, 2013

True Facts! 8!


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Did you know that Gummi Bears are the larval stage of a panda's life cycle? True fact!

Did you know that those skinny watermelons are actually called cucumbers? They are able to lose that much weight by eating absolutely no sugar whatsoever. That's why they taste so bland. True fact!

Did you know that a blue jay is just a clinically depressed cardinal? This explains their terrible behavior toward other birds. They don't bully because they're mean, they bully because they need someone to love them. True fact!

Did you know that Cleopatra was once a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader? True fact!

Did you know that Great Grandfather Farnsworth Fitgerald Fitzhugh likes it when you do that? True fact!

Did you know that Great Grandmother Fernald Flower-Anne Fitzhugh does NOT like it when you do that? True fact!

Did you know that women in a small rural village near Tokyo, Japan use cooked rice noodles as hair scrunchies? True fact!

Did you know that Bigfoot is actually just a bear wearing a really smelly giant monkey disguise? True fact!

Did you know that when trees change color in the fall they are actually making leaf Doritos? True fact!

Did you know that the ocean is allergic to little kids? When there are too many swimming around in it, the poor thing starts sneezing, blasting out all it's salt into the air, and blowing it all over the country. That's where snow comes from! True fact!

Did you know that crocodiles love Gatorade? They drink it just to make their alligator cousins mad because alligators are under the impression that Gatorade is actually MADE of alligators. And it is! True fact!

Did you know that flowers are the worlds jewelry? True fact!

Did you know that animals are the world's pets? True fact!

Did you know that grass is the world's beard? True fact!

Did you know that mountains are the world's hats? True fact!

Did you know that insects are the world's lice? True fact!

Did you know that oceans are the world's sweat? True fact!

Did you know that geysers are the world's zits? True fact!

Did you know that birds are horrible plastic surgeons? It's true! Just look at what they did to those poor ducks who had to change their name to spoonbills. True fact!

Did you know that in the European version of Sesame Street, their version of Cookie Monster is called the Biscuit Beast? It looks like a shaggy blue ghillie suit, with no arms, no legs, and no eyes, and it is truly one of the most terrifying things to ever appear on a children's television program. It's about as tall as a man, and it moves by a slow, shuffling hop. As it has no arms, it eats by bending over the counter and slowly eating the cookies, or biscuits, as the English call them, directly off the plate. Its "Om, Nom, Nom," as it methodically chews its food, is slow and guttural. Instead of singing songs about the letter C, it just stands there, audibly breathing, it's chest slowly heaving with every breath, and its mouth hanging slightly open as it "Stares" directly into the camera with it's head tilted slightly to the side. The creature can only be described as Om Nom Nominous. True fact!