I keep see these annoying acrostics all over Facebook, every year at Valentines Day, where people have formed the word 'Valentine' out of a whole bunch of other words, or manipulated a wall of text so it looks like the word 'Valentine' has just miraculously shown up in the text, like it's somehow amazing or special that it says Valentine inside all these other unrelated words. So instead of leaving a hundred snarky comments all over the place and making all my friends and family hate me, I decided to make my own. You're welcome.
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Friday, February 9, 2018
Did you know that Mt. Rushmore is a hibernating 4 headed giant? His resemblance to 4 past presidents is purely coincidental. #TrueFact
Did you know that some hillbilly tribes worship a celestial banjo deity? This giant banjo in the sky is called The Banjehovah. #TrueFact
Did you know that Skittles were named after the sound they made when someone spilled them all over the floor? Yeah, it's true. Someone spilled them. Someone named Todd. Way to go, TODD! #TrueFact
Did you know that the Milquetoast Monkey is also known as the Wimpanzee? It's a total wuss. #TrueFact
Did you know that pigeons do not lay eggs? They naturally spawn from the dumpsters behind McDonalds. #TrueFact
Did you know that aardvarks like to use oversized drinking straws to suck ants out of the ground? #TrueFact
(What? That's their nose? Oh gross! No!)
Did you know that in most of the southern United States it is illegal to marry your hand with a face drawn on it? #TrueFact
Did you know that a giant, transdimentional, galaxy-devouring duckling is heading towards our Milky Way? It did just eat a Snickers though, so we’re probably safe. #TrueFact
Did you know that the US government once sent a spy to infiltrate the Canadian Parliament? The imposter was to introduce legislation that would rename Canada, "America's Hat." The Members of Parliament were much too smart for him, and they put him to work in the maple leaf mines as punishment. #TrueFact
Did you know that our seventh planet was named by a very immature 12 year old? His parents are very disappointed in him. #TrueFact
Did you know that our seventh planet was named by a very immature 12 year old? His parents are very disappointed in him. #TrueFact
Thursday, February 8, 2018
I really didn't think I was going to have a lot of videos this month, but January surprised me. I thought it was going to be a slow month, but there was actually a rather diverse and lengthy selection of content that I just loved and had to share!
Let's kick it off with a video from Studio C! Ursula has always been one of my favorite villains, and Studio C's take on her was genius, and so hilarious!
Speaking of Disney, Evynne Hollens did an amazing version of Friend Like Me from Aladdin!
And of course Peter had some great music this month too, I especially liked his take on Shawn Mendes' There's Nothing Holding Me Back.
As most of you know, I write for the Rotoscopers, an animation news/reviews website, but you probably don't know anything about the people who started it. Let me at least partially remedy that by introducing you to Chelsea Robson, one of the co-founders of the site. She has a very cool day job, as you will see.
And now for something completely different. I had no idea who Candide Thovex was before I watched this video, and I'm not generally a sports fan, but I can't help but be in awe of something like this. I wish all sports could be this awe inspiring! And also, how cool is the name Candide Thovex? Is he like an alien or something? I love it!
And now for something completely different! Again! I don't think I'm even going to intro this video, I'll just let you watch it yourself. I'll just say one thing. Heavy metal chicken screams.
I am so excited that we're getting a new Owl City album this year! He released a new single from the album this month and I loved it!
Studio C had a great January, and I had to share another one of their videos. My cousins and I love their 'Organic Vlogger' characters. Every time they release a new video, we end up watching it multiple times with anyone who will watch it with us. This one was no exception.
And now for someone I haven't featured in years! Literally! I was obsessed with Lettice Rowbotham for awhile, thanks to Britain's Got Talent, but she kind of disappeared for awhile. However, she is back now, and she is making new music! And she's not just doing electric violin covers of popular music like she was, (Though I wouldn't complain if she was, I loved those,) she's actually making her own music now! I can't wait to see where she goes! I hope she's back for good!
And now, I think we'll end this post with another amazing track from Joe Jeremiah. This time he's mashing up two of my favorite styles of music, into something totally amazing!
Saturday, February 3, 2018
So, the previous post got a bit long, so I decided to split it up and get two posts for the price of one. Plus it naturally felt like two seperate posts, and I need more content. :p
Anyway, as you will see, none of the following fiction is in my usual style. I usually prefer to write ridiculous things, and none of this is ridiculous. In fact, these really aren't even slightly amusing, and are serious enough that if I wrote this out as a full novel, I probably wouldn't even read this myself. Except for the last one, because if I'm going to read something serious, it's going to be science fiction.
We were given several prompts, usually to write just a single paragraph, during the first couple of months of class, and for some reason I kept using the same characters. That may have been part of the assignment, but I can't even remember what most of the assignments were, so I guess we'll never know. Also, these three all involve the same characters, but are not in any particular order, nor are they necessarily in the same continuity, I just numbered them in the order I wrote them.
These have no titles, so I'll just call them:
Despite the heat of the sun, she could not resist taking a jacket. "What if it rains?" Jessica thought to herself. "What if the temperature suddenly changes?" She couldn't help her neurosis. Her mother had instilled a constant fear of the "What if?" in her from an early age, and that kind of mentality is a hard thing to get rid of. Her mother had a "What if?" for everything. From terrifying scenarios like, "What if you're robbed at gunpoint?" To ridiculous ones like, "What if you run out of peas?" Her mother insisted she wasn't a worrier, just a realist, but Jessica's psychiatrist had a decidedly different opinion.
When she thought back to that day, she'd remember it in two ways. Two parts. One great, and one terrible. The day had started out so well, it had been full of so many little victories, so many firsts. Jessica had successfully left the house with only a few things necessary for the day. Her purse, a bottle of water, and a protein bar. She had even managed to leave her jacket and cell phone, and she didn't even think about them once! She didn't wipe down the booth at Starbucks, she didn't use her foot to flush the toilet, and it hadn't bothered her! Much! It had been one of her best days since she'd started therapy. Then she got home and saw the missed calls and the text.
From Dad: Mom is in the hospital. Call me.
After dinner, Jessica offered to help with the dishes. She really didn't want to, but the rest of her family was preoccupied with other post-holiday meal activities, like football and Catan. If she didn't help she would probably have to deal with her mother's chastising glances for the rest of the day. The glances may or may not actually happen, but when she was a kid her mother had been the queen of passive aggression, and as good as she had been lately, that never really goes away.
"Well! Nice of someone to show up!" her mom chirped, feigning cheerfulness.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm a saint." She grab the dishtowel and started drying. "Why haven't you guys gotten a new dishwasher yet?"
"Because we don't need one! Since you all moved out, it's just your dad and me. Besides, we had one and someone broke it, remember?"
"Good grief mom. I was 12. And that thing was ancient. I have never been convinced that it was my fault anyway. I know I set it right." She set another dish in the cupboard.
"Well never mind," her mom said, washing another dish. "What's done is done. I forgave you years ago."
Jessica rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything. She'd learned to pick her battles years ago, and this one wasn't worth it. They washed and dried in silence until Jessica set a pot on the counter.
"Don't put that there!" her mom said suddenly. "I haven't wiped the counter yet!"
"It's fine mom. The counter is clean. And it's not like anyone is going to eat off the bottom of a pot anyway."
"It doesn't matter. Give it to me."
Jessica handed her the pot and she proceeded to rewash the bottom and dry it herself. Jessica rolled her eyes and grabbed another glass to dry, but as she picked it up, it slipped from her fingers and crashed to the floor.
"Jessica!" her mom yelled.
"What? It was an accident!"
"Go get a broom!" her mom exclaimed, "I'll do this myself!"
Jessica went to get the broom out of the closet. This could not have gone worse. She was 27 years old, but her mom still treated her like a child.
"The glass is all the way over by the fridge." her mom said sharply. "Sweep that up before someone steps on it."
Jessica glared at her.
"Why do you act like this?"
"Why do you treat me like a kid?"
"Why don't you stop acting like one?"
"What?! I am in therapy because of you!"
Her mom's jaw dropped, and she stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. Then she slowly put down the dish cloth, turned, and left the room.
My last one is probably my best one, and I think I actually do remember the prompt for this one. I'm pretty sure we were supposed to take a memorable scene from a book and put our own spin on it. Basically pay homage to a scene, but write something wholly original. The scene I chose was from one of my favorite books, A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle.
Toward the end of the book, most of the characters escape the planet Camazotz, where the main character, Meg, has lost her little brother, and is injured when they escape. The inhabitants of Camazotz are basically human, but they are all either evil, or have been brainwashed by evil. They all then find themselves on another alien world, however here, the creatures are decidedly NOT human. They are so completely alien, that Meg is horrified at the sight of them, and repulsed when they touch her. However, by touching her, they are healing her, and despite their terrifying looks, they are actually incredibly kind, and they care for them until they are well enough to go back to Camazotz to save Meg's little brother.
That has always been one of my favorite parts of that book, and I love the idea of a person/creature that is horrifying to look at, but it's actually one of the kindest people you'd ever meet. It's kind of taking the old saying, 'Don't judge others by their outward appearance' to the extreme. So I decided to write something like that myself.
Also, this story is not about my brother Jacob, nor is it about either of my friends named Rachel. I just happen to like those names, plus the Biblical characters with those names were married, so I thought they would be a good fit for the couple in this story.
Jacob froze in horror at the creature that was approaching them through the snow. It walked on four legs, vaguely similar to a gorilla, but had no features resembling anything even remotely close to human, and its two mouths were full of razor sharp teeth. He wanted to run but he couldn't, both because he was too terrified, and because he didn't want to leave Rachel. He tried to yell, but he found himself unable to make a sound.
The creature towered over them and looked down. It had to be at least twelve feet tall, with two mouths, and seven eyes. It stared at them but it didn't look like it wanted to harm them. In fact, its eyes looked... kind? With one enormous hand, it carefully picked him up, and with the other hand, it picked up Rachel's unconscious body as well. It held them close to its chest and as it did so, its body seemed to envelop them, wrapping them with something like very thin tentacles or very thick fur, until they were inside something that he could only imagine was like a kangaroo's pouch. When they were safely inside, the creature slowly let go and began walking, leaving the crash site behind.
As Jacob lay there, pressed against the creature's chest, he noticed how warm its body was, and how it had the softest fur he had ever felt. As he lay there, he could feel its hearts beating slowly, softly. Without even meaning to, he quietly slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.
And that's all I have from that class. I still have some even older assignments from my poetry class over a year ago that I really should get around to posting too. Actually, the amount of stuff that I have, poetry, photos from last year, etc. that I haven't gotten around to posting yet, is terrible. One of these days I'll get around to all that as well. One of these days... My photo blog really needs an update. Maybe I'll try to get at least one post done there this month. Maybe... :p
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
So, it's been almost a year since I took my last fiction writing class, and I got to thinking today, I never posted anything from that class. (Aside from my final project, The Real Story of Little Red Riding Hood - If you missed it, you can find that HERE) So today I decided to just randomly post a bunch of the assignments.
One week our assignments were to observe people. In the first one we were sent out to walk around the campus and follow someone from afar, and write down everything about them with enough detail that you could describe them as though they were a character in a book. We were to give them a name, and read our descriptions to the class, fielding any questions about them that we could. Yeah, that was a weird assignment. So here's mine.
I started inside Lagomarcino Hall, and watched out the window until I saw someone coming, so I'd have enough time to make observations and write everything down, without being seen. Once I found someone, I decided he looked like a Joseph, Joe for short. He was walking quickly, with his hands in his pockets, looking straight ahead. He was wearing a maroon jacket, jeans, and white sneakers. He had black hair and glasses, and he was wearing black earbud headphones, and carrying a black backpack. Once he'd passed, I left the building and followed him for a little ways. He cut between Science Hall II and Wilhelm Hall, and went into the backdoor of the Physics Hall. I did not follow any further.
The next assignment that was to describe some friends or family. Not so much their personalities, this was more about the way they look or dress, in enough detail that could be used if you were writing them as a character. So I chose my cousins, Shaina, Sasha, and Sarah. They are all sisters, but they are all completely different, and that is very evident, even in just the kinds of clothes they wear, so I thought they'd be perfect for this assignment.
Shaina usually wears jeans and t-shirts, though she often wears blouses layered with sweaters. She likes to mix up her look a lot. One day she could be wearing a blouse she got in Latvia, and the next she could be wearing an outfit completely inspired by the 80's. With everything she almost always wears sneakers, and while in the house she wears socks. She has a rather large jewelry collection, with a very eclectic mix of styles. She has everything from vintage 80's jewelry, to a single T-Rex stud that she wears in one ear.
Sasha only wears vintage dresses, in sensible styles, usually of a single color, and she probably has around five that she switches out regularly. At least two of them are completely covered in paint splatters, and, as she does a lot of paint/craft work, those are probably the ones she wears the most. When she goes out she usually wears one of the nicer ones, along with a pair of flats. And while she wears flats out, in the house she is always barefoot. She doesn't usually wear much jewelry.
Sarah always wears flowy, flowery, full length skirts, along with single color t-shirts or three button tops. On top of that, she almost always wears an apron. When she goes out she often wears a scarf, usually a light silk one, and she usually wears sneakers or boots. In the house she switches between being barefoot and wearing socks. She usually wears earrings and/or a necklace, and many of her pieces of jewelry are inspired by nature, with little creatures like birds or foxes on them.
At the end of that week, we were told to listen to people on the bus, or in public, to see if we could overhear any interesting conversations, and then the next week we were to bring them to class to turn into a story. Well, if you know me, then you know I do that already. In fact, I'd already had a conversation ready for the class without even realizing it. (A conversation that you've probably already read HERE.) However, this story was supposed to be written with a partner, taking both of our overheard conversations, and combining them into one. I'm not sure it was that successful, but you can still read it for yourself.
Eustace & Marie
The elderly couples sat quietly, eating their mashed potatoes and meatloaf.
"So I just read about something called biphasal sleeping patterns," Marie said, Breaking the silence.
"What?" asked Eustace.
"Biphasal sleeping patterns." Marie repeated. "There was this study in Minnesota about sleeping patterns." she explained as Eustace turned up his hearing aid.
"There was monophasal, biphasal, and poloyphasal, but biphasal is the best."
"What's that?" he asked.
"That's where people take two, four hour naps instead of sleeping eight hours at night."
"Why?" he asked, just as their cell phone buzzed.
"It's Dylan," Marie said, looking at the phone. "He texted earlier, and said his friend Jaden told him we were dope, so I texted back and told him that I was sorry we were dopey, and he just replied, 'No grandma, being dope is good!' So I guess things have changed. Back in the day, calling someone a dope was an insult!"
"Mmhmm." Eustace replied, and went back to his meatloaf.
So that was a bunch of my random fiction class assignments. I do still have a few more though, and those are a lot more fictional than these turned out to be. These ended up being more about real people with some fictional elements thrown in. I'll put together the rest of the actual fiction assignments, and I'll put them out as a seperate post in a couple days.
Saturday, January 13, 2018
Did you know that the weasel is actually a ferret with asthma? Think about it. #TrueFact
Did you know that corn comes in a rather surprising variety of colors? You can find it in yellow, white, red, blue, orange, purple, tartan plaid, and a sort of a hot pink/fuchsia color. #TrueFact
Did you know that instead of using pie, Italian clowns lasagna each other in the face? #TrueFact
Did you know that Elton John secretly traveled to China to genetically engineer a race of glitter pandas? The Chinese government was utterly outraged when they discovered the perceived degradation of one of their national symbols, but those pandas are adorable AND fabulous! #TrueFact
Did you know you can make your own sweet and sour sauce by mixing chocolate syrup and pickle juice? Lemon juice and caramel sauce will also work in a pinch. #TrueFact
Did you know that the tambourine was invented as a rattling metal pie for robots? #TrueFact
Did you know that people often wonder what's wrong with me? #TrueFact
Did you know that babies can't sing? Seriously, they're horrible! #TrueFact
Did you know that King Kong was actually hundreds of small gorillas assembled and united together to form one giant, mega-gorilla? #TrueFact
Did you know that after its debut on the beloved family sitcom, Full House, back in 1992, 'Michelle's Tuna Cream' became the highest grossing, tuna-based, ice cream dessert in the entire world? It is estimated that over 17 people bought a carton! #TrueFact
Thursday, January 11, 2018
If you know me, then you know I like random humor. And you probably know that this humor is not for everyone. In fact, there's probably a good chance you won't even understand half of what I find funny. You might even think it's stupid. Or just dumb. And you'll give me a weird look, and slowly walk away, wondering if I was sniffing that jug of mysterious blue liquid again.
So with that in mind, just know that there's a very good chance that you won't find anything in this post humorous, because the whole point of it is that there is no actual context for any of these lines. I just found them funny and decided to make something out of them.
These are all real lines that were said by real people, sometime in my real life, pertaining to real things, that in the moment that they were used, were relevant and understandable. And I stripped them of any of that context, and have saved them for this post, because I think they're even funnier when presented without context.
I have not written any of these lines for this post myself, I just heard them, and collected them, either from friends, family members, people at school, or work, or just overheard randomly out in the world. One of them may have been something I said myself, and afterward I realized how weird it sounded, but other than that, these are all strictly overheard statements.
I hope you find them as funny as I do, but I kind of doubt it. I'm strange. :p
"Your lace is getting dangerously near the curds."
"Are you playing with my clots?"
"Do you want to sniff the sparkle ducky?"
"It's a sparkle encrusted mound of delicious."
"That would be like getting run over by a very blubbery car."
"I was thinking how fun it would be to watch the plush Teletubbies plunging to their doom."
"The key is probably on a marmot, down in the basement with the other stuffed animals."
"We needed snake adhesive."
"I don't tend to make many noises in the bathroom, this could be a novelty!"
"I can't believe I just spent like three minutes putting a hat on this goat."
"I swallowed a dragonfly once. It was a really weird experience."
"It's a teddy bear intestine."
"It's literally a duck race."
"Is there a word for like, a moist squeak?"
"We accidentally won a Christmas tree."
"The only man's deodorant I ever wore gave me a rash."
"I need to do a body count. I don’t know how many boys I have now."
"Mmmmm... Ibuprofen and banana pizza!"
"I think I could get a little DNA if I really practiced."
"The squirrels that work in the internet will take that package where it needs to go."If you liked this post, I may just do another one, because there are plenty more where this came from. And if you didn't like this post... Well, I guess that's too bad, because there are plenty more where this came from. :p