Monday, December 31, 2018

Rotoscopers Roundup 8

It's time for my biannual Rotoscopers update! Here is everything I worked on from July to December of 2018!

Infinity Train - Trailer Announcement

Steven Universe: The Movie - Announcement

Ant-Man and the Wasp - MCU Countdown #20

Adventure Time - Finale Air Date & DVD Announcement

Star Wars Rebels - Season 4 Blu-ray Review

Teen Titans Go! To the Movies - Soundtrack Review

Muppet Babies - DVD Review

Alex Hirsch - Gravity Falls Creator Signs with Netflix

My Little Pony - Original 1986 Film - Blu-ray Announcement

Adventure Time - DVD Review

Incredibles 2 - Blu-ray/DVD Announcement

Hilda - Trailer Announcement

Indie-Mation Club Review - Chirin's Bell

Solo: A Star Wars Story - Blu-ray Review

Hotel Transylvania 3 - Blu-ray Review

Hey Arnold! The Ultimate Collection - DVD Review

My Little Pony: The Movie - 35th Anniversary Edition - Blu-ray/DVD Review

Batman: The Animated Series - Blu-ray Review

Rocko's Modern Life: The Complete Series - DVD Review

Sunday, November 25, 2018

#TrueFacts (November 2018)

Did you know that the human body is like 50% beans? Crazy, right? #TrueFact

Did you know that despite popular platitudes, pigs can’t actually fly? To claim otherwise is just pure pignorance. #TrueFact

Did you know that the clomp is the only species of clump that can clamp? #TrueFact
Get away from me! What are you doing? No I don't want to wear your stupid coat! No! Stop! What are you doing with that needl...

Did you know that in ancient European cultures, wedgies were an honor reserved for the heroes of great battles? Flying Wedgies were given to those who showed exceptional bravery, and Atomic Wedgies were reserved as the highest honor a soldier could receive. As the pulling up of the pants was seen as an honor, the opposite was a disgrace, and enemies would be pantsed on the battlefield. Things were even worse for prisoners of war, who would be pantsed during public victory ceremonies, while being forced to wear the most embarrassing underwear they could find at Walmart. The ancients were true barbarians. #TrueFact

Did you know that doves were not always a symbol of peace? In ye olden times, they were heralds of death and destruction. Because doves are carnivorous. #TrueFact

Did you know that for the first few years of its life, the painted bratfish is the whiniest fish in the world? Well, at least until it ages out of the toddler phase. Unless it's mother was actually a striped spoilerfish, because then there's really no hope for it. #TrueFact

Did you know that there is a species of crustacean that has no shell? It's called a Globster. #TrueFact

Did you know that beef does not actually come from cows? It comes from unicorns. The FDA spends billions keeping this information a secret. #TrueFact

Did you know that if you leave McDonalds food inside a hot car for three weeks, it will develop into a sentient life-form? #TrueFact

Did you know that the Burmese Mountain Chicken has one of hardest eggs in the animal kingdom? We know this because of their unusual nesting habits. Thousands of the birds fly to the top of a mountain together and lay their eggs at the top of a cliff. The torrent of eggs rolls down the hill bouncing all the way. The eggs that survive are deemed worthy of life, and, surprisingly, most actually make it! The mother chickens then sit on the eggs at the bottom of the mountain until they hatch. This amazing occurrence is known as an ovule-anche. #TrueFact

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

What Was That Thing Called Again?

I've been cleaning up my apartment tonight, getting ready to go home for the holidays, and I came across some papers full of stuff I'd written like over a year ago. One of these was so funny I stopped what I was doing and sat down to make this post.

I had been on Reddit one day and there was a trending topic where people were asked to share the funniest thing that they'd heard someone say when they couldn't remember what something was called. I thought it was hilarious, and had written down all my favorites, and had been planning to make a blog post on this ages ago. But then apparently I lost the paper. So today I am finally making this post.

To begin with, I'll just share a bunch of the most basic ones, so you can get a feel for what these are. I don't know if you've ever just inexplicably forgotten the name of something, but apparently this happens to some people with the most mundane things, and they completely forget what a "Tie" is, so they call it a "Neck Belt" instead.

Robe - Towel Jacket
Dustpan - Broom Shovel
Ceiling - Inside Roof
Wire - Metal String
Lab Coat - Science Vest
Sparks - Fire Crumbs
Ashes - Fire Dust
Salad Dressing - Salad Sauce
Toothpaste - Tooth Soap
Skunk - Stinky Cat
Bleachers - Baseball Stairs
Wood - Tree Chunk
Plates - Flat Bowls
Crown - Queen Hat
Hose - Water Rope
Towel - Shower Blanket
Gate - Fence Door
Ambulance - Hospital Van
Measuring Cup - Ruler Spoon
Lime - Green Lemon

There are several different tiers of the other items in this list, the first is the ones that I personally think that people were just writing to be creative. They read a few of these, got the gist of how people's brains had temporarily malfunctioned, and decided to capitalize on that and get some Reddit Karma, which for those not familiar with Reddit, is basically internet currency for Reddit users. So for these, I don't think any of them are real, but they made me laugh, so... I'm including them anyway. :p

Peacock - Disco Chicken
Prison - Hotel For Burglars
Cupcake - Party Muffin
Clarinet - Toot Flute
Cow - Moo Beast
Air Horn - Spray Scream
Hamburger Helper - Beef Aid
Lactose Intolerant - Milk Racist
Purple Cabbage - Barney Lettuce
Cereal - Breakfast Soup
Preschool - Children Zoo

Next are the ones where more than one person had variations on the same item.

Electric Drill - Screw Gun - Screwdriver Machine
Headlights - Car Flashlights - Truck Eyes
Extension Cord - Power Rope - Electric Hose
Tortilla - Burrito Flap - Taco Pads
Puddle - Rain Hole - Water Pile
Tongs - Sausage Tweezers - Pick Up Scissors
Firefly - Glowy Mosquito - Night Bee
Syrup - Waffle Sauce - Pancake Ranch - Ice Cream Gravy

Another thing that seemed oddly prevalent, was that some people apparently just forget what their body parts are called.

Ankle - Foot Wrist
Big Toe - Leg Thumb
Vertebrae - Spinal Nuggets
Elbows -Arm Knees
Bone - Dog Stick

Then there were the ones that were just bizarre. For these I was thinking, "How does anyone's brain work like this?"

Antennae - Shrimp Antlers
Swastika - Hitler Star
Flight Attendants - Sky Waitresses
Seaweed - Fish Paper
Propane - Grill Juice
Feather - Bird Leaf
Lazy Susan - Dizzy Daisy
Guitar Hero - Carpet Banjo
Compressed Air - Tire Gas
Conditioner - Hair Lotion
Vacuum Sealer - Food Laminator
Water Chestnuts - Ocean Beans
Detergent - Laundry Sauce
Guns & Roses - Death & Flowers
Microscope - Reverse Telescope
Aquarium - Fish Museum

And then these where I was thinking, "How on earth could you forget what that was called? And then why would you think it was called that?"

Eye Drops - Eye Moisturizer
Tape - Plastic Glue
Shovel - Yard Spoon
Kleenex - Nose Paper
Tortoise - Frog In A Shell
Casket - Funeral Basket
Kangaroo - Sack Rat
Condiments - Squirt Meat
Bat - Baby Vampire
Restaurant - Eat Store
Shoehorn - Boot Spoon
Letters - Alphabet Numbers
Moths - Mean Butterflies
Calzone - Bread Omelette
Atom - Science Star
Pitchfork - Farm Trident

Lastly, we'll end with the ones that are my favorites. These are the weirdest ones, or the ones that made me laugh the most, for whatever reason. I just liked these the best, so I saved them for last. :)

Turkey - Christmas Chicken
Reindeer - Christmas Llama
Plastic Bag - Krinkle Sack
Ferris Wheel - British Merry Go Round
Cake Server - Pie Trowel
Seagulls - Beach Ducks
Car Horn - Honk Button
Flyswatter - Bug Spatula
Cauldron - Witch Bucket
Protest - Angry Parade
Bell - Ding Ding Thing
Baby Shower - Pregnant Party
Mechanical Bull - Electric Cow
Funnel Cake - Circus Pie

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Out of Context 5!

Obligatory disclaimer, none of this is supposed to make sense. These are all real quotes that were used in conversations, or that I overheard out in public, that just struck me as funny. They all made sense within the context of the conversation, but I thought they were funnier without.

“You can just cheese your own corn.” 
“You keep that paper towel between you and their iniquity.” 
“See the celestial beams shooting out of the raccoon’s body!” 
“It sounded kind of like a wet punch.” 
“I don’t want this to turn into a regrettable syrup vat.” 
“Oh yeah, I love the squishy bits in the middle.
“Beware the clove!” 
“Cuddle the egg!!!” 
“Ooh, garbage… Smells like industry…” 
“It’s like moving the livestock away from a tornado. You move them or they will be consumed.” 
“I don’t know why you like me so much, but thanks!” 
“We need a puppy. A puppy and yogurt.” 
“Whenever I see fruit flies hovering around fruit, I think of Lord of the Rings.” 
“Forget sophistication, I want dark, nightmarish Muppets.” 
“Why does that turkey have blank eyes?” 
“Your whole body’s a beard!” 
“If I had a piece of felt pie, I would just enjoy looking at the felt pie.” 
“I had to pry some Hershey’s chocolate out of his tiny jaws.” 
“Did you guys save me the sink hole?” 
“I got pickles. Life is good.”

Friday, November 16, 2018

Last Month Online (October 2018)

Yeah, this is late. I've got a lot going on. So much great music this month! Let's kick this off with Peter Hollens, doing a collab that I am kind of shocked hasn't happened before now, with Chester See!

And we'll follow that up with a video from Peter's wife! Evynne is singing one of my favorite Celtic/folk songs, and it is amazing!

I saw this next video on Reddit, and I knew I had to include it here. This is an utterly genius bit of editing work, they took Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" and set it to Michael Jackson's Thriller video, which features zombies. It was such a brilliant joke I about died laughing at work. 🤣

[118/118] "Thriller" x Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" from r/SharedBPM

Next we have a video from Pentatonix's upcoming Christmas album, which I considered saving for my eventual holiday post at the end of the year, but as you will see, the song is from Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas, and the video leans a little more toward Nightmare than Christmas. 😜

And speaking of The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Hound + The Fox covered a song from that movie this month as well!

Not every Halloween-themed video this month was based on this Disney classic though, we also got another song from Pomplamoose and Tessa Violet, mashing up The Monster Mash, with several other thematically appropriate songs. And also some really random choices, like the theme from The Fresh Prince of Bell-Aire? But somehow it all works SO well!

It has been awhile since I've shared a World Order video, but they just released a new video, and it was everything I expect from them. I just love watching them... Dance? Move? Slowly move their bodies completely in sync with each other and the music. 😜

Next we have another amazing video from Jonna Jinton, which is different that any of her videos before! I love this! It's such a great idea for a video!

Thanks to the release of a Queen biopic last month, another trending musical genre beyond the usual October/Halloween, was covers of Queen songs. (Does that count as a genre?) I picked out what I thought were the two most creative examples of the trend, this one from 10 Second Songs:

And this massive musical mashup from Peter Hollens. We'll end with this one, which was probably my favorite song all month. I have replayed it SO many times! It's just so good!


Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Amazing Trick-or-Treat Ideas 2018

For some reason, every year, a day or two before Halloween, this year it was 5, I am somehow reminded that this series is a thing. Even though it's one of my favorite things I write on this blog, since it only happens once a year, I end up completely forgetting about it by November first, which means that I end up rediscovering it like a day or two before Halloween the next year and scrambling to write a whole new post in time. So far I haven't missed one since it began, but every year I wonder if this one will be the last before I forget it completely.

If you're new to this series, every year, out of the kindness of my heart, I compile a list of unique treats for you to hand out to the little spooks and goblins who come creepin' round your back stair. Sorry. That was a Homestar reference, which was in itself a reference to something else. Either way, here are ten treats that are sure to make your house THE talk of the town for all the night beggars this Malloween. Sorry that was another Homestar reference. I'll stop now. Maybe.

If you're interested, the previous years' posts can be found at these links:
2013 - 2014 - 2015 - 2016 - 2017

Jiklebeanz & Twibblejinx - I don't know what these are, but they sound like something that a kid would love. I'd say find some of those to hand out, and your Halloween is sorted!

A Tweed Jumper - This one is for Britishes only. Americans only have sweaters, and those are no fun at all.

Insomnia - Most children hate going to sleep, so while you might hate the thought of lying awake until all hours of the night, children everywhere envy your commitment to the wonders of awakeness! The hardest part will be removing your own insomnia in order to gift it to the children, but I'm sure there are ways. The internet is like, super-smart about this science stuff. Just look it up.

Aunt Eggetha's Stamp Collection - You know you want to get rid of that thing. The pages are turning a brownish yellow, and the stamps themselves have no monetary value, since Great Aunt Eggetha licked them all to stick into her scrap book. Aunt Bivvia told her to get a proper collection and some archival-quality materials to catalog the stamps, but Aunt Eggetha just liked the pretty pictures and wouldn't listen. Now they're both dead and for some reason they left this junk to you in the will, along with Great Uncle Egger's whistling banjo. You know what? Let's get rid of that thing too. Some weird little kid out there will probably appreciate that creepy thing, whistling along to itself eerily in the middle of the night. Just give that gross book and the unsettling instrument to the next pair of kids who come along begging for candy. Sugar is bad for them anyway.

A Gross Pile of Mud!'®©
Did you forget to buy Halloween candy again? I know I did! (Actually I'm lying, I didn't forget, I just hate hate buying things for strange children.) If you're like me, and you have nothing to hand out to all the greedy little gremlins who won't stop pounding on your door, then you need A Gross Pile of Mud!'®© 
A Gross Pile of Mud!'®© is available wherever fine dirt clods are found. Backyards, quarries, public parks, sometimes they can even be found near local dumpsters! All you have you do to get your own A Gross Pile of Mud!'®© is to dig up a generous mound of dirt with your own two hands, and squirt it with a hose! 
Throughout the many several decades of human history, children have relished playing in A Gross Pile of Mud!'®© so why not continue this hallowed tradition, this next hollowed eve. A Gross Pile of Mud!'®© is all you need for your visitors to have good, clean holiday fun this Halloween. (I'm lying again, they're going to be filthy and their parents will hate you.) 
Eggs - It's called a preemptive strike. I'm sure I don't need to explain this one to you.

Goose Eggs - For when things escalate.

Ostrich Eggs - A very last resort.

Lobster Bisque - This next treat is not for everyone, as it will require a lot of prep and set-up time, not to mention some extensive home renovations. The biggest hurdle will be the installation of the large bisque faucet onto your front porch. After you get that out of the way, really, the only thing you have to do is fill the bisque basin with the best bisque you can buy. Or the cheapest. After all, this bisque is going to be dispensed directly into a plastic pumpkin that is already full of chocolate and religious pamphlets, and once it has taken on those cocoa and gospel flavors, the original quality of the bisque no longer matters as much. Anyway, I know that bisque hardware is kind of expensive, so feel free to skimp where you can for this one. If you prefer, similar results can be had with a five gallon bucket and a ladle, it's just not quite as fun. Either way, the night will definitely be memorable, both for you and the children.

Maple Leaves - Admittedly, this one is only okay in Canada, as Maple leaves, at least as far as I know, are still illegal in most of the United States, and many other countries around the world. Why they were only just legalized in Canada this year I don't know, as Canada has prominently featured this humble foliage on its flag since 1965. Now, when giving these tasty treats out to the childr- Huh? Sorry, excuse me, my editor wants to talk to me, I'll be right back...
Sorry about that, I have just been informed that Maple Leaves are in fact NOT illegal, and never have been, in America, in Canada, or anywhere. I seem to have internalized some misinformation spread via Facebook, about which plant life has or has not recently been legalized in several regions of North America. Please forgive my mistake. I cannot not promise it won't not never happen ever not again.

Sunday, October 28, 2018

#TrueFacts (October 2018)

Did you know that in Canada, children have to recite the Pledge of Eh-Legence every morning before school? #TrueFact

Did you know that deodorant is full of hair seeds? You plant them in your armpits, and water them with your sweat. #TrueFact

Did you know that crabs eat dish towels? That’s why one of the pair always disappears in the wash. #TrueFact
 - What do you mean that’s socks?

Did you know that cuttlefish is a misspelling? It’s cuddlefish. Because it’s just so flippin’ adorbs! I just want to squeeze it! Now! #TrueFact

Did you know that clown babies are born colorless? Clown children are generally bald until at least age 6, and their distinct markings and color patterns only begin to develop around age ten. The only way to distinguish a clown baby from a human baby is the nose. #TrueFact

Did you know that if you put a slice of bologna in a CD player, it will play a previously unreleased Weird Al EP? #TrueFact

Did you know that popcorn is an edible, miniature, time-locked explosion? #TrueFact

Did you know that toads don't cause warts? Wart Fairies do. Toads and Wart Fairies look quite similar, but the fairy has wings. #TrueFact

Did you know that the best, worst flavor of cereal is Beef Krispies? Beef Krispies are served with gravy instead of milk, and children cry at the mere sight of them. #TrueFact

Did you know that aliens use tractor beams to plow their force fields? #TrueFact
- I feel like my brain probably stole that last one from some terrible joke book I borrowed from the library when I was seven, and then randomly resurfaced it one day as I was writing these dumb jokes. If that's the case, I beg forgiveness from the original author. And if that's not the case, then somebody had better pay me, because that joke was so dumb it was brilliant. Seven-year-old me would have been dying of laughter reading that thing.