Saturday, December 16, 2017

#TrueFacts 28


Did you know that 100% Natural Cheez Kurlz are actually only 63% natural? They were pretty close, so they rounded up. #TrueFact

Did you know that most species of snowmen went extinct during the last ice age? #TrueFact

Did you know that Burrowing Mime Weasels are vegan? Well, except for Chad over there. But really, is it his fault that chickens are so delicious? I feel like the chickens deserve at least some of the responsibility here. That henhouse was just asking to be raided in the middle of the night. #TrueFact

Did you know that corks are considered legal tender in rural Kentucky? It costs 15 corks and a corncob to buy one fresh possum. #TrueFact

Did you know that fishcakes taste way better with tomato gravy on them? Or was it way worse? I can never remember. #TrueFact

Did you know that the lady who invented the poncho did so because she couldn't figure out how to sew in a zipper? #TrueFact

Did you know that Triscuit crackers are made from compressed bales of dried alfalfa hay? #TrueFact

Did you know that ipecac syrup is made from honeydew and cantaloupe? They really are nature's perfect little vomit inducers. #TrueFact

Did you know that chess is the 3D version of checkers? #TrueFact

Did you know that before settling on "Banjo" as the name for his spiffy new musical invention, Cletus McMulletson wanted to name his revolutionary new instrument the "Honkenplinker"? #TrueFact

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Last Month Online (November 2017)


I have a LOT more videos than usual this month, so let's just jump right into them!

Biggest news of the month: OK Go is back!!! MY jaw dropped to the floor and stayed there through the whole video. I am in absolute awe of their creativity. This would be an amazing video if they had shot on green screen and built all the effects with CGI and animation, but the fact that this is all practical effects, created with PRINTERS, and more specifically, PRECISELY TIMED printers, is just utterly astounding.



And speaking of people being back! Owl City is back! The first music video for his upcoming album dropped this month, and I love it! :D



Superfruit (Scott and Mitch of Pentatonix) have been putting out some extremely catchy music recently, but this video is one of my favorites. It has just the right amount of weird, random, creative catchiness. My favorite part is definitely the old granny mannequin/morph-suit person. :p



And speaking of Pentatonix, they have bumped up their content in the last couple of months, however most of it is Christmas music, which I am saving for a Christmas post later this month. This one, even though it is used as a Christmas song, is not traditionally a Christmas song, so I decided to include it here, and save the others.



I've never seen Steven King's It, and I don't really plan to, but this parody, starring everyone's least favorite Star Wars character, Jar Jar Binks, just absolutely cracked me up.



I don't think I've featured Alex Boyé in awhile, let's remedy that with his epic new cover of Imagine Dragons' Believer!



I. Love. Melodysheep.



I honestly never thought I'd feature this song on my blog. It was everywhere this summer, and I was kind of sick of hearing it, but leave it to Kurt Hugo Schneider, Sam Tsui, & co to come up with a version I really liked. :)



I'm sure you've never heard of Adler Davidson, he's a very small YouTuber, but he deserves to be bigger. I absolutely loved this video he put out, I've played it on repeat so many times. He is such a weird, hilarious genius.



Side note: I've actually had a customer get wildly, and furiously, offended at me for saying, "Have a nice day," before, because "It's none of you business what kind of a day I have." So that part actually made me laugh for more than just that it sounds ridiculous. It may be ridiculous, but it's also true. I don't know if that's hilarious or sad. Maybe both.

This is probably the least weird video that Poppy has ever made. But I still loved it for the song, despite the video's relative normality. It still had a semi-creepy face-less mop creature playing an electric guitar, so at least it had a little something extra there for me. :p



This extremely short video showed up online out of nowhere this month, and I fell in love. I've lost count how many times I've watched it and showed it to people. Who knew that a spider could be so adorable!?



This was originally an animation test by an independent animator, starring his nephew Lucas as Lucas the spider, but he has since rebranded the channel around the character and made another short! I hope he keeps going! I need a steady supply of Lucas in my life!



I already loved this song by Selena Gomez and Marshmello, but as usual, I think I like Mike Tompkins' version better.



I will never not be utterly amazed by World Order's (Dancing? Acrobatic? Choreography?) skills.



We'll end this post with another hilarious Studio C sketch. I never watch Saved By the Bell as a kid, but I loved this sketch. It perfectly captured the cheese of the era, and added heaping helping of Studio C's hilarious brand of brilliant weirdness.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Wonderland Wednesday: Ukrainian Alice in Wonderland Music Videos


So today's post is going to be a little different. This blog post was written to be a companion to today's video on my YouTube channel. As most of you know, my longest running YouTube series is Wonderland Wednesday, and today's video (which is my season finale) is all about a series of strange music videos that I found while browsing YouTube one night. I don't have a whole lot of context for them, except that they are from a Ukrainian musical, and information about that musical is extremely scarce, at least in English. I used Google translate and copy/paste searched a bunch of Russian(Ukrainian?) text and found some info, but not nearly as much as I'd have liked. I really wanted to find the movie itself, but that search turned up nothing. I did find the trailer though, so if you're interested, here's that.



So this blog post is basically a compiled resource for my followers on YouTube to come to watch the music videos themselves. You probably won't understand anything in them, I know I don't, but I still enjoyed watching them, and the music was pretty catchy. If you did not come here from the video, and would like to watch it, I will have that included here as well.



Basically all I know about these videos is that they are from a Ukrainian, made-for-TV Christmas/New Years Alice in Wonderland musical. I have not been able to watch the movie itself, so I am simply guessing what order these should be in, based on  my knowledge of the book, and the content of the videos. Which I don't understand. So it's entirely possible that I'm completely wrong. Oh well. I enjoyed these anyway. If you know me, you know I love a lot of music from all over the world, so this was just right up my alley. The music in these videos are all extremely catchy, and they have a surprisingly high production value, so even if you don't speak Russian, or Ukrainian, or whatever language it turns out that they are using, you should still enjoy at least a few of these.

In case you're interested, the artists and title translations came from this page.
http://www.kievpostproduction.com/en/2015/02/5631

Irina Bilyk - "I Got Involved up to my Ears"



Alexandr Krivoshapko - "I am Your Chebuvashka"



Svetlana Tarabarova - "World of Wonders"



Jamala - "Simple and Easy"



Dima Kolyadenko - "Aphrodisiac"



Potap & Nastya, Alexandr Krivoshapko - "It's Like Beating on a Drum"



Sergey Pisarenko & Evgeniy Nikishin - "Oh Mamochki!"



Anastasiya Stotskaya - "My Knave"



Vitaliy Kozlovskiy - "Not Mine"



Anastasiya Stotskaya - "You are Only Mine!"



Vitaliy Kozlovskiy & Svetlana Tarabarova - "You and I"



Laima Vaikule - "Make the Wish"



Cast - "Welcome New Year!"



Edit 11/30/2017: Holy cow! It took less than 24 hours before one of my subscribers was able to track down the full movie for me! I am shocked! Thank you, Matthew Darby! I will link you to the page with the movie below, in case any of you want to watch it! I think I'll have to review the full movie now!

http://alisa.kanalukraina.tv/ru/episode/myuzikl-alisa-v-strane-chudes

Saturday, November 11, 2017

#TrueFacts 27


Did you know that during Daylight Savings Time, if you keep turning back the clock, eventually you'll end up in the time of the dinosaurs? #TrueFact

Did you know that the dirty bomb was invented by a terrorist who tripped and fell into a mud puddle? #TrueFact

Did you know that Groundhog Day was originally called Ground Sloth Day? The poor ground sloth went extinct during the six weeks of winter that he himself predicted, so the groundhog was elected to take its place. #TrueFact

Did you know that the Super Bowl was invented by the American Poultry Industry as way to sell unwanted chicken wings? #TrueFact

Did you know that gummy worms are made by feeding earthworms liquid jello and putting them into the fridge to solidify? #TrueFact

Did you know that 12 is sometimes equal to 11, but only on the fifteenth of Octember? #TrueFact

Did you know that during the average lifetime, most people will swallow at least 7 squirrels in their sleep? #TrueFact

Did you know that down south, during any rare winter weather, it is tradition to harvest and deep fry the icicles? #TrueFact

Did you know that if you insert a fresh lily pad into a record player it will play Rainbow Connection? #TrueFact

Did you know that today was yesterday, tomorrow? #TrueFact

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Last Month Online (October 2017)

Okay, as you can see, I've decided to change the title of this series. Again. Previously it was called This Month in Internet, but sometimes it's just too hard to get everything ready to go on the last day of the month. I usually ended up writing it on the first and pre-dating the post anyway, just for the sake of the title. So yesterday, November 1st, I was too busy, trying to get a video up, running errands, and scheduling an online meeting with a friend to film a video for a new series, and I just didn't have time to blog. Rather than beat myself up about missing an arbitrary deadline, I'm moving the deadline. By changing the title of the series. It's now called Last Month Online, technically giving me a full month of leeway, but I'm still going to try to have it up at the beginning of the month.

Anyway, now that that's over with, let's get to the new logo, and on with the post!


Since October is Halloween Month, let's just get my one Halloween video out of the way. I know you probably just want to move on to the next holiday, but I promise this one is worth it. Plus, like the movie it came from, you could also classify it as a Christmas video. :p



Ellen just seems to have a knack for finding the most talented kids from all over the world. I don't know how she does it, (actually I probably do, she can afford to pay people to scour the internet looking for talent.) but however she finds them, I'm glad she does.



Walk Off the Earth's Taekwondo was my jam this summer, and I am loving this acoustic version.



This video is criminally short. Like, how dare he make something this amazing and only give me 60 seconds of it!!!



Mystery Guitar Man is back! Okay, this was only one video, and it was a sponsored video, so he's not really back, I wish he'd make more videos like these again. I guess I'll just enjoy this one for a year and a half (or just a few months if I'm not being overly dramatic. :p) till some other brand gives him some more money. :p



We'll end this with another amazing video from Lindsey Stirling. Technically I could have use two this month, but the other one was a Christmas video to promote her new album, so I'm saving that one for a future Christmas post. :)

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Amazing Trick-or-Treat Ideas 2017

So, today, (yesterday if you're reading this when I post it) October 30, at around noon, I decided to look at my Time Hop app, the handy app that takes you back in time to see yon posts of yesteryear, (I mainly use it to find and delete old embarrassing social media political posts that my younger, stupider self thought were a good idea to share with the world) and I was reminded of my yearly tradition of writing a post of alternative Halloween candy ideas. I had completely forgotten about it, which is also apparently becoming a yearly tradition. So since I have to work at 5 tonight, apparently I have just a few hours to write up a post. I suppose I could do it when I get off work, but I think I write better under pressure. Let's see if I can do it. If you're reading this, I probably did it. :p

For those of you who are new, every year I like to come up with new, amazing things for you to hand out to Trick-or-Treaters. After all, you want to be the most memorable house in the neighborhood, right? Well if you follow my advice, you'll certainly be memorable. It's up for debate whether that's a good thing or not.

If you're interested, the previous years' posts can be found at these links:
2013 - 2014 - 2015 - 2016




Candy - No not edible candy, Aaron Carter's hit 2000 pop single 'I Want Candy' covering the 1982 pop smash by Bow Wow Wow, which was itself a cover of a 1965 song by the Strangeloves. You can give out one of the originals too, but you're going to get egged. Oh who am I kidding. You're going to get egged anyway.

A Haunted Diadem - Do you have an ancient, cursed crown that's just swarming with ghosts, who never leave you alone, and are always opening your cupboards, looking for food they can never eat, and occasionally flushing the toilet and playing (admittedly catchy) Turkish pop music just to mess with you? Well, when you get a Trick-or-Treater around who you particularly despise, probably that rotten neighbor kid who shaved and painted your cat that one time, just give him the crown, and your troubles are over! It's perfect! If his parents complain, you can just act like they're crazy, because ghosts aren't real, right?

Cucumber - Just leave a cucumber on the porch.

Raisin Boxes - This one's a bit tricky, but for this one, just put all your real candy into raisin boxes. That way all the spoiled brats won't take any, and you can keep it all for yourself. And if they do take one, well, they must be a very polite child, and therefore they deserve the candy.

A Trick - Kids always say Trick-or-Treat, so why not call their bluff? This year, when they say Trick-or-Treat, wordlessly pull a rabbit out of a hat. When they applaud, go back inside and shut the door.

Another Trick - When the kids all say Trick-or-Treat, do some kind of a sick skateboarding trick, or a sweet bike jump. Grind down your porch rail, and ride off into the night!

A Mean Trick - Just swipe all their candy and go back inside. They asked for a trick, and they never specified what kind. Legally you are totally in the clear. Probably.

Trix - Just pour some Trix cereal into their candy bag. It's a treat and a pun!

Marbles - Marbles are pretty cheap right, right? All you have to do is dress up like a little old lady who can't see well. The kids will just assume that you mistook the marbles for candy and will be too polite to say anything, saving you a TON of money on candy. If they do say something, you can just give them a Tic-Tac out of your purse, because what self-respecting little old lady doesn't keep Tic-Tacs in her purse? And if those little rotters complain, you can just pelt them with the marbles, while screeching at them to get off your property. It's a win-win either way.

Tea - Open the door dressed like a proper British Lady, complete with the fanciest, most unnecessarily elaborate gown you can find. Bonus points if you dress as the queen and wear a crown. This goes for guys too, the exquisite gown, as well as the most exaggerated, high pitched falsetto voice you can muster, are an absolute must for this one, no matter your gender. Optionally, you can also wear some giant fake teeth if you want, but that's probably racist, so maybe you better not.

In your worst British accent, screech at the little tots that approach your door, "CHEERIO MY DARLING, I'M SIMPLY CHUFFED TO BITS TO SEE YOU!!! WOULD YOU LIKE A SPOT OF TEA?!?!" And then proceed to pour boiling hot tea out of your finest china teapot, directly into their candy bag. "HOW ABOUT A CRUMPET?!?!" and throw one of those in too. "BICKIE?" and just dump a whole box of digestives in there as well. If they start crying, whether in fright, or because you just melted all their Twixes and Kit-Kats, exclaim, "BLIMEY!!! THIS DOES THROW A SPANNER IN THE WORKS!!!" and turn around pretending that your husband is inside.

"REGINALD MY DARLING THIS TINY BEGGAR CHILD IS HAVING A RIGHT BEASTLY BLUB ON OUR DOORSTEP!!! SHOULD WE CALL THE ORPHANAGES!?!?" Then grab your carpet bag, pop open your umbrella, and float away into the night calling, "TOOTLE-OOO, LOVE, TOOTLE-OO!!! PIP-PIP!!! CHEERIO!!! JOLLY-GOOD!!! SMASHING, SIMPLY SMASHING!!!"

Thursday, October 26, 2017

#TrueFacts 26



Did you know that the term "Fast Food" was coined by a caveman chasing a velociraptor? Needless to say, that phrase lasted a LOT longer than he did. #TrueFact

Did you know that emus are the ballerinas of the avian world? Angry, vicious ballerinas. #TrueFact

Did you know that sneezes are caused by tiny nose gremlins firing little cannons out of your nostrils? They're at war with the microscopic gnomes that live on your throat, making you cough. #TrueFact

Did you know that sneezes are caused by nose demons from the sinus dimension? The sneezes are your nose's attempts at a nasal exorcism. #TrueFact

Did you know that a sneeze is the byproduct of your own forgetfulness? Every time you forget something, the thought travels out of your brain, through your sinuses, and into your nose, where the exposure to the intense amount of oxygen, (and maybe your nose hairs) causes your thought to violently explode inside your nose, causing the sneeze. #TrueFact

Did you know that I can purposely contradict any facts that I choose? I can do whatever I want! No one can stop me! #TrueFacts are mine alone to control! Mine! MINE!!! HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!! #TrueFact

Did you know that there is an island near Easter Island called Halloween Island? It is populated by 40 foot high, stone skulls. #TrueFact

Did you know that pizza is the world's least healthy vegetable? #TrueFact

Did you know that the gas giants in our solar system are all bubbles, blown by a cosmic space entity named Timmy? Timmy also likes playing with rocks, and he left his collection out between Mars and Jupiter, which is why we have an asteroid belt. Timmy needs to listen to his cosmic space mommy and pick those things up before his cosmic space daddy comes home and steps on one. #TrueFact

Did you know that before Instagram, people had to wait up to 10 years for pictures to decay enough to be presentable? #TrueFact

Saturday, September 30, 2017

This Month in Internet (September 2017)


Not that many videos this month. Not sure if it's because my favorite creators haven't been putting out as much stuff, or if I'm just not watching as much as usual. I have been getting busier and busier with my own YouTube channel, which does leave less time for watching other people's oh well. I do have a few videos to share, so let's get on with them!

Peter Hollens released a video with 'Ten Second Songs' that I just loved, which is ironic, because I actually really don't like this song, but they managed to put a spin on it that I loved.


Also I now really want Peter to sing more opera songs. :p

A channel that I recently discovered, 8 Bit Universe, released an 8-bit cover of Toto's Africa. I never knew how much I needed this to exist!


The Warp Zone did another of their geeky acapella themes, this time mashing up the various themes from different Star Trek shows.


I haven't really gotten into Star Trek yet, but I remember watching Voyager quite a bit as a teenager, so when that part of their compilation came up, I got a bit of a nostalgia hit. :)

There haven't been that many updates to one of my favorite websites, homestarrunner.com, in recent years, but on their twitter account, run by fan-favorite character, Strong Bad, they have been releasing these ridiculous little drawing 'tutorials' by Strong Bad. They've all been funny, but this one made me laugh a lot.


We'll end this post with another Kulning video by Jonna Jinton. I just love her voice. She's like a vision of a time, long, long ago.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

#TrueFacts 25


Did you know that if you eat enough raw nutmeg and aspirin you can hear colors, and see music? It's true! The Psychedelic Nirvana Owl told me! #TrueFact
(It's also a great way to find inspiration for these posts! #TrueFact)

Did you know that Swedish Meatballs were actually invented in Norway? The Swedish government has been keeping that scandal under wraps for centuries. #TrueFact

Did you know that chess boards are made from checkered racing flags? You can make your own with a nice starch dip and an iron to achieve the desired stiffness. Either that or just bury them till they're fossilized. That's what the ancients did! #TrueFact

Did you know that Crisco is actually just bleached butter? #TrueFact

Did you know that the first football goal posts were actually giant cheese slicers? Early football players, or footcheese players, as they were called at the time, would use a large wheel of cheese instead of a ball, and they would kick the cheese through the goalposts to slice it on the giant cheesewire. Many spectators over the centuries were knocked out by the flying cheesewheels, but the sport remained popular because of all the free cheese slices. This barbaric game eventually evolved into the far more civilized sport that we Americans so love today. Mostly because people realized that eating dirty cheese was just gross. #TrueFact

Did you know that ostriches could fly if they wanted to? They just choose to not. Ostriches and most other flightless birds don't feel the need to conform to society's birdist stereotypes. #TrueFact

Did you know that trees think that we are related to them? They think that our arms are weird, leafless branches, and our hair is some kind of bizarre foliage. Boy those trees sure are dumb, right guys? Yeah. They're dumb. #TrueFact

Did you know that ninja grandmothers use starched doilies as throwing stars? #TrueFact

Did you know that clowns are not well-trained, make-upped comedians? They are actually wild animals. Circuses collect them by baiting clown traps in the woods with large meringue pies, and honking bicycle horns from a nearby tree. #TrueFact

Did you know that humans spend almost 2/3rds of their lives breathing? The human body is truly a marvel. #TrueFact

Thursday, August 31, 2017

This Month in Internet (August 2017)



This months post is shorter than usual, but there's still a lot of good stuff here. Let's start it off with Lindsey Stirling! I really love the stripped down version of the song. I love her elaborate music video productions, but I also love these videos. I love that she had a song she liked, and just sat down and played it on her violin. :)



Earlier this week I shared my eclipse vlog, a video where things didn't turn out exactly as I wanted, but everything worked out anyway. Turns out, things didn't go as expected for lots of people, Peter Hollens included, but I love that even though he kind of failed at making the video he wanted to make, he put it together and put it out there anyway. It's easy to forget that people who make such amazing content like Peter have days where things don't work out for them either. I loved this little reminder of that. Plus I still loved the song, no matter what happened in the actual video.



Last month I introduced you to Ava Ryan with a video compilation of her character Charlene. Charlene is probably most people's favorite Ava character, but not mine, I do love Charlene, she's hilarious, but my favorite character is Bossy Boss Lady.



Last month I also introduced you to Joe Jeremiah, with his epic 8-bit Steven Universe song. Well this month he managed to top that, doing the theme song to Gravity Falls!



And then he also did a piano cover!



Well, it turns out that my favorite clown was not Simon Cowell's favorite clown, and Puddles Pity Party did not make it to the end of America's Got Talent. I'm sad he lost, but I know this isn't the end for him. A talent like his won't be forgotten easily. I still haven't brought myself to watch his last AGT performance, but I've been keeping up with all his videos on YouTube. Here's his latest.



Let's end this post with Mike Tompkins' latest collab with Peter Hollens. This was my absolute favorite music video all month.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Eclipse 2017 - My First Vlog!


Well, I figured it was only a matter of time after I started doing YouTube before I decided to vlog something. I've been blogging for years, so I guess this was the natural evolution. One could argue that my movie reviews are a kind of vlog, but this was me, actually going out into the world, filming something I was doing.

My cousins and I were planning on going to see the total eclipse for a few weeks before it actually happened. It wasn't until a few days before the event that I actually thought about vlogging it. Until that point I hadn't given vlogging much thought. I thought it might be fun, but it wasn't, and still isn't, something I was planning to do as a regular thing. But for something as big as the eclipse, what better thing could there be to do for a first vlog?

Sarah and I were planning on going by ourselves, but about a week before the eclipse, we found out that Shaina had the day off, so we convinced her to come. The only problem was, by that point, we still hadn't gotten eclipse glasses. I had planned to buy them on Amazon, but then there was that whole scandal with scammers making fake glasses to cash in on the hysteria, so I never got any there. The store I work at had apparently gotten some in, but they had sold out before I even knew we had them, (allegedly, to one person who bought them all, I'm assuming to resell to desperate people) and they weren't planning on getting any more in.

(Side note, that last week before the eclipse was so much fun at work... *sarcasm* SO many people coming in to ask if we had any of the eclipse glasses left. They all said they'd been all over town and we were their last hope. Apparently my store could have cleaned up if they'd had the foresight.)

The Friday before the eclipse we were down to the wire. I started calling all the local stores, going out wider and wider, until of them told me that they'd heard that the Hy-Vee in Council Bluffs had just gotten some in. So I called them and was told that yes, they had just gotten a shipment, but they were down to the last couple hundred pairs, and they weren't able to hold any for anyone. So Sarah and I jumped in the car right then, and drove to Council Bluffs to get some. We had to wait in line for a lot longer than I expected to, at a register where all they were doing was selling glasses, but we got some!

Monday morning was the day of the eclipse, and since I vlogged all that, there's no need to blog it! You can just watch it all here!



As you could probably tell, I was taking pictures while we were there, and I plan to blog them at some point, but I haven't gotten around to editing them yet. I've actually done a LOT of photography this summer, I just haven't gotten around to blogging any of it. You might have noticed, but YouTube has been my main creative focus this summer. :p

While we were driving, we filmed another episode of Wonderland Wednesday, which has quickly become my channel's main series. We had listened to a radio adaption from 1948 while we drove, so I thought it would be fun to do the review as we drove too. :)



I have no current plans to vlog again, but I did enjoy doing it, and I had fun editing the video, so I will probably do it again someday. I definitely don't want to become a daily vlogger, that just sounds exhausting, but if I'm doing something fun, or going somewhere interesting, I could easily see myself doing it again.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

SUIA (Steven Universe IS Awesome)

Awhile back I talked about making a post dedicated to Steven Universe covers, so here it is! Complete with a (probably) one-time use graphic that I just decided to make an hour before I posted this! I actually started this post months ago, and I just keep adding to it. Steven Universe is such a great show, and it has such amazing music. The composers and song writers are musical geniuses, and so many people have taken notice, you can get absolutely lost on YouTube if you just search "Steven Universe Song Covers." So, since most of you probably don't watch the show and would have no reason to search such a thing, I'll do the work for you and pick out the best ones. Some of the songs will be repeated, but I love different artists takes on different songs.

I'm just going to group these by song, and I'm not going to do introductions to most of the videos because some of these are people I follow all the time, but a lot of others are just ones I've come across online, and I don't really know who they are beyond the fact that I like their cover. Though a number of these people I discovered while researching this post, and I subscribed right away.

And just so you know, this is definitely going to be a long post, so make sure you have the time to watch, or plan to come back. :)

Steven Universe Theme



Is it a cover if it's sung live by the cast? I don't care, I love it anyway. :p



Giant Woman/Let Me Drive my Van into Your Heart



Be Wherever You Are



Comet



Stronger Than You



This has pretty much become the iconic song of Steven Universe. I could probably do a whole post on just this song along, but I won't, I'll limit it to two very different versions.



Something Entirely New





Peace and Love (On Planet Earth)



It's Over Isn't It?





Both of You



Here Comes a Thought





What's the Use of Feeling, Blue?







Love Like You (End Theme)





Wednesday, August 2, 2017

#TrueFacts 24


Did you know that the five second rule is not true? You can leave pickles, bologna, cheese, a wide variety of casseroles, and almost any other foods except baklava, on the floor for at least 2 minutes before any wild bacteria will even begin to muster up the courage to climb on board. #TrueFact

Did you know that the moon used to be a part of earth? It was a land mass located between Australia and Antarctica. The moon people were so annoying that the Australians and the Antarcticians got together to build a giant slingshot, scooped the whole continent out of the water, and launched it into space. The moon people are still mad about that, and are vengefully plotting against Australia. Their Antarctic revenge has already been enacted. #TrueFact

Did you know that dwarves are just children wearing fake beards? #TrueFact

Did you know that leprechauns are just dwarf dwarves? #TrueFact

Did you know that gnomes are just dwarf dwarf dwarves? #TrueFact

Did you know that fairies are just dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarves with wings? #TrueFact

Did you know that the ocean in and around the Bermuda triangle is ruled by an evil dolphin named Frank? He is responsible for all the mysterious phenomena that have happened there over the years. #TrueFact

Did you know that caviar was originally called fish grapes? #TrueFact

Did you know Bigfoot is just a man in a suit? The suit's Armani. It's real nice. #TrueFact

Did you know that Adam Sandler changed his last name before he became famous? His last name was originally Birkenstocker. His father also changed his last name before Adam was born, as his parents' surname had been Flip-Flopper. #TrueFact

I regretted writing that last, exquisitely, excruciatingly horrific pun, almost immediately after it had entered my brain, but it's too late now. It exists, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can only apologize and move on with my life. I am so, so sorry.

Monday, July 31, 2017

This Month in Internet (July 2017)


So the Photobucket crisis is behind me now. I still haven't updated a lot of my old posts, but I did update my previous TMI post. I went into the HTML, took out the code for the broken Photobucket links, and then uploaded the logo to that post. Then I copied the resulting code from that, and pasted it into this post. So if you see a logo above, then you'll know it worked, and that's probably what I'll do from now on.

On to the main article! These are my favorite videos from all around the internet from the month of July! Enjoy!

So let's start out this post with some music from my current favorite cartoon, Steven Universe. I have two videos here, the first is the creator of the show, Rebecca Sugar, singing one of the songs she wrote for it.



And the second is a mashup of the music done in 8-bit style by an artist I'd never heard of until this video came up in my recommendations, Joe Jeremiah. I took one listen and subscribed immediately.



Steven Universe has some amazing music, I've been saying for quite some time that I want to do a post of just Steven Universe covers, and I still plan to. Maybe I'll do that this month...

Caleb Hyles is back with a new cover, (with Jonathan Young and Adrisaurus) and while I have never played the game that the song is from, I really liked this song.



A few years ago, when Vine was still a thing, I came across an account by someone called Katie Ryan, the account had hardly anything by her, it was mostly just short clips of her daughter Ava  being hilarious. Vine is now gone, but Ava is not. She has only gotten funnier, and now that she's old enough she's writing her own characters, and she is just absolutely hilarious. If I hadn't been following her for years, I would not believe that someone this young could be so naturally funny without being told what to say.



If you want to see more of her, they compiled all of her old vines, so if you have a half an hour, you can just watch this video HERE. I highly recommend it if you need something to make you laugh. :) Also, just in case you need proof of her natural hilariousness, here's an interview she did with people magazine a few days ago.



Side note: "It's frickin' bats" has been stuck in my head for like three weeks, and it's now one of my all time favorite quotes. :p

Next up, Lindsey Stirling did a video with Kurt Hugo Schneider! I had literally just been thinking to myself just a couple days before they released this, 'I wonder why Lindsey and KHS haven't teamed up to do anything recently, they really should!' And like two days later, Boom! This came out! I think I'm like psychic or something. :p



And of course, KHS is a very prolific artist, so the video with Lindsey was far from the only one this month, he also did this video with someone I'd never heard of before, Lara Somogyi, but I loved her! She plays the harp! Like, no one does that anymore!



Now, before you go on to the next video, I must warn you, it is very weird. If you remember the few other videos I've posted with Poppy, you know that what is coming isn't normal, but I love things that aren't normal, so I loved this. :p And this song is just so weirdly catchy, it just gets stuck in your head. I'm just giving you fair warning in case you decide to proceed. :p



Mike Tompkins is back with another amazing cover!



And Pogo is back with another amazing original song! This doesn't have a video to go with it, but I LOVED the song so much, I just had to include it. :p



And finally, Simply Three released an EAR-MELTINGLY AWESOME cover of Eurythmics Sweet Dreams!

Friday, July 21, 2017

Photobucket Killed My Blog

Yes, that's an exaggeration, my blog is still here, but almost every linked image, my article logos, the fake likes and other images I used in my old Facebook parody posts, it's all gone. Photobucket recently, without warning, just shut down every single free account, and replaced everyone's images with this.


I thought it was a mistake, so I went to the website, where all my pictures are still stored, to find nothing. Nothing looked different, so I went to the address in the picture, where they nonchalantly tell you that their terms of service do not cover image hosting for free accounts. But, you can get that service by signing up for a "Plus 500" plan. They also don't have any pricing plans visible anywhere.

This still seemed sketchy, so I did some digging, only to find post after post of angry people who's blogs and businesses have been essentially held for ransom by photobucket, who, without warning, have turned off every image hosted on their servers. This started happening a few weeks back, and they have just been slowly going through and turning accounts off. I suppose since I've been using photobucket for almost a decade, I had more time, which is why I didn't notice anything until just now.

Now, I understand that they need to make money, but they failed to notify anyone, and further investigation revealed that they aren't even being upfront about the price, because the "Plus 500" plan, the only plan available for image hosting, is $399.99! I would have been mildly miffed had it been something halfway to reasonable like $19.99, but had they given plenty of advanced notice, and time for people to transition, I would have understood. The way that they have gone about this is tantamount to extortion, (if not just straight up extortion) and even if I have $400 just lying around, I wouldn't even begin to consider it.

Normally I wouldn't even write anything about something this, but this affects my blog so completely that I felt like I had to address it. Just look at the current sidebar, and you can see all the missing logos. I don't have the hours upon hours of work it will take to go back and update links, so, for all the old blog posts that had photobucket hosted images, they're pretty much dead. The TIIA posts and the posts with logos will still be readable, but the Facebook parody posts are basically ruined. I might go back and fix them someday if I'm bored and have time, but for now, for all intents and purposes, they're ruined.

Anyway, my most used logos will be replaced eventually, so I am looking for a new image hosting site. Preferably one that is free, so if you know of any good ones, specifically ones that allow html embedding, let me know!

Monday, July 17, 2017

7 Years

I very rarely remember my "Bloggiversaries," but thinks to Facebook's handy, "On This Day" feature, I realized that today was the 7 year anniversary since I started this thing.


I didn't remember writing that, like a lot of the things I find in "On This Day," but I just thought this was interesting. It really is just like me. For the last few days I'd been seeing posts from that year talking about starting a blog, looking for feedback, no one ever responded, but I decided to do it anyway. And that about sums up my decision process. I get an idea in my head,  I think about it long enough, and then I just decide to randomly go for it one day with no warning.

Completely coincidentally, today is also the two month anniversary of my YouTube channel. I uploaded the first video on May 17th, and just like my blog, it was something I'd been thinking about for quite some time, and then one day, with no warning to myself, I just randomly decided to film and upload a video, and I haven't looked back since.

Well, I guess that's about all. I didn't really have much more to say beyond that. I just found it interesting that in some ways I am a completely different person than the one who posted that first blog post 7 years ago, but as different as I am, I'm pretty much still basically the same person. And I know that sounds like something that makes no sense, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. Just how I like it. :p

Monday, July 3, 2017

#TrumpFacts

Before we begin, I just want to say that this is not meant to be an offensive political post,  it's meant to be nothing more that the nonsensical randomness that all my other #TrueFacts posts are. Plus, I'm not only picking on Donald Trump, I did this to a ton of other presidents like three years ago as well. You can find that post HERE if you're curious.

Also, before we begin, I just want to say, that I tried to avoid the easy jokes. I really did. But there are just so many! Everyone always makes fun of his hair, his hands, his cold and distant wives, and I really didn't WANT to think of any of those kinds of jokes. I really did try to have everything in this post be just as weird and random as everything else I always write, but the easy jokes just kept coming to me!

So, to compromise, before we get to the real jokes, here are the dumbest, lamest, stupidest, easiest jokes, that I came up with. I'll leave these here, outside of the "Official" #TrueFacts list, as some bonus content that doesn't actually count as my list. They were too dumb to include, but they still made me laugh, so here they are.

I apologize in advance. :p
(not the real)

Did you know that Donald Trump's hair is actually a nest of living orange hamsters? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump has a secret White House pet that no one knows about? It's an orange beaver named Winston that lives on his head. #TrueFact

Did you know that Dunston Checks In, the classic movie from the 90's about an adorable orangutan who's living in a hotel, was based on Donald Trump's hair? #TrueFact

Did you know that before Donald Trump married Melania, 27 other brides got lost in the mail? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump's hands are so tiny that he has to use a carrot with an apricot poked onto each end to lift weights? #TrueFact

Did you know that during a rough patch in their marriage, Donald Trump once tried to ship his first wife Ivana to Abu Dhabi?  He forgot to poke holes in the box and she died.  #TrueFact
(I am SO sorry, I know it's terrible, but I just couldn't help myself. And also I was literally laughing at this for hours after I wrote it, so I had to keep it. :p)

Did you know that Donald Trump once tried to tear down the Muppet Theater because he thought there was oil under it? #TrueFact

Did you know Donald Trump once tried to open a fast food franchise to sell french fried frog legs as well as turn Kermit the Frog into his own personal mascot-slash-appetizer? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump once tried to seduce Miss Piggy and steal the Baseball Diamond from Lady Holiday? #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump once kidnapped Big Bird and locked him in a giant birdcage in order to force him to perform at his circus? #TrueFact

Okay, yes, the last four jokes are all the plots of various Muppet movies with Donald Trump replacing the villains. I once heard a comedian say that Donald Trump was like a cartoon villain who'd bulldoze a kid's playground to build a hotel, so of course I imagined him as a Muppet villain instead. :p

Now, on to the real(totally not real) #TrueFacts! I make no promises that any of these are any better!

Did you know that Donald Trump uses orange marmalade as styling gel? His gorgeous coif both looks and tastes incredible! #TrueFact

Did you know that while the average human is 60% water, Donald Trump is actually 60% tanning lotion? And also like, 10% hemorrhoid cream. #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump has a ventriloquist dummy modeled after himself named Li'l Trumpy? He uses it to talk to Melania when they're alone. That's the real reason she has her own bedroom. #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump's childhood idol was Scrooge McDuck? That's why he's always puckering his lips. He's just trying to be like his beloved childhood hero. #TrueFact

Did you know that Trump Tower is actually one of Donald Trump's massive money bins? Most of his hotels and properties don't have any floors, they are just giant fancy boxes to keep his money in. Just another bit of inspiration from his fine feathered idol. #TrueFact

Did you know that Donald Trump once tried to recreate Scrooge's iconic money bin dive? In 1992, he installed a diving board at the top of his Plaza Hotel in New York. Unfortunately the Plaza went bankrupt in the middle of his dive and he ended up in a body cast for 6 months. #TrueFact
(And before you ask, yes, the moment he went bankrupt, all the money magically disappeared in a puff of smoke. I know it makes no sense! Does any of the rest of this?)
Did you know that Donald Trump owns a body cast signed by Scrooge McDuck? He actually went all the way to Disneyland himself to get it signed. Ivana Trump, his wife at the time, said it was the only time she'd ever seen him cry. It was a single tear of happiness, but it still counts! #TrueFact

Did you know that one of Donald Trump's first acts as president was to break the Presidential Lasagna Eating Record? The previous record had been held for 136 years by President Garfield.



Did you know that one of teenage Donald Trump's first jobs was to be the clown mascot for a small chain of hamburger restaurants called McDoogals? He did such a great job, they actually renamed the whole chain in his honor. #TrueFact

Did you know that the real reason that Donald Trump hates Hillary Clinton is that she rejected his elaborate musical-flash-mob-prom-posal back in 1963? He actually still has a secret crush on her, and is masking his wounded pride with insults. #TrueFact

Friday, June 30, 2017

This Month in Internet (June 2017)


This Month's TMI is going to begin the same way the last one did, with a new video from Avriel and the Sequoias. The EP is out now and it is so good. I can't wait until he puts out a full album.



Next we have another Peter and Evynne Hollens duet! This time they are doing a song from one of my childhood favorite movies, At the Beginning, from Anastasia.



One of my favorite artists from years ago, Lights, just released a new song, and it sounds like the perfect fusion of the way her recent music has sounded, and the way she sounded years ago when I first discovered her. I love it!



And speaking of old favorites releasing new music! Owl City just released a new song! The music isn't his normal electronic sound, but I like it, and the acoustic sound just goes so well with his voice. There will be plenty of time for electronic music when he releases his next album. I can't wait!



And for a completely different kind of old favorite, here is Rob Paulson, voice of Yakko from the Animaniacs, singing Yakko's World, absolutely perfectly, more than 20 years later! I don't know how he managed to memorize this thing, but I suppose it's one of those things that once it's in your head, it's there forever.



The premise of this sketch by Studio C is kind of dumb, but the over-the-top performances by the cast, as well as some of the hilarious, ridiculous lines, just make me laugh so much that it somehow became one of my favorites. "Tell my roommates, I hate them!!!!"



Puddles just released a new song. It's amazing.



And in case you were missing Postmodern Jukebox in Puddles' video, here's their best song from the month. It is amazing. Especially considering that I used to hate the original song with an unreasonable and unprovoked passion. (Don't ask me why, I'm not even sure young me knew why.) However, I absolutely love this version.



The only thing I don't like about this latest Disney medley by Voctave is how terribly short it is. I just want them to sing every Disney song ever, for hours on end.



We'll end this with another Disney medley, Peter Hollens recently collaborated with another YouTuber, Whitney Avalon, on a Disney villain medley, and it was one of the best things he's done in a very long time. And I love everything he does, so you know this one's amazing.



What the heck, internet? I wrote this post the night before it was to go up, June 29th, and I wake up this morning, June 30th, and apparently half the internet had decided to save their best videos for the last day of the month! So, I am sorry Peter Hollens, you are no longer my grand finale!

First up on this bonus half of the post, Puddles is back with another David Bowe cover!



Nataly Dawn covered the BeeGees.



And Walk Off the Earth just released their first original song in ages! I absolutely love this song, and it is literally the best song I have heard all month. Hands down, no contest. I love it so much, I will probably be playing this on repeat until I can't listen to it anymore. Yes, it is that good. This will now be the final video is my post. What a way to close out the month!

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Throwback Thursday: Donna East

So I guess I'm jumping on the whole "Throwback Thursday" bandwagon. As you can see, I even made myself a logo, so you know it's serious. :p

For awhile now I've been thinking of doing posts about things I liked as a kid, or like, 5-10-15 years ago, any non-recent things. I tried to think of my own clever title. Wayback Wednesday, Flashback Friday, no, those were taken as well, and really, aren't they just cheap imitations of the real thing? I mean, if I'm going to do this, why not just go with the original. There's a reason it is the Internet's standard for all nostalgia-based social media postings. So Throwback Thursday it is.

This is not going to be a regular series. This is probably just going to be one of those things that I'm only going to post when I feel like it. As long as it's Thursday. And today I felt like it. Actually I felt like it a few days ago, but I waited for Thursday, because otherwise, what's the point of jumping on the trendwagon?

Anyway, today's post is about Donna East. "Who's Donna East?" you ask? Well, I suppose you can be forgiven for not knowing. After all she has less than ten videos on YouTube, and almost all of them were posted literally ten years ago. And that's probably when we watched them. I think it was either my Aunt Sherri or my cousins who first showed her videos to me. I think it started because there was a series of clean stand-up comedy DVDs that had gotten semi-popular in Christian circles called "Bananas." She was featured on one of them, and I know, especially Shaina, was really into those comedians for awhile. Here's a clip of her from that show if you're interested.



I think that led one of them to do some internetting, which eventually led them to her channel. And what they found would change our lives forever. Or not. Really, it just gave us a bunch of lines to quote for years to come, and taught us to call our fingers 'Phalanges.'



That one is probably the most quoted because of the 'Phalanges' line. Here's the second most quoted.



"Let's think about that for a moment, shall we?"

They're not all extremely quotable, but they are all insane. All of her characters seem to be completely out of their minds. And I love that about her. :p



This next one is probably her most insane character, and maybe her best. I saved it for last because it's probably my favorite. Well, Alice Coopers is probably my favorite too, but this one has a puppet with rage issues, and if you know me, you know how much I love insane puppets, so please don't make me choose. :p



Anyway, that's Donna East. The greatest comedian you've never heard of. Until now. I guess now that you've heard of her, that sentence no longer applies. She's still pretty great though!

According to her website, she's still out there, doing comedy somewhere. She makes live appearances, but she just doesn't have a very big online presence. And I really wish she did. She'd probably be one of my favorite YouTubers if she'd bring her act to the internet. I'd love an ongoing cooking show with Alice, or a weekly puppet rage show. I just need more of her characters! Donna! If you're out there! Please come back to YouTube! The world of the internet needs you!

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

So, am I a YouTuber?


Awhile back I mentioned that I had started a new YouTube channel. I have had one before, a channel where I posted some personal projects, school assignments, some videos I'd done with my friends, etc. I'll link to that channel HERE if you're interested.

Anyway, I have wanted to make YouTube videos for ages now. I've thought about it off and on since probably 2011, 2012, ever since I'd really started getting into watching YouTubers on a regular basis. The problem was, I never had time, I was always in school, I had work, I had a lot of reasons why I never started.

And of course there's also the issue that I never felt like I would be any good at it, so I just didn't. I've let that feeling stop me from doing a LOT of things over the years, and I am working on getting over that.

When I started getting closer to the end of my time at Iowa State, I started thinking about it again, a bit more seriously this time, so I brought it up to one of my fellow writers at the Rotoscopers, Rachel Wagner, and she asked me if I wanted to co-host an episode of her podcast/YouTube show with her. Eventually we decided to review Doctor Who, and every week since then we have been talking about the new episodes of season 10 as they air. I'll link you to the latest one here so you can see how that's going.



That sort of let me test the waters before I fully committed to making my own channel and after a few weeks, I just decided to go for it. I had no more excuses. I was out of school, at the time I wasn't working because I was preparing some projects in order to apply for more internships, I had (some) free time, plus this would be a very good way to practice video editing, which I had been needing to do, so one day I just spontaneously decided to record a video and I put it up. And the next day I put up another one. A couple days later I did another.

I've now been putting up at least one video a week for over a month, and I am very close to being happy with them. I am of course, still self critical about most of it, but I think I am slowly improving, which is what I wanted. I still don't care for my on-camera presence very much, but I think a lot of people feel that way, and I just need to get over it.

Right now my channel is mostly movie reviews, I love reviewing things, as you can tell from all the time I've spent working for the Rotoscopers, however, I am open to experimenting with different kinds of videos. I just need ideas. The main reason, other than the fact that it's fun, that I am doing it for now, is to practice different video editing techniques, so the more things I do the better. Right now, the reason I have been so consistent with my output, is that I've started a series called Wonderland Wednesday. Every week I look at a new version of Alice in Wonderland, and there are a LOT of versions, so I have plenty of material.

When I first started thinking about this project, I really only thought there'd be like, 10 versions out there, but when I went to make a list, I found that there were far more than 10. However, I am a huge Alice in Wonderland fan, so instead of feeling daunted, I thought it would be a lot of fun to review them all.

This series started with me reviewing the 2010 live action Disney version of the story, because Rachel Wagner does not like it at all, and I do. She suggested that I review it to explain what I like about it, so I did.



The next version I decided to do was the 1999 version, because ever since I was a kid it has been one of my favorites.



After I did those two, Rachel told me that she really liked the 1933 version of the story, so I did that one next.



As you can tell from that video, I reference watching it with my cousin. Sarah is also a big fan of Alice in Wonderland, so I had decided that I would watch some of them with her before I reviewed them. However, the next week we watched the 1903 version of the story, and she absolutely loved it, so much so, that I asked her if she wanted to guest host the next episode with me, and she agreed!



We actually had so much fun that she agreed to keep co-hosting as long as we had versions she wanted to watch. We filmed two more episodes the next week, but due to computer cord issues, I had no power to edit with for a few days, so I filmed a quick review with my phone that week, and uploaded directly to YouTube. I am actually almost proud of that video, because I managed to make it through with very few stumbles, and I did it all in one take, with no cuts or edits. As you can probably tell from my other videos, I usually am normally heavily editing myself.



This week's video is another one with Sarah, but after my issues the last time, I ended up losing the micro SD card that I had filmed the other two videos on. So on Monday we got back together, and refilmed both of them. Then I stayed up until 4 this morning editing it to get it done in time. The first one here is the 1910 version, and the 1915 version will be out next week.



So that's what I've been up to recently. Am I a YouTuber now? I don't know. I make videos for YouTube, but I only have 6 subscribers, and one of them is me, one of them is my mom, and one of them is Rachel, so really it's more like I have three. :p I'm not sure what "Being a YouTuber" means, but if I'm not one now, I might be someday. Right now I am having a lot of fun with it, and I am getting a lot of practice in editing videos, as well as in Photoshop for the thumbnails. And since being a video editor (and graphic designer) is one of the jobs on my list of "Things I want to be when I grow up," I think the time I'm spending on it is time well spent. :)

If you have a YouTube account, I'd love it if you'd subscribe. I'm not one to ask that in every video, but since I'm mostly talking to friends and family here, I thought I'd ask this once. It would be nice to have a few more subscribers so it doesn't feel like I'm shouting into the void. :p You don't have to if you don't want to of course, but hopefully you'll get some sort of entertainment out of them. And if you like them, feel free to share them with your friends! Okay, now I am sounding like a real YouTuber so I'll stop. :)

I probably won't repost every video to my blog, but I'll probably do an update post every once in awhile to let you know how it's going. Right now it's going well, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this takes me!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

#TrueFacts 23


Did you know that in 1857 five states went missing? Michconsin, North Michigan, South Ontario, Old York, and Pennsylvania's Hat all vanished one day, leaving nothing behind but the ocean they were floating on. The locals didn't want to alarm anyone, so they just pretended they'd never been there at all, and called the leftover ocean holes the Great Lakes. #TrueFact

Did you know that there is a man in Idaho that grows parsley instead of hair? #TrueFact

Did you know that a cat named Prrbld outlawed the use of vowels in Brazil? It didn't do any good, Prrbld holds no positions of authority and everyone ignored him. #TrueFact

Did you know that bagpipe dubstep is the single-most hated genre of music in the entire history of ever? In fact, it is currently illegal in almost every country except Scotland and Germany. #TrueFact

Did you know that the vacuum of space is a Dyson? It was a Kirby, but after about a million years, God got tired of lugging that heavy thing out of the closet every time, and replaced it with a far lighter, and far superior, Dyson Upright. #TrueFact

Did you know that the world has ended 6 times in the past? The most recent was the great donut apocalypse of 3400 BC. A giant bismark comet collided with a caramel pecan asteroid, just a few miles west of the moon, shooting creme filling all over the earth. The few who survived said it was the most delicious apocalypse they had ever experienced. It was way better than that time it rained fiery Brussels sprouts from the heavens in 3456. #TrueFact
P.S. Yes it is spelled with a capital B, and yes it does end with an S. It was named after the Brussels region of Belgium. Boom. You just learned something actually real from this blog post of facts that is anything but. #ActualTrueFact

Did you know that Charles Darwin's luxurious beard was not real? He lost his original facial hair in a tragic bearding accident and was forced to wear a prosthetic beard for the rest of his life. #TrueFact

Did you know that in 1991 it happened? It's true! I saw it! #TrueFact

Did you know that everyone mispronounces Babylon? It's actually pronounced Baby-Lawn. #TrueFact

Did you know that some 5 dollar bills are purple because Abraham Lincoln is holding his breath? #TrueFact

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Twist Ending 12

I haven't done one of these since 2014. I suppose I could have, but most of my "bad" experiences are usually just minor annoyances. Ames is generally such a friendly city, I never have any encounters with people mean enough to immortalize in fiction. I probably see hundreds, if not thousands of people a day, as opposed to the maybe a couple hundred, at the very most, that I see at home, and I really can't complain because most everyone in Ames is just super nice.

Sadly, this story happened at home. Literally my second day back. Not even kidding. My cousin even joked about me being inspired to write another story as soon as I got back to work. We laughed, but little did I know that her joke was practically a prophecy. Why is my small town so much grumpier than a big city?

Since I haven't written one of these in so long, I haven't even created a logo for the series. I think I started doing logos for my different series after I'd written the last one. Anyway, since I like my stuff to have images,  I decided to quickly whip one up. I really hope I never have anything worth turning into one of these stories again, but just in case...


 photo End_zpsivlibkcn.png


"Give me a pack of Pall Mall Blue 100's," the elderly man demanded.

"Sure thing. Do you have an ID I can scan?"

"F@&#! Why the h@% don't you type in a birthdate like everyone else?"

"We're not allowed to, we have to scan everyone's ID."

"Don't give me that $#!!, you could skip it if you wanted to!"

"I'm sorry, only the managers can skip the ID, I'm not a manager."

"Yeah, I can see why!"

"I'm sorry, but unless I call a manager to override the system, I have to scan an ID."

"Yeah, you just wait until I get this whole place shut down!" He exclaimed angrily.

~

That night, as the man sat in front of his flickering, 12 channel television set from 1975, eating a lukewarm, Swanson's frozen dinner, his doorbell rang.

"Who the #@&% is it at this hour! It's 6:30 at night! Why aren't you people in bed!?"

He hobbled over to the door and swung it open angrily. Outside there was a pale man in a black suit, holding a legal pad on a clipboard. On his lapel was a tiny pin shaped like a scythe.

"I was told you had a complaint?"

"What? What are you talking about? I have a complaint about you interrupting my dinner!"

"My records indicate that you had a complaint regarding the way an employee was following his company's policies. Do you care to elaborate?"

"Yeah, can you get that place shut down? Can you fire that guy?"

"No, that's not really my area. My area has more to do with karmic justice." The pale man began scribbling on his clipboard.

"Karmic? What's that? Are you some kind of freak? Get off my property before I call the cops!"

The old man slammed the door in the pale man's face and turned around to go back to his chair, but the pale man was suddenly inside, right in front of him, holding his clipboard.

"What!? Get out of my house!!!" the old man yelled.

The pale man tore the top sheet off his legal pad, handed it to the old man, and tucked the clipboard under his arm.

"You are hereby ordered to cease and desist from all temporal operations, both present and future. From this moment on, you are being reassigned to a new plane of existence. In the meantime, you will be required to complete a standard metaphysical training seminar to help you deal with the issues that brought you to the point of cosmic intervention. Someone will be along shortly to escort you to your next destination. Thank you for your cooperation, and I look forward to our next meeting. Good luck on your journey."

And with that, the pale man was gone, and the house was silent, save for the television, still flickering in the corner.

"I'd like to solve the puzzle Pat!"

"Go right ahead, Stever!"

"'Don't Fear the Reaper By Blue Oyster Cult!'"

"You are correct!" Pat exclaimed, and the audience burst into wild, cheering applause.