Friday, December 30, 2011

Judges Comments

So I just discovered this half finished post in my drafts folder. I ended up completely forgetting to finish this this post, which I started months ago. It’s now the end of the year and I think it’s high time I finish it!

I started this post mainly to share what the judges had to say about each of my entries for the fair a few months ago. When contestants enter artwork and photographs in the fair the judges write down what they think of the pieces on index cards and staple them to the ribbons. Aside from sharing what they had to say, the other point of the post was to show how terrible some of the judges spelling was. Most of it was ok, but some was just downright awful. (They let these people pick the winners?!) I am leaving all the comments as they were written.

Let’s start by getting the worst comment out of the way. And by worst, I am referring to how it was written, not what was written. This was actually one of the most complementary comments I received, but it was enough to give an English teacher night terrors for the rest of their life.

First Place

“wew I made this kinda thing when I was in high school 40 years agoin

well balanced Design

love how colurs Blend”

It was very hard for me to transcribe that without editing… (Even now, as I proofread this post, I am having to restrain my fingers from correcting those horrible, horrible errors…)

The next one is my drawing.

No Award

“All very grey. Should be placed in “modern art” for its good abstraction. More texture on “berries”. Could repeat more shapes.”

The next two are my paintings.

No Award

“Very flat – Need more darks/lights for contrast… shadows would help! Cool that creature comes out of fire! – also dolphins coming out. – Maybe have a way to have the viewers eye to follow around – could use color/shape/pattern.”

Third Place

“Monochromatic – good to be all one color! Could use more definition of waves”

The last ten are my photographs.

The handwriting on all the photographs was almost unreadable. The writer used cursive, but wrote so fast that most of the letters looked exactly the same, and it took me a long time to figure out what they were trying to write, and then once I figured that out, I had to try to figure out if they had spelled the word right. For the most part I think they were a pretty good speller, they just wrote WAY too fast. There were a few words that I was completely stumped by, so for those I marked them with an asterisk. * If you see one it means I could not figure out the word because the handwriting was just way too bad.

Third Place

“Very Creative”

No Award

“Excellent capture of colors and action Ideally however should watch eyeess* in back ground (peoples backs) Focus is good.”

No Award

“Good color choice for mat. Interest center good, but would be better if pic was vertical and worms eye view of pole not so much over Wey* altui* spole* that distracts from pic.”

Third Place

“Good Color and composition bee careful to not center horizon line.”

No Award

“Good color butterfly is just not quite as focused as it could bee.”

No Award

“Interesting composition just not quite as clear as should be.”

Third Place

“Unique structural design Excellent clarity”

Second Place

“Unique subject, very clear – unfortunately the pink mat distracts from your subject”

I mounted this on a pink mat to complement the picture. A friend who helped me mat this (Who does this professionally) recommended it. This was a very picky judge…

Third Place

“Striking color, very clear focus, just wish you had more of the bird especially the body. – feather detail is very clear”

The entire point of this photo was the tail feathers. NOT the bird. Obviously the judge couldn’t figure that out…

First Place

“Excellant action and colors very clear”

So, there you have them. A few months late, but better late than never, right? :)

The moral of the story is, take what you will from the judge’s criticism, but in the end they really have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to your personal artistic interpretation. If I want to take a picture of a bird’s tail, I’m not going to include the whole bird, no matter how much better the judge thinks it will make the picture.

Oh, and the other moral is, LEARN TO SPELL!!!

Facebook Photos(hops)

As you may have guessed, all of the pictures that I use for my “Facebook Friends” posts are Photoshopped. I actually put quite a bit of work into them, so I thought it would be fun to share the original pictures with you so you can see what all I did to them.

The first picture I ever did was “Lil’ Tinkles in the Toilet”. I’m sure you all remember that one. :) (You can find that post HERE) It was a combination of three different pictures merged into one. I find most of my pictures just by doing internet searches.



Combine them all together and:

Instant kitty horror. :) Well, not quite instant. These take quite awhile. :)

The other ones were the pictures of destruction and horror caused by Mamma Frazzled’s children. (You can find all those pictures HERE) For those, I began with more pictures I found on the internet. Two I found by searching for “Kids making a mess” or something like that, and the other one I just completely put together myself.

This was what I started with for my first picture.


But after a lot of work, and the addition of a digital alarm clock in the toilet, I ended up with this.

The next picture I did I decided to just start from scratch. I rather doubted there would be any actual pictures of children leaping off of a roof, so I decided to build my own. I started out by searching for a good roof picture.


Then of course I needed a picture of a kid jumping, and most any kid who’s ever jumped off anything was probably imitating Superman, so I also searched for a Superman cape while I was at it.


After I combined all those elements, I ended up with this.

The last picture I made, I again started out with a messy kid, but not quite as messy as the end result.

Cheeto Mess Small

And again I just used the basic Photoshop tools to multiply the mess, add an empty bag of Cheetos, and stain a bunch of things orange.

So there you have it. A lot of work went into those four quick jokes, but they were fun to make, and if they made anyone laugh it was worth it. :) If I do any more pictures like these, I’ll put together another post showing what I did. I think it’s as much fun to tell how I make these as it is to just share the end result. :)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Dark Humor

I’ve always had a thing for dark humor. A small thing, but a thing nonetheless. I never knew why. Until recently. I figured it out. Why do I think that death can be so funny sometimes? What was it in my past that causes me to find humor in things that other people might find gruesome?
3 words.
Calvin and Hobbes.
I am a member on the Go Comics web site, so I get a comics page e-mailed to me every day. One of the comics I get sent is repeats of Calvin and Hobbes strips. This was the one they sent me a few days ago. I definitely remember this one from when I was little. I would imagine that reading this back when I was about 6 or so would most likely affect what kinds of humor I would find funny later in life.
I miss Calvin. :) I loved reading his adventures over and over when I was a little kid. Of course that wasn’t the only thing I read, I also read a ton of Garfield, Peanuts, Luann, FoxTrot, and The Family Circus, The old ones, not the saccharinely sweet ones of today. I still remember one in particular that always made me laugh.
“Raisins are so dead grapes! Aren’t they Mommy!?”
And of course, probably the reason for my love of all things random, (See Blog Title :) ) was the library’s collection of “The Far Side” books. I had a very balanced humor diet as a child. Not too dark, not too sweet. :) But the dark side of my funny bone definitely had to have come from Calvin and Hobbes. :)
Now if you’ll excuse me. I need to go figure out where all my old Calvin and Hobbes Treasury books went to. :)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Facebook Friends #4 After Christmas Edition

I was working on a different Facebook Friends post, when inspiration hit. Why not do one themed around Christmas? Suddenly I had a ton of new ideas, and this whole post practically wrote itself in less than two days.  Enjoy. :)




Joyful Exclamations
Happy In-between-Christmas-and-New-Years everyone! YAY HOLIDAYS! :D
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Rainbow Sunshine Merry Christmas and Happy New Years to you too!


Gladys Grizzle
Not yet a week after Christmas and the stores are jam packed full of ungrateful snobs returning all the gifts that their families lovingly picked out for them. Why, back in my day if someone gave me an ugly sweater I wore it and I liked it!
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Mitch Morebuff
I got a gift card for lifting weights for Christmas! Well, actually it was a 10% off coupon, for a month’s membership at the gym, and it was from the gym, but it was still the best gift I got! SO AWESOME!!!
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BB Tween


T. M. Info
Dear Toilet, I am SO sorry about the day after Christmas Dinner incident. But at least you got to know your neighbor, Mr. Plunger better!

Mrs. Info To every poor soul that is unfortunate enough to be reading this, I deeply apologize for my son’s willingness to publically embarrass himself and his family especially during the holidays. I am SO SORRY!
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T. M. Info Merry Christmas to you too, Mom. :)


Whiney McDramaPants

Izzy Illiterate OH YUK! FRUTCAK!?!?!?! BRAFF!!!!

Rainbow Sunshine At least you know he likes you enough to make you something dear. Remember, it’s the thought that counts! :)


Mamma Frazzled
Well, at least the Christmas tree survived Christmas. Unfortunately it did not survive a three year old on a new plastic tricycle. And neither did the living room window, or the lamp, or the drapes that the lamp set on fire.
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Grammie Happy Oh those little scamps! But look on the bright side! Now I can use my new sewing machine to make you some new drapes! :D


Roxy Repost
99% of poor children don’t get any awesome toys on Christmas! If you share this post Cool Toys R We has promised to donate one cool toy for every repost we do! So share this post! DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT THE POOR KIDS?!?!?!?!?

Lorenzo Literate You know, these kinds of posts are pointless scams designed to tug at the heartstrings and make you feel like you are helping, but they ultimately do nothing as there is no way to track how many times one status is reposted. Plus, Christmas has passed, so what is the point of posting this now?

Izzy Illiterate You are so uncaring! I’ll repost for you Roxy!


Izzy Illiterate
99% of poor children don’t get any awesome toys on Christmas! If you share this post Cool Toys R We has promised to donate one cool toy for every repost we do! So share this post! DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT THE POOR KIDS?!?!?!?!?

Lorenzo Literate And the dumb lead the dumber…


Katie Catlover
This was the best Christmas ever! Three of my outdoor kitties and two of my indoor purr babies all had kittens on the exact same day! It was a Christmas miracle! My kitty barn is just wild with joy! Time to go buy a few more bags of kitty treats for all the proud mammas!

Lorenzo Literate Bob Barker would be extremely displeased with you.


Fanny LuvSports
What is the TRUE meaning of Christmas?! THE AFTER DINNER FOOTBALL GAMES!!!! WOOO!!!!!!
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Frankie Sportsfreak I have totally forgiven the sport for letting me down, and now I can’t wait to watch the Flying Reindeer TRAMPLE the Gruesome Grannies! It’s gonna be epic!!!


Lill Sloshy
CRISTMAS DRINKY TIME!!!!! who with me?!?!?!?

Lorenzo literate Yeah… Pass…


Lill Sloshy It can be! Lets get NOGGED!!!! :D

Lorenzo literate Oh, brother…


Sally Sharitall Shared “Pointless Holiday Junk’s status.
”Santa failed again! Where’s my new SportsCar and Calander Model boyfreind?!?!Censored SANTA!!!!!!”
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Izzy Illiterate BWA haHAHAHAHA!!! SO FUNY!!!!! Ware doo U finde all this funy sayngs sally?!?!?


Ima Bean
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Ima Bean


Ima Bean


Ima Bean


Ima Bean

Izzy Illiterate Is it yor birthday?! Hapy birthday!!!!

Lorenzo Literate No, it is not her birthday, she just has problems. Many, many problems…


Ferdie Foodie
Christmas is the best time of year! WAAY more food than Thanksgiving and if you are REALLY careful you can make it last over a week! Sadly I wasn’t so careful, and the 7 pies, 5 batches of sugar cookies, twelve batches of Chocolate covered pretzels, and four boxes of fudge, are already gone. I now have the post holiday blues. I think I’ll go to the store and see if they have any of those nasty chewy Christmas mints in the the 99% off carts. No one ever buys them. I’ll give them a good home!

Fiona Foodie Did you get the “300 Easy Steps To a Healthier You” book that I sent you for Christmas?

Ferdie Foodie Yes, mother…


Lorie Luvvie
My Luscious-Lumpie-Punkie-Pie called this week! Totally made my Christmas worth it! Long distance relationships are terrible during the holidays!!!

David Duvvie Awe, Schmoopsie Doopsie Poopsie Pie! I WUVS YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!


David Duvvie I wuv you more than you’ll ever imagine that I’ll ever imagine Cuddly-Wuddly-Bubbly Pies!!!

Lorenzo Literate Well, thanks for making my after Christmas diet so easy! That’s enough stomach churning mush to turn me off eating pie, or anything, for at least the next month!


Vaguely McDramaPants
Why couldn’t he just keep that to himself?!?! Especially at Christmas!!! Why does he have to INSIST on ruining the holidays!?!?!?

Nosey Nellie What hapnin’ Gurl?! Txt me!

Izzy Illiterate U tel him! hes got no bisniss ruining Cristmass!!! He lik tha grinch!!!!


Joy Lyrical
Double Eighth Eighth Note “Christmas and Snowballs and Nice Figgy Puddings! Reindeer and sleigh bells and Huge SANTA Puddings!!!” Eighth Note Double Eighth - FamousHolidayComedySinger

Izzy Illiterate BA HA HA !!!! EAT SANTACLAS!!!!! :D

Ima Bean SANTA!!!! NomNomNomNomNomNom. >:D


Gloom Lyrical
“It’s the most horrible time of the year! With the evergreen murders, and turkey beheadings, and greed in the air! It’s the most horrible time OF THE YEAR!!! - FamousHolidayGothTrio

R. W. Republicrazy You Holiday Hippie.

Lefty T. Parrot What a poignant holiday message for all of us!

R. W. Republicrazy Oh no! The hippies are crawling out all over the place!!!

Lefty T. Parrot Why don’t you fly back to the planet you came from you tree killer!!!!

R. W. Republicrazy Right after your saucer leaves, you Tofurkey murderer!

 Lefty T. Parrot Censored YOU Censored Censored!!!!
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Rainbow Sunshine
So thankful for the Christmas season to celebrate our Savior's birth with family and friends! Merry Christmas and Happy New Years Everyone!

Joyful Exclamations Hope your holidays have been great! MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIEND! AND HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL!!!!
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Sunday, December 25, 2011

Creepy Christmas

The older I get, the less I like Santa. I’ve come to view him as just a replacement for Jesus birth as the true meaning of Christmas. Maybe that’s not true for everyone, but it just seems that way to me. I can handle small doses of Santa, I guess. The occasional holiday special, a tasteful Santa decoration here and there don’t bother me too much, but when Santa is overdone, Santa is overdone.

That is why I recoiled in horror the other day when I walked in and found this monstrosity sitting on the floor in our home.

December 029

Urgh! Ugh! BLEAH!!!

A well meaning friend of my mom’s gave it to her as a gift. (We have way too many such gifts from well meaning friends…)

I know some of you are looking at that thing going, “Oh, look! How nice! ‘Tis Fatha’ Christmas!” >Blurck!< I can’t stand the thing. Sadly this is the nicest Santa decoration we have. There are even tackier ones set up elsewhere. I’ll spare you the pictures.

To make myself feel less hateful toward this one, I made him a little sign to hold.

December 026

There we go. MUCH better! :)

December 028

See! It even has a little gnome-hat!

I say that Santa decorations are like the lawn gnomes of winter. Why do people even like them?!

And if mom’s friend ever finds this blog and reads this, know that mom had no part of this post. She appreciates all the gifts she is given. Even if I can’t stand them. :p

December 027

Merry Christmas to all, and to Santa, Bah Humbug!