Friday, December 25, 2015

True Christmas Facts

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Did you know that the angel originally scheduled to deliver the Christmas messages was named Gavriel? He had a little run in with an owl on his way down to earth, so his twin brother had to take his place while he filled out the owl insurance papers. #TrueFact

Did you know that Santa used to use unicorns to pull his sleigh? Once they went extinct, he had to switch to reindeer. #TrueFact

Did you know that Santa is so fat because he has a thing for reindeer steak? He has a whole farm in Finland where he breeds them. Don't tell Rudolph... #TrueFact

Did you know that due to reasons seen in the previous #TrueFact, Santa was almost certainly the driving force behind the extinction of the unicorns? #TrueFact

Did you know that the little drummer boy of the famous song wasn't even at Jesus' birth? He was watching Bethlehem's Got Talent when everything went down. When he heard about it later he wrote that song and auditioned for the next season. Simoniclese kicked him out halfway through the first verse. #TrueFact

Did you know that the song Frosty the Snowman, was originally a much darker poem? They had to clean it up for prime-time television. The original poem is as follows.
Frosty the snowman,
Was doomed to die at birth,
He knew all day he would melt away,
So he cried until he died.
#TrueFact

Did you know that the three wise men weren't really all that wise? They couldn't even do beginner's algebra. The people of that time only thought they were wise because the muttered gibberish about the stars that sounded legit. "Oh! Astromeda is circling Cassielopea! There will be good harvests for lemon farmers this year!" #TrueFact

Did you know that the tradition of murdering a Christmas tree every year originated with the Vikings? The Vikings weren't all that smart. They thought the trees were trying to take their land so they waged war on them. They would collect the fallen bodies of the enemy and prop them up in their houses as a warning to other trees. #TrueFact

Did you know that before Mary had the Lamb of God, she had a little lamb? It's true! They wrote a whole song about it! #TrueFact

Did you know that the mistletoe kiss originated as a scheme by someone’s creepy uncle? #TrueFact

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Christmas is Awesome!

I was going to title this post with my standard acronym, but then it would be something that stands for something else, and I didn't want them coming after me for stealing their acronym, so I didn't. :p

Everybody on YouTube has been making a ton of awesome Christmas content, and while I can't share it all, I did want to pick out a few of my favorites. And by a few, I mean a lot. Feel free to use this as your Christmas afternoon entertainment. :p

First up we'll kick this off with something from last year. I know I said I was doing stuff from this year, but I didn't do one of these last year, and Pentatonix did a ton of awesome videos last year. Since I'm focusing on this year, I'll only pick out one from last year, and I'm picking out the best one, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.



Peter Hollens finally made a video for one of his most requested Christmas songs.



Simply Three, the string quartet, made a video for Christmas as well, God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen.



Next up is a hilarious sketch from Studio C. It just wouldn't be Christmas without some dark humor, right? :p



Lindsey Stirling made a video for the song Hallelujah, by going undercover as a street performer. Yes, this is not "Technically" a Christmas song, but she made it one. :)



Even Karmin got into the Christmas Spirit by taking a song I have never liked, for it's creepy undertones, and reworking it. Turning it from a song that sounds like an uncomfortable coercion situation, and into one about an internal conflict.



One of my biggest pet peeves this time of year, are people who complain about the "War on Christmas" and vehemently decry the use of the greeting "Happy Holidays." Blimey Cow made an absolutely brilliant spoof of these kinds of people, framing it in the language of the so-called "Social Justice Warriors." I was dying of laughter through the whole thing. If you've ever had the misfortune of heading down a dark tumblr path, then you know the other group, the SJWs, that they're talking about. It's a brilliant satire of both ends of the ideological spectrum.



Earlier this year I discovered that BYU has an accapella group, and they do some amazing work. (Of course they do, they're Mormons. Mormons apparently breath music! :p)



Nataly Dawn of Pomplamoose fame, recently covered Edelweiss, which is apparently a Christmas song now. :p Either way she's amazing. :)



And since I love both dark humor and puppets, the channel Glove and Boots has been doing both in a series of Santa confessional videos. This one is the funniest one. I about died laughing at the twist ending.



Since we started with PTX, let's end with them too. They've been hard at it this year again, with two new videos, Joy to the World, and The First Noel.



Wednesday, December 9, 2015

TIIA 10 (The Internet Is Awesome)

Let's kick this off with a video from what is arguably the First Family of Vine, The Eh Bee family. This video went absolutely viral on Facebook awhile back, and I watched it every time it came up in my newsfeed, because it just cracked me up so much. BTW, if you have a Vine account, go follow these guys, they are hilarious!



Here's another amazing video from Postmodern Jukebox, with another awesome twist halfway through.



Pentatonix just released a new album, (Of completely original music!) and this is their biggest single so far. Biggest in the public opinion sense. This one is amazing, but as I (Of course) bought the album and have listened to it like a million times, I have other favorites. There's no videos for those yet, so we'll just have to wait. :)



Peter Hollens has done it again. This time it's a song from How To Train Your Dragon 2!



If you watched all the way to the end of Peter's video, then you know he linked to another artist, The Hound + The Fox. Well I followed through, immediately subscribed, and then found this amazing rendition of The Hanging Tree from The Hunger Games.



Next is a skit from the YouTube channel Just Between Us. I laughed so hard, shared it, then watched it a few more times.



Let's cap this off with a new animated(!) music video for what is probably my favorite song ever from Lindsey Stirling. With vocals by Dia Frampton.

Monday, November 30, 2015

Facebook Friends #14

Two Facebook Friends posts in one year? What is this, 2012?

I have a couple new characters, one who makes a post, one who is just tagged, it's a redneck couple, as you'll be able to tell from the names. :p

Also, just as a point of clarification, a bunch of this was written ages ago, particularly the political post, which was written when conservatives were losing their minds over Obama's drone strikes. That is very old news now, and this post is no longer relevant to today's news. But I already wrote it, and I don't want to get rid of it, so I'm just leaving it in. I just wanted to clarify so no one was confused as to what I might have been parodying. :)

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Rainbow Sunshine
Just sitting here reflecting on my dear Granny Sunshine. She would have been 99 today. I'm sure she's up in heaven smiling down on me. Go hug your grandmas for me, ok everyone? I love you all!!!
Joyful Exclamations Awwe, that's so sweet, Bow!! We love you too!!!
Elda Exclamations I BELIEVE CERTAIN PEOPLE COME IN2 OUR LIVES FOR A REASON JUST TO GIVE US WHAT WE NEED AT THAT MOMENT WE NEED THEM ITS HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.

Ima Bean
I just saw a poor, lonely gummy bear, lying in the dirt. Someone had dropped it. It would never be eaten, its chewy sweetness had gone to waste. Its life was over, and its existence had been meaningless.
So I stomped on it. SQUISH!
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngLurking Liker likes this.
Rick Troll Boy do you need help.
Lorenzo Literate We all know this. We've been trying to help her for years.

T. M. Info
Woo! I just snarted!
Mrs. Info I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am going to regret asking this, but what is that supposed to mean?
T. M. Info It means I sneezed, and blasted air from both ends! :D
Mrs. Info I'm shaking my head sadly and walking away now.

R.W. Republicrazy
Freakin' O'Malley going to drag us into another war! The  photo Censored.png warmonger! Bring our troops home!!!!
Rabid Liberal I'm always amazed by the right's love of peace when a democrat is calling the shots. Hypocrite.
R.W. Republicrazy I'M A HYPOCRITE?!?! YOU'RE THE HYPOCRITE!!!!! YOU WERE ALL OVER THOSE PEACE RALLIES 10 YEARS AGO!!!
Rabid Liberal I'm still for peace, I never said I wasn't. I don't like what O'Mally's doing over there any more than you do.
R.W. Republicrazy You aren't?
Rabid Liberal No, of course not. Not every liberal worships the ground he walks on. Most of us are perfectly normal.
R.W. Republicrazy Wow. I think this is the first time we agreed on anything. Care to join me at an O'Mally impeachment rally next week?
Rabid Liberal Of course not!!!
R.W. Republicrazy Well that didn't last long. 

Roxy Repost
























Lorenzo Literate Now this is the kind of meme I can get behind! Sarcasm for the win! You can't see it, but I am literally slow clapping my genuine applause for this gem of an old woman.
Gladys Grizzle Good for her, but if I were her, I'd be using my cane to knock some sense into my no-good grandson!

Hannah Hashtag
We're holding a mayonnaise-a-thon to help cancer! Donate 20 bucks, and I'll add another jar of mayonnaise to the pool I'm jumping into! #peace #love #mayonnaise #cancer #blessed #givingback #charity #donation
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngLurking Liker likes this.
Rick Troll Wow. Who knew that charity could be so #moronic.
Izzy Illiterate o u mean lik u?
Rick Troll Nice, someone's developed an attitude!
Izzy Illiterate boom babyy. u kno tats rite!

Redd Neckston
Holy cats! Ruby-red! Were makin this mess fer dinner!!!!
Bacon Wrapped Bacon Grilled Cheese
w/ Cheddar-Bacon Dipping Sauce 
Ingredients
2 Slices of White Bread - Don't you dare use wheat or gluten-free. This is NOT a recipe for health nuts!
4 Slices Processed 'Murican Cheese - Don't even think about using Brie or Gruyere. This is NOT a sandwich for rich, hoity-toity, snootity-snoot-snoots.
4 Slices Pre-Cooked Bacon - Don't you DARE use turkey bacon!!!! This is AMERICA and we eat REAL BACON here!!!!
6 Slices Uncooked Bacon - Don't you even DARE use tofu bacon, or some other vile, ungodly vegan concoction you Communist PIG!!!! DON'T YOU EVEN FREAKIN' DARE!!!!!!!
1 Jar Processed Cheddar Cheese Dip - Don't you even THINK ABOUT using any of that frou-frou Pennsylvania Créme Chése! This is not your Great Aunt Deloris's 50th annibirthary with salmon croquettes and LOX!!!!! YOU EAT THAT PROCESSED CHEESE LIKE GOD AND NATURE INTENDED!!!!!
1 Cup Bacon Bits - Don't you even come within 10,000 feet of the recipe with any of those heinous imitation soy-bits like grandma Phyllissabeth keeps in the ice-box! This is not the 1970's!!!! This is 2015! Those soy chunks are well known to cause stomach cancer and mouth boils!!! Quit trying to force that soy garbage on me you ignorant heathens!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!! YOU'RE POISONING YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!
2 Sticks of Butter - Don't you even freakin' DARE use Margarine or Olive Oil!!! What are you trying to do, kill yourself?!!? That margarine is made of plastic and who knows what's in that olive oil mess!!! Besides! This is AMERICA!!!!! IN AMERICA WE EAT BUTTER ON EVERYTHING!!!! WHY ELSE WOULD GOD HAVE CREATED COW UDDERS THAT SQUIRT A DELICIOUS MULTI-PURPOSE BEVERAGE OUT WHEN YOU SQEEZE THEM?!? SO WE COULD MAKE YOGURT LIKE SOME HECK-DANG HIPPIES?!?! I DON'T THINK SO!!! GOD INTENDED FOR AMERICANS TO EAT BUTTER!!!! IT IS OUR PATRIOTIC DUTY AS CITIZENS OF THIS ONCE GREAT NATION TO EAT ALL THE BUTTER OUR GOD-FEARING HEARTS DESIRE!!!! FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!! FOR OUR FOREFATHERS!!!!! FOR FREEDOM!!!!!! *Eagle screech* *Fireworks* *Star Spangled Banner* 
Instructions
1. Layer the cheese and cooked bacon inside the bread LIKE A GOSH-DARN PATRIOT!!!!!!!
2. Rub an entire stick of butter all over the outside of your sandwich and fry that thing like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, and Ronald Q. Reagan would have wanted you to do!!!!!!
 3. Wrap the uncooked bacon all over the outside of your sandwich so that no bread is showing and throw the other stick of butter into the pan. Fry that thing until the bacon is crispier than Uncle Cletus's back on sunshine day!!!!!
4. Once the sandwich is done, pour the cheese dip and bacon bits into the leftover butter and bacon grease and mix it until it's warm and drippy. Then dunk that thing till all the dead patriots that have gone on to glory, cry tears of joy and sing your name from the heavens!!!!!
5. Bask in the knowledge that you, and only you, are the truest American patriot that ever walked this hallowed ground, and that The Lord Almighty Himself has reserved a special place of honor for you when you ascend to glory to receive your reward. You are what make this country great. You, Butter, and the almighty Bacon strip. You couldn't be more Patriotic if you kicked a hippie in the face while ten thousand eagles soared overhead pulling a giant, tattered Old Glory behind them. WELL DONE, THOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL PATRIOT!!!!!!
Ferdie Foodie This recipe is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I want this in my mouth right now!!!!!
Fiona Foodie Are you trying for a heart attack before age 35?
Hippie Critical OMZ!!! This looks Uhmayzayng!!!!! Except for all the hippie-slurs... That part is really offensive...


T. M. Info
Dear Diary, Today I went to the bathroom and realized I had my underwear on inside out. Then I thought, Oh well, it's too late now, I've come this far, I might as well leave them that way, so I put them back on. The end.
Mrs. Info Really? Two posts in one day? Have you no shame?
T. M. Info Uh, no. Have you met me?
Mrs. Info It was a rhetorical question. 

David Duvvie
Today was the worst day of my life.
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngRick Troll likes this.
Lorie Luvvie Oh no! Why!? I really thought that the tasting job at the Baskin' Bunny Ice Cream Imaginarium would be the one! What happened!?
David Duvvie They hired a psycho to invent the flavors, that's what happened! Corn-Cream Vanilla with Wasabi Fudge swirl and Crispy Bacon Crunchies!? Who would CHOOSE to eat such a thing!?
Ferdie Foodie I WOULD!!!!! I NEED THAT JOB!!!!!!!!
Fiona Foodie Why am I not surprised?

Bob
I tried a new flavor of Jell-O today. #Living
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngHannah Hashtag likes this.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

PHIA (Peter Hollens is Awesome)

In putting together my other TIIA posts, I realized that I had a disproportionate amount of Peter Hollens songs, so I decided to give him his own post. As one of my favorite YouTubers, he deserves the spotlight for once anyway. :)

Peter has become very well known for his amazing covers of songs from The Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit, and this one is no exception.



Quite often a song will come out, and it will be ruined by overexposure. This next song is one of those, but Peter's version, featuring rapper Watsky, is one of the best versions I've ever heard, and a refreshing change from hearing the original everywhere I go.



Next we have a beautiful collaboration with his wife, Evynne, and The Piano Guys. It's so good.



Peter recently recruited teen vloggers, Brooklyn and Bailey for a music video, which was something they had never done, and they were so good.



I have never seen the movie The Gladiator, but that doesn't stop me from absolutely loving this cover of the main theme from the movie



Peter and Evynne make absolute magic every time they work together for a video, and their latest collab is no exception. Tangled is one of my favorite recent Disney movies, and this song is one of the best Disney songs in recent memory.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

TIIA 9 (The Internet Is Awesome)

Let's start this post off with a video from Postmodern Jukebox, a cover of one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, Bad Blood. It is literally one of the best covers I have ever seen due to one musical surprise about halfway through. You'll know it when you see it. :p



Next up we have another video from Player Piano, this time doing a Super Mario Brothers Medley.



This next video I'm sharing more for the video than the music, which is still amazing, but these Air Wheel things have become the latest internet craze, and Kurt Hugo Schneider managed to use them in a far more creative way than anyone else I have seen, anywhere on the internet.



Pentatonix recently covered another one of those songs that seems to be just everywhere, but as usual, their spin on it is far superior to the original, and will definitely replace it in my head as the definitive version of the song.



This is another song that is absolutely everywhere right now, but again, this version is made so much better by a cover artist, Alaa Wardi.



This song is one of my favorite songs from Mika's new album, if not his whole body of work.



Let's close this post with one of the best musical collabs I have seen in ages, Evynne Hollens and Nick Pitera doing a mashup with one of my favorite recent songs, Shut Up and Dance, and a great song from the 80's, Video Killed the Radio Star, which actually fits perfectly! The video was awesome, and the music was amazing! I bought the song immediately and it has been on replay ever since! When it was released, I was sharing it everywhere, even tumblr, which I almost never use! Watch it!

Monday, November 16, 2015

Baby Giraffes - A PSA

Public Service Announcement:

THIS


Is a newborn baby giraffe.


This beautiful GIANT bundle of sweetness and light,
IS A NEWBORN BABY GIRAFFE.


Baby giraffes are 6 feet tall when they are born.

So stop sharing this abomination on Facebook!!!!!!!!


This THING is NOT a baby giraffe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by someone who loves giraffes far more than you EVER will. Which is obvious because you mistook a dik-dik, the worlds smallest antelope, for a giraffe, the world's TALLEST LAND MAMMAL!!!!!!!

(Disclaimer: I do not actually hate dik-diks, despite my apparent animosity towards this one, I just REALLY love giraffes.)



P.S. Woah, this brought out my sass! This is the first rant I've written in a LONG time! I think it was for a worthy cause though. Gotta do my part to stem the tide of zoological ignorance! :p

Friday, November 6, 2015

True Facts! 19!

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Did you know that the Giant European Moose Ferret is both the biggest deer, and the biggest weasel? #TrueFact

Did you know that Nilla Wafers are the world's most crumbly currency? #TrueFact

Did you know that Gregory Warren Esquire the Third, was the first lawyer in America to stick a lemon meringue pie upside down on the top of his head and wear it as a hat? #TrueFact

Did you know that the Carnivorous Donkey Bat is the only hoofed mammal with eight legs? #TrueFact

Did you know that Shakespeare worked at McDonald's his entire life? All his plays were just fan fics about his favorite TV shows that he posted on his blog at night. They didn't even become famous until like a thousand years after he died, and everyone had forgotten what TV shows he was writing about. #TrueFact

Did you know that cheese Pop-Tarts are a thing? At least they were. A few weeks after he invented them, the guy suddenly remembered that cheese is supposed to be refrigerated. I won't even try to describe what he found in the cupboard, but after that he decided they were probably a bad idea. #TrueFact

Did you know that beloved fire safety icon, Smokey the Bear, was a serial arsonist? The forest fire PSAs were a condition of his parole. #TrueFact

Did you know that prior the invention of elastic, people had to use tiny belts around their ankles to keep their socks up? #TrueFact

Did you know that beloved children's entertainer, Clorox the clown, was once sued by a large bleach company? No one knows why. We think they were probably a bunch of clown racists. #TrueFact

Did you know that in the early 1990's, a small chicken named Betty would regularly hijack city buses? She used them to free over 7 million chickens from factory farms all over the Midwest. Farm owners everywhere developed an intense phobia of public transportation, fearing that any vehicle could be "That Blasted Demon Chicken" coming to steal their livestock. Sadly, poor Betty disappeared one Sunday afternoon, and an abandoned bus was found in the woods near a factory farm with its tires shot out. Chickens everywhere still tell their chicks heroic tales of the exploits of their beloved hero, "The Henegade." #TrueFact

Sunday, November 1, 2015

TVAA (The Vagabonds Are Awesome)

I don't do many personal posts, and usually not ones featuring the people in my life, but my friends are pretty awesome video creators, and I felt like more people needed to see their work. The post is titled "The Vagabonds," because we've called our group that for years. I've picked out a few of my favorite videos that they have created, but they've made a lot more than these. You really should check out their channels if you get a chance.

First up we have Alex French. Alex has been a friend of mine for years, but she recently became my brother Joel's girlfriend, which is quite exciting. :) Anyway, Alex is awesome. Just watch her lip sync to an old song you've probably never heard of, "Someone Left the Cake Out In the Rain," and you can see for yourself.



Next up is Alex's youngest sister Alayna. Alayna is hilarious. She did a lip sync of Julian Smith's "Bless You," and it's one of the funniest things ever. I love how serious she stays throughout the entire thing.



The second French sister is Amanda. Amanda is also hilarious. Exhibit A: "Holding Out for a Hero."



April is the third French, but she doesn't do too many videos, which is a shame, because she can be very funny when she wants to. Sort of a dry, understated funny, which I love. She made an appearance in Alayna's video for "I Love My Lips," and she did a great job.



You can see all of them in Alex's "Unusual" video. Just not their faces. :)



I didn't want to leave out our friend Rachel, but as she doesn't do nearly as many lip sync videos as the Frenches, so I'm including one of her music videos instead. Music videos are her forté anyway, and this one is one of her best. This is a video she put together using footage from a bunch of our Vagabond events.



Alayna made this video, "Good Morning," featuring a surprise cameo at the end. It's one of my favorites ever.



Amanda is responsible for one of the weirdest, which might translate to best, videos that any of us ever made, "Boris the Spider," which apparently is a real song.



Alex sure seems to like old songs. Especially rediculous old songs, such as "Rattle And Shake Me Honey Tree."



Alayna once did Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball," and I must say, I like her music video much better than the original. :p



Amanda did my very favorite Disney villain song, if not my favorite Disney song period, "Poor Unfortunate Souls." It never fails to make me laugh. :)



Lets end this with a video from my brother Joel, who has also been known to get in on the action. Just watch this awesome video he made with Alex and April to Rhett and link's "My Favorite Pillow!"



Saturday, October 31, 2015

EVEN MORE Amazing Trick-or-Treat Ideas

The last two years I've written a few "Unconventional" treat ideas for you to hand out at Halloween. I had a lot of fun writing those, so I decided to do it again. If you want to refresh your memory on what I wrote in previous years, follow the links below.

2013

2014

So anyway, without further adieu, here are ten more amazing trick-or-treat ideas, sure to leave your little ghouls and goblins screaming for more. Or just screaming. Whatever.


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Chocolate Pudding - Fill a giant super soaker with pudding and hide in the bathroom upstairs, you know, the one that looks out over the front yard, and before the kid even gets up to the house, you yell "TRICK-OR-TREAT!!!!!" and you hose them down with as much pudding as possible before they've fled into the night. Make sure that the pudding has plenty of air bubbles in it too, that way it sounds HILARIOUS as it squirts out the nozzle. Other fun flavor and texture ideas, tapioca, pistachio, jelly, lard and rice pudding with extra raisins.

Toys - This suggestion is just for parents. Your kid didn't pick up their toys even though you asked them like 7,000,000 times? Let the Trick-or-Treaters do it for them! You don't have to buy candy, and your house will be totally toy-free! Everybody wins! Except for your kids. But that's what they get! YOU HEAR THAT DONAVAN?! YEAH!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GET!!!

Great Aunt Gertrude - For this one you will need to have Great Aunt Gertrude answer the door, sitting in her remote controlled wheelchair, but make sure you have a remote that overrides hers. When the little kids do their adorable "Trick-or-treat!" thing, have her hold out her arms for a giant hug, and then duct tape the kid to her. Then use your remote to wheel them away into the night, and you'll be free of the nagging old crone forever!

Cantaloupe - Just a whole cantaloupe. Drop one of those suckers into a little kid's plastic pumpkin, and watch the confusion take over their face. Then slam the door and go back to your shows.

Half a Cantaloupe - This will take a bit of pre-prep. You'll need to set a small table outside with a cantaloupe on it. When a kid rings your doorbell, you come outside with a machete, wearing a terrifying mask, like a vampire-clown, or a rabid werewolf, or a demon horse, or Donald Trump. Then hack that thing right in half with the most violent whack you can muster. Make sure there are plenty of gory cantaloupe entrails flying all over the place, and toss half of it into the kid's sack. Then toss a smoke bomb onto the ground and vanish so you can get back to your shows.

Baby Carrots - This is for the people who want all the neighborhood children to hate them. Except for that vegan kid. He's weird.

Polyfill - This one is a great idea for those of you whose Auntie Nelga just died and left you like 4000 bags of Teddy Bear stuffing. Like, what the heck are you going to do with that? Just hand it out to the trick or treaters. Sure, you might get your house egged, but you won't have all that fluff any more!

Tennis Balls - Ok, this one isn't so much something you hand out, as it is a way to keep your house mostly egg free. Set up a baseball launcher inside the house, and turn the lights out. When those nasty little ingrate come along to egg your house in retribution for the carrots and polyfill, then you just start firing tennis balls willy-nilly into the night. That'll teach those entitled little monsters to mess with your new siding!

A Teddy Bear Encased in Jell-O - This one is a snack, and a toy! Simply fill several five-gallon buckets with Jell-O, drown a bunch of Teddy Bears in them, and stick the whole mess in the fridge for a few hours. When the kids come, you just bring the bucket to the door, stick your hands way down deep into the jiggly abyss, and rip out a hunk of Jell-O with a bear in it, (do it real slow so it sounds just as slurpy and sloppy as that time your great aunt and uncle were having a make out sesh at the Christmas Eve party) and tell them to have fun eating their new friend free of his Jell-O-y prison! Make sure you wash your hands between children though, that's just common sense.

Spaghetti - This one will be a bit tricky to pull off, but if you're successful, the joy on the children's faces, (or fear, it's hard to tell with kids) will be so rewarding. Really, all you need is a second story window; a five gallon pail of precooked spaghetti and sauce; and a chimpanzee with incredible aim, and a terrifying scream. I think you can piece this one together on your own.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Famous Last Tweets

I started this post like 2 years ago, and then I kind of forgot about it. I was looking for another post when I came across this draft and I decided to finish it. I don't really intend to make this a series, but I had a logo idea, so I made one anyway for fun. :p Anyway, if you don't like dark humor, turn back now. :p

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Rattlesnakes are cute, and they make the best pets.

Totally going Bigfoot hunting! Come at me bro-squatch!

CLOWNS!!!!!

Hairspray + Matches = Awesome!

The forecast calls for heavy volcanoing. #YeahRight

Timmy thinks there's a shark in our swimming pool. Lol! I love how rich the imagination of a child can be!

This bologna smells funny. Oh well.

That old woman was right! It WAS an enchanted sombrero! The snowman is alive!

20 poptarts in one sitting! New record!

Holy cows! Why is that train driving through the field?

Tiger pit? Challenge accepted!

This mime show is awful. Those guys acting like they're dying from his pretend finger guns are the worst actors.

Blowfish sushi? #Fearless

Dynamite?! LOL!

I totally just saw a Pterodactyl in the woods. I'm going back with a camera for proof!

Apple Seeds aren't poison. I'll prove it.

A bottle of lemonade under the sink! Score!

No one ever died from a hotdog eating contest.

YEEHAW!!!! Thanx 4 tha fireworks, @cleatus_1776!!!!!! Time 4 awesum!!!! #Merica

I've never seen this many robins all gathered in one place before! If I didn't know any better I think I'd probably be scared. LOL!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

TIIA 8 (The Internet Is Awesome)

One of my favorite things in the world is when someone does a Disney cover, and does it well. Todrick Hall is one of the kings of medleys on YouTube, and his latest Disney Medley is amazing. And I don't just mean amazing, I mean, AMAZING! He includes music from everything from Dumbo, to Tangled, to The Wonderful World of Color, to That's So Raven! I have never seen or heard a more comprehensive medley than this!



Another group that can rock an awesome medley is Pentatonix. And they totally rock this one.



Everything I love about Pomplamoose is on full display in this next video. The colors, the costumes, the quirky music, the singing, the humor, this video has everything.



2Cellos prove once again why they are some of the best cello players out there with their original composition, Celloverse.



From the moment I heard this next song, it immediately became my favorite Avicii song. It's been on replay off and on all day.



I never though that Justin Beiber would come out with a song that I would actually really like, but he did. However, instead of sharing the original, here is a cover by Mike Tompkins. :p



Next, here is a song by my favorite Lebanese artist, and probably the only one I know, Mika.



Lets close this down with another awesome song by the Gregory Brothers, this time remixing Hannah Hart's attempt to make jam. This song has literally been on replay in my car for a month. It's SO catchy.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

The BerenSTAIN Bears Conspiracy Theory

I don't know how this happened, but I've made a post a day for the past three days. Don't expect this to keep happening. :p

Anyway, Channel Frederator on YouTube just released a new episode of Cartoon Conspiracy, one that is different than most of the rest of the series, in that this conspiracy is one that bleeds over into real life. Before you watch the video, think about your answer to this question: If you read the popular book series about a family of bears as a kid, what was that series called? Was it the BerenSTAIN Bears, or the BerenSTEIN Bears? Ok, proceed with the video.



For me the answer is... Both? I definitely remember pronouncing it BerenSTAIN Bears, but if you'd asked me how to spell it, I would have definitely spelled it BerenSTEIN.

I first read this conspiracy on the internet months ago, and people were posting old book covers with the -stein spelling. It was obvious that most of them had been photoshopped, but it really made me curious, what did the fronts of the really old editions say?

When I was a kid we had a pile of Berenstain Bears books, including a couple of, I'm pretty sure, the original library editions from the 60's. (My family was big into library book sales.) But as far as I know, all of them have been given away since I was a kid, so I had no way to look for myself.

I gave up thinking about it after awhile, and went on with my life. However, when I went to Chicago this summer, I stayed with my aunt and uncle, and I slept in what was my cousin Brittany's old room. Lo and behold, there on the bookshelf beside my blow-up mattress, were a bunch of original copies of some of the first Berenstain Bears books. On the covers of all of them, the name was spelled Berenstain. Mystery solved.

So while I don't believe in this conspiracy at all, I still find the whole thing fascinating; both the Mandela Effect, as well as the idea of alternate realities or parallel universes. I've always heard of these ideas, but really only in science fiction, and when I did hear about theoretical real life ones, I'd never heard a compelling argument for them. This was as close to a good argument as I've ever heard. Too bad it still falls apart. Oh well. :p

Friday, October 2, 2015

Rotoscopers Roundup

I haven't talked about the writing I've done for the Rotoscopers in awhile, but I've decided to kind of make an archive here of what I've written, and then make a new post every month or two to add any new articles or reviews I've done to my blog, for anyone who's interested, and also for me to be able to easily find them in the future. This first post will be the longest, because it's going all the way back to the beginning of the year when I started. Links are in bold.

The first thing I wrote was an article announcing the 2015 return of Gravity Falls.

The next was my first review, the series premiere of Star Vs. the Forces of Evil.

Following that was a review of the above Gravity Falls episode, Northwest Mansion Mystery.

Next was my first DVD review ever, Uncle Grandpa: Good Mornin'.

Review of Gravity Falls: Not What He Seems.

Announcement of a new Looney Tunes DVD movie, Looney Tunes: Rabbits Run.

Announcement of the Star Wars Rebels Season 2 premiere date.

Announcement of the midseason return date for Gravity Falls.

Review of the DVD set, Tom and Jerry: The Gene Deitch Collection.

Review of the DVD for the movie Yellowbird.

Review of the first half of season one of Star vs the Forces of Evil.

Review of the season premiere of Star Wars Rebels season 2, The Siege of Lothal.

Review of the DVD Looney Tunes: Rabbits Run

Review of the Blu Ray set for Adventure Time: The Complete Fifth Season.

Review of the DVD set for The Magic School Bus Season Three.

First look at the new Lion King spin off series, The Lion Guard.

Review of the DVD, LEGO Star Wars: The New Yoda Chronicles.

Review of the DVD set, Peanuts: Emmy Honored Collection.

Review of the Blu-Ray set, Star Wars Rebels: Complete Season One.

Review of the series premiere of The Muppets: Pig Girls Don't Cry.

Review of The Muppets: Hostile Makeover.

Review of Gravity Falls: A Tale of Two Stans.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

KHIA (Kid History IS Awesome)

When I started putting together my TIIA catchup posts, I realized that I had a lot of videos from Bored Shorts TV, AKA Kid History, AKA Kid Snippets, so I decided to break them off and make them their own post.

Most of Bored Shorts' videos are shorts, similar to Kid History which they are most famous for, but are stories the kids have made up, which the adults lip sync to with hilarious results. Once in awhile They will get a guest who utterly nails the performance, and most recently, their guest was none other than Peter Hollens!



They also did the same thing with Josh Groban in 2013!



And then again in 2014!



And then Lindsey Stirling!



The last time I posted something from Kid History was back in 2011, when they had only made 7 episodes. They have since gotten up to 11, and somehow I never saw the rest until just a few weeks ago! Kid History videos are true stories about the people starring in the videos that they have told their kids, who go on to hilariously butcher them upon retelling. If you need to catch up, I'll link to their official playlist HERE, which you need to watch, because they are all too funny, but I wanted to share number 11 here, because it was so hilarious, I was dying of laughter the whole time.



Thursday, September 24, 2015

True Facts! 18!

I didn't realize it, but when I went back to look, I discovered that it has been OVER A YEAR since I last put up a #TrueFacts post! That's insane! I'm so shamed! Not really, I've been busy. The only reason for me to be ashamed is the year's worth of photos I haven't edited... Anyway, I promise to TRY to never let it happen again, and onto the #Truth!

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Did you know that magazines are just really wimpy books? I mean, they're practically spineless. #TrueFact

Did you know that cats don't always land on their feet? The only reason that they jump off high things and survive is because they have invisible airbags. #TrueFact

Did you know that King David was like, totes God's Favsies? He <3'd him so much that he totes put up with all of his cray-cray drams! #TrueFact

Did you know that music isn't real? It's just a made up thing that schizophrenic people swear they can hear. #TrueFact

Did you know that Snow White's wicked step mother first tried to poison her using a warm lump of cheese? It's kind of obvious why that didn't work. #TrueFact

Did you know that yak herders use sousaphones to control where their yaks graze? They used to use tubas, but for some reason, those made the baby yaks cry. And you do not want to be around a mother yak whose baby you just upset! #TrueFact

Did you know that in certain French Canadian Provinces, giant, bushy beards are called Chin Weasels? #TrueFact

Did you know that pickles can only be grown by watering a cucumber plant with vinegar? #TrueFact

Did you know that Spaghetti O's are from another dimension? #TrueFact

Did you know that Furbies are the only species of man-made cyborg to successfully reproduce in the wild? Biologists are still mystified that their metal and plastic components have somehow been integrated into their DNA. #TrueFact

Monday, September 14, 2015

JPIA (Jurassic Park is Awesome)

I know it's been a few months since Jurassic World was released, but as I said before, I'm behind in my blogging. Leading up to the release of the film, a number of YouTubers did tributes to the franchise with some awesome videos. I meant to post them, but, well, you know. Anyway, better late than never, right? :)

In case you need a refresher, I thought about including a trailer for Jurassic World, but I'm sure you've already seen it, at this point it's pretty impossible to have not at least seen a trailer. Instead, I'm including this utterly brilliant (and utterly ridiculous) parody trailer. It's just too funny.



And if we're going to be showing one parody, I can't not include this one. After Jurassic World came out, it seemed that all anyone wanted to talk about was Claire's shoes, as she had worn high heels through the entire thing. So some genius came up with this brilliant insanty.



Ok, so now that we're done with the parodies, lets get into the good stuff. The music. Starting with The Piano Guys. Amazing as always.



Next up was violinist Taylor Davis.



Then the YouTube Channel The Warp Zone, teamed up with Peter Hollens for this.



As great as that was, Peter Hollens fans really wanted a Peter only version, so he did it again himself. The results were everything we'd hoped for.



Jurassic Park is one of my all time favorite films and franchises, and a huge part of that is thanks to John Williams score. All these guys (And girl. :) ) took his music and made it their own in the best way possible.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

TIIA 7 (The Internet is Awesome)

Ok, For this TIIA, we're going to do things a little bit differently. I have zero music videos this time. I always have a few of these that I never share, and I need to get better about that, because there's some great stuff out there.

Let's start things off with the YouTube sensation, Tiny Hamster! Normally Tiny Hampster eats tiny foods with his tiny freinds, but they switched things up a bit with this new video, where Tiny Hamster isn't so tiny anymore!



Normally I don't include viral videos in these compilations, but how could I not when this video has two of my favorite things, an awesome beatboxer, and a little old lady dancing her heart out.



Next we have a video from Funny or Die, with Nick Offerman. It's basically a PSA about getting kids to eat better, but it is hilarious.



The very first video I ever watched from Blimey Cow was the 7 Lies About Homeschoolers and they went on to become one of my absolute favorite YouTube channels of all time. They recently did another homeschool video, and it was hilarious, and so true.



For the record, I was somewhere between sheltered and defensive, but I was totally allowed to go to the movies. As long as it was under PG-13 and the Christian movie reviews sites gave it a good review. :p

Studio C, a sketch comedy group recently teamed up with teen vloggers Brooklyn and Bailey for a couple of videos which had me rolling.



The second one is a parody of one of my favorite movies as a kid, The Parent Trap, and is even more hilarious than the last one.



Lets end this post with a video from Olan Rodgers, who, in my opinion is one of the most underrated vloggers/storytellers on YouTube.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Overheard

Overheard photo Overheard_zpsj9yi768a.png


It has been quite awhile since I published something original, something not a video, so today, I'm releasing something totally different than anything else I've done before. And if you couldn't tell by the fact that I just spent an hour making a logo for it, I really liked it, and it will probably become a series.

Have you ever been out somewhere and you overheard something out of context (or sometimes even in context) that just struck you as hilarious? It seems to happen to me a lot, so I decided to start saving them to share. Originally I would post things like this on Facebook, but there were a couple days that so many happened over the course of a few hours, that I decided to start writing them down, to use in a post like this.

This all started at my grandma's church in Ames. The other college kids can be pretty funny to listen to, and one day they just seemed to have a whole bunch of weird one liners that cracked me up.

These first ones are bits of conversations that I caught out of the hubbub of random dialogue around me. Usually the line that was spoken or shouted the loudest is what I heard.
"Hey, Jesus wasn't white!"
"OJ didn't do it!"
"I have a bone to pick with cheerleaders." 
"I wish they would have had pictures back then. How do we know Jesus had a full beard? What if he had some condition where he couldn't grow facial hair?" 
Here, I was the only person in the room when two other guys walked in and saw some items on the chairs left by other students.
Guy 1: "Who's stuff is this?" 
Guy 2: "Your mom's."
This was part of a discussion group dialogue.
Discussion leader: "Ok, you can have the last word, you have 12 minutes." 
Guy with last word: "I don't need 12 minutes, I wasn't raised baptist."

These next two were conversations I overheard while visiting my grandpa at the nursing home in Story City. They are both conversations between two residents.
 "It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"What?" 
"It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"What?" 
"It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"What?" 
"It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"What about socks?"

Another conversation I overheard, it may have actually been the same two people from the previous conversation, started when I heard an earsplitting BRAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!!!!! (An enormous belch) from across the room. Not missing a beat, as if nothing had happened, the belcher, an elderly "Gentleman" tried to strike up a conversation with the little old lady next to him.
Elderly Gentleman: "Those shoes look like they're brand new." 
Little Old Lady: "Well they're not." 
*Silence* 
EG: "Time for a little nap." 
LOL: "Well I hope so. Simmer ya down maybe." 

I didn't have quite as many opportunities for people watching while I was back in Harlan, but I did overhear a few while at work at Hy-Vee.

A little girl was climbing to the top of a large stack of Gatorade.
Little Girl: I'm the Gatorade Queen! 
LG's Mother: Get off of there! 

A group of elderly gentlemen were having a long conversation in the dining room that I missed most of, as I was at the other side of the room, but when I got up to throw away my trash, this is what I overheard.
"How do they even get into those high heeled shoes?" 
"I don't know, I think they grow into them." 
"I think they get up on the top bunk and step down into them."

Totally different day, a couple months later, the same group of men were gathered, as usual.
"I don't have anyone to cook for me." 
"Why don't you get married?"
"I tried that already." 
"Well, try again!"

A mom with a little boy, probably two-years-old, came through another checker's line.
"I told him he could pick out any candy he wanted, and what does he choose? Bandaids."

A woman came through my line with  a little girl, somewhere between 6 a 8, and started walking away without her bag, so I picked it up.
"Don't forget your bag!"
"Oh, well, thats why I have this one."
She gestured to the girl who dutifully took the bag. As they walked out the door the little girl must have asked why she had to carry the groceries because I heard her mother say:
"Because I carried you for 9 months."

A couple came through my line, and as I scanned their items they just kept on talking.
"Why am I yawning?"
"You haven't had enough sleep."
 "Well I need to get some sleep. I know your mom is going to text us for church in the morning. The only reason I'm going is-"
"'Cause you'll hear all about it?"
"Yeah. I'm not scared of God, I'm scared of your mom."

Friday, August 28, 2015

TMAA (The Muppets Are Awesome)

In putting together my last post, I realized just how many videos the muppets have done recently, and I realized that they couldn't just be mixed here and there with the other videos, they needed their own post.

To start with, unless you've been living under a rock, then you know that the Muppets are coming back to TV!!! They will be returning with a show in a similar vein to the Muppet Show, but with a bigger focus on the behind the scenes of a show, with more of a focus on the character's personal lives, than ever before. By the way, the show that they will be behind the scenes for will be a late night show for Miss Piggy, which will kind of make her the first female late night talk show host in network television history. Which is kind of hilarious, and kind of awesome. Here's the trailer, which look utterly brilliant.



If you're curious, ABC released the 10 minute pilot that the writers used to pitch the show to the network. It has a lot of things that will not be used in the show itself, but it gives you a good feel for the flavor that the show will have. If the show itself is even half this great, then it's going to be awesome.



To promote the show, and kind of get back into the public consciousness, the Muppets have been making their rounds on YouTube, showing up on a number of channels, collaborating with some of the biggest and best YouTubers, including some of my all time favorites!

Let's start off with their collaboration with Mental Floss. It's not only entertaining, but you'll learn a lot that you may have not known about the Muppets!



Next up, the Muppets joined Mike Tompkins and did an absolutely BRILLIANT version of Cool Kids.



And last but not least, was the biggest surprise of their YouTube tour, a collaboration with LINDSEY STIRLING HERSELF! But it turned out it was not JUST her! I knew from Lindsey's social media that a Muppet collab was coming, but when the video dropped, I was shocked to learn that it was not just Lindsey, they were all joining JOSH GROBAN for a take on one of the songs from his new album, Pure Imagination! Not only was this an excellent song, the entire video felt like a segment from the Muppet Show! It started out with a great skit that segued into the song, and ended with a Muppetty bang! Or should I say, splat. :p



The behind the scenes video was great as well, especially when you find out what Lindsey was going through during the shoot!



This return to form by the Muppets has me all kinds of excited for their return to television. Lets hope that the show lives up to the potential teased by these videos.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

TIIA6 (The Internet Is Awesome)

It has been so long since I have done any blogging, I have built up so many videos that I was going to share, I think I am going to do a whole lot of these posts for the next couple of weeks or so to use up my reserves.

Lets kick this one off with Peter Hollens. The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest film series of all time, and Peter Hollens' Lord of the Rings music videos are some of the greatest videos on the internet. This video is capable of giving me chills. Which is very hard to do. :p



If you know anything about my taste in music, then you know how much I love strings, and you know how much I love classical/pop crossovers. This song by 2Cellos just hits all the right notes with me. :p



I don't post all that many videos by "Mainstream" artists, mainly because I don't listen to that many, but there is a new group breaking onto the scene called Sheppard, and their song Geronimo is one of my favorite things in the world right now. The video itself is slightly cheesy, but I love the song.



And speaking of Geronimo, I love this remix even more than the song itself, which is saying something, seeing how much I loved the original.



Rhett and Link are two of my all time favorite YouTubers, and every time they make a new music video it a glorious internet triumph. This song started out as a sponsored video from Wendy's but Rhett and Link, who used to regularly do ads for small buisnesses, made this into something so much more, so much better, than any old ad for fast food. Or fast food drink, to be specific.



Someone I haven't featured in YEARS is Julian Smith. He hasn't done a whole lot until recently, (He now has a morning show on YouTube), but for awhile he was busy working on ads for a wide variety of companies. Including this video for Hot Pockets, which I found to be way too funny.



Let's close this out with a new Owl City song. It's so good, just like everything he does.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Facebook Friends #13

It has been over a year since I last did one of these! It was last February! You can tell this one was  started back then because there's a Lego Movie reference. It is high time for another! This post is mostly the same format as the others, just slightly different, there's one new character, Rick Troll, who's purpose I'm sure you've already guessed. I also have one very experimental post in here, you'll know what it is when you get to it, Facebook does not behave like this in real life. :p Anyway, here it is, the long-awaited 13th installment of Facebook Friends!

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Ima Bean is at Circus of the Sun
Izzy Illiterate i herd thay where in town! hav fin1
Ima Bean This is the best movie I ever watched! It like totally 3D!
Lorenzo Literate You're at the circus. It's not a movie. It's real.
Ima Bean It's SO 3D! These graphics are amazeballz!
Lorenzo Literate You're hopeless.

Winston Q. Eyeglasses
The BuildaBlox Movie is the best movie in the ever!
Rick Troll If I was still in school, you would be having swirly sauce on wedgie pie for dessert right about now.
Winston Q. Eyeglasses Yeah, right. Because nerds are weak and defenseless right? Say that to my mace you basement dwelling loser!
Rick Troll What is that, some kind of medieval MMORPGYXWVUT thing?
Winston Q. Eyeglasses No, my mom bought me a can of mace when Chad Punchingfist kept stealing my lunch money. Now he has to wear an eyepatch.
Actually he just has amblyopia, but I like to pretend it was my mace.
Rick Troll Wow. That's really just kinda sad.
Winston Q. Eyeglasses I know...

T. M. Info
Cool! I just discovered that if you yank out a nose hair, it totally sets off a sneeze attack! I'm off to collect a ton of Gesundheits at Nanna Nora's knitting circle!
Mrs. Info Oh, good grief.

Roxy Repost
When I was a kid, we played on rickety playground equipment, rode our bikes without helmets, played sports without pads, jumped out of trees into gravel mounds, ran barefoot through the broken glass fields, shot each other in the face with pellet guns, and ate lead paint chips with wild abandon! And we had a WAY better childhood than these soft, coddled nightmares of today! Repost if you the best childhood ever!
 photo ThumbsupSpace.png Lurking Liker Likes this


Connie Conspiracy
Did you know that melancholic shots give you cancer? Do your research sheeple! Wake up! Do NOT vaccinate your kids! YOU ARE KILLING THEM!!!!!!!!!1 Check out www.antivaxxmammawhowasadoctoruntilthelawsuit.com for more info!!!! The research is there!!!!!!!! Educate yourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngLeia Organic likes this
Mrs. Info As someone who HAS done the research I can say without a doubt that though most in the professional field agree on the research, there are still a lot of questions, and they are asking them. Vaccines are safe for most of the population. There's no way to know who they might negatively affect. Don't attack good parents for doing what they think is right for their own kids.
Connie Conspiracy Do NOT question me!!!! I have studied the websites for YEARS I KNOW WHAT I am TALKING ABOUT1!!!!!!!!!! www.livinginabunkernotdrinkingthekoolaid.com
Mrs. Info You believe everything you read online? The internet is literally the worst thing for anyone's paranoia. You really need to talk to some professionals about your concerns.
Connie Conspiracy THE PROFESSIONALS ARE CORRUPT THE ILLUMINARY IS REAL THEYRE BRAINWASHING THE SHEEPLE I WILL NOT SUBMIT OMALLEYS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS THE REVOLUTION IS AT HAND NED CRUISE 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lorenzo Literate Oh my word, she broke Facebook.
Rick Troll So, what are your thoughts on O'Malley?

Flower Child
Love is the music the heart sings when it perfectly aligns with another being of the eternal cosmos.
 photo ThumbsupSpace.png Psychedelic Eternity likes this


Crazy Uncle
Ah! That smells like relief!
Aunty Uncle Craig!!!
TM Info Ba Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
Gloom Lyrical
"We live in ruined cities, you'll never see in movies. We struggle to survive, to survive." - Duchesse
Gloom Lyrical So deep.
Joy Lyrical What are you talking about? We live in a cul-de-sac in the suburbs. Your biggest worry is whether or not the Goth Topic has run out of spiked leather arm cuffs.
Gloom Lyrical No one understands me.

Bob
I was just folding laundry, and I realized that I'd lost a sock.


Mamma Frazzled
I just came into the living room and found the baby trapped in a blanket with one leg sticking out, swinging from the ceiling fan like a snared animal in a net.
Mamma Frazzled Well, no surprise here, it was Junior. He says he set a baby trap and baited it with a pile of arrowroot cookies.
Grammie Happy My little sweetie is a budding genius! I just know he's going to be a world famous engineer someday!
Crazy Uncle Or a big game hunter.
Auntie Uncle Craig!

Ima Bean is in a Relationship
Izzy Illiterate wooowooowww!!! yayy ima!! wutz he lik?
Ima Bean He's so dreamy! 
BB Tween You go girl! Who's the lucky guy?
Ima Bean You don't know him. His name is Haunke. He's foreign.
BB Tween Post a pic!
Ima Bean Sure. BRB.

Gladys Grizzle
So I was at Nora's Knitting Circle this afternoon, and some young punk, who wasn't even knitting, kept on picken' his wretched little nose and sneezing all over the place! It was just obscene! Nora and everybody else were all like, "Oh, bless you." Oh, Gesundheit," "Oh, God bless you!" I just went to town on him with my knitting basket. I don't think he'll be trying that again.
Elda Exclamations YOU WERE SO RUDE TO THAT BOY. HE JUST HAD SOME ALLERGIES.
Gladys Grizzle That was no allergy attack. Nasty little vermin.
  
Crazy Uncle
If you eat four eggs for breakfast, you can get three meals out of a dozen, and if you eat three eggs, you get four meals. BUT if you go down to TWO eggs, you get SIX meals! That's CRAZY! Where did the extra meal come from!? It's like there's some kind of wicked sorcery at work here!!!
Lorenzo Literate It's called math.
Izzy Iliterate yas!!!!1 matth is evvil!!!

R.W. Republicrazy
Last night Donald Reagan came to me in a dream. The vision was so powerful I just started weeping profusely. It has been so long since a perfect, flawless human being has been in office. I just know this was a sign from God.
G. O. Pachyderm Ah, yes. I do miss The Dipper.
Rabid Liberal I thought you Republicans were against worshiping humans. Looks like somebody needs to read their Bible.
R.W. Republicrazy Oh yeah? Well at least I don't worship SATAN!!!!!!!! Like YOU!!!!!!!
Rabid Liberal I don't even BELIEVE in Satan!!!!!! What's wrong with you?!?!
R.W. Republicrazy WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Hannah Hashtag
So excited about the new royal baby!!!! #RoyalBaby #PrinceRoland #PrincessKayte #PrinceHogarth #PrincessCarlotta #QueenEliza #Adorbs #DiaperDiaperDiaper
Joyful Exclamations Oh, I know! Isn't new life grand!?
R.W. Republicrazy This is why this freakin' country is going to  photo Censored.png in a handbasket!!! NO TRUE GODFEARING AMERICAN PATRIOT SHOULD CARE ONE SINGLE  photo Censored.png ABOUT THE FREAKING ROYAL FAMILY!!!!!!!!!1
Rainbow Sunshine I agree, Hannah and Joyful. It's so amazing. R.W. I'll pray for you. I hope you find happiness someday.
R.W. Republicrazy The only happiness I need is freedom! FREEDOM!!!!!

Bob
I was just buttering my toast, and I got butter on my hand. LOL!


Mitch Morebuff
Yes! I just totally pounded Walter Wimperson in the Punchfighting match! I rock, so hard!
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Ima Bean
My gorgeous BoyToy, Haunke.



















Lorenzo Literate I don't even have words. No words at all.
Izzy Illiterate im so happey 4 u!!!
BB Tween ... Ok ...

T. M. Info
I was just innocently minding my own business at the knitting circle this afternoon, trying to get some tips, when out of nowhere some crazy old bat just attacks me with her knitting basket! And she keeps her yarn in an ammunition chest! I think she fractured my humerus!
Gladys Grizzle Well, I find that humorous!
T. M. Info You! It was you, wasn't it! You're just the kind of old crone who would attack someone with an ammunition chest!
Gladys Grizzle You'd better believe it! Now stay away from our knitting circle you cesspool of disease!
T. M. Info Fine! Sheesh! I was just trying to get some blessings!
Gladys Grizzle Then go to church you little delinquent!

Joyful Exclamations Today is the day the lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
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Joyful Exclamations Thanks Rainbow!