Thursday, October 31, 2013

Amazing Trick-or-Treat Ideas

Are you sick and tired of giving away boring old candy to all the neighborhood beggars every Halloween? Well, have I got an idea for you! The kids come to your door shouting "Trick or Treat!" Instead of giving away treats, just give them the other option!

Warning: Do not actually attempt any of these in real life. If you do, be aware that results may vary, from mildly scarring a small child for life, to receiving multiple lawsuits from angry parents.

Cake - Exit the house holding a platter with an entire cake. Cut one slice, and use a cake server to deposit it into the child's bag. Pull a bucket of ice cream out of a hidden door in a fake planter, and scoop three scoops into the bag. Pull a can of spray whipped cream out of your back pocket, and generously squirt a large pile onto the ice cream. Open a jack-o-lantern and pull out a jar of maraschino cherries. Put a single cherry on top of the child's head and walk back inside, shutting the door behind you.

Gravel - Open the door and walk forward with a blank expression on your face. With one hand outstretched, drop a fistful of gravel into the bag, and walk backwards, shutting the door without saying a word.

Glitter - Jerk open the door and scream "SPARKLES!!!!!!!" whilst flinging the glitter directly at the children, and immediately run back inside.

Cottage Cheese - Scoop the cottage cheese out of a five-gallon bucket labeled "Raisins" with a large spoon, and with a forceful motion, slop it directly into the trick-or-treater's bag. Begin eating the cottage cheese with the large spoon while staring at the child.

VHS Tapes - Open the door and drop one tape in each bag saying, "I do NOT want this old thing, ANYmore!" Go back inside and slam the door behind you.

Chicken Leg - Answer the door with a fried chicken leg in your hand. Stare blankly at the child while taking a bite from the leg. Chew slowly while continuing to stare at the child. Repeat previous steps. Look at the chicken leg, then at the child's outstretched bag. Drop the half eaten leg into the bag and go back inside.

Real Candy - Wait on the roof, and when the children ring the doorbell start dropping handfuls of candy over the edge onto their heads. Hide when they look up so that they can't see you.

A Goat - Open the door and walk out, leading a small goat on a leash. Put the end of the leash in the child's hand and walk back inside, shutting the door behind you, not saying a word.

A Single Penny - Dressed as an old homeless woman, hobble out, and place one penny in each bag. In your weariest, old lady voice tell the children, "Don't worry, I removed most of the curses from those." Slowly hobble back inside and close the door.

Acorns - For this one you will need an assistant. Answer the door holding a giant bowl filled with acorns. Compliment the children on their costumes, telling them repeatedly how adorable they are, while dropping handfuls of acorns into their bags. At this point, your assistant should be in the back of the house screaming, "NOOOOO!!!!!!' at the top of his lungs, pounding on a door that they have been locked behind. Begin to look worried, and tell the children it's time for them to leave now. Here, your assistant should break through the door they were behind, and race toward the front of the house dressed as a giant squirrel. Scream at the children to run, while trying to hold back the squirrel who should be screaming, "No! NO!! MY ACORNS! NOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Chicago: Day 2 - Cantigne

Finally! Another Chicago post! School takes up way too much of my time... Someone just needs to pay me to be a blogger already. :p


On our second day in Illinois we were still in Wheaton. We spent the day with family again. Church in the morning, and then grocery shopping, and a trip to an animal sanctuary.

I wanted a good picture of this snake, but it wouldn't hold still, so this was the best I got.

All of the animals here were animals that had been rescued from various unfortunate circumstances in the wild.

The owls were my favorite. :)

This poor fox only had three legs.

After the animal sanctuary, we went back home and joined Uncle Bill. He had a photography job at an estate called Cantigne. (Pronounced Can-Tee-Nee) It's a huge place with gardens, a museum, gardens, war memorials, gardens, a golf course, and more gardens. While Uncle Bill went off to take pictures, Aunt Linda, Shaina, Sasha, and I explored the gardens.

So, apparently we always do this.

We all were taking pictures of everything.

I loved this thing. I wish it was real!

Tiny ornamental peppers. I wonder what they taste like...

These glass bottles were buried to create a border for some of the plants in one of the gardens. I called them the North American Burrowing Bottles. :p

When uncle Bill had finished his job, he came back and started taking more pictures just for fun with the rest of us.

I called this woman a pot-head. I know. I'm so clever.

A giant tic-tac-toe game.

Dinotopia(ry) It's a nerd-joke. Don't worry if you don't get it.

That night we got together with Chris and Becky, and Ethan convinced Shaina to play hide-and-seek with him. He was looking for her for AGES, and he never found her. She had gotten down and crawled under one of the cars. She said he ran right by her so many times. It was the funniest thing that happened all day. :)

And that was our second day. If you liked the pictures of the garden, and would like to see more, I made a separate post on my photo-blog, which you can find by clicking HERE.

No promises as to when day three will be up, but hopefully soon. Day three was The Field Museum! :D

Friday, October 25, 2013

Facebook Friends #11

A couple weeks ago I posted on my blog's Facebook page, that the next Facebook Friends post was going to be so much better because of a site I had found. Link HERE. But, that is not to be. At least not yet. To actually make a post like that, I'll need pictures of all my characters. And I don't have time to do that right now. Since I don't have any people to pose for photographs, I'd need to draw every single character. So until I have time, my posts will have to remain as plain as they always have been.

This post has been a long time in the writing. I had part of it done ages ago, some of it was done even back when I published #10, but then I got busy with other things, and haven't returned to work on it all that often until recently. Work, Road Trip, Moving, School, these things just kind of took away most of my writing time.

Also, for you Doctor Who fans, the first half of this post was written quite awhile ago, not long after Matt Smith announced he was leaving the show, and long before Peter Capaldi was announced as the twelfth doctor, which is why there is no mention of a replacement in the Doctor When post.

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Elda Exclamations
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Flower Child
The natural state is the most freeing way to commune with nature! Freedom from clothing allows me to sense all of nature's auras!
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Burger Queen
Sponsored Post
Stop in to our nearest location and try our new "Skinny Fries" Made with 20% less trans fats! These ones don't cause obesity!

Crazy Uncle
In a public bathroom today and from outside the stall I heard a little kid burst in the door and shout "MOM!"
Izzy Illiterate Bahaha!!! he in the rong bathoom to find his mom!!!

Crazy Uncle I really, really wanted to call out in a creepy high-pitched voice "I'm in here my little sugar-pie!" and scare the bajeebers out of him. >:D

Aunty Uncle Well I'm glad you didn't! I wouldn't want to have to come bail you out of jail!

Roxy Repost
repost this post or you'll die horrabally!!!!1 7 years ago a girl named jenny was alone in her home and she saw this post on a website and she didnt repost it and 27 minutes later she herd a noise in her closet and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise downstairs and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise in her closet again and she looked and there was blood dripping down the walls and she ran into the bathroom and they found her dead the next day drownd in toothpaste!!!!!!!! so repost this post or youll die too!!!!!!!11!!!
Lorenzo Literate Please tell me that you reposted this to be ironic. I really want to believe that you posted this to be ironic.

Izzy Illiterate OMZ THTS HORRABAL!!!!!! I HAV TOO RPOSTT NOW!!!!1!!!!

Lorenzo Literate Of course you do...

Izzy Illiterate
repost this post or you'll die horrabally!!!!1 7 years ago a girl named jenny was alone in her home and she saw this post on a website and she didnt repost it and 27 minutes later she herd a noise in her closet and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise downstairs and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise in her closet again and she looked and there was blood dripping down the walls and then she ran into the bathroom and the next day they found her dead drownd in toothpaste!!!!!!!! so repost this post or youll die too!!!!!!!11!!!
Lorenzo Literate I still can't believe that we share the same genes.

Izzy Illiterate i do NOT sharr pants with yu!!! stop making me sond lik im a weerdo!!!

Lorenzo Literate Oh, I don't need to. You do a pretty good job of that all on your own...

R.W. Republicrazy
Shelly O'Mally needs to be stopped!!! How DARE that ugly hag try to FORCE Americans to eat healthier!!! My kid came home today and said they took out the pop machines out of the school, and started serving SALADS in the cafeteria!!! THIS NANNY STATE IS OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!
Rabid Liberal Well your kid probably needs the salads. I'm sure he's so fat from all that soda that he's already got diabetes.

R.W. Republicrazy She's a girl and she's perfectly healthy you  photo Censored.png  photo Censored.png!!!!!!

Indie Pendant I'm not even gonna touch this conversation...

Mitch Morebuff
I don't know where I'd be if no one had invented working out! If I didn't lift for at least six hours each day I don't think I'd be the most beautiful human being the world has ever seen!
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Mamma Frazzled
One of the triplets just said her first word. It was Butt...
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Izzy Illiterate tat sso funy mrs farzled!!!
T. M. Info A baby after my own heart!


Winston Q Eyeglasses

Winston Q Eyeglasses Isn't that what you fangirls said when Daniel Tenant left?

BB Tween Maybe, but that was totally different! We didn't know Mark Smith was coming!

Winston Q Eyeglasses Well, maybe you should reserve judgement until you find out who's replacing Mark Smith.
BB Tween Sorry, but that's just not how fangirls do things. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go to my room and sob for a few hours and draw some weepy fan art to upload to my tumbleblog.

T. M. Info
Wow. I ate way too many burritos last night. I feel like I'm pregnant with about five hundred baby ghosts. Woah! Just started giving birth!
Crazy Uncle HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That's awesome! :D

Mrs. Info I feel as though I need to be wearing a paper bag over my head so that no one knows who I am.

Gloom Lyrical
Sadness stains my soul like ketchup on a silken handkerchief. Weep for the handkerchiefs. Weep. Weep. - FamousEmoPoet

Joy Lyrical
After the rain,
Then comes the rainbow.
Drink of the rain
Bathe in the rainbow.
Breathe in the beauty
Flower Child That is the single most beautiful thing I've read all day. I'm crying!

Lill Sloshy
Ashpe cog barthint tobs.
Vaguely McDramaPants Lill, are you drinking and Facbooking again? You know how that usually goes...
Lill Sloshy Nop imm noott dooming thatttttttttttttttttttt
Lill Sloshy skwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.
Ima Bean Wow, Lill! I never know how inspirational you were! Your depth has moved me to the core!

Hippie Critical
Sometimes you just need to stuff yourself silly with Oreos. LOL!

Lorie Luvvie
So glad to have my Schnookie Pie Cuddle Chunks Home!!!!! 
David Duvvie I'm not glad. I'm only here because I'm so sick. Who knew that being a taste tester at the Limburger and blue cheese factory could go so wrong? Now if you'll excuse me, Cuddle Chunks has to go expel chunks.

G.O. Pachyderm
Be careful of what you post my friends! Big Brother is watching you!
R.W. Republicrazy So true! O'Malley needs to be impeached for spying on us! How dare he invade our privacy like this!

Indie Pendant You realize that he's not doing anything that George Shrub didn't do, right?

R.W. Republicrazy Lies! George Shrub was trying to keep us safe from terrorists! O'Mally is tapping our phonelines to take our freedom and destroy our country!

Rabid Liberal What-EVER! That's the biggest load of elephant garbage I've ever heard! Brock O'Mally is the one trying to fight the terrorists! Shrub was a criminal!

R.W. Republicrazy No, O'Mally is the criminal! He should be arrested! The man is an evil, totalitarian dictator!

Rabid Liberal He is not! Shrub was the dictator! It sickens me how much you people worship him!

Indie Pendant I'm going to leave before I suffocate in this cloud of clueless hypocrisy.

Ima Bean
Does anyone want to come over and play with my gravel collection? I still have 5473 more that need names!
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Amy Aminal
If I see one more "People Eating Tasty Animals" t-shirt, I'm going to feed whoever is wearing it to the nearest heard of crocodiles!
R.W. Republicrazy *Runs for his life*
Rabid Liberal Yeah, you would have one of those shirts. Stupid carnivore.
R.W. Republicrazy *Eats a pile of dead cow burgers* BA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! >:D
Rabid Liberal Good luck with those clogged arteries.

Rainbow Sunshine
Remember Everyone! A good hug can fix everything! We just need to be willing to make the first move! Leave pride behind, and embrace those you disagree with! I love you all! :)
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Friday, October 18, 2013

Quick Campus Tour: 1st Semester

I've been meaning to get a few pictures of school up for awhile, but I've had so much school to work on, that until this week, I've kind of neglected my blog. So today, about halfway through the semester, (Halfway? Really?) I'm FINALLY getting a few pictures up.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, my time is split between two buildings.

This is the design building. This is where all the art studios are, as well as a large auditorium where a lot of art lectures are held. This is where my Introduction to the Design program is held, as well as my theater class. This is also where the drawing class that I dropped was held.

So far, theater class is probably my favorite class. It is more than just theater, and actually, I don't know that Theater is a good name for the class. It's more of an overview of all the performing arts. It's an introduction to, and a history of, dance, music, theater, and movies. I really like the teacher, and I think that's one reason I like the class so much.

This is Curtis Hall. This is where my sociology class is held. I really enjoy this class too. It really helps you understand why people act the way that they do. I find the whole thing fascinating. It's classes like this that make me wish that everyone could go to college. If more people could understand why humans act the way they do, I think the world would be a much better place.

This is the class size as seen from up in the balcony. Most classes are like this. So many people.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am in this building, Hoover Hall. Here I have a design history class.

This is how big the class is, I am in the back row here.

Looking to my right.

And to my left. As you can see, the class is huge.

Now I should probably tell you that this is the class I was telling you about in my last post. The one that it's going to be next to impossible to get a good grade in. But it is not a terrible class. I actually like it a lot, when I'm not trying to pass any assignments in it.

When I first got there and I heard my teacher speak for the first time, I thought the whole class was going to be unbearable. He sounds like a cross between Richard Simmons and Elmer Fudd. Not even kidding. I'm not trying to make fun of him in any way, I'm just stating a fact. But as soon as he started teaching, I got over it. His voice doesn't bother me at all anymore. I now can't imagine the class being taught by anyone else. He always has fascinating stories to tell about the history of design, like how Washington DC got to have some of the worst designed streets in the country, and how all the designs of our money came to be, and what they used to look like. I wish he'd write a book with all this information. I think it would be fascinating.

So, those are all my classes for this semester. Next semester I'll try to get some pictures up a lot sooner than halfway through. I have some other pictures of other places around campus as well, and when I get time, I'll make a post with them too.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Ups and Downs

So, I've kind of gotten the feeling that until my post yesterday, everyone thought that I was having the time of my life at college. That everything was wonderful and life couldn't be better. Well, as you could tell from my last post, it isn't like that all the time. I don't usually like to be a downer so I usually try to make everything sound better than it is. Like everything in life, school has its ups and downs. Thankfully, at least for now, there are usually more ups than downs.

I am working on a post full of pictures from school, but as I was putting it together I found myself dwelling a bit too much on the bad surrounding one class than I wanted to. So, instead of bringing that post down, I thought I'd make a separate post about it, so that the other post can just be positive.

The bad this semester has diminished significantly since dropping the drawing class, but I still have a class that I am not having the greatest time with. I actually really like the class, it's very interesting, it's just there are things about it, that are very frustrating.

First of all, there is no book. You get no information other than what you copy down for notes. I hate trying to pay attention and write things down at the same time. I get the feeling that I'm missing half the information, trying to focus on two things at once.

The next thing is how the daily grades are given. Most of them come from an online quiz, which you have about a day-long window to do, so if you have to work, and you forget to do it, you're out of luck. There are no second chances.

The biggest problem with the class, is that the tests are completely essay, No True/False, no Multiple Choice, and you are not allowed to use notes. I was shocked that I got a C on my first test. I was expecting an F. I had an absolutely awful time with it. If I could have used my notes, I would have breezed right through it. I like writing, but I am terrible at remembering dates, names, and other trivial things without something to jog my memory.

I hate to say all this about the class, because I actually like it a lot. I've learned so many interesting things from it, it just that it is going to be practically impossible to get a good grade in it. Good for me anyway. I'm sure whatever I get there will be people who would see it as a good grade, but I am used to getting all A's and B's. In this class I'll feel lucky if I end up with a C.

But other than this class, right now everything else is pretty good. Even in the hardest of the other classes I think I'll probably get B's, and I think I'll be ok with that. A's would be awesome, but these classes are a lot harder than the ones I've had in the past, so I think I'll be ok with B's.

One thing I neglected to mention in my last post, another great thing that happened, was that I found out that one of the requirements in a Journalism degree is to take a statistics class. Not just a math class, a statistics class. Which I have already taken! I was ecstatic (On the inside) when I realized I would not have to take that again. I am now SO glad I took that awful class last year!

So that's all my negative news for now. I'll try to be more positive from now on. :)

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A New Direction

Today I have a pretty big announcement. It's probably bigger than "Pretty Big" actually. It's kind of huge.

I am changing my major. Actually, I have changed my major. It's pretty much a done deal now.

It all started a few weeks ago in Drawing class. I have been having a terrible time there. It's not that I didn't understand anything. I understood everything. I know absolutely everything they were teaching. It was all extremely basic stuff. I've been doing this for years. The problem is having enough time to get what you know to come out in your drawings. The goal of the class is to produce realistic drawings, and I have never been good at that without spending a LOT of extra time on them. Time I do not have, and that was where the problem started.

In the class we are required to draw from still lifes (Lives?) that the teacher has set up. These constructions are made of a bunch of random junk. A dented rusty tin can next to a box with a wine bottle and a vase on it, beside a large wooden stool, topped with a large metal tub, with tiny clay pots hanging off, surrounded by all manor of rusty teapots, old liquor bottles, a baby's sippy cup, a tipped over wine glass, and who knows what else. The drawings are interesting, I suppose, but they are not fun. I was not enjoying trying to draw this mess.

What made the class so unbearable, was the teacher's insistence on EXACT accuracy. Without the use of rulers. We had to draw by sight only. Maybe if I had had lessons of this kind as a kid it might be easier now, but I'm 27, and I've been doing it "The wrong way" all my life. It's going to take a very long time to "Unlearn" everything I already knew. Not that that's impossible. It's not impossible at all. What IS impossible, is the insistence that we only draw that one still life for class. Nothing else would be acceptable for grading, and we only have around 6 hours of class time each week.

The teacher told us that we would need to spend, at the very least, six hours outside of class drawing. That would have been fine if I could have drawn in my spare time. The problem was, I could not draw whenever I had time, I had to draw, at school, in that room, and only when there weren't other classes there. In order to finish our projects, it was an absolute necessity to come back at night and on the weekends to draw when there were no classes taking place. I don't know what fantasy land the teacher lives in, but some of us have jobs. Not everyone is getting their way paid through school by their parents. There was absolutely no way that I would be able to complete the projects by the deadlines and have them look good.

I thought my teacher would be understanding if I simply explained my situation, but she was not. She actually told me that I should just drop the class. (A class which is a foundational requirement for any of the design programs.) As tempting as it is, I'm not trying to paint her as a witch. I'm just saying that she just could have been a little more understanding about things. Part of the problem lies in why she was teaching. She's actually probably around the same age as I am. She's a graduate student there herself, and in order to graduate, she is required to teach some classes. I suspect that she is just "Doing her time," and doesn't really want to be a teacher at all.

Initially I was determined to stick it out. I don't like quitting anything, and I needed that class in order to move on in school. But as the semester wore on, it was getting harder, and I felt like I was falling behind. The deadlines kept getting shorter, and the still lifes became more complicated. Finally after a particularly tough day, I started considering dropping the class. But then, if I did drop it, what would I do? I could pick it up again in another semester and hope for a better teacher, but there's still the issue of how much time I'd need to spend drawing. Unless I found a Fairy Godmother who would give me all the money I'd need to pay bills etc, I couldn't make that big of a time commitment. Because even if I only spent six extra hours drawing, that hasn't even begun to factor in the time I would spend waiting for the other class to get out so I could use the room, not to mention the time spent waiting for, and riding on, the bus. That alone is at least one extra hour total each day. There really is no way to pass this class unless you don't have a job, or are already extremely talented.

So I started thinking about other options and suddenly it hit me. Writing. I love to write. I love writing just as much as I love art, but until that day I had never even considered it as a career possibility. When I went to ITT Tech I had no goal, other than the fact that I knew I liked art, and I thought that graphic design was a surefire way to get a job. *Derivative Laugh* It led nowhere.

After three years of dead-end jobs, I decided I wanted a career I could love. I hated hating my job. I wanted to learn art. I loved art, and I wanted art-related opportunities that I wouldn't get in the middle of nowhere Iowa. So I decided to go back to school. I've never given anything else a thought, because I've always loved art, and I wanted to be an artist.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I love both art and writing, but I really feel like I am a better writer than I am an artist. Most days when I would have other school work to do, all I would think about was how much I would rather be working on my blog. I really love writing, and unlike art, it comes pretty easily to me. I love art, but I really have to work at it, and sometimes that takes a lot of the fun out of it. Especially when you're not allowed to draw what you want. With writing, even when I'm writing about something that I don't necessarily enjoy, I can still get through it relatively easily.

With that in mind, I started thinking about how I could translate writing into a career. My only writing experience, other than school, is this blog. And on this blog, I do all sorts of different kinds of writing. When I first started, it was mainly about me. What I liked, what I was doing, your basic boring blog. In the last year or so though, I've really branched out into a lot more creative writing. With my "Real Stories" fairy tale series, and my Facebook Friends posts, among others. Given these facts I thought that maybe I should look into getting a degree in creative writing. But then again, I needed to be thinking about money. As much as I absolutely hate money, it is an unavoidable fact that I need it, and unless I somehow managed to get published, or gain fame in some other way, creative writing is probably not going to yield that many job opportunities.

I started to think of the other ways that people earn a living by writing, beyond just writing books. My first thought was journalism, and as soon as I had the thought, I knew that was it. Done. The decision was made instantly. It was perfect. I wanted to be a journalist. I love to travel, and I love to write about what I've seen. If I could get paid to do that, I'd be set.

After coming to that conclusion I started to get things moving with all the different departments at school, and as of a few days ago, I am now a journalism major. I don't know exactly where this will lead me, after all, newspapers are slowly dying off. Such a shame, as I do love the thought of having the same career as Clark Kent. :) I'm thinking I will probably look to something more along the lines of a magazine. Or, more likely, an online magazine. Part of the journalism degree includes photojournalism, and I think that if I could combine photography with writing, it would just be the icing on the cake.

What does all this mean for my long-wished-for career as an artist? Well, I am not going to completely give that up yet. No one ever said you could only be ONE thing when you grow up. I am still going to get a minor in Design, and I am actually almost there right now. With all the classes I took at Iowa Western, I only need two more to get the Minor, so I decided to just go for it. Thankfully the drawing classes I took at Iowa Western are enough and I don't need to take any more here. I won't have to worry about taking that terrible class! The main thing I'll need to do is take an upper level art history class. One other upper level class after that, and I'll have the minor. Not sure what I'll do with it, but I think it's useful to be able to say that you know how to do a variety of things.

So, that's where I am right now. I know writing probably seems like it should have been an obvious choice, since I write so much more than I draw, but for whatever reason, until a couple weeks ago, it had literally never once crossed my mind to pursue it as a career. Now that I am, I can't wait to see where it takes me!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

A Twist Ending! 5!

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how racially diverse it is here in Ames, and how, back home, Almost everyone is white, and those that aren't (Mainly Hispanics) are quite often looked upon rather unfavorably. (To put it nicely.) I've wondered to myself what those people back home would think if they moved to Ames, and had a lot more people than just Mexicans to live with.

I was thinking about this again tonight at work, and it reminded me of an encounter I had with a man back in Harlan, who was not rude to me, personally, but he said something rather despicable to me, such that, I didn't even know how to respond at the time. Suddenly, I had another "Twist Ending" story writing itself in my head, and I couldn't wait to get home and write it out.


I counted out the two men's change as they chatted to each other in their native tongue.
"Have a nice day," I said, handing it to them with a smile. As they left, continuing their conversation in Spanish, an overweight, middle aged man eyed them warily and set his groceries on my counter.

"I hate Mexicans!" He exclaimed as soon as they were out of earshot. Then he burst out laughing. "Oh, did I say that out loud?" He laughed some more. "Better be careful! You can get in trouble for talking like that these days!" I didn't even know what to say to him at that point. Thankfully he had only a few items and the transaction was brief. He continued to snicker to himself as he left the store.

As he walked up the parking lot, he heard a far off, muffled "Boom!" followed by a high pitched whistle. It sounded almost like a firework had been launched. "What was that?" he wondered to himself. As he walked, he realized the whistle was getting louder and more irritating. He looked around but couldn't see anything. The sound intensified, and the man began to get nervous. The sound kept on getting louder and louder, and the man, panicking, began to run. The sound kept coming until it was almost deafening. Suddenly the man realized that it was directly above his head, and he stopped running to look up, just in time to be crushed by an enormous flying burrito.

Friday, October 4, 2013

True Facts! 7!

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Did you know that the flakes fed to pet fish are actually corn flake seeds? True fact!

Did you know that the McDonald's Hamburgler doesn't eat any of the hamburgers he steals? He actually brings them back home to "The Hood" to use in a game called burger ball. It's almost like baseball except the pitcher throws burgers instead of baseballs. The object of the game is to hit the burgers so that they explode, and then run around the bases before the other team can catch you and hit you over the head with another baseball bat. True fact!

Did you know that Albert Einstein kept a small nest of burrowing owls in his hair? True fact!

Did you know Nostradamus made his first prediction when he was just 8 years old? A bully named Kevin kept calling him Nostril-Damus, so he predicted that Kevin would be eaten by a woodpecker. And he was right! True fact!

Did you know that a peacock is just a fabulous pheasant? True fact!

Did you know that Cool Whip is made of clouds? But only organic, free-range, grass-fed clouds. Kraft Foods would never use inhumanely treated, factory farmed clouds in any of their products! True fact!

Did you know that your left foot is smarter than your right foot? True fact!

Did you know that the only reason that giraffes ever eat out is to order onion rings? They'd make them at home, but their hooves are too unwieldy to work the deep fat fryer properly. True fact!

Did you know that toads are actually frog trolls? True fact!

Did you know that Yetis are actually giant albino chimpanzees? The sightings began about two hundred and seven years ago when a family of rare albino chimpanzees were moving to China from Africa and got lost, so they decided to become hermits and scare innocent mountain climbers instead. The tradition has been passed down through the chimp family generations to this day. True fact!

Did you know that creeks are just rivers on a diet? True fact!

Did you know that rivers are just stretched out lakes? True fact!

Did you know that lakes are just fat ponds? True fact!

Did you know that puddles are just dwarf ponds? True fact!

Did you know that ponds are just baby oceans? True fact!

Did you know that oceans are just giant bowls of over-salted, fish soup? True fact!

Did you know that the The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Little People filed a lawsuit against me, three true facts ago? True fact!

Did you know that a camel's favorite food is Skittles Ice Cream? True fact!

Did you know that, in the wild, clowns and mimes are natural enemies? True fact!

Did you know that, contrary to popular belief, elephants can not fly by flapping their ears? They can only fly by spinning their tail like a helicopter blade and jumping off a cliff. True fact!