Are you sick and tired of giving away boring old candy to all the neighborhood beggars every Halloween? Well, have I got an idea for you! The kids come to your door shouting "Trick or Treat!" Instead of giving away treats, just give them the other option!
Warning: Do not actually attempt any of these in real life. If you do, be aware that results may vary, from mildly scarring a small child for life, to receiving multiple lawsuits from angry parents.
Cake - Exit the house holding a platter with an entire cake. Cut one slice, and use a cake server to deposit it into the child's bag. Pull a bucket of ice cream out of a hidden door in a fake planter, and scoop three scoops into the bag. Pull a can of spray whipped cream out of your back pocket, and generously squirt a large pile onto the ice cream. Open a jack-o-lantern and pull out a jar of maraschino cherries. Put a single cherry on top of the child's head and walk back inside, shutting the door behind you.
Gravel - Open the door and walk forward with a blank expression on your face. With one hand outstretched, drop a fistful of gravel into the bag, and walk backwards, shutting the door without saying a word.
Glitter - Jerk open the door and scream "SPARKLES!!!!!!!" whilst flinging the glitter directly at the children, and immediately run back inside.
Cottage Cheese - Scoop the cottage cheese out of a five-gallon bucket labeled "Raisins" with a large spoon, and with a forceful motion, slop it directly into the trick-or-treater's bag. Begin eating the cottage cheese with the large spoon while staring at the child.
VHS Tapes - Open the door and drop one tape in each bag saying, "I do NOT want this old thing, ANYmore!" Go back inside and slam the door behind you.
Chicken Leg - Answer the door with a fried chicken leg in your hand. Stare blankly at the child while taking a bite from the leg. Chew slowly while continuing to stare at the child. Repeat previous steps. Look at the chicken leg, then at the child's outstretched bag. Drop the half eaten leg into the bag and go back inside.
Real Candy - Wait on the roof, and when the children ring the doorbell start dropping handfuls of candy over the edge onto their heads. Hide when they look up so that they can't see you.
A Goat - Open the door and walk out, leading a small goat on a leash. Put the end of the leash in the child's hand and walk back inside, shutting the door behind you, not saying a word.
A Single Penny - Dressed as an old homeless woman, hobble out, and place one penny in each bag. In your weariest, old lady voice tell the children, "Don't worry, I removed most of the curses from those." Slowly hobble back inside and close the door.
Acorns - For this one you will need an assistant. Answer the door holding a giant bowl filled with acorns. Compliment the children on their costumes, telling them repeatedly how adorable they are, while dropping handfuls of acorns into their bags. At this point, your assistant should be in the back of the house screaming, "NOOOOO!!!!!!' at the top of his lungs, pounding on a door that they have been locked behind. Begin to look worried, and tell the children it's time for them to leave now. Here, your assistant should break through the door they were behind, and race toward the front of the house dressed as a giant squirrel. Scream at the children to run, while trying to hold back the squirrel who should be screaming, "No! NO!! MY ACORNS! NOOOOOOOO!!!!"