Monday, February 17, 2014

True Presidential Facts!

I started this post almost a year ago. For some reason I just started thinking up "True facts!" about the presidents one day, and before long I had almost enough for a post. Later I sat down, rounded them out to twenty, and decided to save them to use for Presidents' Day. Today.

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Did you know that Andrew Jackson liked to wear ladies' hats? He wasn't a cross-dresser, he just really liked ladies' hats. True fact!

Did you know that Grover Cleavland was into furry cosplay? His favorite character was one he created himself, a blue monkey named Steak Sauce. This costume would later be used as the inspiration for the Sesame Street Muppet, Grover. True fact!

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln holds the highest Pac-Man score in history? True fact!

Did you know that Franklin D. Roosevelt became obsessed with Dimes after his face was put on them? He was once heard to tell a friend "These tiny frisbees with my face on them are delightfully enchanting!" Then he would throw them and lose them. It was thought that he had some kind of a problem. True fact!

Did you know that Thomas Jefferson used to throw Disco Raves at his plantation? This was well before Disco, OR Raves. He was quite the trend-setter. True fact!

Did you know that under John F. Kennedy, being a clown was illegal? Kennedy was extremely Coulrophobic, and decided to legislate accordingly. Under the Kennedy regime, clowns faced severe penalties, including up to 6 months in prison, if they were caught in public with their makeup on. The suffering was not limited to just clowns, however. Due to the cross-race effect, mimes were frequently mistaken for clowns, and faced similar persecution. True fact!

Did you know that President Obama was not actually born in Hawaii? He was actually born in Connecticut, but that's such a boring state, that he went to great lengths to pretend to be more exotic. True fact!

Did you know that at one time, congress entertained the notion of choosing a president with a Miss America pageant? The idea was nixed after John Adams pointed out that all the men would look horrible in dresses. True fact!

Did you know that Hillary Clinton was actually the first female president? History says it was Bill, but we all know who was really running the show. True fact!

Did you know that George W. Bush is a clone of Bush Sr.? He was upset about not getting a second term, so he cloned himself so he could go twice. True fact!

Did you know that William Howard Taft tried to duplicate Teddy Roosevelt's success with the Teddy Bear by saving an animal of his own? Sadly, the Willy Walrus never caught on. True fact!

Did you know that Richard Nixon used to bathe in yellow Gatorade? Pat didn't know anything about this odd quirk of his, until one day she accidentally walked in on him and was absolutely horrified. True fact!

Did you know that Obama has his own flock of flying monkeys? He got the from George W. Bush as a "Thanks For Getting Me Out of This Heinous Job" gift. True fact!

Did you know that Ronald Reagan could heal the sick and walk on water? This is why Republicans worship him. True fact!

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln wore his top hat to hide his pet beaver? Its name was Priscilla Chrysanthemum. True fact!

Did you know that when Jimmy Carter retired, he took a part time job as that rat thing at Chuck E. Cheese? True fact!

Did you know that George Washington was an alien from Saturn's 10th moon? That powdered wig he always wore was to hide the tentacles on his head. True fact!

Did you know that Sarah Palin wanted to be Queen of America? That wasn't allowed, so she tried for the next best thing. It was decided that she and John McCain would arm wrestle to see who would be at the top of the ticket. Though she lost, it is widely speculated that John McCain somehow cheated. True fact!

Did you know that Lyndon B. Johnson's favorite Pop-Tart flavor was S'Mores? Lady Bird thought that they were absolutely disgusting. Her preferred breakfast item was an Egg McMuffin. True fact!

Did you know that Millard Fillmore and his wife Jane single-handedly stopped an alien invasion? They saw the spaceships land and started throwing rotten grapes at them. The aliens weren't very big, and they were not exactly a strong or advanced race. They were soundly defeated. True fact!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

A Twist Ending! 9!

Well, here it is. The first terrible customer I've had in Ames. Since then I've had two more. Or to be more accurate, one more, the same man, but on two different occasions, behaving in the exact same way. So I need to get writing on that one next.


"Hello, did you find everything ok?" I asked the man as he unloaded eight bottles of coke and two bags of squirrel corn onto my register.

"Yes, but I'm only here because the other store didn't have what I was looking for." The man exclaimed angrily, like somehow it was our fault that the other store hadn't had what he wanted. "Maybe you can tell me why their coke is ten cents cheaper than yours?"

"Well, I'm not sure," I said, "But I could -"

"Well, you'd better get a manager then," he interrupted, "Because this corn was a DOLLAR cheaper over there too!"

I called the manager over, a young guy, around my age, he probably hadn't been a manager very long. Poor guy didn't know what he was walking into.

"Can I help you?" He asked the man.

"Yeah, I only came here because the store across town didn't have what I was looking for and this coke was TEN CENTS cheaper there! Now what are you going to do about that? Huh? You guys are supposed to guarantee prices!"

"No, we don't guarantee prices. Every store sets their own price. However, if you have an ad, we'll match it."

"I don't have an ad, this stuff was all cheaper there! This corn was a DOLLAR cheaper! You guys are supposed to guarantee prices!"

The manager knew this wasn't a battle worth fighting. "Ok, you want $2.80 back? I can do that." He typed in the discount and quickly left.

The man fumed to himself as he paid, leaving the store in a huff. As he loaded his corn into the truck he heard a far-off scurrying noise getting closer and closer. As the sound grew louder, the scurrying combined with an angry chattering, and the man looked up, just as a huge wave of squirrels completely overtook his car. It flooded into and over his vehicle, taking the corn, and knocking him off his feet. The man was swept away and swallowed up by the adorable mass of fur, and no one ever saw him again.

Friday, February 14, 2014

True Love Facts! For Vambletimes Day!

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Did you know that in some countries in South America, it is considered romantic to gift your significant other with a single Ghost Pepper on Valentine's Day? If they can successfully eat it without something to mask to intense, excruciating, burning pain, they have successfully proven their love, and are worthy to date you for another year. True love fact!

Did you know that anteaters invented French kissing? It looks pretty weird when they do it. True love fact!

Did you know that the original love holiday was Groundhog Day? It was later decided that the groundhog was a terrible metaphor for love, and they changed it. True love fact!

Did you know that the heart wasn't always the symbol of love? It was first the gizzard. Once people figured out that humans don't have gizzards, they had to change it. True love fact!

Did you know that in ancient times, being in love was thought to be a terrible disease? The only cure was to eat lots of raisin bran, and smear Desitin on yourself. If that didn't help, the lovers were banished to the wilderness so they wouldn't spread this awful disease to the rest of the tribe. Two of those banished lovers went on to set up a colony which became Paris, France. And thus the City of Love was born. True love fact!

Did you know that for about four years, Valentines Day was called Vambletimes Day? St. Valentine was a mumbler. True love fact!

Did you know that before flowers were invented, people used to give each other bouquets of porcupine quills to show their affection? The conquest of a wild porcupine was proof of their undying devotion. True love fact!

Did you know that the concept of Valentines cards grew out of the tradition of giving a dead groundhog to your true love once a year? It changed once people realized that was a pretty gross tradition. True love fact!

Did you know that not all love birds are actually in love with each other? Some are just trying to keep their noses warm. True love fact!

Did you know that the Cupid myth originated with a seagull? It all started when a mother seagull decided to adopt a human baby. She was way into baby wearing, and one day she decided to take him out for a fly. She really wanted him to be good at sports, so that morning she decided to teach him archery. Thankfully she gave him rubber tipped arrows because he was a really bad shot. He missed the target completely and hit an innocent bystander. Then man went down immediately and beautiful woman ran over to ask if he was okay. He fell in love with her at first sight, and to this day he credits the "Flying Angel Baby" with their successful marriage. True love fact!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

New Pages!

If you're paying attention, you might have noticed that the look of the blog has been updated slightly. If you'll look at the top of the page, you'll now see links to a whole bunch of new pages. I wanted to have an archive of all my fiction in case anyone wanted to find a post quickly. In addition, I put up a guide to all my Facebook Friends character bios, so they could all be found in one place. Look around! Maybe you'll find something you haven't read before!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Facebook Friends #12

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Katy Catlover 

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Izzy Illiterate OMZ!!! Log hared kitten Sr. my favorite bread!!!
Izzy Illiterate OMZ!!! This stupid I font!!! It keep changing all my word!!!

Crazy Uncle
Guys. Guys! GUISE!!! I just put milk and chocolate syrup in a blender, and got chocolate milk!!! It's witchcraft I tell you! WITCHCRAFT!!!
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Mitch Morebuff
So today I learned that the word muscle came from the Latin meaning. "Little Mouse." This is just wrong. My god-like biceps look nothing like little mice! More like rippling, gorgeous stallions!
 photo ThumbsupSpace.pngDelta Deltoid Likes this

I bought a box of kleenex today. Well, actually it was Puffs, but I always still call it kleenex.
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T. M. Info
Oh, great. I just popped a zit on my stomach, and now it's squirting red zit juice all over the place. Now I'm gonna have to put a band-aid on it and rip off all my studly stomach hair. :'(
BB Tween EEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



BB Tween *Barfs* *Dies*
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Flower Child
I just spent the entire morning brightening my chakras in a tulip field. I am ready to face my day.
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Roxy Repost
Just so everyone of my friends knows this! Facebook changed their privacy settings again!!! Do to the new "picapp" anyone on facebook (and people in foreign countries!) can see your pictures! I am posting this so everyone knows to do it too and once you have done it please post DONE!!! I post lots of pictures of my family and I don't want strangers to see them!!! This happens when friends "like" or "comment"on your stuff. Their friends will see all our posts, too!!! We cant change this because Faceboook made it so we cant!!! PLEASE put your mouse on my name (DO NOT CLICK IT!) A window will pop up. Then move the mouse on "FRIENDS". (DONT CLICK IT AGAIN!) Then move down to "SETTINGS". CLICK THIS! A list will appear. GET RID OF THE CHECK ON LIFE EVENTS AND COMMENTS AND LIKES. This will make all my activity private. Now, copy and paste this on your wall. Once I see this on your page, I will do the same the same for you. If you don't do this AND PROTECT MY PRIVACY I will be forced to DELETE YOU! I want to stay PRIVATELY connected with you! Thank You.
Lorenzo Literate Really? Really? You believe this bunk? Roxy! Please! I know you're smarter than this! Just do a little research!
Izzy Illiterate wel its beter that saff then sorry.. thanks fr triing too help roxy
Lorenzo Literate "Better safe than sorry," is just used to excuse laziness. No one wants to research anything for themselves.

Elda Exclamations
Aunty Uncle What do you mean? Are you leaving Facebook?

Lorenzo Literate Some days I feel like I'm pounding my head against a concrete wall of stupidity.
Izzy Illiterate uhoh brotherr r u vagebookinga gain? ;p
Lorenzo Literate Yes. Yes, I am.

BB Tween
The new Doctor When is old! And not a hot kind of old! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Winston Q. Eyeglasses And this is where the real fans and the fangirls part ways.

Lill Sloshy
is you like ok and my feelings 34 to 5600 am very happy you have a taste i dont fixed alone when you are not me am so scared you get started doctor 24h anytime 7 you got the big way i see doing am crying go to the bar get me back am asking you we have did it all the time of the most the time zipped be used I no wanted new drinks and I love drinks way toodrinks
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Lorenzo Literate Does anyone have any glue? I think Lill is broken.

Connie Conspiracy
Did you know that before the 1950's the words "Under God" was not in the pledge of Allegiance, and "In God We Trust" was on hardly any money? This proves that the Illuminary have invented time travel and are trying to erase God from history! Someone has to stop them!

Hannah Hashtag
Just gave a homeless man 3 quarters and a dime. Just gotta give back, ya know? #blessed #generosity #love #helpthehomeless #peace #givingback
Izzy Illiterate thast so nicee!!! #yourmyidle
Lorenzo Literate >Gag< Please don't ever hashtag again.

Leia Organic
Did you know that cough syrup causes cancer?!?! Everyone please share this information!
Lorenzo Literate Did you know that science just confirmed that all medicine is poisonous? The only cure for anything is to go outside and lick as much fresh tree bark as you can find! It works because it's all natural and organic! 

R.W. Republicrazy
Why cant people figure out the difference between your and you're?! This is why were all going to be speaking Mexican in a few years!
Rabid Liberal You forgot you're apostrophes, you racist hick.
R.W. Republicrazy Well you just wrote YOU ARE instead of YOUR!
Rabid Liberal Yeah, its called sarcasm!
Rabid Liberal Nope, your spelling is flawless. You just put in quotation marks instead of apostrophes. Next time just hit caps lock instead of holding down the shift key. You must have been taught at one of those "Special" schools.
R.W. Republicrazy Yeah, YOUR MOM taught there.
Rabid Liberal Oh, resl mature.
R.W. Republicrazy That is the stupidest misspelling I've ever seen! What an idiot!
Rabid Liberal Shut up you stupid fat  photo Censored.png!!!!!

Mamma Frazzled
Holy. Gravy. Junior's diaper literally just exploded.
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Crazy Uncle I literally just gagged on my taco from laughing.
T. M. Info Best. Post. Ever. You win the internet.
Aunty Uncle You two should be ashamed of yourselves.
Hippie Critical This wouldn't have happened if you were using cloth diapers.

Gloom Lyrical
The oppressive moon. Sadness. Darkness. Death.
Joy Lyrical Well, you have a wonderful day yourself, dearest brother!

Crazy Uncle
Finding a warm seat in a public restroom is like winning the toilet jackpot!
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T.M. Info Preach, brother! Preach!

I made a sandwich with cheese.
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Ferdie Foodie If you were a woman, you'd be speaking my love language right now.

Ima Bean
Honk. Honk honk honk! I'm a chicken. Squeedle-Deedle-Dee!
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Winston Q. Eyeglasses Are you ok? I think you might have had a stroke on your keyboard.
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Lorenzo Literate Forget it. I've given up trying to understand her.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Video Blitz 4

I haven't done one of these in awhile, so I had a lot of great videos to choose from that have come out over the last two months. It was SO hard to narrow them down!

First up is probably my favorite YouTube musician of all time, Lindsey Stirling. (I know this sounds so "Hipster-ish," but I love the fact that I can say I discovered her when she only had one music video on YouTube, and I've been watching her ever since.)

All the footage is from her first world tour. I love how they planned each shot and made her poses and moves all blend together in all the locations all over the world.

Next up is Peter Hollens and his wife Evynne.

I don't play WOW, and don't ever plan to, but you don't have to even know what it is to enjoy this song. It's amazing.

The next is an episode of Messy Mondays from Blimey Cow. Some of the jokes you have to have been watching the show for awhile to understand, but it is still gut-bustingly hilarious.

I about died laughing at the "Hip-Squeak."

The next video has been out for awhile, it's from one of my favorite YouTube Groups, Walk Off the Earth.

This song showed up in the video player on my 3DS ages ago, probably over a year, and I played it over and over, until it was replaced. (There's a rotating cycle of 4 videos in the 3DS player, none are permanent.) I forgot about it until last month when I rediscovered it, found their YouTube channel, and realized I'd seen some of their videos in the past, and I loved them. I subscribed right then, and bought their album.

The next song is another by Peter Hollens, and it is probably my favorite new song of all of these.

I loved this song from the first NOTE! I listened to it over, and over, and over! (And bought it of course.) I highly recommend that you follow Peter's link to the original video as well.

This next video is from William Joseph, the same guy who played the piano in the Dubstep Piano on the Lake video from my last Video Blitz post.

Love the cinematography, and the violinist is amazing as well!

I wouldn't feel right doing one of these posts without including the single greatest group on all of YouTube, Pentatonix.

They are incapable of making a bad song. Incapable.

Last, but definitely not least, probably my favorite video out of all of these, Lindsey Stirling's latest masterpiece. This video is so different from her other ones. Amazing special effects, awesome CGI, and amazing dancers with amazing choreography. It's so science-fiction-y, but still completely her style. It blew me away. I've lost track of how many times I've watched this video.