Tuesday, September 1, 2015


It has been quite awhile since I published something original, something not a video, so today, I'm releasing something totally different than anything else I've done before. And if you couldn't tell by the fact that I just spent an hour making a logo for it, I really liked it, and it will probably become a series.

Have you ever been out somewhere and you overheard something out of context (or sometimes even in context) that just struck you as hilarious? It seems to happen to me a lot, so I decided to start saving them to share. Originally I would post things like this on Facebook, but there were a couple days that so many happened over the course of a few hours, that I decided to start writing them down, to use in a post like this.

This all started at my grandma's church in Ames. The other college kids can be pretty funny to listen to, and one day they just seemed to have a whole bunch of weird one liners that cracked me up.

These first ones are bits of conversations that I caught out of the hubbub of random dialogue around me. Usually the line that was spoken or shouted the loudest is what I heard.
"Hey, Jesus wasn't white!"
"OJ didn't do it!"
"I have a bone to pick with cheerleaders." 
"I wish they would have had pictures back then. How do we know Jesus had a full beard? What if he had some condition where he couldn't grow facial hair?" 
Here, I was the only person in the room when two other guys walked in and saw some items on the chairs left by other students.
Guy 1: "Who's stuff is this?" 
Guy 2: "Your mom's."
This was part of a discussion group dialogue.
Discussion leader: "Ok, you can have the last word, you have 12 minutes." 
Guy with last word: "I don't need 12 minutes, I wasn't raised baptist."

These next two were conversations I overheard while visiting my grandpa at the nursing home in Story City. They are both conversations between two residents.
 "It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"It's 15 minutes until 2 o'clock." 
"What about socks?"

Another conversation I overheard, it may have actually been the same two people from the previous conversation, started when I heard an earsplitting BRAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!!!!! (An enormous belch) from across the room. Not missing a beat, as if nothing had happened, the belcher, an elderly "Gentleman" tried to strike up a conversation with the little old lady next to him.
Elderly Gentleman: "Those shoes look like they're brand new." 
Little Old Lady: "Well they're not." 
EG: "Time for a little nap." 
LOL: "Well I hope so. Simmer ya down maybe." 

I didn't have quite as many opportunities for people watching while I was back in Harlan, but I did overhear a few while at work at Hy-Vee.

A little girl was climbing to the top of a large stack of Gatorade.
Little Girl: I'm the Gatorade Queen! 
LG's Mother: Get off of there! 

A group of elderly gentlemen were having a long conversation in the dining room that I missed most of, as I was at the other side of the room, but when I got up to throw away my trash, this is what I overheard.
"How do they even get into those high heeled shoes?" 
"I don't know, I think they grow into them." 
"I think they get up on the top bunk and step down into them."

Totally different day, a couple months later, the same group of men were gathered, as usual.
"I don't have anyone to cook for me." 
"Why don't you get married?"
"I tried that already." 
"Well, try again!"

A mom with a little boy, probably two-years-old, came through another checker's line.
"I told him he could pick out any candy he wanted, and what does he choose? Bandaids."

A woman came through my line with  a little girl, somewhere between 6 a 8, and started walking away without her bag, so I picked it up.
"Don't forget your bag!"
"Oh, well, thats why I have this one."
She gestured to the girl who dutifully took the bag. As they walked out the door the little girl must have asked why she had to carry the groceries because I heard her mother say:
"Because I carried you for 9 months."

A couple came through my line, and as I scanned their items they just kept on talking.
"Why am I yawning?"
"You haven't had enough sleep."
 "Well I need to get some sleep. I know your mom is going to text us for church in the morning. The only reason I'm going is-"
"'Cause you'll hear all about it?"
"Yeah. I'm not scared of God, I'm scared of your mom."

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