Valentines Day Acrostics

I keep see these annoying acrostics all over Facebook, every year at Valentines Day, where people have formed the word 'Valentine' out of a whole bunch of other words, or manipulated a wall of text so it looks like the word 'Valentine' has just miraculously shown up in the text, like it's somehow amazing or special that it says Valentine inside all these other unrelated words. So instead of leaving a hundred snarky comments all over the place and making all my friends and family hate me, I decided to make my own. You're welcome.

True Love Facts! For Vambletimes Day!

Did you know that in some countries in South America, it is considered romantic to gift your significant other with a single Ghost Pepper on Valentine's Day? If they can successfully eat it without something to mask to intense, excruciating, burning pain, they have successfully proven their love, and are worthy to date you for another year. True love fact!

Did you know that anteaters invented French kissing? It looks pretty weird when they do it. True love fact!

Did you know that the original love holiday was Groundhog Day? It was later decided that the groundhog was a terrible metaphor for love, and they changed it. True love fact!

Did you know that the heart wasn't always the symbol of love? It was first the gizzard. Once people figured out that humans don't have gizzards, they had to change it. True love fact!

Did you know that in ancient times, being in love was thought to be a terrible disease? The only cure was to eat lots of raisin bran, and smear Desitin on yourself. If that didn't help, the lovers were banished to the wilderness so they wouldn't spread this awful disease to the rest of the tribe. Two of those banished lovers went on to set up a colony which became Paris, France. And thus the City of Love was born. True love fact!

Did you know that for about four years, Valentines Day was called Vambletimes Day? St. Valentine was a mumbler. True love fact!

Did you know that before flowers were invented, people used to give each other bouquets of porcupine quills to show their affection? The conquest of a wild porcupine was proof of their undying devotion. True love fact!

Did you know that the concept of Valentines cards grew out of the tradition of giving a dead groundhog to your true love once a year? It changed once people realized that was a pretty gross tradition. True love fact!

Did you know that not all love birds are actually in love with each other? Some are just trying to keep their noses warm. True love fact!

Did you know that the Cupid myth originated with a seagull? It all started when a mother seagull decided to adopt a human baby. She was way into baby wearing, and one day she decided to take him out for a fly. She really wanted him to be good at sports, so that morning she decided to teach him archery. Thankfully she gave him rubber tipped arrows because he was a really bad shot. He missed the target completely and hit an innocent bystander. Then man went down immediately and beautiful woman ran over to ask if he was okay. He fell in love with her at first sight, and to this day he credits the "Flying Angel Baby" with their successful marriage. True love fact!