Obligatory disclaimer, none of this is supposed to make sense. These are all real quotes, from real conversations I had, heard, or overheard in public. They all made sense in context, but I thought they were funnier without.
“What do I look like? I need to check!“
“It looks kind of like a sentient gumdrop.”
“The ghost has OCD.”
“He was trying to eat pellets.”
“Today we’re going to be eating roof thatch! Just like they did in the old country!”
“It’s a drink with lots of chunks in it.”
"I don't know how frogs work."
“Yeah, I just walk around with cheese in my pocket.”
“He’s just gonna nibble on my coat.”
“Does it have Asian juice?”
“You can trade that for Skittles!”
“No, the real thing! Not that drippy brown imposter!”
“I like the idea of having an armoire with a lot of glop in it.”
“I need to ask my dad about some empty paint cans.”
“It’s like a seagull eatin’ a hotdog.”
“This is my chicken pile here!”
“Decaf Chai, Whales, Oviraptors; basically the same thing.”
“WHAT IS THIS?!?!!! WHY IS THERE MILK IN THIS?!?!!!”
“It needs to be warm, with lumps and a skin.”
“Oh no. They stole a dirt baby.”
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