#TrueFacts (April 2018)

Did you know that it’s outside your window right now? It’s watching you. It’s always watching you. #TrueFact

Did you know that famed kitchen gadget inventor Claudius Dumplesmith died a penniless laughingstock? This was because all of his inventions were things like the sausage peeler, the cheese ricer, and the milk dicer. Sadly, the man was certifiably insane. #TrueFact

Did you know that Bigfoot has wings? That's why no one ever finds him, he hears them coming and just flies away. #TrueFact

Did you know that most alleged angel appearances are actually Bigfoot sightings? #TrueFact

Did you know that biker cows do not wear leather jackets? They used to, until they found out what they were made of. And then they felt really gross about it. #TrueFact

Did you know that clowns use coconut oil to keep their skin silky smooth? And to keep their hair disturbingly greasy. #TrueFact

Did you know that if you fall down an up escalator, it's like you never even fell? #TrueFact

Did you know that if you fall up a down escalator, you will break all known laws of physics, and you will ascend to god-hood? At least, that's what the wise old man I found sleeping under a bridge told me. #TrueFact

Did you know that birds invented the popular social media platform, Twitter? Jack Dorsey, Noah Glass, Biz Stone, and Evan Williams the four "human creators" of Twitter, are all fabricated personalities invented by the Twitter Trust©, a flock of super-intelligent sparrows. These sparrows make public appearances using a combination of robotic avatars, and CGI. #TrueFact

Did you know that some of the Twitter Trust©'s robotic avatars may have managed to achieve sentience and invent Facebook? If investigator's theories are correct, about two years before the launch of Twitter, a few early prototype AIs, let by a droid named Mark Zuckerbird, managed to gain enough self-awareness to rise up against their avian overlords, and escape. Striking out on their own, they decided to create their own social network in an attempt to connect with the humans that share their likeness. But this is still only a theory. Unlike the Twitter Trust©. That stuff is all definitely, definitely real. #TrueFact

Political Post

I pretty much never do single video blog posts any more, but I just watched this video and it was so utterly brilliant that I had to share it. I'm still debating on whether or not to actually share this to Facebook, because this is literally at least 60-70% of my Facebook friends, if not more. It's also a tiny bit me, right before I stop myself from posting something stupid, and remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, my political opinions are meaningless, and posting about them on Facebook, or tweeting about them, does literally nothing.



For anyone who would like context, this is the artist Poppy, or That Poppy. She is a singer, but she has a second channel where she plays this strange vapid spoof of people on social media, celebrities, millennials, etc. She is brilliantly weird, and weirdly brilliant. My favorite kind. :p

Things I'd Never Say on Facebook

I dislike controversy. I dislike people voicing dissenting opinions simply because they want to cause an argument. It is for this reason that I don't really talk politics or religion anymore, ESPECIALLY on social media. But, this non-confrontational attitude extends to many different things, far beyond those two topics.

Every day on social media, mostly Facebook, I see tons of, well, just really, really stupid stuff. Just about all of them are completely irrelevant and not worth arguing over, so I ignore them, at least publicly. Inside, it's a completely different story. :p So I decided to blog about it. Hopefully this way, by not directing these opinions at anyone in particular, I will be less likely to offend anyone. I just really needed to say them. But be warned, the shade is about to get real. :p

First up, this monstrosity.

Who in their right mind would willingly ingest this radioactive pile of gelatinous goo?! It makes me physically ill to look at this picture, and yet all I see is people posting this recipe cooing over how awesome this idea is, and how they need to make it right away. No! NO! This is disgusting! I wish there were some way to wipe this hideous mutation from the human consciousness!

Next up, this meme.

It needs to die a slow and painful death. Whoever invented it should be publicly shamed. Maybe using cold honey and feathers. They don't deserve warm honey. Shame on anyone who thinks this worthless waste of time is funny.

And while I'm at it, I also feel the same way about this meme.

Stop being so completely, ignorantly self-righteous. Literally NO ONE is telling you these things, get over yourself!

Whew. That was a little harsh. Let's move on to something that I am a little less spiteful about. :p Apparently, Bass Pro Shops recently bought out Cabela's.

Or maybe it was the other way around. Honestly I couldn't be bothered to care any less. Those are literally two of the most soul crushingly boring stores on the planet. Literally the only stores more boring are sports equipment stores. At least these ones have fish tanks and some interesting taxidermy. Other than those things, I really don't understand why anyone cares at all. But it was all over Facebook recently, and I really wanted to write how little I cared, but in the interest of maintaining the peace. I said nothing. Until now. :p

Lastly, I just have one thing to say about this stupid meme.

Shut up, you obnoxious little infant!

I am so sick of seeing all the unwarranted hate that is thrown at oatmeal raisin cookies. What are you people? Pathetic little babies who can't stand to ingest something (moderately) healthy? Just because you're a whiny little crybaby, doesn't mean that everyone else feels the same way! I happen to love oatmeal raisin and will sometimes willingly choose that OVER chocolate chip! Also, if you're so dumb, or nearsighted, that you mistake an oatmeal raisin cookie for a chocolate chip cookie, than you either need glasses, or - I don't know - you should just ask whoever made them what they are! Good grief. I'm done.

Well, that was cathartic! I'm so glad to have gotten these petty little rants off my chest. Now to move on to something more important, like, pretty much anything else. :p

Facebook Friends #14

Two Facebook Friends posts in one year? What is this, 2012?

I have a couple new characters, one who makes a post, one who is just tagged, it's a redneck couple, as you'll be able to tell from the names. :p

Also, just as a point of clarification, a bunch of this was written ages ago, particularly the political post, which was written when conservatives were losing their minds over Obama's drone strikes. That is very old news now, and this post is no longer relevant to today's news. But I already wrote it, and I don't want to get rid of it, so I'm just leaving it in. I just wanted to clarify so no one was confused as to what I might have been parodying. :)

Rainbow Sunshine
Just sitting here reflecting on my dear Granny Sunshine. She would have been 99 today. I'm sure she's up in heaven smiling down on me. Go hug your grandmas for me, ok everyone? I love you all!!!

Joyful Exclamations Awwe, that's so sweet, Bow!! We love you too!!!

Elda Exclamations I BELIEVE CERTAIN PEOPLE COME IN2 OUR LIVES FOR A REASON JUST TO GIVE US WHAT WE NEED AT THAT MOMENT WE NEED THEM ITS HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.

Ima Bean
I just saw a poor, lonely gummy bear, lying in the dirt. Someone had dropped it. It would never be eaten, its chewy sweetness had gone to waste. Its life was over, and its existence had been meaningless.
So I stomped on it. SQUISH!
Lurking Liker likes this.

Rick Troll Boy do you need help.

Lorenzo Literate We all know this. We've been trying to help her for years.

T. M. Info
Woo! I just snarted!

Mrs. Info I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am going to regret asking this, but what is that supposed to mean?

T. M. Info It means I sneezed, and blasted air from both ends! :D

Mrs. Info I'm shaking my head sadly and walking away now.

R.W. Republicrazy
Freakin' O'Malley going to drag us into another war! The warmonger! Bring our troops home!!!!

Rabid Liberal I'm always amazed by the right's love of peace when a democrat is calling the shots. Hypocrite.

R.W. Republicrazy I'M A HYPOCRITE?!?! YOU'RE THE HYPOCRITE!!!!! YOU WERE ALL OVER THOSE PEACE RALLIES 10 YEARS AGO!!!

Rabid Liberal I'm still for peace, I never said I wasn't. I don't like what O'Mally's doing over there any more than you do.

R.W. Republicrazy You aren't?

Rabid Liberal No, of course not. Not every liberal worships the ground he walks on. Most of us are perfectly normal.

R.W. Republicrazy Wow. I think this is the first time we agreed on anything. Care to join me at an O'Mally impeachment rally next week?

Rabid Liberal Of course not!!!

R.W. Republicrazy Well that didn't last long. 

Roxy Repost

Lorenzo Literate Now this is the kind of meme I can get behind! Sarcasm for the win! You can't see it, but I am literally slow clapping my genuine applause for this gem of an old woman.

Gladys Grizzle Good for her, but if I were her, I'd be using my cane to knock some sense into my no-good grandson!

Hannah Hashtag
We're holding a mayonnaise-a-thon to help cancer! Donate 20 bucks, and I'll add another jar of mayonnaise to the pool I'm jumping into! #peace #love #mayonnaise #cancer #blessed #givingback #charity #donation
Lurking Liker likes this.

Rick Troll Wow. Who knew that charity could be so #moronic.

Izzy Illiterate o u mean lik u?

Rick Troll Nice, someone's developed an attitude!

Izzy Illiterate boom babyy. u kno tats rite!

Redd Neckston
Holy cats! Ruby-red! Were makin this mess fer dinner!!!!

Bacon Wrapped Bacon Grilled Cheese
w/ Cheddar-Bacon Dipping Sauce 

Ingredients

2 Slices of White Bread - Don't you dare use wheat or gluten-free. This is NOT a recipe for health nuts!

4 Slices Processed 'Murican Cheese - Don't even think about using Brie or Gruyere. This is NOT a sandwich for rich, hoity-toity, snootity-snoot-snoots.

4 Slices Pre-Cooked Bacon - Don't you DARE use turkey bacon!!!! This is AMERICA and we eat REAL BACON here!!!!

6 Slices Uncooked Bacon - Don't you even DARE use tofu bacon, or some other vile, ungodly vegan concoction you Communist PIG!!!! DON'T YOU EVEN FREAKIN' DARE!!!!!!!

1 Jar Processed Cheddar Cheese Dip - Don't you even THINK ABOUT using any of that frou-frou Pennsylvania Créme Chése! This is not your Great Aunt Deloris's 50th annibirthary with salmon croquettes and LOX!!!!! YOU EAT THAT PROCESSED CHEESE LIKE GOD AND NATURE INTENDED!!!!!

1 Cup Bacon Bits - Don't you even come within 10,000 feet of the recipe with any of those heinous imitation soy-bits like grandma Phyllissabeth keeps in the ice-box! This is not the 1970's!!!! This is 2015! Those soy chunks are well known to cause stomach cancer and mouth boils!!! Quit trying to force that soy garbage on me you ignorant heathens!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!! YOU'RE POISONING YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!

2 Sticks of Butter - Don't you even freakin' DARE use Margarine or Olive Oil!!! What are you trying to do, kill yourself?!!? That margarine is made of plastic and who knows what's in that olive oil mess!!! Besides! This is AMERICA!!!!! IN AMERICA WE EAT BUTTER ON EVERYTHING!!!! WHY ELSE WOULD GOD HAVE CREATED COW UDDERS THAT SQUIRT A DELICIOUS MULTI-PURPOSE BEVERAGE OUT WHEN YOU SQEEZE THEM?!? SO WE COULD MAKE YOGURT LIKE SOME HECK-DANG HIPPIES?!?! I DON'T THINK SO!!! GOD INTENDED FOR AMERICANS TO EAT BUTTER!!!! IT IS OUR PATRIOTIC DUTY AS CITIZENS OF THIS ONCE GREAT NATION TO EAT ALL THE BUTTER OUR GOD-FEARING HEARTS DESIRE!!!! FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!! FOR OUR FOREFATHERS!!!!! FOR FREEDOM!!!!!! *Eagle screech* *Fireworks* *Star Spangled Banner* 

Instructions

1. Layer the cheese and cooked bacon inside the bread LIKE A GOSH-DARN PATRIOT!!!!!!!

2. Rub an entire stick of butter all over the outside of your sandwich and fry that thing like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, and Ronald Q. Reagan would have wanted you to do!!!!!!

 3. Wrap the uncooked bacon all over the outside of your sandwich so that no bread is showing and throw the other stick of butter into the pan. Fry that thing until the bacon is crispier than Uncle Cletus's back on sunshine day!!!!!

4. Once the sandwich is done, pour the cheese dip and bacon bits into the leftover butter and bacon grease and mix it until it's warm and drippy. Then dunk that thing till all the dead patriots that have gone on to glory, cry tears of joy and sing your name from the heavens!!!!!

5. Bask in the knowledge that you, and only you, are the truest American patriot that ever walked this hallowed ground, and that The Lord Almighty Himself has reserved a special place of honor for you when you ascend to glory to receive your reward. You are what make this country great. You, Butter, and the almighty Bacon strip. You couldn't be more Patriotic if you kicked a hippie in the face while ten thousand eagles soared overhead pulling a giant, tattered Old Glory behind them. WELL DONE, THOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL PATRIOT!!!!!!

Ferdie Foodie This recipe is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I want this in my mouth right now!!!!!

Fiona Foodie Are you trying for a heart attack before age 35?

Hippie Critical OMZ!!! This looks Uhmayzayng!!!!! Except for all the hippie-slurs... That part is really offensive...

T. M. Info
Dear Diary, Today I went to the bathroom and realized I had my underwear on inside out. Then I thought, Oh well, it's too late now, I've come this far, I might as well leave them that way, so I put them back on. The end.

Mrs. Info Really? Two posts in one day? Have you no shame?

T. M. Info Uh, no. Have you met me?

Mrs. Info It was a rhetorical question. 

David Duvvie
Today was the worst day of my life.
Rick Troll likes this.

Lorie Luvvie Oh no! Why!? I really thought that the tasting job at the Baskin' Bunny Ice Cream Imaginarium would be the one! What happened!?

David Duvvie They hired a psycho to invent the flavors, that's what happened! Corn-Cream Vanilla with Wasabi Fudge swirl and Crispy Bacon Crunchies!? Who would CHOOSE to eat such a thing!?

Ferdie Foodie I WOULD!!!!! I NEED THAT JOB!!!!!!!!

Fiona Foodie Why am I not surprised?

Bob
I tried a new flavor of Jell-O today. #Living
Hannah Hashtag likes this.

Facebook Friends #13

It has been over a year since I last did one of these! It was last February! You can tell this one was  started back then because there's a Lego Movie reference. It is high time for another! This post is mostly the same format as the others, just slightly different, there's one new character, Rick Troll, who's purpose I'm sure you've already guessed. I also have one very experimental post in here, you'll know what it is when you get to it, Facebook does not behave like this in real life. :p Anyway, here it is, the long-awaited 13th installment of Facebook Friends!

Ima Bean is at Circus of the Sun

Izzy Illiterate i herd thay where in town! hav fin1

Ima Bean This is the best movie I ever watched! It like totally 3D!

Lorenzo Literate You're at the circus. It's not a movie. It's real.

Ima Bean It's SO 3D! These graphics are amazeballz!

Lorenzo Literate You're hopeless.

Winston Q. Eyeglasses
The BuildaBlox Movie is the best movie in the ever!

Rick Troll If I was still in school, you would be having swirly sauce on wedgie pie for dessert right about now.

Winston Q. Eyeglasses Yeah, right. Because nerds are weak and defenseless right? Say that to my mace you basement dwelling loser!

Rick Troll What is that, some kind of medieval MMORPGYXWVUT thing?

Winston Q. Eyeglasses No, my mom bought me a can of mace when Chad Punchingfist kept stealing my lunch money. Now he has to wear an eyepatch.
Actually he just has amblyopia, but I like to pretend it was my mace.

Rick Troll Wow. That's really just kinda sad.

Winston Q. Eyeglasses I know...

T. M. Info
Cool! I just discovered that if you yank out a nose hair, it totally sets off a sneeze attack! I'm off to collect a ton of Gesundheits at Nanna Nora's knitting circle!

Mrs. Info Oh, good grief.

Roxy Repost
When I was a kid, we played on rickety playground equipment, rode our bikes without helmets, played sports without pads, jumped out of trees into gravel mounds, ran barefoot through the broken glass fields, shot each other in the face with pellet guns, and ate lead paint chips with wild abandon! And we had a WAY better childhood than these soft, coddled nightmares of today! Repost if you the best childhood ever!
Lurking Liker Likes this


Connie Conspiracy
Did you know that melancholic shots give you cancer? Do your research sheeple! Wake up! Do NOT vaccinate your kids! YOU ARE KILLING THEM!!!!!!!!!1 Check out www.antivaxxmammawhowasadoctoruntilthelawsuit.com for more info!!!! The research is there!!!!!!!! Educate yourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leia Organic likes this

Mrs. Info As someone who HAS done the research I can say without a doubt that though most in the professional field agree on the research, there are still a lot of questions, and they are asking them. Vaccines are safe for most of the population. There's no way to know who they might negatively affect. Don't attack good parents for doing what they think is right for their own kids.

Connie Conspiracy Do NOT question me!!!! I have studied the websites for YEARS I KNOW WHAT I am TALKING ABOUT1!!!!!!!!!! www.livinginabunkernotdrinkingthekoolaid.com

Mrs. Info You believe everything you read online? The internet is literally the worst thing for anyone's paranoia. You really need to talk to some professionals about your concerns.

Connie Conspiracy THE PROFESSIONALS ARE CORRUPT THE ILLUMINARY IS REAL THEYRE BRAINWASHING THE SHEEPLE I WILL NOT SUBMIT OMALLEYS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS THE REVOLUTION IS AT HAND NED CRUISE 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lorenzo Literate Oh my word, she broke Facebook.

Rick Troll So, what are your thoughts on O'Malley?

Flower Child
Love is the music the heart sings when it perfectly aligns with another being of the eternal cosmos.
Psychedelic Eternity likes this


Crazy Uncle
Ah! That smells like relief!

Aunty Uncle Craig!!!

TM Info Ba Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
Gloom Lyrical
"We live in ruined cities, you'll never see in movies. We struggle to survive, to survive." - Duchesse

Gloom Lyrical So deep.

Joy Lyrical What are you talking about? We live in a cul-de-sac in the suburbs. Your biggest worry is whether or not the Goth Topic has run out of spiked leather arm cuffs.

Gloom Lyrical No one understands me.

Bob
I was just folding laundry, and I realized that I'd lost a sock.


Mamma Frazzled
I just came into the living room and found the baby trapped in a blanket with one leg sticking out, swinging from the ceiling fan like a snared animal in a net.

Mamma Frazzled Well, no surprise here, it was Junior. He says he set a baby trap and baited it with a pile of arrowroot cookies.

Grammie Happy My little sweetie is a budding genius! I just know he's going to be a world famous engineer someday!

Crazy Uncle Or a big game hunter.

Auntie Uncle Craig!

Ima Bean is in a Relationship

Izzy Illiterate wooowooowww!!! yayy ima!! wutz he lik?

Ima Bean He's so dreamy! 

BB Tween You go girl! Who's the lucky guy?

Ima Bean You don't know him. His name is Haunke. He's foreign.

BB Tween Post a pic!

Ima Bean Sure. BRB.

Gladys Grizzle
So I was at Nora's Knitting Circle this afternoon, and some young punk, who wasn't even knitting, kept on picken' his wretched little nose and sneezing all over the place! It was just obscene! Nora and everybody else were all like, "Oh, bless you." Oh, Gesundheit," "Oh, God bless you!" I just went to town on him with my knitting basket. I don't think he'll be trying that again.

Elda Exclamations YOU WERE SO RUDE TO THAT BOY. HE JUST HAD SOME ALLERGIES.

Gladys Grizzle That was no allergy attack. Nasty little vermin.

  
Crazy Uncle
If you eat four eggs for breakfast, you can get three meals out of a dozen, and if you eat three eggs, you get four meals. BUT if you go down to TWO eggs, you get SIX meals! That's CRAZY! Where did the extra meal come from!? It's like there's some kind of wicked sorcery at work here!!!

Lorenzo Literate It's called math.

Izzy Iliterate yas!!!!1 matth is evvil!!!

R.W. Republicrazy
Last night Donald Reagan came to me in a dream. The vision was so powerful I just started weeping profusely. It has been so long since a perfect, flawless human being has been in office. I just know this was a sign from God.

G. O. Pachyderm Ah, yes. I do miss The Dipper.

Rabid Liberal I thought you Republicans were against worshiping humans. Looks like somebody needs to read their Bible.

R.W. Republicrazy Oh yeah? Well at least I don't worship SATAN!!!!!!!! Like YOU!!!!!!!

Rabid Liberal I don't even BELIEVE in Satan!!!!!! What's wrong with you?!?!

R.W. Republicrazy WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Hannah Hashtag
So excited about the new royal baby!!!! #RoyalBaby #PrinceRoland #PrincessKayte #PrinceHogarth #PrincessCarlotta #QueenEliza #Adorbs #DiaperDiaperDiaper

Joyful Exclamations Oh, I know! Isn't new life grand!?

R.W. Republicrazy This is why this freakin' country is going to in a handbasket!!! NO TRUE GODFEARING AMERICAN PATRIOT SHOULD CARE ONE SINGLE ABOUT THE FREAKING ROYAL FAMILY!!!!!!!!!1

Rainbow Sunshine I agree, Hannah and Joyful. It's so amazing. R.W. I'll pray for you. I hope you find happiness someday.

R.W. Republicrazy The only happiness I need is freedom! FREEDOM!!!!!

Bob
I was just buttering my toast, and I got butter on my hand. LOL!


Mitch Morebuff
Yes! I just totally pounded Walter Wimperson in the Punchfighting match! I rock, so hard!
Wenda Wimperson likes this


Ima Bean
My gorgeous BoyToy, Haunke.

Lorenzo Literate I don't even have words. No words at all.

Izzy Illiterate im so happey 4 u!!!

BB Tween ... Ok ...

T. M. Info
I was just innocently minding my own business at the knitting circle this afternoon, trying to get some tips, when out of nowhere some crazy old bat just attacks me with her knitting basket! And she keeps her yarn in an ammunition chest! I think she fractured my humerus!

Gladys Grizzle Well, I find that humorous!

T. M. Info You! It was you, wasn't it! You're just the kind of old crone who would attack someone with an ammunition chest!

Gladys Grizzle You'd better believe it! Now stay away from our knitting circle you cesspool of disease!

T. M. Info Fine! Sheesh! I was just trying to get some blessings!

Gladys Grizzle Then go to church you little delinquent!

Joyful Exclamations Today is the day the lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Rainbow Sunshine likes this

Joyful Exclamations Thanks Rainbow!

Facebook Friends #12

Katy Catlover 
Hearts!




















Lurking Liker Likes this

Izzy Illiterate OMZ!!! Log hared kitten Sr. my favorite bread!!!

Izzy Illiterate OMZ!!! This stupid I font!!! It keep changing all my word!!!

Crazy Uncle
Guys. Guys! GUISE!!! I just put milk and chocolate syrup in a blender, and got chocolate milk!!! It's witchcraft I tell you! WITCHCRAFT!!!
Lurking Liker Likes this


Mitch Morebuff
So today I learned that the word muscle came from the Latin meaning. "Little Mouse." This is just wrong. My god-like biceps look nothing like little mice! More like rippling, gorgeous stallions!
Delta Deltoid Likes this


Bob
I bought a box of kleenex today. Well, actually it was Puffs, but I always still call it kleenex.
Lurking Liker Likes this


T. M. Info
Oh, great. I just popped a zit on my stomach, and now it's squirting red zit juice all over the place. Now I'm gonna have to put a band-aid on it and rip off all my studly stomach hair. :'(

BB Tween EEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween *Barfs* *Dies*
Lurking Liker Likes this

Flower Child
I just spent the entire morning brightening my chakras in a tulip field. I am ready to face my day.
Aura Borealis Likes this


Roxy Repost
Just so everyone of my friends knows this! Facebook changed their privacy settings again!!! Do to the new "picapp" anyone on facebook (and people in foreign countries!) can see your pictures! I am posting this so everyone knows to do it too and once you have done it please post DONE!!! I post lots of pictures of my family and I don't want strangers to see them!!! This happens when friends "like" or "comment"on your stuff. Their friends will see all our posts, too!!! We cant change this because Faceboook made it so we cant!!! PLEASE put your mouse on my name (DO NOT CLICK IT!) A window will pop up. Then move the mouse on "FRIENDS". (DONT CLICK IT AGAIN!) Then move down to "SETTINGS". CLICK THIS! A list will appear. GET RID OF THE CHECK ON LIFE EVENTS AND COMMENTS AND LIKES. This will make all my activity private. Now, copy and paste this on your wall. Once I see this on your page, I will do the same the same for you. If you don't do this AND PROTECT MY PRIVACY I will be forced to DELETE YOU! I want to stay PRIVATELY connected with you! Thank You.

Lorenzo Literate Really? Really? You believe this bunk? Roxy! Please! I know you're smarter than this! Just do a little research!

Izzy Illiterate wel its beter that saff then sorry.. thanks fr triing too help roxy

Lorenzo Literate "Better safe than sorry," is just used to excuse laziness. No one wants to research anything for themselves.

Elda Exclamations
DONE

Aunty Uncle What do you mean? Are you leaving Facebook?

Elda Exclamations NO. I WAS SAYING THAT BECAUSE I FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS TO MAKE MY FACEBOOK PRIVATE.

Lorenzo Literate Some days I feel like I'm pounding my head against a concrete wall of stupidity.

Izzy Illiterate uhoh brotherr r u vagebookinga gain? ;p

Lorenzo Literate Yes. Yes, I am.

BB Tween
The new Doctor When is old! And not a hot kind of old! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Winston Q. Eyeglasses And this is where the real fans and the fangirls part ways.

Lill Sloshy
is you like ok and my feelings 34 to 5600 am very happy you have a taste i dont fixed alone when you are not me am so scared you get started doctor 24h anytime 7 you got the big way i see doing am crying go to the bar get me back am asking you we have did it all the time of the most the time zipped be used I no wanted new drinks and I love drinks way toodrinks
  Lurking Liker Likes this

Lorenzo Literate Does anyone have any glue? I think Lill is broken.

Connie Conspiracy
Did you know that before the 1950's the words "Under God" was not in the pledge of Allegiance, and "In God We Trust" was on hardly any money? This proves that the Illuminary have invented time travel and are trying to erase God from history! Someone has to stop them!


Hannah Hashtag
Just gave a homeless man 3 quarters and a dime. Just gotta give back, ya know? #blessed #generosity #love #helpthehomeless #peace #givingback

Izzy Illiterate thast so nicee!!! #yourmyidle

Lorenzo Literate >Gag< Please don't ever hashtag again.

Leia Organic
Did you know that cough syrup causes cancer?!?! Everyone please share this information!

Lorenzo Literate Did you know that science just confirmed that all medicine is poisonous? The only cure for anything is to go outside and lick as much fresh tree bark as you can find! It works because it's all natural and organic! 

R.W. Republicrazy
Why cant people figure out the difference between your and you're?! This is why were all going to be speaking Mexican in a few years!

Rabid Liberal You forgot you're apostrophes, you racist hick.

R.W. Republicrazy Well you just wrote YOU ARE instead of YOUR!

Rabid Liberal Yeah, its called sarcasm!

R.W. Republicrazy NOW WHO FORGOT THERE APOSTROPHE!!!????

Rabid Liberal NOW WHO FORGOT HOW TOO SPELL THEIR?!?!

R.W. Republicrazy YOU CAN"T EVEN SPELL TO!!! YOU'RE A SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID AREN'T YOU?!?! AND NOW YOU CAN"T MAKE FUN OF MY SPELLING BECAUSE I PROOFREAD EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Rabid Liberal Nope, your spelling is flawless. You just put in quotation marks instead of apostrophes. Next time just hit caps lock instead of holding down the shift key. You must have been taught at one of those "Special" schools.

R.W. Republicrazy Yeah, YOUR MOM taught there.

Rabid Liberal Oh, resl mature.

R.W. Republicrazy That is the stupidest misspelling I've ever seen! What an idiot!

Rabid Liberal Shut up you stupid fat !!!!!

Mamma Frazzled
Holy. Gravy. Junior's diaper literally just exploded.
Lurking Liker Likes this

Crazy Uncle I literally just gagged on my taco from laughing.

T. M. Info Best. Post. Ever. You win the internet.

Aunty Uncle You two should be ashamed of yourselves.

Hippie Critical This wouldn't have happened if you were using cloth diapers.

Gloom Lyrical
The oppressive moon. Sadness. Darkness. Death.

Joy Lyrical Well, you have a wonderful day yourself, dearest brother!

Crazy Uncle
Finding a warm seat in a public restroom is like winning the toilet jackpot!
Lurking Liker Likes this

T.M. Info Preach, brother! Preach!

Bob
I made a sandwich with cheese.
Lurking Liker Likes this

Ferdie Foodie If you were a woman, you'd be speaking my love language right now.

Ima Bean
Honk. Honk honk honk! I'm a chicken. Squeedle-Deedle-Dee!
Lurking Liker Likes this

Winston Q. Eyeglasses Are you ok? I think you might have had a stroke on your keyboard.
Lurking Liker Likes this

Lorenzo Literate Forget it. I've given up trying to understand her.

9

So, there's this thing going around Facebook, where people post a specific number of little known facts about themselves. At the end they say, "Like my post and I'll give you a number!" And then, you're supposed to go make your own. Normally I steer clear of these things. I don't like doing what's popular, especially on Facebook, (Whatever, I'm probably a hipster.) but I did decide to comment on my cousin Mandi's post, and she asked if I wanted a number. For some reason I agreed. (Whatever, I'm not THAT much of a hipster. :p) But since I'm still too cool for Facebook, I decided to turn it into a blog post instead. But unless someone BEGS me, I won't be passing out numbers. I still don't like following trends. :p The number that Mandi gave me was 9, so here are 9 things about me that you probably didn't know. Unless you're related to me. :p

1. The nature of the conversation that got me into this list was a discussion of My Little Pony. So I thought it fitting to use my first "Fact" to reveal that I was a brony before it was cool. (Wow. I sound so hipster...) Although I wouldn't call myself one now, I don't watch the show, don't have any toys, when I was a little kid, I loved them. This was mainly because I loved horses. I had a ton of realistic horse toys. I also loved bright colors, as most kids do, and My Little Ponies were both. I don't think I saw them as "Girl's Toys" I just saw rainbow horses, and they were cool.

2. This fact is easily followed by the fact that I liked other things that one would consider girly too. I liked Lisa Frank stickers, I played Barbies with my cousin Shaina, though I used non-Barbie toys, and she had the dolls. (My Lion King toys were my all time favorites at that age.) I did want a Ken doll though, because I thought that would be the boy equivalent to a Barbie. I was breaking down those gender barriers at such a young age. :p

3. My next fact is that I have been a fanboy since I was about 10. (For those of you who have never heard the term, a fanboy, or fangirl, is someone who obsesses over something, a movie, a TV show, a book, a singer, pretty much anything that can qualify as a fandom) My first series that I obsessed over was a PBS show called Wishbone. I had other shows that I had liked a lot before then, Carmen Sandiego, The Magic School Bus, Zoom, but this was my first legitimate obsession. I tried to tape every single episode, I bought the movie, I bought the books, I even bought a stuffed Wishbone plush toy. I couldn't get enough.

4. In addition to television shows, I have gotten obsessed with various book series over the years, and my first big obsession was a series called The Boxcar Children. I loved those books so much. My cousin Shaina and I even made up a club in honor of them, called The Boxcar Children Club. We even made up our own theme song. No I will not sing it for you.

5. Let's move on to more recent years for the rest of these. Over the last couple of years I have lost around 50 lbs. I've always had health problems that have made losing weight difficult, but in the last couple of years I've started to manage them a bit better, and because of that, I've lost quite a bit of weight. I think that it is still coming off, even though the scale hasn't shown it recently, because for the last couple of weeks, I have found it increasingly difficult to keep my pants up. Apparently I need to start wearing a belt...

6. A lot of people get really personal with these things, and I've been debating with myself whether or not I should do so as well. So I don't get TOO personal, I decided to just do one single entry. I don't usually like getting very personal, so it remains to be seen if I will even keep this in the post. Over the last few years I've changed my views on a lot of things. I used to be a die hard Baptist/Republican/Conservative/Fundamentalist/I'm right/You're wrong kind of a person. Not so much any more. I came to realize what kind of a person that kind of a harsh, judgmental attitude made me, and I didn't like it. I decided to leave it behind. Now I don't claim any denomination, or political affiliation, and my life has been infinitely better since then. I am now one of those people who doesn't like to discuss religion or politics, because I know what those kinds of discussions can do to relationships. Especially on Facebook. You can post one innocent comment and someone will jump down your throat like you were the devil himself! I've found it's much better just to let people think they're right, and salvage your relationship, rather than prove them wrong and have them hate you.

7. Well, that was pretty heavy. Let's lighten this up a bit, shall we? How about this? Here's something that no one knows about me. Well, except for a few people I don't even know in person. I have a secret blog. Whoops, I guess it's not so secret anymore... Any of you ever heard of a little site called tumblr? Yeah, I've had a blog there since right before I moved to Ames, and I published the first official post a couple of months ago. I mainly use it as a place to re-post my fiction, and write about my fandoms. I'm hoping that I'll eventually find an audience other than my family and friends, who read my stuff because they actually like it, not just because they know me. So far I have 19 followers! Followers who found me and subscribed, without me asking them to read my stuff at all. They just came, liked what they saw, and kept coming back!

8. Which brings me to number 8. Why do I want strangers to read my work? Because eventually I want to be a published author. I have a ton of ideas for stories that I could write. Every time I think of a new one I open the "Notebook" on my iPad and quickly type it in before I forget it. I have so many ideas I don't know where to start. I don't even know if any of them are any good. A lot of them are just generic sci-fi/fantasy ideas that I want to put my own spin on. I can't decide if I want them to be serious, or if I want them to be funny. Ideally I'd like them to be similar in tone to Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events books. He has the perfect blend of laugh out loud funny, and deadly serious. I'm not really sure how to capture that without blatantly copying his style though.

9. Last, but not least, and probably the most unlikely of all my "Dreams" is that some day, I would like to be a voice actor. I have loved cartoons ever since I first watched Looney Tunes cartoons and Disney movies as a kid. If I could somehow lend my voice to an animated character, my life would be complete. I'd love to work on cartoons in general, but to actually voice a character, would be so awesome. :)

So, there's my list. I'm sure you learned at least one new thing about me. Hopefully you enjoyed it. If any of you are interested, you can find the link to my tumblr HERE. And if you know someone who you think would find my writing humorous, (They'd have to be quite the weirdo themselves... :p) share this blog, or my tumblr with them. I'd love for more people to be able to enjoy what I write. :)

Facebook Friends #11

A couple weeks ago I posted on my blog's Facebook page, that the next Facebook Friends post was going to be so much better because of a site I had found. Link HERE. But, that is not to be. At least not yet. To actually make a post like that, I'll need pictures of all my characters. And I don't have time to do that right now. Since I don't have any people to pose for photographs, I'd need to draw every single character. So until I have time, my posts will have to remain as plain as they always have been.

This post has been a long time in the writing. I had part of it done ages ago, some of it was done even back when I published #10, but then I got busy with other things, and haven't returned to work on it all that often until recently. Work, Road Trip, Moving, School, these things just kind of took away most of my writing time.

Also, for you Doctor Who fans, the first half of this post was written quite awhile ago, not long after Matt Smith announced he was leaving the show, and long before Peter Capaldi was announced as the twelfth doctor, which is why there is no mention of a replacement in the Doctor When post.

Elda Exclamations
WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY IT IS! IT'S JUST SO PEACEFUL! I THINK I'LL MAKE SOME TEA, READ A BOOK, AND JUST ENJOY THE BLISSFUL SILENCE!
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Flower Child
The natural state is the most freeing way to commune with nature! Freedom from clothing allows me to sense all of nature's auras!
Starchild Moonbean Likes this


Burger Queen
Sponsored Post
Stop in to our nearest location and try our new "Skinny Fries" Made with 20% less trans fats! These ones don't cause obesity!


Crazy Uncle
In a public bathroom today and from outside the stall I heard a little kid burst in the door and shout "MOM!"

Izzy Illiterate Bahaha!!! he in the rong bathoom to find his mom!!!

Crazy Uncle I really, really wanted to call out in a creepy high-pitched voice "I'm in here my little sugar-pie!" and scare the bajeebers out of him. >:D

Aunty Uncle Well I'm glad you didn't! I wouldn't want to have to come bail you out of jail!

Roxy Repost
repost this post or you'll die horrabally!!!!1 7 years ago a girl named jenny was alone in her home and she saw this post on a website and she didnt repost it and 27 minutes later she herd a noise in her closet and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise downstairs and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise in her closet again and she looked and there was blood dripping down the walls and she ran into the bathroom and they found her dead the next day drownd in toothpaste!!!!!!!! so repost this post or youll die too!!!!!!!11!!!

Lorenzo Literate Please tell me that you reposted this to be ironic. I really want to believe that you posted this to be ironic.

Izzy Illiterate OMZ THTS HORRABAL!!!!!! I HAV TOO RPOSTT NOW!!!!1!!!!

Lorenzo Literate Of course you do...

Izzy Illiterate
repost this post or you'll die horrabally!!!!1 7 years ago a girl named jenny was alone in her home and she saw this post on a website and she didnt repost it and 27 minutes later she herd a noise in her closet and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise downstairs and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise in her closet again and she looked and there was blood dripping down the walls and then she ran into the bathroom and the next day they found her dead drownd in toothpaste!!!!!!!! so repost this post or youll die too!!!!!!!11!!!

Lorenzo Literate I still can't believe that we share the same genes.

Izzy Illiterate i do NOT sharr pants with yu!!! stop making me sond lik im a weerdo!!!

Lorenzo Literate Oh, I don't need to. You do a pretty good job of that all on your own...

R.W. Republicrazy
Shelly O'Mally needs to be stopped!!! How DARE that ugly hag try to FORCE Americans to eat healthier!!! My kid came home today and said they took out the pop machines out of the school, and started serving SALADS in the cafeteria!!! THIS NANNY STATE IS OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!

Rabid Liberal Well your kid probably needs the salads. I'm sure he's so fat from all that soda that he's already got diabetes.

R.W. Republicrazy She's a girl and she's perfectly healthy you !!!!!!

Indie Pendant I'm not even gonna touch this conversation...

Mitch Morebuff
I don't know where I'd be if no one had invented working out! If I didn't lift for at least six hours each day I don't think I'd be the most beautiful human being the world has ever seen!
Gretal Glutercize Likes this


Mamma Frazzled
One of the triplets just said her first word. It was Butt...
Lurking Liker and T. M. Info Like this

Izzy Illiterate tat sso funy mrs farzled!!!

T. M. Info A baby after my own heart!

Crazy Uncle BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

Winston Q Eyeglasses
WHAT?! MARK SMITH IS LEAVING DOCTOR WHEN!

BB Tween WHAT?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! THE SHOW CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT HIS ADORABLENESS!!!!!!

Winston Q Eyeglasses Isn't that what you fangirls said when Daniel Tenant left?

BB Tween Maybe, but that was totally different! We didn't know Mark Smith was coming!

Winston Q Eyeglasses Well, maybe you should reserve judgement until you find out who's replacing Mark Smith.

BB Tween Sorry, but that's just not how fangirls do things. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go to my room and sob for a few hours and draw some weepy fan art to upload to my tumbleblog.

T. M. Info
Wow. I ate way too many burritos last night. I feel like I'm pregnant with about five hundred baby ghosts. Woah! Just started giving birth!

Crazy Uncle HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That's awesome! :D

Mrs. Info I feel as though I need to be wearing a paper bag over my head so that no one knows who I am.

Gloom Lyrical
Sadness stains my soul like ketchup on a silken handkerchief. Weep for the handkerchiefs. Weep. Weep. - FamousEmoPoet


Joy Lyrical
After the rain,
Then comes the rainbow.
Drink of the rain
Bathe in the rainbow.
Breathe in the beauty
-FamousHippiePoet

Flower Child That is the single most beautiful thing I've read all day. I'm crying!

Lill Sloshy
Ashpe cog barthint tobs.

Vaguely McDramaPants Lill, are you drinking and Facbooking again? You know how that usually goes...

Lill Sloshy Nop imm noott dooming thatttttttttttttttttttt

Lill Sloshy skwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.

Ima Bean Wow, Lill! I never know how inspirational you were! Your depth has moved me to the core!

Hippie Critical
Sometimes you just need to stuff yourself silly with Oreos. LOL!


Lorie Luvvie
So glad to have my Schnookie Pie Cuddle Chunks Home!!!!! 

David Duvvie I'm not glad. I'm only here because I'm so sick. Who knew that being a taste tester at the Limburger and blue cheese factory could go so wrong? Now if you'll excuse me, Cuddle Chunks has to go expel chunks.

G.O. Pachyderm
Be careful of what you post my friends! Big Brother is watching you!

R.W. Republicrazy So true! O'Malley needs to be impeached for spying on us! How dare he invade our privacy like this!

Indie Pendant You realize that he's not doing anything that George Shrub didn't do, right?

R.W. Republicrazy Lies! George Shrub was trying to keep us safe from terrorists! O'Mally is tapping our phonelines to take our freedom and destroy our country!

Rabid Liberal What-EVER! That's the biggest load of elephant garbage I've ever heard! Brock O'Mally is the one trying to fight the terrorists! Shrub was a criminal!

R.W. Republicrazy No, O'Mally is the criminal! He should be arrested! The man is an evil, totalitarian dictator!

Rabid Liberal He is not! Shrub was the dictator! It sickens me how much you people worship him!

Indie Pendant I'm going to leave before I suffocate in this cloud of clueless hypocrisy.

Ima Bean
Does anyone want to come over and play with my gravel collection? I still have 5473 more that need names!
Lurking Liker Likes this


Amy Aminal
If I see one more "People Eating Tasty Animals" t-shirt, I'm going to feed whoever is wearing it to the nearest heard of crocodiles!

R.W. Republicrazy *Runs for his life*

Rabid Liberal Yeah, you would have one of those shirts. Stupid carnivore.

R.W. Republicrazy *Eats a pile of dead cow burgers* BA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! >:D

Rabid Liberal Good luck with those clogged arteries.

Rainbow Sunshine
Remember Everyone! A good hug can fix everything! We just need to be willing to make the first move! Leave pride behind, and embrace those you disagree with! I love you all! :)
Joyful Exclamations Likes this

Scamming The Scammer

So today, I had a very interesting experience. It all started last night. I got a Facebook Friend request from a friend from work back in Harlan. Thing is, I was already friends with this person. I figured that maybe somehow she accidentally unfriended me and was sending a new request. I accepted the request and thought nothing more of it. Later I saw a message from her in the feed saying that she was sorry if anyone got a bad message from her, she had been hacked, but she thought it had been taken care of. So I figured that my being unfriended had something to do with her being hacked, and went on with my reading.

This morning I woke up and I had a message from her that she had sent a few hours before.

I thought this was a little strange. She'd never sent me a message before, but I thought it was nice that she was thinking of me, and I planned to write a message back to her. Suddenly I had a chat notification from her.

 Well, she was being awfully friendly, so I decided to send her a quick message back.

Then I began to get suspicious.

What was this about?

Suddenly I remembered her message the night before about being hacked.

I'm forever the grammar Nazi, even when chatting with a scammer. :p

At this point I knew this was fake, but I decided to go along with it, just to see what would happen.

The news, really? What do you think I am, a complete and utter moron?

I figured I had just outed myself by acting suspicious, but obviously I was dealing with a complete and utter nincompoop.

Wow. You think I'm going to fall for that line? You must be dumber than a sack of bricks.

I decided to keep correcting my errors. It seemed like an easy way to seem more natural.

Here he was silent for quite some time. I thought that he had given up, but after awhile I got another message.

I was sure he was going to be getting suspicious by now, but since he wasn't I decided to have a little fun with him, by asking a question that only my friend would know the answer to, and she would have known that I was asking a question with no answer.

The reason there is no answer, is because there was no Nellie back home. I just pulled a name out of thin air. A particularly ridiculous name, since almost no one is named Nellie any more. But the clueless scammer just kept on plugging away.

Oh, really!? This was a new development! He was just making up his own story now. I kept going. I wanted to see how long he could keep this up.

At this point I figured the jig was up. He was sick of talking to me and wanted a way out. I didn't want this to end. I was having WAY too much fun.

Here I decided I would throw a great big old wrench in his story and see how he handled it.

Then he was gone. I thought my fun was over. I waited a long time and sent one more message.

I really, really wanted to know how he was going to talk his way out of the mess I had thrown him in. I was not disappointed.

Wow, really?! You're going to go with the amnesia story? This cracked me up so much. I just burst out laughing at that point.

Ok, well that's plausible IF THIS WERE A MOVIE!

I wasn't going to let on that I thought the amnesia story was pathetic, so I decided to throw another wrench into his story.

He wasn't biting.

This wouldn't do. I needed to reinforce my story.

He wasn't biting at all. I decided that if this was the end, I was going to get a bit silly.

And then he was gone again. I didn't get a reply for so long, I just decided to keep getting weirder.

At this point I figured my game was over. The guy must have gotten sick of me and left. So I went back to Facebook, and noticed another message from my friend warning people not to accept a friend request from her because the hacker had make a fake account and was now pretending to be her. So now, it turns out, I was friends with two people using the same name. I decided to unfriend the fake friend, but before I did, I decided to go back and send one last message.

And then I unfriended the fake account. Not too long later I got another message.

What? Really? You want to keep this going? Fine by me, I'm loving this!

So, your sticking with the amnesia story, eh? Well, then I'll try taking this in a slightly different direction.

Well, he bought that, and then decided he was going to take this in his own direction.

Okay, really? But that was too good of an opportunity to pass up, so I went with it.

Then it got weird.

Okay, you are getting super creepy. Maybe you don't know about our age difference. Let me make this weird for you as well.

He decided to quickly backpedal.

I wanted the weirdness to keep going. I wanted this guy to feel as awkward as possible.

I think he might have finally figured out that I was trolling him.

No reply.

Silence.

Yeah, I think he figured it out. I am shocked it took him so long, but I'm guessing he's not the brightest bulb in the shed. (Intentionally mixed metaphor)

I knew he was getting the messages because Facebook lets you know that the other person has read them. I decided that if this was the end I was going out on top, with one last weirdifying message.

The end. Who knew getting scammed could be so fun!?