Facebook Friends #14

Two Facebook Friends posts in one year? What is this, 2012?

I have a couple new characters, one who makes a post, one who is just tagged, it's a redneck couple, as you'll be able to tell from the names. :p

Also, just as a point of clarification, a bunch of this was written ages ago, particularly the political post, which was written when conservatives were losing their minds over Obama's drone strikes. That is very old news now, and this post is no longer relevant to today's news. But I already wrote it, and I don't want to get rid of it, so I'm just leaving it in. I just wanted to clarify so no one was confused as to what I might have been parodying. :)

Rainbow Sunshine
Just sitting here reflecting on my dear Granny Sunshine. She would have been 99 today. I'm sure she's up in heaven smiling down on me. Go hug your grandmas for me, ok everyone? I love you all!!!

Joyful Exclamations Awwe, that's so sweet, Bow!! We love you too!!!

Elda Exclamations I BELIEVE CERTAIN PEOPLE COME IN2 OUR LIVES FOR A REASON JUST TO GIVE US WHAT WE NEED AT THAT MOMENT WE NEED THEM ITS HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.

Ima Bean
I just saw a poor, lonely gummy bear, lying in the dirt. Someone had dropped it. It would never be eaten, its chewy sweetness had gone to waste. Its life was over, and its existence had been meaningless.
So I stomped on it. SQUISH!
Lurking Liker likes this.

Rick Troll Boy do you need help.

Lorenzo Literate We all know this. We've been trying to help her for years.

T. M. Info
Woo! I just snarted!

Mrs. Info I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am going to regret asking this, but what is that supposed to mean?

T. M. Info It means I sneezed, and blasted air from both ends! :D

Mrs. Info I'm shaking my head sadly and walking away now.

R.W. Republicrazy
Freakin' O'Malley going to drag us into another war! The warmonger! Bring our troops home!!!!

Rabid Liberal I'm always amazed by the right's love of peace when a democrat is calling the shots. Hypocrite.

R.W. Republicrazy I'M A HYPOCRITE?!?! YOU'RE THE HYPOCRITE!!!!! YOU WERE ALL OVER THOSE PEACE RALLIES 10 YEARS AGO!!!

Rabid Liberal I'm still for peace, I never said I wasn't. I don't like what O'Mally's doing over there any more than you do.

R.W. Republicrazy You aren't?

Rabid Liberal No, of course not. Not every liberal worships the ground he walks on. Most of us are perfectly normal.

R.W. Republicrazy Wow. I think this is the first time we agreed on anything. Care to join me at an O'Mally impeachment rally next week?

Rabid Liberal Of course not!!!

R.W. Republicrazy Well that didn't last long. 

Roxy Repost

Lorenzo Literate Now this is the kind of meme I can get behind! Sarcasm for the win! You can't see it, but I am literally slow clapping my genuine applause for this gem of an old woman.

Gladys Grizzle Good for her, but if I were her, I'd be using my cane to knock some sense into my no-good grandson!

Hannah Hashtag
We're holding a mayonnaise-a-thon to help cancer! Donate 20 bucks, and I'll add another jar of mayonnaise to the pool I'm jumping into! #peace #love #mayonnaise #cancer #blessed #givingback #charity #donation
Lurking Liker likes this.

Rick Troll Wow. Who knew that charity could be so #moronic.

Izzy Illiterate o u mean lik u?

Rick Troll Nice, someone's developed an attitude!

Izzy Illiterate boom babyy. u kno tats rite!

Redd Neckston
Holy cats! Ruby-red! Were makin this mess fer dinner!!!!

Bacon Wrapped Bacon Grilled Cheese
w/ Cheddar-Bacon Dipping Sauce 

Ingredients

2 Slices of White Bread - Don't you dare use wheat or gluten-free. This is NOT a recipe for health nuts!

4 Slices Processed 'Murican Cheese - Don't even think about using Brie or Gruyere. This is NOT a sandwich for rich, hoity-toity, snootity-snoot-snoots.

4 Slices Pre-Cooked Bacon - Don't you DARE use turkey bacon!!!! This is AMERICA and we eat REAL BACON here!!!!

6 Slices Uncooked Bacon - Don't you even DARE use tofu bacon, or some other vile, ungodly vegan concoction you Communist PIG!!!! DON'T YOU EVEN FREAKIN' DARE!!!!!!!

1 Jar Processed Cheddar Cheese Dip - Don't you even THINK ABOUT using any of that frou-frou Pennsylvania Créme Chése! This is not your Great Aunt Deloris's 50th annibirthary with salmon croquettes and LOX!!!!! YOU EAT THAT PROCESSED CHEESE LIKE GOD AND NATURE INTENDED!!!!!

1 Cup Bacon Bits - Don't you even come within 10,000 feet of the recipe with any of those heinous imitation soy-bits like grandma Phyllissabeth keeps in the ice-box! This is not the 1970's!!!! This is 2015! Those soy chunks are well known to cause stomach cancer and mouth boils!!! Quit trying to force that soy garbage on me you ignorant heathens!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!! YOU'RE POISONING YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!

2 Sticks of Butter - Don't you even freakin' DARE use Margarine or Olive Oil!!! What are you trying to do, kill yourself?!!? That margarine is made of plastic and who knows what's in that olive oil mess!!! Besides! This is AMERICA!!!!! IN AMERICA WE EAT BUTTER ON EVERYTHING!!!! WHY ELSE WOULD GOD HAVE CREATED COW UDDERS THAT SQUIRT A DELICIOUS MULTI-PURPOSE BEVERAGE OUT WHEN YOU SQEEZE THEM?!? SO WE COULD MAKE YOGURT LIKE SOME HECK-DANG HIPPIES?!?! I DON'T THINK SO!!! GOD INTENDED FOR AMERICANS TO EAT BUTTER!!!! IT IS OUR PATRIOTIC DUTY AS CITIZENS OF THIS ONCE GREAT NATION TO EAT ALL THE BUTTER OUR GOD-FEARING HEARTS DESIRE!!!! FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!! FOR OUR FOREFATHERS!!!!! FOR FREEDOM!!!!!! *Eagle screech* *Fireworks* *Star Spangled Banner* 

Instructions

1. Layer the cheese and cooked bacon inside the bread LIKE A GOSH-DARN PATRIOT!!!!!!!

2. Rub an entire stick of butter all over the outside of your sandwich and fry that thing like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, and Ronald Q. Reagan would have wanted you to do!!!!!!

 3. Wrap the uncooked bacon all over the outside of your sandwich so that no bread is showing and throw the other stick of butter into the pan. Fry that thing until the bacon is crispier than Uncle Cletus's back on sunshine day!!!!!

4. Once the sandwich is done, pour the cheese dip and bacon bits into the leftover butter and bacon grease and mix it until it's warm and drippy. Then dunk that thing till all the dead patriots that have gone on to glory, cry tears of joy and sing your name from the heavens!!!!!

5. Bask in the knowledge that you, and only you, are the truest American patriot that ever walked this hallowed ground, and that The Lord Almighty Himself has reserved a special place of honor for you when you ascend to glory to receive your reward. You are what make this country great. You, Butter, and the almighty Bacon strip. You couldn't be more Patriotic if you kicked a hippie in the face while ten thousand eagles soared overhead pulling a giant, tattered Old Glory behind them. WELL DONE, THOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL PATRIOT!!!!!!

Ferdie Foodie This recipe is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I want this in my mouth right now!!!!!

Fiona Foodie Are you trying for a heart attack before age 35?

Hippie Critical OMZ!!! This looks Uhmayzayng!!!!! Except for all the hippie-slurs... That part is really offensive...

T. M. Info
Dear Diary, Today I went to the bathroom and realized I had my underwear on inside out. Then I thought, Oh well, it's too late now, I've come this far, I might as well leave them that way, so I put them back on. The end.

Mrs. Info Really? Two posts in one day? Have you no shame?

T. M. Info Uh, no. Have you met me?

Mrs. Info It was a rhetorical question. 

David Duvvie
Today was the worst day of my life.
Rick Troll likes this.

Lorie Luvvie Oh no! Why!? I really thought that the tasting job at the Baskin' Bunny Ice Cream Imaginarium would be the one! What happened!?

David Duvvie They hired a psycho to invent the flavors, that's what happened! Corn-Cream Vanilla with Wasabi Fudge swirl and Crispy Bacon Crunchies!? Who would CHOOSE to eat such a thing!?

Ferdie Foodie I WOULD!!!!! I NEED THAT JOB!!!!!!!!

Fiona Foodie Why am I not surprised?

Bob
I tried a new flavor of Jell-O today. #Living
Hannah Hashtag likes this.

Facebook Friends #13

It has been over a year since I last did one of these! It was last February! You can tell this one was  started back then because there's a Lego Movie reference. It is high time for another! This post is mostly the same format as the others, just slightly different, there's one new character, Rick Troll, who's purpose I'm sure you've already guessed. I also have one very experimental post in here, you'll know what it is when you get to it, Facebook does not behave like this in real life. :p Anyway, here it is, the long-awaited 13th installment of Facebook Friends!

Ima Bean is at Circus of the Sun

Izzy Illiterate i herd thay where in town! hav fin1

Ima Bean This is the best movie I ever watched! It like totally 3D!

Lorenzo Literate You're at the circus. It's not a movie. It's real.

Ima Bean It's SO 3D! These graphics are amazeballz!

Lorenzo Literate You're hopeless.

Winston Q. Eyeglasses
The BuildaBlox Movie is the best movie in the ever!

Rick Troll If I was still in school, you would be having swirly sauce on wedgie pie for dessert right about now.

Winston Q. Eyeglasses Yeah, right. Because nerds are weak and defenseless right? Say that to my mace you basement dwelling loser!

Rick Troll What is that, some kind of medieval MMORPGYXWVUT thing?

Winston Q. Eyeglasses No, my mom bought me a can of mace when Chad Punchingfist kept stealing my lunch money. Now he has to wear an eyepatch.
Actually he just has amblyopia, but I like to pretend it was my mace.

Rick Troll Wow. That's really just kinda sad.

Winston Q. Eyeglasses I know...

T. M. Info
Cool! I just discovered that if you yank out a nose hair, it totally sets off a sneeze attack! I'm off to collect a ton of Gesundheits at Nanna Nora's knitting circle!

Mrs. Info Oh, good grief.

Roxy Repost
When I was a kid, we played on rickety playground equipment, rode our bikes without helmets, played sports without pads, jumped out of trees into gravel mounds, ran barefoot through the broken glass fields, shot each other in the face with pellet guns, and ate lead paint chips with wild abandon! And we had a WAY better childhood than these soft, coddled nightmares of today! Repost if you the best childhood ever!
Lurking Liker Likes this


Connie Conspiracy
Did you know that melancholic shots give you cancer? Do your research sheeple! Wake up! Do NOT vaccinate your kids! YOU ARE KILLING THEM!!!!!!!!!1 Check out www.antivaxxmammawhowasadoctoruntilthelawsuit.com for more info!!!! The research is there!!!!!!!! Educate yourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leia Organic likes this

Mrs. Info As someone who HAS done the research I can say without a doubt that though most in the professional field agree on the research, there are still a lot of questions, and they are asking them. Vaccines are safe for most of the population. There's no way to know who they might negatively affect. Don't attack good parents for doing what they think is right for their own kids.

Connie Conspiracy Do NOT question me!!!! I have studied the websites for YEARS I KNOW WHAT I am TALKING ABOUT1!!!!!!!!!! www.livinginabunkernotdrinkingthekoolaid.com

Mrs. Info You believe everything you read online? The internet is literally the worst thing for anyone's paranoia. You really need to talk to some professionals about your concerns.

Connie Conspiracy THE PROFESSIONALS ARE CORRUPT THE ILLUMINARY IS REAL THEYRE BRAINWASHING THE SHEEPLE I WILL NOT SUBMIT OMALLEYS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS THE REVOLUTION IS AT HAND NED CRUISE 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lorenzo Literate Oh my word, she broke Facebook.

Rick Troll So, what are your thoughts on O'Malley?

Flower Child
Love is the music the heart sings when it perfectly aligns with another being of the eternal cosmos.
Psychedelic Eternity likes this


Crazy Uncle
Ah! That smells like relief!

Aunty Uncle Craig!!!

TM Info Ba Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
Gloom Lyrical
"We live in ruined cities, you'll never see in movies. We struggle to survive, to survive." - Duchesse

Gloom Lyrical So deep.

Joy Lyrical What are you talking about? We live in a cul-de-sac in the suburbs. Your biggest worry is whether or not the Goth Topic has run out of spiked leather arm cuffs.

Gloom Lyrical No one understands me.

Bob
I was just folding laundry, and I realized that I'd lost a sock.


Mamma Frazzled
I just came into the living room and found the baby trapped in a blanket with one leg sticking out, swinging from the ceiling fan like a snared animal in a net.

Mamma Frazzled Well, no surprise here, it was Junior. He says he set a baby trap and baited it with a pile of arrowroot cookies.

Grammie Happy My little sweetie is a budding genius! I just know he's going to be a world famous engineer someday!

Crazy Uncle Or a big game hunter.

Auntie Uncle Craig!

Ima Bean is in a Relationship

Izzy Illiterate wooowooowww!!! yayy ima!! wutz he lik?

Ima Bean He's so dreamy! 

BB Tween You go girl! Who's the lucky guy?

Ima Bean You don't know him. His name is Haunke. He's foreign.

BB Tween Post a pic!

Ima Bean Sure. BRB.

Gladys Grizzle
So I was at Nora's Knitting Circle this afternoon, and some young punk, who wasn't even knitting, kept on picken' his wretched little nose and sneezing all over the place! It was just obscene! Nora and everybody else were all like, "Oh, bless you." Oh, Gesundheit," "Oh, God bless you!" I just went to town on him with my knitting basket. I don't think he'll be trying that again.

Elda Exclamations YOU WERE SO RUDE TO THAT BOY. HE JUST HAD SOME ALLERGIES.

Gladys Grizzle That was no allergy attack. Nasty little vermin.

  
Crazy Uncle
If you eat four eggs for breakfast, you can get three meals out of a dozen, and if you eat three eggs, you get four meals. BUT if you go down to TWO eggs, you get SIX meals! That's CRAZY! Where did the extra meal come from!? It's like there's some kind of wicked sorcery at work here!!!

Lorenzo Literate It's called math.

Izzy Iliterate yas!!!!1 matth is evvil!!!

R.W. Republicrazy
Last night Donald Reagan came to me in a dream. The vision was so powerful I just started weeping profusely. It has been so long since a perfect, flawless human being has been in office. I just know this was a sign from God.

G. O. Pachyderm Ah, yes. I do miss The Dipper.

Rabid Liberal I thought you Republicans were against worshiping humans. Looks like somebody needs to read their Bible.

R.W. Republicrazy Oh yeah? Well at least I don't worship SATAN!!!!!!!! Like YOU!!!!!!!

Rabid Liberal I don't even BELIEVE in Satan!!!!!! What's wrong with you?!?!

R.W. Republicrazy WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Hannah Hashtag
So excited about the new royal baby!!!! #RoyalBaby #PrinceRoland #PrincessKayte #PrinceHogarth #PrincessCarlotta #QueenEliza #Adorbs #DiaperDiaperDiaper

Joyful Exclamations Oh, I know! Isn't new life grand!?

R.W. Republicrazy This is why this freakin' country is going to in a handbasket!!! NO TRUE GODFEARING AMERICAN PATRIOT SHOULD CARE ONE SINGLE ABOUT THE FREAKING ROYAL FAMILY!!!!!!!!!1

Rainbow Sunshine I agree, Hannah and Joyful. It's so amazing. R.W. I'll pray for you. I hope you find happiness someday.

R.W. Republicrazy The only happiness I need is freedom! FREEDOM!!!!!

Bob
I was just buttering my toast, and I got butter on my hand. LOL!


Mitch Morebuff
Yes! I just totally pounded Walter Wimperson in the Punchfighting match! I rock, so hard!
Wenda Wimperson likes this


Ima Bean
My gorgeous BoyToy, Haunke.

Lorenzo Literate I don't even have words. No words at all.

Izzy Illiterate im so happey 4 u!!!

BB Tween ... Ok ...

T. M. Info
I was just innocently minding my own business at the knitting circle this afternoon, trying to get some tips, when out of nowhere some crazy old bat just attacks me with her knitting basket! And she keeps her yarn in an ammunition chest! I think she fractured my humerus!

Gladys Grizzle Well, I find that humorous!

T. M. Info You! It was you, wasn't it! You're just the kind of old crone who would attack someone with an ammunition chest!

Gladys Grizzle You'd better believe it! Now stay away from our knitting circle you cesspool of disease!

T. M. Info Fine! Sheesh! I was just trying to get some blessings!

Gladys Grizzle Then go to church you little delinquent!

Joyful Exclamations Today is the day the lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Rainbow Sunshine likes this

Joyful Exclamations Thanks Rainbow!

Facebook Friends #12

Katy Catlover 
Hearts!




















Lurking Liker Likes this

Izzy Illiterate OMZ!!! Log hared kitten Sr. my favorite bread!!!

Izzy Illiterate OMZ!!! This stupid I font!!! It keep changing all my word!!!

Crazy Uncle
Guys. Guys! GUISE!!! I just put milk and chocolate syrup in a blender, and got chocolate milk!!! It's witchcraft I tell you! WITCHCRAFT!!!
Lurking Liker Likes this


Mitch Morebuff
So today I learned that the word muscle came from the Latin meaning. "Little Mouse." This is just wrong. My god-like biceps look nothing like little mice! More like rippling, gorgeous stallions!
Delta Deltoid Likes this


Bob
I bought a box of kleenex today. Well, actually it was Puffs, but I always still call it kleenex.
Lurking Liker Likes this


T. M. Info
Oh, great. I just popped a zit on my stomach, and now it's squirting red zit juice all over the place. Now I'm gonna have to put a band-aid on it and rip off all my studly stomach hair. :'(

BB Tween EEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween *Barfs* *Dies*
Lurking Liker Likes this

Flower Child
I just spent the entire morning brightening my chakras in a tulip field. I am ready to face my day.
Aura Borealis Likes this


Roxy Repost
Just so everyone of my friends knows this! Facebook changed their privacy settings again!!! Do to the new "picapp" anyone on facebook (and people in foreign countries!) can see your pictures! I am posting this so everyone knows to do it too and once you have done it please post DONE!!! I post lots of pictures of my family and I don't want strangers to see them!!! This happens when friends "like" or "comment"on your stuff. Their friends will see all our posts, too!!! We cant change this because Faceboook made it so we cant!!! PLEASE put your mouse on my name (DO NOT CLICK IT!) A window will pop up. Then move the mouse on "FRIENDS". (DONT CLICK IT AGAIN!) Then move down to "SETTINGS". CLICK THIS! A list will appear. GET RID OF THE CHECK ON LIFE EVENTS AND COMMENTS AND LIKES. This will make all my activity private. Now, copy and paste this on your wall. Once I see this on your page, I will do the same the same for you. If you don't do this AND PROTECT MY PRIVACY I will be forced to DELETE YOU! I want to stay PRIVATELY connected with you! Thank You.

Lorenzo Literate Really? Really? You believe this bunk? Roxy! Please! I know you're smarter than this! Just do a little research!

Izzy Illiterate wel its beter that saff then sorry.. thanks fr triing too help roxy

Lorenzo Literate "Better safe than sorry," is just used to excuse laziness. No one wants to research anything for themselves.

Elda Exclamations
DONE

Aunty Uncle What do you mean? Are you leaving Facebook?

Elda Exclamations NO. I WAS SAYING THAT BECAUSE I FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS TO MAKE MY FACEBOOK PRIVATE.

Lorenzo Literate Some days I feel like I'm pounding my head against a concrete wall of stupidity.

Izzy Illiterate uhoh brotherr r u vagebookinga gain? ;p

Lorenzo Literate Yes. Yes, I am.

BB Tween
The new Doctor When is old! And not a hot kind of old! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Winston Q. Eyeglasses And this is where the real fans and the fangirls part ways.

Lill Sloshy
is you like ok and my feelings 34 to 5600 am very happy you have a taste i dont fixed alone when you are not me am so scared you get started doctor 24h anytime 7 you got the big way i see doing am crying go to the bar get me back am asking you we have did it all the time of the most the time zipped be used I no wanted new drinks and I love drinks way toodrinks
  Lurking Liker Likes this

Lorenzo Literate Does anyone have any glue? I think Lill is broken.

Connie Conspiracy
Did you know that before the 1950's the words "Under God" was not in the pledge of Allegiance, and "In God We Trust" was on hardly any money? This proves that the Illuminary have invented time travel and are trying to erase God from history! Someone has to stop them!


Hannah Hashtag
Just gave a homeless man 3 quarters and a dime. Just gotta give back, ya know? #blessed #generosity #love #helpthehomeless #peace #givingback

Izzy Illiterate thast so nicee!!! #yourmyidle

Lorenzo Literate >Gag< Please don't ever hashtag again.

Leia Organic
Did you know that cough syrup causes cancer?!?! Everyone please share this information!

Lorenzo Literate Did you know that science just confirmed that all medicine is poisonous? The only cure for anything is to go outside and lick as much fresh tree bark as you can find! It works because it's all natural and organic! 

R.W. Republicrazy
Why cant people figure out the difference between your and you're?! This is why were all going to be speaking Mexican in a few years!

Rabid Liberal You forgot you're apostrophes, you racist hick.

R.W. Republicrazy Well you just wrote YOU ARE instead of YOUR!

Rabid Liberal Yeah, its called sarcasm!

R.W. Republicrazy NOW WHO FORGOT THERE APOSTROPHE!!!????

Rabid Liberal NOW WHO FORGOT HOW TOO SPELL THEIR?!?!

R.W. Republicrazy YOU CAN"T EVEN SPELL TO!!! YOU'RE A SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID AREN'T YOU?!?! AND NOW YOU CAN"T MAKE FUN OF MY SPELLING BECAUSE I PROOFREAD EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Rabid Liberal Nope, your spelling is flawless. You just put in quotation marks instead of apostrophes. Next time just hit caps lock instead of holding down the shift key. You must have been taught at one of those "Special" schools.

R.W. Republicrazy Yeah, YOUR MOM taught there.

Rabid Liberal Oh, resl mature.

R.W. Republicrazy That is the stupidest misspelling I've ever seen! What an idiot!

Rabid Liberal Shut up you stupid fat !!!!!

Mamma Frazzled
Holy. Gravy. Junior's diaper literally just exploded.
Lurking Liker Likes this

Crazy Uncle I literally just gagged on my taco from laughing.

T. M. Info Best. Post. Ever. You win the internet.

Aunty Uncle You two should be ashamed of yourselves.

Hippie Critical This wouldn't have happened if you were using cloth diapers.

Gloom Lyrical
The oppressive moon. Sadness. Darkness. Death.

Joy Lyrical Well, you have a wonderful day yourself, dearest brother!

Crazy Uncle
Finding a warm seat in a public restroom is like winning the toilet jackpot!
Lurking Liker Likes this

T.M. Info Preach, brother! Preach!

Bob
I made a sandwich with cheese.
Lurking Liker Likes this

Ferdie Foodie If you were a woman, you'd be speaking my love language right now.

Ima Bean
Honk. Honk honk honk! I'm a chicken. Squeedle-Deedle-Dee!
Lurking Liker Likes this

Winston Q. Eyeglasses Are you ok? I think you might have had a stroke on your keyboard.
Lurking Liker Likes this

Lorenzo Literate Forget it. I've given up trying to understand her.

Facebook Friends #11

A couple weeks ago I posted on my blog's Facebook page, that the next Facebook Friends post was going to be so much better because of a site I had found. Link HERE. But, that is not to be. At least not yet. To actually make a post like that, I'll need pictures of all my characters. And I don't have time to do that right now. Since I don't have any people to pose for photographs, I'd need to draw every single character. So until I have time, my posts will have to remain as plain as they always have been.

This post has been a long time in the writing. I had part of it done ages ago, some of it was done even back when I published #10, but then I got busy with other things, and haven't returned to work on it all that often until recently. Work, Road Trip, Moving, School, these things just kind of took away most of my writing time.

Also, for you Doctor Who fans, the first half of this post was written quite awhile ago, not long after Matt Smith announced he was leaving the show, and long before Peter Capaldi was announced as the twelfth doctor, which is why there is no mention of a replacement in the Doctor When post.

Elda Exclamations
WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY IT IS! IT'S JUST SO PEACEFUL! I THINK I'LL MAKE SOME TEA, READ A BOOK, AND JUST ENJOY THE BLISSFUL SILENCE!
Lurking Liker Likes this


Flower Child
The natural state is the most freeing way to commune with nature! Freedom from clothing allows me to sense all of nature's auras!
Starchild Moonbean Likes this


Burger Queen
Sponsored Post
Stop in to our nearest location and try our new "Skinny Fries" Made with 20% less trans fats! These ones don't cause obesity!


Crazy Uncle
In a public bathroom today and from outside the stall I heard a little kid burst in the door and shout "MOM!"

Izzy Illiterate Bahaha!!! he in the rong bathoom to find his mom!!!

Crazy Uncle I really, really wanted to call out in a creepy high-pitched voice "I'm in here my little sugar-pie!" and scare the bajeebers out of him. >:D

Aunty Uncle Well I'm glad you didn't! I wouldn't want to have to come bail you out of jail!

Roxy Repost
repost this post or you'll die horrabally!!!!1 7 years ago a girl named jenny was alone in her home and she saw this post on a website and she didnt repost it and 27 minutes later she herd a noise in her closet and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise downstairs and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise in her closet again and she looked and there was blood dripping down the walls and she ran into the bathroom and they found her dead the next day drownd in toothpaste!!!!!!!! so repost this post or youll die too!!!!!!!11!!!

Lorenzo Literate Please tell me that you reposted this to be ironic. I really want to believe that you posted this to be ironic.

Izzy Illiterate OMZ THTS HORRABAL!!!!!! I HAV TOO RPOSTT NOW!!!!1!!!!

Lorenzo Literate Of course you do...

Izzy Illiterate
repost this post or you'll die horrabally!!!!1 7 years ago a girl named jenny was alone in her home and she saw this post on a website and she didnt repost it and 27 minutes later she herd a noise in her closet and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise downstairs and she looked and there was no one there and then she herd a noise in her closet again and she looked and there was blood dripping down the walls and then she ran into the bathroom and the next day they found her dead drownd in toothpaste!!!!!!!! so repost this post or youll die too!!!!!!!11!!!

Lorenzo Literate I still can't believe that we share the same genes.

Izzy Illiterate i do NOT sharr pants with yu!!! stop making me sond lik im a weerdo!!!

Lorenzo Literate Oh, I don't need to. You do a pretty good job of that all on your own...

R.W. Republicrazy
Shelly O'Mally needs to be stopped!!! How DARE that ugly hag try to FORCE Americans to eat healthier!!! My kid came home today and said they took out the pop machines out of the school, and started serving SALADS in the cafeteria!!! THIS NANNY STATE IS OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!

Rabid Liberal Well your kid probably needs the salads. I'm sure he's so fat from all that soda that he's already got diabetes.

R.W. Republicrazy She's a girl and she's perfectly healthy you !!!!!!

Indie Pendant I'm not even gonna touch this conversation...

Mitch Morebuff
I don't know where I'd be if no one had invented working out! If I didn't lift for at least six hours each day I don't think I'd be the most beautiful human being the world has ever seen!
Gretal Glutercize Likes this


Mamma Frazzled
One of the triplets just said her first word. It was Butt...
Lurking Liker and T. M. Info Like this

Izzy Illiterate tat sso funy mrs farzled!!!

T. M. Info A baby after my own heart!

Crazy Uncle BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

Winston Q Eyeglasses
WHAT?! MARK SMITH IS LEAVING DOCTOR WHEN!

BB Tween WHAT?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! THE SHOW CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT HIS ADORABLENESS!!!!!!

Winston Q Eyeglasses Isn't that what you fangirls said when Daniel Tenant left?

BB Tween Maybe, but that was totally different! We didn't know Mark Smith was coming!

Winston Q Eyeglasses Well, maybe you should reserve judgement until you find out who's replacing Mark Smith.

BB Tween Sorry, but that's just not how fangirls do things. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go to my room and sob for a few hours and draw some weepy fan art to upload to my tumbleblog.

T. M. Info
Wow. I ate way too many burritos last night. I feel like I'm pregnant with about five hundred baby ghosts. Woah! Just started giving birth!

Crazy Uncle HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That's awesome! :D

Mrs. Info I feel as though I need to be wearing a paper bag over my head so that no one knows who I am.

Gloom Lyrical
Sadness stains my soul like ketchup on a silken handkerchief. Weep for the handkerchiefs. Weep. Weep. - FamousEmoPoet


Joy Lyrical
After the rain,
Then comes the rainbow.
Drink of the rain
Bathe in the rainbow.
Breathe in the beauty
-FamousHippiePoet

Flower Child That is the single most beautiful thing I've read all day. I'm crying!

Lill Sloshy
Ashpe cog barthint tobs.

Vaguely McDramaPants Lill, are you drinking and Facbooking again? You know how that usually goes...

Lill Sloshy Nop imm noott dooming thatttttttttttttttttttt

Lill Sloshy skwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.

Ima Bean Wow, Lill! I never know how inspirational you were! Your depth has moved me to the core!

Hippie Critical
Sometimes you just need to stuff yourself silly with Oreos. LOL!


Lorie Luvvie
So glad to have my Schnookie Pie Cuddle Chunks Home!!!!! 

David Duvvie I'm not glad. I'm only here because I'm so sick. Who knew that being a taste tester at the Limburger and blue cheese factory could go so wrong? Now if you'll excuse me, Cuddle Chunks has to go expel chunks.

G.O. Pachyderm
Be careful of what you post my friends! Big Brother is watching you!

R.W. Republicrazy So true! O'Malley needs to be impeached for spying on us! How dare he invade our privacy like this!

Indie Pendant You realize that he's not doing anything that George Shrub didn't do, right?

R.W. Republicrazy Lies! George Shrub was trying to keep us safe from terrorists! O'Mally is tapping our phonelines to take our freedom and destroy our country!

Rabid Liberal What-EVER! That's the biggest load of elephant garbage I've ever heard! Brock O'Mally is the one trying to fight the terrorists! Shrub was a criminal!

R.W. Republicrazy No, O'Mally is the criminal! He should be arrested! The man is an evil, totalitarian dictator!

Rabid Liberal He is not! Shrub was the dictator! It sickens me how much you people worship him!

Indie Pendant I'm going to leave before I suffocate in this cloud of clueless hypocrisy.

Ima Bean
Does anyone want to come over and play with my gravel collection? I still have 5473 more that need names!
Lurking Liker Likes this


Amy Aminal
If I see one more "People Eating Tasty Animals" t-shirt, I'm going to feed whoever is wearing it to the nearest heard of crocodiles!

R.W. Republicrazy *Runs for his life*

Rabid Liberal Yeah, you would have one of those shirts. Stupid carnivore.

R.W. Republicrazy *Eats a pile of dead cow burgers* BA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! >:D

Rabid Liberal Good luck with those clogged arteries.

Rainbow Sunshine
Remember Everyone! A good hug can fix everything! We just need to be willing to make the first move! Leave pride behind, and embrace those you disagree with! I love you all! :)
Joyful Exclamations Likes this

Facebook Friends #10

New character overload! Normally if I come up with new characters I just introduce one or two at a time, but not today! I am introducing six new regular characters all in one post! Plus, I've decided that a few of my characters are going to get in on the This-isn't-Twitter-but-we're-doing-it-anyway, hash-tag craze. Enjoy!

Joyful Exclamations
Such a beautiful day!

Elda Exclamations OH YES IT IS DEARIE! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! 

Flower Child
The karmic spectrum has aligned my celestial aura! Peace to all the world this day!
Crystal Moonflower Likes this


Ima Bean
Holy Carbuncles! It's raining Christmas!!!!
Lurking Liker Likes this

Joyful Exclamations It's snowing? Awesome!

Lorenzo Literate Wow... You can speak the language of Bean? It's like you have super powers!

Joyful Exclamations I guess I'm just gifted like that. :)

Crazy Uncle I'm glad I don't have "Holy Carbuncles!" BAHAHAHA!

Mitch Morebuff
Totally workin' on my glutes today. Gonna be struttin' my stuff in the tightest of gym shorts later.
Annabell Aerobacize Likes this

T. M. Info Wow. TMI, my friend, T. M. I.

Lorenzo Literate TMI? Really? This from the guy who posted extreme close up pictures of his bacne outbreak yesterday? Can we say hypocritical?

T. M. Info Oh yeah! Speaking of glutes, guess what part of the body I had that outbreak on. Not all bacne is on the back you know!

Lorenzo Literate HURK! I think I need to go retroactively bleach my eyeballs...

Ferdie Foodie
I'm in a rut. I've eaten at McRonalds for the last twenty seven days. Not that I don't enjoy all the wonderful hydrogenated deliciousness, but I think I need a change of pace. Anyone have any suggestions? Mom, you're not allowed to comment!

Leia Organic Why not switch to an organic diet instead of eating out? It would probably save your life. From the sounds of your status, you're probably only a few days away from a heart attack!

Griffin Granola Dude, don't just stop at organic, you need to go completely vegan.

Ferdie Foodie Mom! What'd you do, make up some fake accounts to try to get me to give up my cheeseburgers? I should never accept friend requests from strangers!

Fiona Foodie It's not me, but you should listen to them! I want grandkids someday!

Ferdie Foodie Good grief, mom! I'm going to Burger Queen.

Gretta Granola Need some help planning his funeral, Mrs. Foodie? I know of a very affordable, all-natural funeral home. They're completely environmentally friendly because they only use 100% organic, recycled cardboard coffins!

Crazy Uncle Wow. And they call me crazy!

BB Tween
OMZ!!!!! ONE REFLECTION IS PERFORMING AT THE STAPLER CENTER THIS WEEK!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! #tooexcitedforwords

Whiney McDramaPants I wish I could go!!!

Marty McMacho More like One INFECTION you mean!

Izzy Illiterate yah bb is inffected wit luvv!!!

Marty McMacho No, I mean they're all sick!!! They're a bunch of no talent girly-boys!

Vaguely McDramaPants Uh oh, Marty, your jealousy is showing.

Marty McMacho Im not jealous! Their jelous of me!

Vaguely McDramaPants Yeah, right. They don't have a clue who you are.

Marty McMacho Wel if they did theyd be jelous!! i could totaly beat them alll up in a fight!!!

BB Tween If you're not jealous, then why are you typing so bad? I think you're typing too fast because you secretly love them, and don't want anyone to know what a HUGE fan you are!!! :D

Marty McMacho SHUT UP I DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vaguely McDramaPants BAM! Nailed it, BB! :D

Marty McMacho SHE DID NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween Mwahahahaha.... >:D

Marty McMacho I DO NOT!!!!!

Vaguely McDramaPants Why so defensive Marty?

Marty McMacho I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

BB Tween Why are you so defensive about your defensiveness, Marty?

Marty McMacho I AM NOT DEFENSIVE!!!!!!!!

Vaguely McDramaPants Sure, sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself. ;)

Marty McMacho I AM LEAVING!!!!

BB Tween Bye Marty! I'll see you at the concert! :D

Marty McMacho NO YOU WONT!!!!!

Lurking Liker This whole thing was awesome. :D!
Vaguely McDramaPants Like this

Gladys Grizzle
What is up with all these kids with saggy pants?! I wish I were 60 years younger so I could go yank these wannabe-thug's pants up for them! I'd pull them up so far they'd get such a wedgie their pants would never fall down again!
Lurking Liker Like this

Crazy Uncle No need for all that. Just walk right up to them in public and loudly tell them it looks like their diaper is full, and ask them if they need a change! That'll make them pull their own pants up!

Lurking Liker Likes this

Gladys Grizzle That's a kick-awesome idea, Sonny! :D

Joy Lyrical
"A dream, is a wish, your heart makes!
Ice cream, is a dish, your mom makes!"
~ FamousParodySinger


Gloom Lyrical
"A dream is a wish your heart makes.
A nightmare is a wish that I make."
~ FamousMetalScreamer

Joy Lyrical Wow, dark much?

Betsy Etsy
Check out my latest artwork! You can buy it now for only $75.00!
I call it: "Tranquility: Barn Wood With Rusty Nails."

Lorenzo Literate Wow. No words.

Izzy Illitrerate OMZ!!! i's beatifull!!! it jusy maks me fell so emoshunal!!!!

Lorenzo Literate I have no words for that either.

Vaguely McDramaPants
Whatever you have to tell yourself dude, whatever you have to tell yourself. #Shutyourmouth

Nosey Nellie What's happening?

Vaguely McDramaPants Oh, nothing, just some guy trying to justify himself.

Nosey Nellie Who is he? Txt me!

Mamma Frazzled
The ceiling is dripping... A florescent blue liquid...

Aunty Uncle So what was it?

Joyful Exclamations Yeah! Don't leave us in suspense!

Mamma Frazzled It was toilet bowl cleaner. For some reason they hauled every bottle I had in the house upstairs, and were squirting them all into a crack in the floor!

Aunty Uncle Oh, I am so sorry. Just so you know, I've already forbidden my husband from laughing.

Crazy Uncle MMMFFPH!!! >SNIRK!< PFFFFT BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

Aunty Uncle Craig!!!! Prepare your couch-bed!!!!

Leia Organic
You wouldn't believe how bad pasteurized milk is for your body! Fresh milk is so much better for you, but it is illegal to sell milk straight from the cow! How messed up is that?

Connie Conspiracy The Illuminary are trying to poison the population with pasteurized milk! They're using government propaganda to trick people into believing it's healthy, and they're restricting access to foods that actually are healthy!

Flower Child Fight the power, Connie! Fight the power!

Gretta Granola Why not just go vegan? Fresh fruits and vegetables are so much better for you than dairy products! Humans were never meant to drink the milk of other animals!

Leia Organic Sorry, Gretta. I Cheese too much! ;)

Lori Luvvie
Why does everything bad happen to my little Sugar-Pea? Tonight was supposed to be date night!

Izzy Illiterate were is he?

Lori Luvvie He's sick. He was testing a experimental diaper rash cream for Happy Heinie Toddle Creams and it didn't work. :(

Izzy Illiterate wut? he dosnt hav dipers hows he get diperash?

David Duvvie You don't want to know.

Grammie Happy
Just went into the guest bathroom to get it ready for company this weekend and I found the toilet completely full of Speed Wheels Cars. It made me miss my grandbabies. They haven't been over here all week!

Gladys Grizzle I'd count my blessings if I were you. That's a week free of disasters if you ask me.

Grammie Happy But they're always such fun and exciting disasters!

Gladys Grizzle I think this counts as Stockholm Syndrome.
Lurking Liker Like this

Hippie Critical
Eating out is so unhealthy! Why not make your own food at home? SOOOO much better for you, and you save so much money! #wakeuppeople

Rainbow Sunshine Hey Hippie! It was so fun running into you at the Pizza Plate yesterday! It'd been way too long since we last talked! We should get together again soon!

Lorenzo Literate Well, this isn't awkward at all...

R.W. Republicrazy
These Liberal politicians have to be stopped! They're trying to force us to register our guns! If they get their way you know the government is just going to sell our names to Mexico!

Connie Conspiracy Really? That's not surprising at all! The Illuminary want the list too! As soon as it hits the internet we're all in huge trouble!

Rabid Liberal They're not going to sell your names. They're going to use your names to hunt you down after you go on a killing spree!

R.W. Republicrazy We don't kill people, only the criminals kill people! And they won't register their guns! Duh! They're criminals!

Rabid Liberal Yeah right. All you gun nuts are crazy. You're just ticking times bombs waiting to go off!

R.W. Republicrazy I'm going to go off on you!

Rabid Liberal Is that a threat? I'm going to print this out so if I turn up dead, police will find this and know who's responsible!

Indie Pendant Good grief you two. Grow up! I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what danger does it pose to you personally if the government, either yours or Mexico's, knows if you own a gun?

R.W. Republicrazy All the legal gun owners automatically become targets!

Indie Pendant So? They're not taking your guns. Why would they need to come after you?

Connie Conspiracy They'll round us up and put us in concentration camps! We have guns, so they know we're a threat!

Indie Pendant Wow. That is so ridiculous I don't even know where to start.

R.W. Republicrazy I don't know about concentration camps, but it wouldn't surprise me. I'm more worried about the Mexican drug lords. As soon as they get our names, we're dead!

Indie Pendant Ok, even if that were just slightly possible, why would they come after all the gun owners in the US? That's just insane! You guys HAVE GUNS. Why would they purposely put themselves in that kind of danger?

R.W. Republicazy Because they're evil! Why else?

Indie Pendant Once again I'm just going to have to give up. You can't talk sense into the senseless.

Connie Conspiracy You'll see! Once the Illuminary get you, you'll see I was right all along!

G.O. Pachyderm I feel ashamed that these are the kind of people that the country associates with my party.

Roxy Repost

Lurking Liker Like this


Ima Bean
Dumpling Pie makes the kids go happy!

Lorenzo Literate Wow... Joyful Exclamations, can you provide a translation?

Joyful Exclamations Um... I don't think so...

Lorenzo Literate Well, so much for that super power.

Flower Child
Peace and love, Starchildren!
Echo DolphinWaves Likes this