Joyful Exclamations
Never without a happy thought, Joyful is excited by everything. Especially coffee.
Rainbow Sunshine
Joyful’s mild mannered best friend. Also never without a happy thought, just less excitable.
Lurking Liker
Who is she? We’re not sure anyone knows…
The McDramaPants Sisters
Everything is a tragedy, and everybody on Facebook needs to know about it. Just not the details. Vaguely McDramaPants does her best to keep her life as open and as closed as possible, while Whiney McDramaPants just wants some sympathy. From everyone.
Gavin The youngest McDramaPants. DO NOT leave your facebook open around him…Nosey Nellie
Nosey Nellie wants ALL the details. Text her them! Now!
Angry McToiletMouth
Was raised by a sailor. Thanks to his loving grandmother he developed a strange passion for the delicious and exotic flavors of Ivory soap.
The Political Ones
No one really knows them. They just friend everyone in order to spread “Truth”.
G. O. Pachyderm is a level headed conservative whose statuses are constantly hijacked by the others and turned into a massive verbal brawl.
R.W. Republicrazy joined facebook to spread the truth about the horrors of Communism.
Rabid Liberal joined to spread the truth about the horrors of Capitalism.
Lefty T. Parrot doesn’t know anything other than what the TV tells him.
Indie Pendant just wants them all to get along.
The Lyrical Twins
Joy and Gloom are proof that twins are definitely not clones. Life in the Lyrical household revolved around music. There was always a song in the air. But while Joy was one of the happiest children you’ll ever meet, Gloom took a decidedly different path. He makes Eeyore look like a ray of sunshine.
Mamma Frazzled
Mamma Frazzled’s real name is Martha, but after she lost track of how many kids she had, everyone just started calling her Mamma. Papa Frazzled is gone almost all day trying to earn enough to feed their 7(?) children. The only reason that Mamma doesn’t go insane is Grammie, who is more than happy to help out.
Grammie Happy
Grammie Happy loves all her grandkids. Even though they can sometimes be terrors. Her real name is Lillian Bath, and she is Mamma Frazzled’s mother. She thought that facebook was like a chat room and made up a name when she joined for the sole purpose of bragging about how wonderful her grandbabies are.
Crazy & Aunty Uncle
Crazy is a total goofball. He has had the nickname “Crazy” ever since age 6, when Aunty gave it to him during a Valentine’s Day project in art class where he consumed 7 1/2 bottles of paste, a box of crayons, and 2 containers of glitter. His real name is Craig, but almost no one calls him that except for his wife when she is exasperated with him. Which is most of the time.
Aunty’s real name is Anita, but after he’d consumed all the supplies during that Valentine’s Day project, Crazy misspelled it as Anti on her Valentine. When their parents saw the card, it became a joke between their families that they should be married so she could be called Aunty Uncle. Anita vowed it would never happen, as she claimed she couldn't stand Crazy. Finally she consented, but claimed it was only because she hated her Maiden name. Which is understandable. Her parents claim it was because her grandmother’s dying wish was for her first granddaughter to be named after her, but it still seems rather cruel of Mr. and Mrs. Bath to name their poor daughter Anita.
Aunty is Mamma Frazzled’s older sister and Grammie Happy’s daughter.
Lorenzo and Izzy
Why are they listed together? Well, it may surprise you to learn that they are brother and sister. Just don’t tell anyone.
Lorenzo Literate is deeply ashamed of his past. The Illiterates were not a very educationally minded family, and Lorenzo was always considered the black sheep. As soon as he turned 18, he moved out and legally changed his last name to the much more distinguished sounding “Literate.”
Izzy Illiterate spent so much time texting in class, that she forgot anything she ever learned about proper grammar or spelling. And she really doesn't care either. She thinks people who know how to spell are snobs, which is an understandable assumption, given her brother...
T. M. Info
Thomas Michael was always the class clown. Most of the Info family gave up on trying to teach him manners years ago. Whenever he was taught a new rule of etiquette he did the exact opposite. His mother still has to scold him for belching at the dinner table, and he is 36.
Mrs. Info
Mary-Anne Info used to be a teacher, and she knows everything there is to know about everything. A strict disciplinarian, if you didn’t shape up, you shipped out. To her very deep shame, the only child she was never able to tame was her own son.
Fanny and Frankie
Fanny LuvSports and Frankie Sportsfreak have known each other since they played T-Ball together in Kindergarten. All their friends think they should get married, but they’ve never even dated. They’re too busy watching football. (And baseball, and basketball, and hockey, and soccer, and horseracing, and tennis, and volleyball, and rugby, and NASCAR, and polo, and figure skating, and lacrosse, and the X Games…)
Lill Sloshy
Lill is an edgucated woman! At least that’s what her last Facebook status said. She went off to college to get a degree in… well, no one really knows what. Can one major in partying? All we know is that she’ll never fall off the wagon since she’ll never get on. Somehow she manages to stumble to a computer every once in awhile to complain about her hangover, or post about how she’s the life of the party. We’d guess that in a few years she’ll lived under a freeway overpass.
Mitch Morebuff
An avid body builder, Mitch has tons of gym club friends. That’s pretty much it. He doesn’t do much outside the gym. It’s a wonder he has time to tell us about it all on Facebook.
BB Tween
Never out of the loop, BB wears all the most popular fashions, watches all the most popular movies, listens to all the most popular music, reads all the most popular books, and crushes on all the most popular guys. If it's popular, BB totes for reals loves it.
Ima Bean
Don’t ask me… We think there might be something wrong with her, but no one’s ever been able to get near enough to figure out what…
Roxy Repost
Roxy loves to share. If someone posted a hilarious picture, Roxy reposts it. If someone shared a brain teaser, Roxy reshares it. If someone posted an inspiring quote, well then Roxy's gonna be posting that too. If Roxy is on Facebook, awareness will be raised! Just as long as someone else raised the awareness first.
Katie Catlover
Katie is just your average Crazy Cat Lady. No one knows how many cats she has. Not even herself!
Gladys Grizzle
Gladys is probably the most internet savvy person her age. Her son bought her a computer before computers were cool, and now she's an expert. Gladys has strong opinions, and when she gets on Facebook she shares them with everyone. And no one disagrees with Gladys, because no one dares!
Ferdie Foodie
If it’s made out of meat, Ferdie will eat. Actually, there’s pretty much nothing Ferdie won’t eat. Unless it’s green and leafy. According to Ferdie, a salad is worthless unless it’s surrounded by hamburger.
Fiona Foodie
Ferdie’s mother. After her husband’s 13th heart attack, Fiona realized that their family needed to get healthier, and has devoted her life to eating better. Unfortunately warnings to her family members on the dangers of excessive consumption of deep fried Twinkies and cheese logs fall on deaf ears.
Lorie Luvvie and David Duvvie
The timeless and tragic tale of two lovers destined to be kept apart by a series of very strange occupations. David can’t seem to find a job close enough to keep Lorie from acting like the world is at its end.
Winston Q. Eyeglasses
Winston is a geek and proud of it. Winston is probably a genius, but we may never know for sure, because he never leaves his bedroom unless there's a convention or a movie to go to.
Marty McMacho
Marty is more manly than you will ever be! He's so manly, that flowers wilt as he walks by. Guns stand up and fire themselves, and anything pink immediately turns black in his presence. His diet consists solely of meat and protein shakes, and if he ever touched a vegetable it was completely on accident. Even Mitch Morebuff wishes he were as manly as Marty.
Betsy Etsy
Betsy is a powerful business woman! At least that's what she'd like you to think. She doesn't have a job, and she only makes "Crafty" items to sell online, but she is VERY persistent. Beware of "Liking" anything she's posted, or she might end up Facebook stalking you until you buy the quilt that she just crocheted from strips of upcycled diaper wipes.
Amy Aminal
Amy loves animals. If you even think about meat around her you'll get such a lecture that your ears will shrivel, and you'll be bedridden for weeks.
Connie Conspiracy
The Illuminary are everywhere but only Connie can see them, so she makes sure to tell everyone else. She desperately hopes that everyone will wake up to the pervasive evil that hides in even the most innocent of children's television programs and breakfast cereals.
Flower Child
Flower is a free spirit who loves the environment. Peace, Love, Kittens!
Leia Organic
Leia an all natural, 100% organic, grass-fed, modern day hippie with strong opinions about everything. For your own sanity, here's a short list of a few of the things you should never bring up around her: non-organic produce, vaccinations, pasteurized milk, Fun-Meal toys, carbonated beverages, breakfast cereals, GMO crops, chemical fertilizers, High Fructose Corn Syrup, factory farms, pesticides, junk food, fast food, frozen food, processed food and microwaves.
Hippie Critical
Hippie has strong opinions about everything too, but she talks the talk, and doesn't walk the walk.
Gretta and Griffin Granola
They met at a Woodstock anniversary concert and were joined in a psychedelic union of love the next day. Peace, Love, and Happiness, man.
Elda Exclamations
Elda is Joyful's grandmother, and she's one of the sweetest, calmest, most loving people you'll ever meet, but she doesn't know that TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS THE INTERNET'S EQUIVALENT OF YELLING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS, SO SHE DOES IT ALL THE TIME! NO ONE HAS THE HEART TO TELL HER IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S A RAGING BALL OF FURY!!!
Bob
Bob is boring.
Hannah Hashtag
Hannah can not make any post without a minimum of five hashtags. It is #literally #impossible for her.
Redd and Rubyred Neckston
They're pretty simple people. They like guns and bacon and trucks. That's about it.
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