Thursday, January 11, 2018

Out of Context!


If you know me, then you know I like random humor.  And you probably know that this humor is not for everyone. In fact, there's probably a good chance you won't even understand half of what I find funny. You might even think it's stupid. Or just dumb. And you'll give me a weird look, and slowly walk away, wondering if I was sniffing that jug of mysterious blue liquid again.

So with that in mind, just know that there's a very good chance that you won't find anything in this post humorous, because the whole point of it is that there is no actual context for any of these lines. I just found them funny and decided to make something out of them.

These are all real lines that were said by real people, sometime in my real life, pertaining to real things, that in the moment that they were used, were relevant and understandable. And I stripped them of any of that context, and have saved them for this post, because I think they're even funnier when presented without context.

I have not written any of these lines for this post myself, I just heard them, and collected them, either from friends, family members, people at school, or work, or just overheard randomly out in the world. One of them may have been something I said myself, and afterward I realized how weird it sounded, but other than that, these are all strictly overheard statements.

I hope you find them as funny as I do, but I kind of doubt it. I'm strange. :p

"Your lace is getting dangerously near the curds."
"Are you playing with my clots?" 
"Do you want to sniff the sparkle ducky?" 
"It's a sparkle encrusted mound of delicious." 
"That would be like getting run over by a very blubbery car." 
"I was thinking how fun it would be to watch the plush Teletubbies plunging to their doom." 
"The key is probably on a marmot, down in the basement with the other stuffed animals." 
"We needed snake adhesive." 
"I don't tend to make many noises in the bathroom, this could be a novelty!" 
"I can't believe I just spent like three minutes putting a hat on this goat." 
"I swallowed a dragonfly once. It was a really weird experience." 
"It's a teddy bear intestine." 
"It's literally a duck race." 
"Is there a word for like, a moist squeak?" 
"We accidentally won a Christmas tree." 
"The only man's deodorant I ever wore gave me a rash." 
"I need to do a body count. I don’t know how many boys I have now."
"Mmmmm... Ibuprofen and banana pizza!" 
"I think I could get a little DNA if I really practiced." 
"The squirrels that work in the internet will take that package where it needs to go."
If you liked this post, I may just do another one, because there are plenty more where this came from. And if you didn't like this post... Well, I guess that's too bad, because there are plenty more where this came from. :p

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