Obligatory disclaimer, none of this is supposed to make sense. These are all real quotes, from conversations, or overheard in public, that just struck me as funny. They all made sense within the context of the conversation, but I thought they were funnier without.
“I always loved the accordion as a pygmy. And then I would blow bubbles in my milk and be chastised.”
“The house is haunted! By small British people in tiny sweaters!”
“They’re at Thanksgiving, the lightsabers are out, and giblets are flying..."
“Puddle is my favorite flavor.”
“Who else is going to belch while adjusting my gallbladder?”
“I do love you, I just hate the way you smell.”
“Did you check to see how squishy the chicken is?”
“It’s lodged within the folds of the butter.”
“This is like Moo-Lava.”
“I love that we’re overanalyzing the availability of cream of tartar.”
“They used to be on the endangered list, and now they’re endangering me!”
“I love the crazed look in your eye as you talk about vintage Parisian tapes.”
“I wouldn’t mind a hairy Scandinavian.”
“She took a box of sandwich meat and decided it would make a lovely floral notebook.”
“Watch out for the lasers from his pocket!”
“He was chasing me around with more purple things!”
“I was just laughing at the pickles.”
“Chipmunks will destroy the house, not impoverished children.”
“I didn’t want you to moisten your elbow.”
“Anyway, back to cheese.”
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