Do Me A Flavor

So Lays has this contest to win like a million dollars if you invent the new greatest chip. They have this whole website where you can make stuff up. It was just begging for my special brand of humor.



I hate catching typos when there's nothing I can do to fix them...

















 That should read EATS chips. Not sure what happened there. I must have been getting tired.



Yeah, I was tired. By the time I got to this bag I was howling with laughter at my own idea.

So, what do you think? Will I win the million dollars?

True Facts! 10!

This semester I have a social media class as one of my journalism courses. Our first assignment, and one that will last the whole semester, is to make a twitter account, pick a "Beat," and tweet on a regular basis. For my beat I chose to do "True Facts!" and I am writing new ones almost every day. I didn't want to take the easy way out and use ones I'd already written, though I do have plenty, so I am forcing myself to be creative on a daily basis. If you have a twitter account, and want to follow me, you can find my "True facts!" account here.

https://twitter.com/JJNorth86

I already have quite a few tweets there, so you don't have a twitter account, you can just go and read what I have now without following me.

Did you know that radishes are midget burrowing apples? True fact!

Did you know that rhubarb is actually celery with an anger management problem? True fact!

Did you know that to make the air fresheners that hang from car mirrors, they run over little baby evergreens with a steamroller? True fact!

Did you know that Skittles are just rotten M&Ms? True fact!

Did you know that male orangutans only use Schick brand razors to shave their cheek pads? True fact!

Did you know that Emus are actually ostriches with a drinking problem? True fact!

Did you know that design for rain umbrellas were based on the design of cocktail parasols? Simon Aloisius Archibald Copperfield The Third purchased a fruity drink when he went to Hawaii and was utterly enchanted by the tiny decoration in his glass. He became inspired and thought that if he made a giant one it would be a great way to keep dry in the rain. True fact!

Did you know that the legends of the Hobbits began when a bunch of naughty little kids spilled Rogaine all over their feet? True fact!

Did you know that the Madagascar Fighting Sow is the largest species of flying pig in the world? True fact!

Did you know that Manta Rays are sharks that got sat on by a whale? True fact!

Did you know that grape tomatoes are made by shooting regular tomatoes with a shrink ray? True fact!

Did you know that a coconut is actually a grapefruit infected with Lycanthropy? True fact!

Did you know that ducks love to do Sudoku puzzles? True fact!

Did you know that the Big Bang Theory was thought up by the same guy who invented the first time machine? When he'd finished building his first machine, he stuffed it full of dynamite and sent it back 3 Trillion and a half years. Ever since then he's been trying to take credit for the creation of the universe. True fact!

Did you know that ghosts are just evaporated monkeys? True fact!

Did you know that ketchup is the favorite beverage of vegan vampires? True fact!

Did you know that taco sauce is the favorite beverage of Mexican vegan vampires? True fact!

Did you know that sweet and sour sauce is the favorite beverage of Chinese vegan vampires? True fact!

Did you know that shrimp cocktail sauce is the favorite beverage of vegan vampire mermaids? True fact!

Did you know that pennies used to be made of slices of Lil' Smokies sausages? People kept eating them too fast to keep them in circulation, so they switched to copper to prevent any more from being consumed. However, this was not enough to stop toddlers. True fact!

I'm A Reporter!

Tuesday afternoon I have an intro to journalism class. This past week, one of the heads of the Iowa State Daily, our school newspaper, came to speak to the class, basically to recruit new writers. He explained that while the classes we're taking are important, they won't mean hardly anything compared to real work experience, and for those of us who want to be journalists in the future, it is in our own best interests to start getting some of that experience now.

I had known that there was a school newspaper, but I didn't know anything about it, and I didn't know anything about how to join. I had thought about looking into it later, after I'd been in journalism longer than just one week, but when he came into class looking for people to join, I decided not to wait. I applied the next day, and I had an interview this afternoon. There wasn't really even any question on will I or won't I get the job. He basically said that if we want the experience, they will find a place for us. Training starts on Monday and I am so excited! This is almost like a dream come true, but it's sort of like a dream I never knew I wanted.

As I've said before I have never really thought about being anything other than an artist. Until last semester I had never even thought about being a journalist myself, which is odd, because some of my favorite fictional characters have been journalists ever since I was a kid. My two favorite Superheros are journalists in their day-to-day lives, Superman, is a newspaper reporter as Clark Kent, and Spider-Man is a newspaper photographer as Peter Parker. When I was into the Left Behind series, my favorite character was Buck Williams, another newspaper reporter. When I was obsessed with Smallville, my favorite character was Chloe Sullivan, school newspaper, then later Daily Planet reporter. I always thought that being a reporter would be a fun job, but I also thought of it as something that other people did, not something I could ever do. Sort of like how I knew that cities like Chicago and New York were real, but not places I could ever visit. I was weird like that.

So anyway, I am now a reporter at the Iowa State Daily, and eventually this will lead to being a photographer as well. He told me that he'll have me talk to the photography department, and that being both a journalist and a photographer would be great, because I can shoot for all my own stories. I will keep you updated on how everything goes. This could be the first step toward something huge!

A Twist Ending! 8!

Remember what  I wrote in my last Twist Ending post? How I had never had a bad customer since I moved to Ames? As I figured, the very next day, I had an AWFUL customer! This story is not yet that one though, I still had one more terrible customer from Harlan to write about. The next time I write a Twist Ending story, it will be my very first one from Ames.

~

"Keep the change," the little girl told me, as I counted out the 31 cents in change from her bottle of water.

"Okay..." I replied, unsure of what else to say. I wasn't used to people telling me to keep the change. I set the change aside and moved on to the next customer.

A little later I heard a loud berating voice shouting from around the corner. "$1.69 out of $2.00 is NOT two cents! Get over there and ask for your change!"

"I don't want to," the little girl said quietly, almost in tears. "UGH!" I heard the mother exclaim angrily, and she marched off.

A few minutes later, a much younger girl approached my counter and looked up, barely able to see over the edge. "My sister said to keep the change, but my mom wants it back." She said in a tiny voice. I picked up the change from where I had set it, and handed it to her. She walked back to her mother and gave her the change. "Not you!" The mom shouted at her, pointing at the other girl, "I wanted her to do it!"

Suddenly the woman was frozen in a beam of light, that was being projected through the ceiling. Two green-skinned humanoids wearing blue uniforms materialized beside her.

"Is this the intergalactic criminal known as The Abuzor?" The first humanoid asked the second.

"Affirmative." He replied. "We've been searching for her for the last 13 parstinkles. She will be taken back to Gozox, to be put to work in the Plootonx mines, digging for Croylon Yarf."

"What about these innocent children?" The first humanoid asked. "They had no part in their mother's heinous crimes."

"We will take them with us." The second replied. "Queen Aultramira loves children. I'm sure she will be thrilled to adopt a few more."

The entire group vanished out of the store, and were never seen again.

Chicago: Day 5 - The Adler Planetarium

Day 5 we went to the Adler Planetarium. I probably took the least amount of pictures on this day.

There was a storm brewing when we got there, and it started pouring when we got into the building.

This was the original planetarium. It is a giant sphere with holes punched it it that form a star map when you go inside it and look up.

You get in the box and you are lifted inside.

The door closes behind you and the sphere rotates around you, giving the illusion of looking up at time passing quickly in the night sky.

Hopefully day 6, the final day, will be up in a few days.

Ziraffe

Last week, my favorite YouTube artist, Mary Doodles, was asking for art ideas on Twitter.

I replied, not expecting it to get noticed.

She noticed!