Obligatory disclaimer, none of this is supposed to make sense. These are all real quotes that were used in conversations, or that I overheard out in public, that just struck me as funny. They all made sense within the context of the conversation, but I thought they were funnier without.
“You can just cheese your own corn.”
“You keep that paper towel between you and their iniquity.”
“See the celestial beams shooting out of the raccoon’s body!”
“It sounded kind of like a wet punch.”
“I don’t want this to turn into a regrettable syrup vat.”
“Oh yeah, I love the squishy bits in the middle.
“Beware the clove!”
“Cuddle the egg!!!”
“Ooh, garbage… Smells like industry…”
“It’s like moving the livestock away from a tornado. You move them or they will be consumed.”
“I don’t know why you like me so much, but thanks!”
“We need a puppy. A puppy and yogurt.”
“Whenever I see fruit flies hovering around fruit, I think of Lord of the Rings.”
“Forget sophistication, I want dark, nightmarish Muppets.”
“Why does that turkey have blank eyes?”
“Your whole body’s a beard!”
“If I had a piece of felt pie, I would just enjoy looking at the felt pie.”
“I had to pry some Hershey’s chocolate out of his tiny jaws.”
“Did you guys save me the sink hole?”
“I got pickles. Life is good.”
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