Thursday, December 6, 2012


It all started when a friend shared a story on facebook about onions soaking up the flu virus, protecting the people around them, but becoming poisonous in the process. The whole thing sounded like a bunch of nonsense to me. She wondered if it was true, and one of her friends checked Snopes. Of course it turned out to be a mess of lies. I mentioned that a lot of people make up junk "Facts" just to spread them around Facebook and e-mail and get people to fall for them. She then suggested that I make up my own "True Facts" for a blog post. At first I just did this one for her.

Did you know that if you leave three quarters of an apple in a bowl of lemon juice for three weeks and sprinkle it with Cinnamon, Curry Powder, Cayenne Pepper, Paprika, and pencil shavings at EXACTLY three o'clock at the end of the third week, it becomes a miraculous cure all for warts, Rheumatoid Arthritis, the common cold, AND a delicious fruit salad!? True fact!

Then I thought about it, and I decided it would be fun to do an entire post like that. So I did. :)


Did you know that boxed mashed potatoes actually contain no potatoes? They're made of ground cotton, powdered limestone, and soy. The flavor comes from the butter and milk you add. True fact!

Did you know that the Wizard of Oz was based on a true story? However the Wicked Witches were not actually evil. The Munchkins and Winkies were. The witches were keeping them in check so they would not rise up and conquer the entire land of Oz. Shortly after the witches were brutally murdered by an invader from Kansas, the Mayor of Munchkin Land led the army of Winkies into The Emerald City and took over the capitol. He and the Lollipop Guild are still ruling the land to this day. True fact!

Did you know that 7 years ago last Monday, a man in Thailand ate 3 times his own body weight in bologna and hotdogs and then exploded? The very next day, workers at an Oscar Meyer plant in Tennessee began complaining that [quote] "They's a daggum Chinaman goin'aroun' smashin' things with a biggol' pype!" [end quote] No one believed them, and then three weeks later the factory blew up. True fact!

Did you know that mathematics used to be a form of torture used to interrogate prisoners of war? True fact!

Did you know that tarantulas are mammals? True fact!

Did you know that koalas eat pigeons? True fact!

Did you know that pineapples are sentient life-forms? True fact!

Did you know that eating plain bacon grease cures cancer? True fact!

Did you know that wart hogs are just really old pigs with bad skin? True fact!

Did you know that owls and kangaroos are involved in a secret war that most of humanity knows nothing about and are battling to become the dominate species on the planet? The winner will eventually rise up against all of human kind and force us to become a race of slave tailors because, as the dominate species on the planet, they will obviously need to start wearing clothing. True fact!

Did you know that whales are not native to earth? They are actually from Venus, and came here as refugees, over four thousand years ago when Venus got too close to the sun and started boiling them alive. True fact!

Did you know that licking envelopes causes tongue rabies? The only cure is to drink seven tablespoons of ketchup mixed with 7up and soy sauce. True fact!

Did you know there is no such thing as food allergies? Picky eaters invented the "Condition" as an excuse to be picky eaters. All doctors are notorious picky eaters themselves, so they almost always go along with the charade. True fact!

Did you know that monkeys are just squirrels wearing really bad human disguises? They were never able to fool anyone, so they went insane and pretended to be a whole new species. True fact!

Did you know that bees are just giant lice wearing fur coats and jet packs? True fact!

Did you know that potatoes are just apples who hated the sun so much they moved underground and grew all deformed and nasty looking, due to a severe Vitamin D deficiency? True fact!

Did you know that the Godzilla movies are actually all documentaries? Japan has some very strange wildlife! True fact!

Did you know that grass is not a real plant? It was actually invented in an ancient Babylonian factory about 5000 years ago. No one knows where they got the technology to invent something like that. Some speculate that it may have been a gift from Venusian diplomats who were scouting for possible home relocation areas during the Global Warming scare on their planet. True fact!

Did you know that elephants aren't real? They are an imaginary animal created as a prank by a college student in 1876. Any supposed elephants seen in zoos are actually hippos wearing a garden hose on their snouts. True fact!

Did you know that in China they have a legend about a mystical beast named "The Arugula." It looks like a blue cow but is has flippers instead of legs, and it get around by flapping them spastically to fly through the air. That's all. The Arugula is actually the world's most boring legend. True fact!

1 comment:

  1. I think you had WAY too much fun with this! :D The last one was pretty hilarious.......I love the image!

    The mathematics = torture was one of my favorites. That very well could be a true fact. ;-)

    And I'm not sure I want to be a tailor for Kangaroos. Although it might be fun to design something for an owl. So I hope they win!