Don't ask what's wrong with me. I don't even know.
Did you know that World War Two was fought exclusively through dance battles? True fact!
Did you know that the Vietnam War was actually just a thumb war? True fact!
Did you know that the French and Indian War was fought by beating each other over the heads with croquet mallets? The Indians won because the French kept trying to actually PLAY croquet. True fact!
Did you know that the Napoleonic Wars were actually just a series of intense slap fights? True fact!
Did you know that the winner of the American Civil War was decided through a belching contest? Historians still debate whether or not they should have changed the name of the war after that. True fact!
Did you know that the first war ever fought started as a game of Rock, Scissors, Paper? Unfortunately it was a draw since neither paper nor scissors had been invented back then, so they started chucking rocks at each other. True fact!
Did you know that the Cold War started out as an innocent pie eating contest? Toward the end, Russia accused the US of cheating and the pies started flying fast and furious. Once they had run out of pies they decided to get cleaned up by spraying each other with garden hoses. Since this was during the fall, several people with rather weak immune systems came down with colds, and thus the war was named. True fact!
Did you know that the Korean War was just a hot dog eating contest? The media blew that thing WAY out of proportion. True fact!
Did you know that the Crusades were not the only holy war? About 500 years ago the Buddhists and the Quakers had a nasty spat over who had the most peaceful religion. They gave each other the silent treatment for like a month. It got pretty intense. True fact!
Did you know that Canada has never once fought in any wars? They settle all their disagreements through hockey. True fact!