I'm sure you've all noticed I haven't been blogging much lately. Well that's because I have been very busy. Ever since I got back to Ames in January I have been spending every second of my spare time practicing for a top secret audition that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about. But now that it's happened I can finally tell you all!
This weekend I auditioned for the next season of Dancing With the Stars, and I got in! This summer I will be flying to New York to compete for a chance to star in an episode of the new dance themed spin-off of the hit musical show, Glee! If I win, I will be playing a character named, Juan Carlo Rodríguez, a pathetic nerdy loser who joins the high school dance club, becomes wildly popular, saves the head cheerleader from the evil quarterback, Marty McStabbington by soundly defeating him in a dance battle, and is tragically murdered by McStabbington's goons, the brainless Butcherson Brothers. It's a role I was born to play.
Now I'm sure you're all wondering, "Jonathan, you're going to be on Dancing with the STARS! So who is your partner?" Well, that's the best part! The celebrity I have been paired with is Kristen Chenoweth! I was so shocked when she showed up that I literally started screaming. And not manly screaming either. High-pitched, long, drawn-out, girly screaming, followed by short, rapid screams, leading to hyperventilation. And then I fainted. Right in front of her. I woke up when she started performing CPR on me. Sadly it was not the mouth-to-mouth kind, the American Heart Association did away with that ages ago. Spoil-sports. Still, not many people can say that Kristen Chenoweth almost broke their sternum!
Oh my word! I've got to go. Kristen just called, and she's coming over to teach me how to Salsa! I think I'm freaking out! I'm freaking out! The room is starting to spin! Everything is going dark! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!