#TrueFacts20!

I just realized that I've posted almost nothing all month! I'll try to do better next month, but in the mean time, here is another long awaited #TrueFacts post!

Did you know that there is a reason that a flock of crows is called a murder? A very dark and sinister reason. #Truefact

Did you know that the almost totally top favorite best girl scout cookie flavor is corned beef? It's way better than those nasty mint ones. #Truefact

Did you know that cumin is made from finely ground antelope toenails? Bet you didn't even know antelopes HAD toenails! Well they do! #Truefact

Did you know that the character Pikachu, an electric, rodent-like creature from the Pokémon game franchise, was a based on a real animal? Satoshi Tajiri, the creator of the game, was inspired when he saw a genetically altered rabbit eat a toaster. #Truefact

Did you know that last year a little robot just fell over? Like, for no reason! Just, THUMP! #Truefact

Did you know that socks who lose their mates frequently turn to drinking to ease their pain? I one time found a whole bunch of mismatched socks passed out around an empty bottle of Tide. It was so sad. #Truefact

Did you know that those creepy dancing wind puppets outside of used car dealerships are actually demon-ghosts from the 16th dimension? They only materialize in areas full of the purest evil imaginable. They used to appear outside of law firms as well, until lawyers started sprinkling holy water around their offices. #Truefact

Did you know that cupcakes are easily traumatized? You would be too if you were that delicious. #Truefact

Did you know that in 1876 a city in Tennessee was built entirely out of biscuits? It was named Cletusville, after it's designer. Sadly, Cletusville was decimated during the great sparrow migration of 1877, and everyone realized how stupid Cletus really was. #Truefact

Did you know that in 1981 the Pillsbury Dough boy was arrested for public nudity? The charges were eventually dropped when his lawyer successfully argued that the Dough Boy's body didn't have any even remotely arrest worthy parts, but the judge still ordered him to wear pants. However, to this day, he still parades around naked as the day he was baked. Since that ruling, court records have gone missing, and the judge in the case gained about 57 pounds. Interns say that his office frequently reeks of cinnamon, and it is widely speculated that the dough boy has been bribing him with baked goods for the last 35 years. #Truefact

TIIA 16 (The Internet is Awesome)

We'll start this of with Peter Hollens, amazing as always. I have always loved Celtic music, and when Peter does one, he makes it into something really special.



When Walk Off The Earth releases a new music video you never know what to expect, but it's guaranteed to be something totally different!



The other big walking themed group, Walk The Moon, recently released an amazing video as well. 80's & 90's kids should be able to spot a ton of references to a certain Robin Williams film from our childhood. :)



I recently discovered Tessa Violet, a YouTuber that I'd kind of known existed, but I'd never watched any of her videos before. I don't remember how I stumbled on her recently, but it wasn't long before I fell into (digital) love with her, thanks largely to this song.



I've listened to a lot of Doctor Who covers, and this is one of the best I've ever heard.



The Piano guys are so good. Not only is their music amazing, but their videos are so cool too!



Jon Cozart, aka Paint, has been making videos very sporadically over the last couple of years, but every time he does they go viral. It's not hard to see why. Now that he's out of school I'm hoping to see a lot more from him!



We'll close this out with an amazing video from Lindsey Stirling and an artist I'd never heard before this song, Otto Knows. I like what I'm hearing, and I hope he does more!

Broccoli Ad

Just found this random thing I made for an advertising assignment last semester. I thought I'd share it. I don't really have anything to say about it. Just enjoy, I guess. :p

Thoughts From a Can of Creamed Corn

Well, we’ve come to the end of my writing assignments from last year. But, I’ve saved the best for last. Also I’ve saved the weirdest for last. Seriously, if you are the type of person who only watches 60 minutes, or The PBS News Hour with Jim Lehrer, (Is that even a show anymore?) or you only listen to public radio and read War and Peace, and Emily Dickinson novels, then you will probably not like this story. Actually, you will probably find this story to be so far beyond the bounds of reason that you will think I need to be locked away in a mental institution. However, if you enjoy things with a strange, slightly darker sense of humor, perhaps Lemony Snicket books or Adventure Time, then this story will be right up your alley.

Of all the things I wrote during this class, this story was the thing that got the best response. People really loved it. And I’m not just saying that. I was kind of surprised at how well received it was. Normally I feel like my humor is too strange for the general public. :p Just listen to these rave reviews written by my teachers and classmates:

“An odd (and wonderful) piece.”

“Trippy. This story’s like a weird acid trip.” 

“Haha! I believe all of these experiences and thoughts!” 

“Amusing, creative, and full of life.”

“The title alone makes me want to read this piece.”

“This is your BEST WORK YET. Seriously, this is HILARIOUS but also deeply moving.” 

“You transcend the absurd topic and provide profound depth and emotion.” 

So now I suppose you’re all dying to read this weirdness. Or you just want to confirm your suspicions about my mental state. Either way, here it is! I even decided to design a graphic for the title. :)

What am I? I feel as though I have just come into being, but I have always existed. My ever-changing form has been reshaped once again into something entirely new. I was once a tin holding reels of film. But all things must come to an end, and I am remade.

I am carried away. Conveyed across a world of tubes and reservoirs. My empty form is filled and sealed. I am boiled in a vast cauldron, with others like myself. We are given coats. Shiny paper coats that read… Creamed Corn? Creamed Corn!? I am a can of creamed corn?! What the H? I once held The Wizard of Oz! I once held Casablanca! And now these people pump me full of creamed corn!? Like some common tin can!? Is that what I am? I’ve held The Ten Commandments you fools! I don’t deserve this!

Here we go again, down another conveyor belt. Look at all these other idiots, excited to go be sold in a grocery store. This is probably all they’ve ever known. Recycled and re-recycled into the same boring tin can they’ve always been. None of them have ever known what it’s like to hold something of REAL value.

Oh, you’re going to shove me into a dark box now? Really!? After all you’ve put me through you’re not even going to show me where I’m going?
 I’m sitting in the dark. I think it’s been like three weeks. I know I’m in a grocery store now. I can hear them out there, opening up the toilet paper and baby food. Open ME you idiots! I need out of here!
 I’m not sure why I’m in such a hurry. What’s so great about out there. I’m just going to be taken home by someone’s mother and fed to a baby. Or poured over some old man’s mashed potatoes. I know I shouldn’t care. I should be glad to be free of this glop inside me, but it’s like it’s a part of me now. Besides, once I am empty, what will become of me? Will I forever be recycled into tin cans like the other half-wits in the boxes around me? Content to live a life of mediocrity?
 Finally! Light! I’m free! I’m on a store shelf. I still hate this, but at least I’m not in that box any more. Friggen’ carrots next to me just couldn’t shut up. He was so excited to be thrown in a stew. What an imbecile.
 Someone is putting up a sign. 3/$1. Well, at least that means I’ll be bought quickly. The sooner this nightmare is over the better. Hey! Here comes someone!

“Zedediah, you grab all them cases of peas, and Haink, you get them there creamed corns. This apocalypse aint gonna prepare for itself!”
 “Yes, ma.”
 “Yes, ma’am.”
 What? Alpaca lips? Who are these people? Suddenly the thought of an old man’s mashed potatoes doesn’t sound so bad.
 I am taken away, along with just about every other can in the store. Ma delivers me to the Reverend Lovesong. He prays over us and we are locked in a vault, deep underground. This was the last human I saw for years.
 Slowly I went insane. If I were truly alive, I think I would have been foaming at the mouth and biting my neighbors. But none of us are truly alive and we are stuck there, alone in the dark with our thoughts. And the invisible inferno bats that live in my imagination. Fly my little flame warriors. Wreak my terrible vengeance upon the whole of humanity. Years pass. I know we are forgotten. We are doomed to spend the next thousand years in this prison of steel, waiting to be discovered by the alien archeologists that will inevitably colonize this planet. 

“Chastity! Bring up some a them cans! We’ve got to use up them stores! Now that the apocalypse is over, we don’t need to hoard all that food no more!”
 Could it be? Are we finally to be released from our prison?
“Mama! For the last time! That was a forest fire! There was no apocalypse!”
 She picks me up, along with several of my neighbors. Now, my fiery winged beasts! Burn her to a crisp! Fly, fly!
 “Chastity, it was vengeance from above! I saw the moon dragons darken the sun!”
 Yes! My lovely inferno bats have already begun the cleanse. Disguising themselves as moon dragons! Genius! “That was an eclipse. There was no apocalypse, and there never will be! The Reverend was just a paranoid lunatic!”
 Kill the Reverend! Away my beauties!                                            
“Don’t you talk about your father that way!”
 “My WHAT!?”
 Uh, oh, this is getting domestic. Moon Dragons! Free me from this place!                      

“Just give me those cans! I’m making mashed potatoes and cream corn for Grampers.”
 The woman grabs me and sinks the metal teeth into my head, peeling back the lid, revealing the corn that has been festering inside me for all these years, filling my thoughts with fire and vengeance. As she pours out the rancid contents, I feel a peace come over me that I hadn’t felt since I had held the final cut of Forest Gump. Then she throws me in the trash. A few days later and I am alone at the bottom of a landfill. What a way to go. My insanity is gone with the corn, and I am alone. No inferno bats to whisper their evils into my brain. No one. Nothing.
 For the next few hundred years I lie beneath composting debris until it has become dirt. Slowly I lose consciousness, and my unconscious memories take over, taking me far from the landfill. For next three millennia I lie with nothing more than my memories of the films I have held so dear to my heart. I guess you could say, in my own way, I am at peace. 

~

“Humaria Excavation Log: Granuary Sneventh, Feivthousent, Nynehunder & Voor. I seem to have found one of the Hyumanty’s ceremonial crowns! My hypothesis has been confirmed! The Hyumanity did indeed have infant rulers! This crown could not possibly fit anyhyum older than Snex Mohnths!”
 I feel the warm sunlight hit my face for the first time in over three thousand years. A greenish man is holding me with a hand that only has two fingers and a thumb. Obviously this is not a human.
 The creature takes me away in his starship where I learn that his name is Krevin, an archeologist from the planet Fyusha. I briefly wonder what became of my planet, and why the Fyushan archeologists are excavating it, but I don’t have much time, as I am whisked away and meticulously restored by Krevin’s crew. I am cleaned, and my dents are smoothed out. I look better than I did when I was just a can. When I am finished, I am put in a glass case to await our arrival.
 Three years later we land on Fyusha and I am given as a gift to the Repositree of Hyumaria, a museum dedicated to the tragedy of a planet that I knew as Earth. I am put on display next to a spork from McDonalds, and left to be fawned over by Hyumanophyles, a group of Fyushans who seem to be obsessed with my home planet. Apparently they are the total nerds of Fyusha, because three of them are cosplaying as me, along with two who are dressed like the spork.
 So, yeah. Life is pretty weird right now. 

Rotoscopers Roundup 3

It's time for another roundup! I haven't done one of these since the beginning of the year! I have a lot to catch up on!

Announcement that Alex Hirsch is working on a new animated series.

Review of The Muppets: Going, Going, Gonzo.

Announcement of new details about the second half of The Muppets first season.

Review of Star Wars Rebels: Brothers of the Broken Horn.

Promo for the Adventure Time: Stakes! Miniseries on DVD.

Review of The Muppets: Single All the Way.

Review of Star Wars Rebels: Wings of the Master.

Review of Gravity Falls: Weirdmageddon 2: Escape from Reality.

Review of The Muppets: Swine Song.

Review of The Muppets: A Tail of Two Piggies.

Review of Star Wars Rebels: Blood Sisters.

Review of The Muppets: Got Silk.

Review of the Oscar nominated short, World of Tomorrow.

Review of Star Wars Rebels: Stealth Strike.

Review of The Muppets: Little Green Lie.

Announcement that Wander Over Yonder is to end with season two finale.

Review of Star Wars Rebels: The Future of the Force.

Review of The Muppets: Generally Inhospitable.

Review of The Muppets: Because... Love.

Review of Star Wars Rebels: Legacy.

Announcement that Steven Universe had been renewed early for seasons 4 & 5.

Review of the second half of Star Wars Rebels season 2.

Review of Star Wars Rebels season 2 finale, Twilight of the Apprentice.

Announcement of Steven Universe's return date.

Review of the DVD set, Season 1 Part 1 of Wabbit. A Looney Tunes Production.

That's 25 new articles since the end of 2015!

Also, because I've completely forgot to include them in previous posts, I have also been involved in many of the Rotoscoper's Roundtable discussions on the site. These cover one topic per article, and then any writer on the site who wants to be involved can write a section for the article. If you're interested, here are the ones that I've worked on.

What’s Your Favorite Animated Movie?

What Did You Think of Inside Out?

What Animated Movie Would You Like to Make?

How Did You Become an Animation Addict?

Does ‘Minions’ Deserve Its Success?

What Animated Moments Terrified You?

TIIA 15 (The Internet is Awesome)

I'll start this out with an April Fools joke from the beginning of the month. I have to admit that I am usually annoyed when big companies try to do an April Fools prank, because they are almost always the epitome of cheese. You can always tell that they are trying way too hard to be relevant. Not so with this one. Quilted Northern's April Fools joke was painfully genius.



This next video is also a commercial, but it's real, (though made by a YouTuber, not the company) and very strange. It was originally a commercial at the end of an Anna Akana video, but it was so good on its own that she separated it off into its own video. I only wish it were longer. It's so weird, I love it. :p



I'll be honest, I don't actually know who Bruno Mars is, I've heard some of these songs, but I can't say I'm a fan, other than to say that I like what I've heard, just not enough to follow up any further. :p However, this Bruno Mars Medley by Peter Hollens and Swedish YouTuber Roomie, is amazing.



All I can say about this is the Muppets are amazing. This song is amazing, this video is amazing. Oh the feels. It's just like something that would have been on the old Muppet Show.



This is a version of the Star Wars themes that I can honestly say I would have never imagined in a million years. I never knew how much I needed this! It is amazing!



Julian Smith has recently gotten back into the song/skit business, and this particular song is one of my favorite things he's done in a very, very long time. I bought both versions immediately and they were on repeat for weeks after that. :p



Zootopia was an amazing movie, and it had an amazing theme song. I bought it right after I saw the film, and it's been on repeat ever since.



Here's another song that was on repeat for weeks after. The Gregory Brothers songifyed this interview with a woman whose building had just burnt down. And no they were not just profiting from her misfortune, they donated all the profits from the song to her.



Walk Off the Earth always puts the most unique spins on everything they do! This is their take on Adel's Hello.



We'll end this with another Studio C skit. They are quickly becoming one of my favorite YouTube channels these days. They've had so many hilarious skits!

The Old Woman in a Shoe (Redux)

Last year in my writing class, our last big assignment was to do straight fiction. We'd already done creative autobiographical stories, as well as poetry, both of which could, and in my case did, have fictional elements, but we had not yet completely made up a story from scratch.

When I was deciding on what I wanted to submit, I decided to submit one story that I'd already written, just to get some feedback on it. I wanted to know what people other that my family and friends thought about it. I decided to go with one of my "Real" fairy tales, and I submitted the first one I'd ever written, The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe.

Everyone seemed to love the story, but the feedback from my teachers made me want to revisit it before I turned in a final portfolio at the end. The most helpful bit of feedback I got was that I should rewrite the whole thing to be in Martha's (Old Mother Hubbard's) voice. I had started it out as an omniscient narrator, and then switched from following Gladys to following Martha, and then back to Gladys. Two different teachers independently told me that the story would be much stronger if I focused on just one character, and they both thought that that character should be Martha.

So, while this is technically the same story that you may have already read, (and if you're curious you can read the old version HERE) the story I am sharing now has been completely reworked, with more details, more jokes, and told completely from Martha's perspective.

The Old Woman Who lived in a Shoe

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed."

Does this sound like a stable parent? I don’t really think so. But Gladys Foote was not always the insane old lady portrayed as an unstable, abusive mother-figure in this nursery rhyme. I should know, I am her best friend after all. Hi, they call me Old Mother Hubbard, but you can call me Martha. Or Sgt. Hubbard. Maybe you’ve heard of me. I was kind of a big deal back in the day. Anyway, Gladys is my best friend and I am here to set the record straight. Six months ago Gladys was a great mother. Six months ago, before she moved into the secondhand, lace-up, knee-high boot that she’d found at Goodwill.

With 27 children, Gladys couldn’t afford to shop anywhere “Fancy,” like Walmart or Payless. With the children getting older, some of them needed their own rooms, and the midsize sneaker they were living in just wasn’t cutting it anymore. The octuplets, Schuyler, Skylar, Skyler, Skyla, Skye, Sky, Sky2 and Skylark, were at that age where they just needed their own rooms, and they were tired of having to share their beds with 19 younger siblings, who were total bed hogs, including 8 year-old Beans, who had three pet Bed-Hogs. When the front of the shoe split open sending 8 children falling out into the garden, Gladys really had no other options left, so Goodwill it was. She was looking for the biggest, cheapest shoe she could afford. She did find one, a huge boot that would easily hold the entire family.

One evening I came to visit. I hadn’t been there in awhile, so I brought 14 dozen cookies for the family. When I got there, Gladys was lining up all of her children and whacking them all over the head with a limp beanstalk for no reason whatsoever. This was so unlike her! I’d known Gladys for years, and I’d never once seen her lay a finger on any of her children. Even when Julesgard had tied 7 of his sisters into the shoelaces of the house and thrown figgy pudding at them, she had just sent him to his room with no dessert. Of course, no one else had gotten any dessert either, since it was all over Margret, Marjory, Marmalade, Mariska, Marzipan, Marcella, and Clyde. 

I ran down the road toward Gladys and grabbed the beanstalk from her. “What are you doing?” I exclaimed. She gave me this crazed look and grabbed the basket of cookies and began to wildly cram as many as she could into her mouth. She cackled wildly, flinging cookie crumbs everywhere and ran up the nearest tree singing Katy Perry’s Dark Horse. Now it was me who didn’t know what to do. I thought about calling Fairyland Child Protection Services, but they were well known for doing pretty much nothing at all, in even the most severe cases. I’d called them dozens of times about the VonSchneider family but nothing was ever done. Then one day poor little Hansel and Gretel were just gone, and no one has seen them since. Besides, up until now, Gladys had been a perfectly good mother. Something had to be wrong and I was determined to get to the bottom of it. Falling back on my police skills, I started interrogating the kids.

“Mamma’s been like this for weeks.” said Farnsworth. “She started making soup for supper out of rutabagas, grapes, and Marigold’s Teddy bears. And I HATE rutabagas! And then she whacks everyone with a beanstalk before bed.” 

“It all started after we got this shoe,” Romantha told me. “Mother was never like this before. I think this shoe is haunted.” “Yeah!” yelled Tromas. “I hear her talking to the ghosts, every night! Her room is right under mine!”

“Let’s go have a look in her room,” I suggested, leaving Gladys to belt out Juicy J’s Dark Horse rap solo. When we stepped into Gladys’ bedroom, I was overwhelmed by the smell of glue and I knew exactly what the problem was. Years ago, I was one of the top Drug Recognition Experts in Fairyland, and I had discovered a gang that had been repurposing BootShoe Glue, and selling it to teenagers for “Sniffing” purposes. Ultimately I was able to get that particular brand of hallucinogenic glue outlawed. Evidently this boot was so old it had been made before that ban had gone into effect. The seam by Gladys’ bed had split, filling her room with psychedelic fumes. Immediately I evacuated the boot and called the head of my former department as well as Fairyland Rehab.

Two months later Gladys was released with a clean bill of health, but now faced a new problem. She needed a new home. The Fairyland Department of Health had deemed her home to be a hazard and had ordered it be burned down. With winter coming on, she needed to find a new home and fast. But she didn’t need to worry long. I’d taken in all 27 kids while she was in rehab, and I’d set up an Indiegogo campaign to help pay for a new home. It brought in so much money that Gladys was able to buy a brand new pair of Uggs! That winter they were warmer than they had been in their entire lives. And they lived happily ever after.

~

This was not the only piece of fiction I submitted for this class, I also wrote a brand new story completely from scratch. It was literally the weirdest thing I've ever written. I'll share that one soon. :)