Out of Context! (February 2019)

Obligatory disclaimer, none of this is supposed to make sense. These are all real quotes, from conversations, or overheard in public, that just struck me as funny. They all made sense within the context of the conversation, but I thought they were funnier without.

“I always loved the accordion as a pygmy. And then I would blow bubbles in my milk and be chastised.” 

“The house is haunted! By small British people in tiny sweaters!” 

“They’re at Thanksgiving, the lightsabers are out, and giblets are flying..." 

“Puddle is my favorite flavor.” 

“Who else is going to belch while adjusting my gallbladder?” 

“I do love you, I just hate the way you smell.” 

“Did you check to see how squishy the chicken is?” 

“It’s lodged within the folds of the butter.” 

“This is like Moo-Lava.” 

“I love that we’re overanalyzing the availability of cream of tartar.” 

“They used to be on the endangered list, and now they’re endangering me!” 

“I love the crazed look in your eye as you talk about vintage Parisian tapes.” 

“I wouldn’t mind a hairy Scandinavian.” 

“She took a box of sandwich meat and decided it would make a lovely floral notebook.” 

“Watch out for the lasers from his pocket!” 

“He was chasing me around with more purple things!” 

“I was just laughing at the pickles.” 

“Chipmunks will destroy the house, not impoverished children.” 

“I didn’t want you to moisten your elbow.” 

“Anyway, back to cheese.”

#TrueFacts (January 2019)

Did you know that the massive, majestic toad whale could leap almost a mile in one jump before it went extinct? The toad whale ate eagles, ostriches, and other large birds, which it caught with it's long, sticky tongue. #TrueFact

Did you know that the bagpipes were invented as a form of psychological weaponry during the Great Haggis War? #TrueFact

Did you know that clouds happen when the birds are smoking? Someone should give them some anti-tobacco pamphlets. #TrueFact

Did you know that the iconic 1980's children's toys, the Troll Dolls, were based on real life creatures? Neon Apes are a subspecies of chimpanzee that are almost entirely hairless, except for a brilliant shock of neon hair on the top of their heads. #TrueFact

Did you know that white bread is a kind of sea sponge? Some members of the family Loavensponge, the scientific name for the species, can soak up 37 times their own weight in water. Somewhat unsettlingly, these creatures, as brainless as they are, are still alive until the moment they are eaten, and if left alone for extended periods of time, they will crawl away. #TrueFact

Did you know that McDonald’s restaurants in the Himalayas serves yak burgers with carbonated yak milk? #TrueFact
Why did I write this?

Did you know that helicopters can be flown upside down to cut down trees? This is why they are called "Choppers." #TrueFact

Did you know that King Henry the 7th only ate lettuce biscuits? No one knows why. #TrueFact

Did you know that the "Birdie" in badminton used to be a real bird? PETA shut that nonsense down real quick. #TrueFact

Did you know that in the olden days, tooth fairies used to take money and leave teeth? Eventually people got sick of this disturbing behavior, and local governments began issuing fairy bounties until the Grand High Council of the Fae decreed that their order of operations be completely reversed, hoping that the monetary incentive would appease humanity. It worked. #TrueFact

Watch This!

So, I've decided to retire my "Last Month Online" series. I've discovered with all the different things I have been doing online this past year, that unless I am only focusing on one thing, I function better, and am more productive without deadlines. If I have a lot of things to do, it is far less stressful to just not have them. I still want to share the best of the internet, but I don't want to force any arbitrary rules on myself.

So I'm starting a new iteration of my content sharing series, that I think I'm just going to call, "Watch This!" I will still try for one a month, but I will not sweat it if I miss one here and there. I am so busy with everything else I am doing online and in the real world, that I don't want to make myself dread making a post, and that's kind of how I felt last month. I have been so busy between my IRL job(s), and my YouTube channel, and getting ready for Christmas, that I haven't even wanted to think about my blog. It would nag at the back of my mind, but I didn't do anything about it, because it was lowest on my non-existent priority list. I thought about doing one last one, since I hadn't done one for November, but I didn't. I didn't even get a Christmas video post done, so I'm just moving on.

So, from now on, any videos I share will just be under the title of "Watch This!" And in future posts, I'll probably include the month of publication. This first post has just some random videos from the past few months, some Christmas stuff too, since there was some great stuff released that I thought deserved to be shared, but mostly just random videos that I liked. As usual.

I'm also going to use this series as an excuse to practice my graphic design skills, and experiment with Illustrator, and I am going to try to make a different logo for each post. Here is the first one.

We'll start this out with a new song from Tessa Violet. I could just listen to her voice/music on a never ending loop. I almost hate myself for what I'm about to say, but her music is, as the kids these days say, "A bop." Urgh. I feel so old using teen slang, but it's just so fitting in this case. :p



Lindsey Stirling released so many great Christmas songs this year, and I hate to skip any, but since the first draft of this post was inching toward 20 videos, I need to cut back to just a couple, so I'll start with this cinematic marvel for "I Wonder as I Wander."



And speaking of artists who put out a lot of content in the past few months, Peter Hollens did even more than Lindsey! I definitely can't include all of his, but I wanted to highlight his best, starting with this collab with his wife and Mike Tompkins.



If you need a little diversity in your holiday playlist, here's a Hanukkah song from Walk Off the Earth! :)



And, not to bring down the mood, but in case you were a fan of Walk Off the Earth, and you hadn't heard, they recently lost one of their members, Mike, affectionately known as Beard Guy. They released this video in tribute to him.



To bring things back up, I have something completely different. Gus Johnson is someone who came across my radar last year, and he is hilarious. His brand of comedy is not always 100% family friendly, but this one was so hilarious, I had to share it. I love a good subverted expectation, and he just nailed it with this one. :D



Next up is another song from Peter- I mean... Ashland!? Ashland Hollens! I remember when Peter and Evynne announced their first pregnancy, and now the kid is old enough to sing! And he's actually pretty great! He is of course joined by his parents, but he really holds his own!



Ugh... I just need a full LSD album already! Sia was already one of my favorite 'mainstream' singers, but this project with Labrinth and Diplo just adds something so different and catchy! I've loved just about everything they've released together so far!



One more Peter Hollens song, this time in collaboration with The Hound + The Fox, and it is amazing!



And one last Lindsey Stirling song to round this out, her original Christmas Song, Warmer in the Winter.

Rotoscopers Roundup 8

It's time for my biannual Rotoscopers update! Here is everything I worked on from July to December of 2018!

Infinity Train - Trailer Announcement

Steven Universe: The Movie - Announcement

Ant-Man and the Wasp - MCU Countdown #20

Adventure Time - Finale Air Date & DVD Announcement

Star Wars Rebels - Season 4 Blu-ray Review

Teen Titans Go! To the Movies - Soundtrack Review

Muppet Babies - DVD Review

Alex Hirsch - Gravity Falls Creator Signs with Netflix

My Little Pony - Original 1986 Film - Blu-ray Announcement

Adventure Time - DVD Review

Incredibles 2 - Blu-ray/DVD Announcement

Hilda - Trailer Announcement

Indie-Mation Club Review - Chirin's Bell

Solo: A Star Wars Story - Blu-ray Review

Hotel Transylvania 3 - Blu-ray Review

Hey Arnold! The Ultimate Collection - DVD Review

My Little Pony: The Movie - 35th Anniversary Edition - Blu-ray/DVD Review

Batman: The Animated Series - Blu-ray Review

Rocko's Modern Life: The Complete Series - DVD Review

#TrueFacts (November 2018)

Did you know that the human body is like 50% beans? Crazy, right? #TrueFact

Did you know that despite popular platitudes, pigs can’t actually fly? To claim otherwise is just pure pignorance. #TrueFact

Did you know that the clomp is the only species of clump that can clamp? #TrueFact
Get away from me! What are you doing? No I don't want to wear your stupid coat! No! Stop! What are you doing with that needl...

Did you know that in ancient European cultures, wedgies were an honor reserved for the heroes of great battles? Flying Wedgies were given to those who showed exceptional bravery, and Atomic Wedgies were reserved as the highest honor a soldier could receive. As the pulling up of the pants was seen as an honor, the opposite was a disgrace, and enemies would be pantsed on the battlefield. Things were even worse for prisoners of war, who would be pantsed during public victory ceremonies, while being forced to wear the most embarrassing underwear they could find at Walmart. The ancients were true barbarians. #TrueFact

Did you know that doves were not always a symbol of peace? In ye olden times, they were heralds of death and destruction. Because doves are carnivorous. #TrueFact

Did you know that for the first few years of its life, the painted bratfish is the whiniest fish in the world? Well, at least until it ages out of the toddler phase. Unless it's mother was actually a striped spoilerfish, because then there's really no hope for it. #TrueFact

Did you know that there is a species of crustacean that has no shell? It's called a Globster. #TrueFact

Did you know that beef does not actually come from cows? It comes from unicorns. The FDA spends billions keeping this information a secret. #TrueFact

Did you know that if you leave McDonalds food inside a hot car for three weeks, it will develop into a sentient life-form? #TrueFact

Did you know that the Burmese Mountain Chicken has one of hardest eggs in the animal kingdom? We know this because of their unusual nesting habits. Thousands of the birds fly to the top of a mountain together and lay their eggs at the top of a cliff. The torrent of eggs rolls down the hill bouncing all the way. The eggs that survive are deemed worthy of life, and, surprisingly, most actually make it! The mother chickens then sit on the eggs at the bottom of the mountain until they hatch. This amazing occurrence is known as an ovule-anche. #TrueFact

What Was That Thing Called Again?

I've been cleaning up my apartment tonight, getting ready to go home for the holidays, and I came across some papers full of stuff I'd written like over a year ago. One of these was so funny I stopped what I was doing and sat down to make this post.

I had been on Reddit one day and there was a trending topic where people were asked to share the funniest thing that they'd heard someone say when they couldn't remember what something was called. I thought it was hilarious, and had written down all my favorites, and had been planning to make a blog post on this ages ago. But then apparently I lost the paper. So today I am finally making this post.

To begin with, I'll just share a bunch of the most basic ones, so you can get a feel for what these are. I don't know if you've ever just inexplicably forgotten the name of something, but apparently this happens to some people with the most mundane things, and they completely forget what a "Tie" is, so they call it a "Neck Belt" instead.

Robe - Towel Jacket
Dustpan - Broom Shovel
Ceiling - Inside Roof
Wire - Metal String
Lab Coat - Science Vest
Sparks - Fire Crumbs
Ashes - Fire Dust
Salad Dressing - Salad Sauce
Toothpaste - Tooth Soap
Skunk - Stinky Cat
Bleachers - Baseball Stairs
Wood - Tree Chunk
Plates - Flat Bowls
Crown - Queen Hat
Hose - Water Rope
Towel - Shower Blanket
Gate - Fence Door
Ambulance - Hospital Van
Measuring Cup - Ruler Spoon
Lime - Green Lemon

There are several different tiers of the other items in this list, the first is the ones that I personally think that people were just writing to be creative. They read a few of these, got the gist of how people's brains had temporarily malfunctioned, and decided to capitalize on that and get some Reddit Karma, which for those not familiar with Reddit, is basically internet currency for Reddit users. So for these, I don't think any of them are real, but they made me laugh, so... I'm including them anyway. :p

Peacock - Disco Chicken
Prison - Hotel For Burglars
Cupcake - Party Muffin
Clarinet - Toot Flute
Cow - Moo Beast
Air Horn - Spray Scream
Hamburger Helper - Beef Aid
Lactose Intolerant - Milk Racist
Purple Cabbage - Barney Lettuce
Cereal - Breakfast Soup
Preschool - Children Zoo

Next are the ones where more than one person had variations on the same item.

Electric Drill - Screw Gun - Screwdriver Machine
Headlights - Car Flashlights - Truck Eyes
Extension Cord - Power Rope - Electric Hose
Tortilla - Burrito Flap - Taco Pads
Puddle - Rain Hole - Water Pile
Tongs - Sausage Tweezers - Pick Up Scissors
Firefly - Glowy Mosquito - Night Bee
Syrup - Waffle Sauce - Pancake Ranch - Ice Cream Gravy

Another thing that seemed oddly prevalent, was that some people apparently just forget what their body parts are called.

Ankle - Foot Wrist
Big Toe - Leg Thumb
Vertebrae - Spinal Nuggets
Elbows -Arm Knees
Bone - Dog Stick

Then there were the ones that were just bizarre. For these I was thinking, "How does anyone's brain work like this?"

Antennae - Shrimp Antlers
Swastika - Hitler Star
Flight Attendants - Sky Waitresses
Seaweed - Fish Paper
Propane - Grill Juice
Feather - Bird Leaf
Lazy Susan - Dizzy Daisy
Guitar Hero - Carpet Banjo
Compressed Air - Tire Gas
Conditioner - Hair Lotion
Vacuum Sealer - Food Laminator
Water Chestnuts - Ocean Beans
Detergent - Laundry Sauce
Guns & Roses - Death & Flowers
Microscope - Reverse Telescope
Aquarium - Fish Museum

And then these where I was thinking, "How on earth could you forget what that was called? And then why would you think it was called that?"

Eye Drops - Eye Moisturizer
Tape - Plastic Glue
Shovel - Yard Spoon
Kleenex - Nose Paper
Tortoise - Frog In A Shell
Casket - Funeral Basket
Kangaroo - Sack Rat
Condiments - Squirt Meat
Bat - Baby Vampire
Restaurant - Eat Store
Shoehorn - Boot Spoon
Letters - Alphabet Numbers
Moths - Mean Butterflies
Calzone - Bread Omelette
Atom - Science Star
Pitchfork - Farm Trident

Lastly, we'll end with the ones that are my favorites. These are the weirdest ones, or the ones that made me laugh the most, for whatever reason. I just liked these the best, so I saved them for last. :)

Turkey - Christmas Chicken
Reindeer - Christmas Llama
Plastic Bag - Krinkle Sack
Ferris Wheel - British Merry Go Round
Cake Server - Pie Trowel
Seagulls - Beach Ducks
Car Horn - Honk Button
Flyswatter - Bug Spatula
Cauldron - Witch Bucket
Protest - Angry Parade
Bell - Ding Ding Thing
Baby Shower - Pregnant Party
Mechanical Bull - Electric Cow
Funnel Cake - Circus Pie

Out of Context 5!

Obligatory disclaimer, none of this is supposed to make sense. These are all real quotes that were used in conversations, or that I overheard out in public, that just struck me as funny. They all made sense within the context of the conversation, but I thought they were funnier without.

“You can just cheese your own corn.” 

“You keep that paper towel between you and their iniquity.” 

“See the celestial beams shooting out of the raccoon’s body!” 

“It sounded kind of like a wet punch.” 

“I don’t want this to turn into a regrettable syrup vat.” 

“Oh yeah, I love the squishy bits in the middle.

“Beware the clove!” 

“Cuddle the egg!!!” 

“Ooh, garbage… Smells like industry…” 

“It’s like moving the livestock away from a tornado. You move them or they will be consumed.” 

“I don’t know why you like me so much, but thanks!” 

“We need a puppy. A puppy and yogurt.” 

“Whenever I see fruit flies hovering around fruit, I think of Lord of the Rings.” 

“Forget sophistication, I want dark, nightmarish Muppets.” 

“Why does that turkey have blank eyes?” 

“Your whole body’s a beard!” 

“If I had a piece of felt pie, I would just enjoy looking at the felt pie.” 

“I had to pry some Hershey’s chocolate out of his tiny jaws.” 

“Did you guys save me the sink hole?” 

“I got pickles. Life is good.”