Thursday, April 2, 2015

Update From the Bunker

Just a quick update, I'm 15 stories beneath Kansas, and Father Lawrence said that The Cleansing of Ka'ag'Ra'an has already begun in the world above, so the few and the faithful have begun a prayer vigil for the multitude of unbelievers who have undoubtedly been boiled in the cleansing waves of the Sainted Cetacean. I pray for a merciful end for my friends and family who chose the path of unbelief. May it be swift and painless and may the Wondrous Whales of the Oceans Beyond have mercy upon their everlasting souls.
I also pray for swift judgment upon mine enemies. May the fiery waters boil them alive, and may the Dark Lordes of the Waters Deep torment them for eternities to come.


So, as I really, REALLY hope you would have figured out on your own, I am not going to live in an underground bunker in Kansas awaiting the return of The Great Sky Whale, Ka'ag'Ra'an the Vyle, to bathe the world with His fiery blowhole for 300 years. I also do not wish everlasting torment upon my enemies, not that I have any. But if I did, I'd rather they see the error of their ways than be boiled alive by a celestial whale and tormented for eternity by unknown entities in a watery afterlife. Or do I...? Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!! >:D

Just kidding... :p

Yesterday was the first of April, April Fools Day, which, thanks to the advancement of the internet, has become one of my favorite holidays. As I do every year, I celebrate by making up an outrageous story about myself. It's the most fun on the internet all year. :p

If you are unfamiliar with my April Fools jokes, or would just like a refresher, here is a list of all my past stories.

Becoming a homeless street mime: Click HERE.

Becoming an interpretative dancer: Click HERE.

Auditioning for Dancing With the Stars: Click HERE.

And if you want to reread yesterdays, Click HERE.

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