Friday, April 1, 2011

A New Direction in Life

Dear Family and Friends,

After much soul searching, meditation, and chanting, I have decided that the life I am currently living is meaningless.

As everyone knows, next year the world is going to end when the Mayans return and destroy civilization as we know it, so until then, I am leaving home to live my life the way I should have years ago.

Today I am going to quit my job and drop out of school. I am going to drive until I run out of gas, then I am going to sell my car for as much as anyone will give me for it. Then I will be hitchhiking to New York where I will spend earth’s remaining days living out my dream of being a street mime.

I cannot tell you how much I will miss you all. I cannot tell you because I have recently taken the “Sacred Oath of Silence” that all mimes must take before entering this most hallowed of professions.

I do not plan on returning once I arrive in New York, so I will probably never see any of you again in this life. If any of you ever come to New York, feel free to look me up and say hi. I of course will not respond, but you may say hi anyway.

I will be living, as all mimes do, inside an invisible box, so if you do come to visit I can’t offer a very private place to stay, but at least you will have a roof over your head. You just won’t be able to see it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go purchase some red suspenders, a black and white striped shirt, several gallons of skin bleach, and a box of black Sharpie Paint Markers.

Silently Yours,

Jonathan North – AKA - Bip Skelton


  1. If it wasn't April 1st, I would have believed this story. Why don't you just stay home and begin a mime movement in Iowa?

  2. That's a scary thought. For some reason the phrase "Mime movement" made me picture a herd of feral mimes roaming the wilderness, and racing through the Iowan plains. :p