Dear Family and Friends,
After much soul searching, meditation, and chanting, I have decided that the life I am currently living is meaningless.
As everyone knows, next year the world is going to end when the Mayans return and destroy civilization as we know it, so until then, I am leaving home to live my life the way I should have years ago.
Today I am going to quit my job and drop out of school. I am going to drive until I run out of gas, then I am going to sell my car for as much as anyone will give me for it. Then I will be hitchhiking to New York where I will spend earth’s remaining days living out my dream of being a street mime.
I cannot tell you how much I will miss you all. I cannot tell you because I have recently taken the “Sacred Oath of Silence” that all mimes must take before entering this most hallowed of professions.
I do not plan on returning once I arrive in New York, so I will probably never see any of you again in this life. If any of you ever come to New York, feel free to look me up and say hi. I of course will not respond, but you may say hi anyway.
I will be living, as all mimes do, inside an invisible box, so if you do come to visit I can’t offer a very private place to stay, but at least you will have a roof over your head. You just won’t be able to see it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go purchase some red suspenders, a black and white striped shirt, several gallons of skin bleach, and a box of black Sharpie Paint Markers.
Jonathan North – AKA - Bip Skelton