Amazing Trick-or-Treat Ideas 2019

I feel like I write this every year, but for some reason, every time Halloween rolls around, I somehow realize that I forgot this series was a thing. It is one of my favorite series I write, but every year I get busier, and since it's not a regular thing, I need to be reminded each time Halloween rolls around. However, this time, I remembered at the beginning of the month! On October 3rd I was bored at work, scrolling back through my blog, found the post and realized that this was the month! So with a month to plan, will I be able to write the post in time? I guess we'll see!

Edit: I finished on the 28th! I can't believe it! I doubt I'll be this prepared next year!

If you're new to this series, every year I compile a list of treats for you to hand out to the little beggar children who come creeping around your house, shaking you down for candy. Since I'm sure you want to stand out from the crowd, here are ten unique treats that will be sure to have the town talking about your wonderful creativosity! That's a thing, right?

If you're interested, the previous years' posts can be found at these links:
2013 - 2014 - 2015 - 2016 - 2017 - 2018

A Trowel - Did you forget to buy candy this year? Did you accidentally leave your porch light on, beckoning all the little children to your door? Is one standing there right now with their little hand outstretched, looking at you with big, sad eyes? Do you still have that trowel on your front porch that your husband forgot to put away after he finished potting the tulip bulbs for the winter? Give them that. Then shut off your lights! You can't afford to be giving away all the random garden tools that Richard leaves on the porch!

Several Dead Leaves - This time of year, nature drops her splendor all around us, free for anyone to gather and give as we please! Sure, these kids could pick up their own dead leaves, but it will mean so much more when it comes from your heart. Or something. I don't know, I'm trying to think of some sentimental options okay?

Sage Life Advice - With age comes wisdom, so the older you are, the more wisdom you have to share! What better day to share this wisdom than on Halloween, when children come to your door, asking for treats. I think a good, memorable platitude could be one of the best treats you can give.

Ha! Yeah, sorry. I couldn't do this one with a straight face. You'd get paper mache'd for sure. That's like getting toilet paper'd, except with more glue and hatred.

A Hug - How about a hug? That's a good treat, right? No? Oh yeah. Stranger danger. What was I thinking!? Sorry! We're done with the sentimental stuff. Back to some more sensible, traditional options.

Cardamom Pods - I heard about them on a cooking show once. They're probably a good baking ingredient, like for cookies? Kids love cookies! They also love stealing chocolate chips while you're trying to make the cookies, so they'll probably love these too! No stealing required! Except for your heart when they tearfully thank you for your selfless generosity.

An Old Car - Do you have a beat up old junker sitting around on your front lawn that you don't know what to do with? I know my Uncle Jed'thro does! And Aunt Shirline wants that thing out of her flower patch, so it needs to get gone now!

The first thing you need to do is get the title for the car. I know it's a pain, but you need to go through that pile of papers in the basement at some point before you die! Next you need to fill it out completely to get it ready to sign over to the next un lucky little kid who comes to your door! Once one shows up, have them write their name, hand them the title, and tell them no take backs! That makes everything legally binding, and their parents can't say anything about it!

Recycled Parade Candy - This one takes some planning and several assistants, but if you have kids of your own, this is a cinch. It's free, and it's recycling, so you're basically saving the earth! You're a hero!

Anyway, next time the county fair throws their annual parade, set up checkpoints all around the parade route with several volunteers. Or unwilling children. Whatever is easiest. Gather candy as it is pitched over the sides of various firetrucks, tractors, and rickety trailers full of screaming kids and mediocre sousaphone players.

To make sure you get the most candy, be sure to pay attention to the floats manned by local politicians, and beauty queens, and beware of the ones manned by terrifying dental mascots. I'm talking about you, Bucky the Braces Beaver! You know what you did! Your horrifying, sadistic, pearly-white smile is fooling no one!

NO ONE!!!

Ahem...

Sorry about that.

Anyway, as soon as you hit the end of the parade at your checkpoint, get yourself to the other end of the route as fast as you can and keep on collecting that sweet, free parade candy! If your entire team does this, you should be set for at LEAST this Halloween, if not the next one as well! Just put the candy in your pantry for the next 4 to 16 months, and reuse it! It'll be totally fine. Parade candy is already halfway to fossilization anyway, it basically preserves itself.

Caviar - This tip is for the rich people only. I know there aren't that many of you left, but the few that remain have more money than you'll ever be able to spend in your lifetime. Therefore, you should spend it on the juiciest treat, that kids love to eat, caviar!

           🎵    🎵
*Whimsical Music Cue*
           🎵    🎵 

🎵 - Ooooooh...
🎵 - Theeeeey....
🎵 - Pop in your teeth!
🎵 - They're from fathoms beneath!
🎵 - They're the tiniest eggs
🎵 - That you ever will eat!
🎵 - So sweet and delicious,
🎵 - They taste like the fishes!
🎵 - Caviar! Caviar! Ca-vi-ar!

"It's the juiciest treat, that kids love to eat, caviar!
Available wherever luxury fish chunks are sold."

Dimes - This tip is for poor people only. I know there are a lot of you around these days, and you have less money than you'll ever be able to earn in your lifetime. Therefore, to save money, just give out dimes to the children. They won't mind. Children are born with an inherent understanding of poverty and the stressful financial situations that arise this time of year. They'll appreciate that you tried. 💕

Just kidding. Children are monsters, and will hate your very existence for denying them the sweet, sweet taste of a fun-sized Caramello. Also, what kind of Rich Uncle Pennybags do we think we are? Who can afford to be giving entire dimes away like that!? Lock your doors and shut off all your lights until November 2nd.

Dirt - This tip is for the vagrant that lives by the railroad tracks only. I know there's only one of you, and you may actually just be a family of raccoons in a trenchcoat, so... Um... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Dirt. Give them dirt.