Saturday, September 28, 2013

Sweet Dreams

Imagine that you are alone. There's no one around, but you and an ordinary little cat. Not really even full grown yet, so he's still kind of cute. He's not like, adorable kitten cute, but he's not a grumpy old cat yet either. He's just an average cat. He's orange, he's friendly, kind of playful. He likes to follow you around begging for attention. Yeah, I guess he is a cute little guy.

Now imagine that suddenly it's dark, and that none of the light switches turn on. You leave the cat and begin walking around, trying to find one that works. The bathroom light sort of works, the air vent turns on anyway, but the light is so dim that it's basically useless.

Suddenly you realize that the cat has followed you. It's sitting across the room, staring at you out of the darkness. Now imagine the cat starts growling, and creeping toward you, pausing every once in awhile to hiss, and then creep closer. You don't know what to do. It's almost close enough to touch, and it stops, looks you straight in the eye and hisses loudly. Now imagine kicking the cat and running away, and the relief of finally escaping.

You're finally alone, but it's still dark and you don't know why. The lights still won't work. Suddenly the cat is back. The cat is back, and whole scenario repeats itself. Over and over again.

Now imagine that you're finally alone again. You think you've somehow managed to escape, but now you can't move. You can't move and it's still dark. You don't know what to do. You can't move, it's still dark, and now the cat is back. It's at it again, growling and creeping toward you. You realize with horror that any second you're going to be attacked by this normally adorable, now hideously terrifying creature.

Now imagine realizing with relief that this is a dream, the cat gone. He isn't going to kill you after all. Imagine lying in bed, glad to be alive.

Now imagine that the cat is back.

The cat is back, growling, creeping toward your bed, and you can't even move. You know this is a dream, but you can't wake up and the cat keeps coming. You know that this is the end. You know you're about to be killed by a tiny little cat, and you can't do anything about it.

So that was my night last night. Fun, huh?

What the heck subconscious? Where'd you even get the idea that cats were terrifying? You deserve a good kick in the face for that trick. Get out of here. I don't want to see you again until you learn to behave yourself.

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