Friday, September 13, 2013

Happy Weirdo Day!!!

At the end of July, my friends and family threw a going away party for me before I moved to Ames. At that party we came up with our own holiday and called it Weirdo Day. We set it to be some time in the future so that they could send me weird cards after I'd moved away. I chose the date of September 13th, because September is sort of an odd month, in that nothing really special happens for the most part, and the 13th because people always think that 13 is an unlucky number and I like to laugh in the face of superstition. As an added bonus, September 13th is a Friday! Friday the 13th!

So today, in celebration of our new holiday, I decided to detail the traditions and customs of the day.

The most basic tradition is that people exchange cards. But not just any old card will do. It must be a handmade card. You may use the computer if you like, but you must make it yourself, and it must be weird.

You may also use the Internet to send a weird message. But simply sending a message that says, "Happy Weirdo Day, Mildribeth!" is not enough! You must go all out in your well wishes of weirdness. For example, here is the message I sent to my cousin.
"Happy Weirdo Day! Now go outside and eat seven olives while reciting the alphabet backwards and swinging three rubber snakes around your head like a lasso! This will please the gods of weirdoness who will bless you with a bad hair day and buck teeth for a week! Yay!"
Another popular tradition is that instead of wishing your friends a Happy Weirdo Day, you invent your own holidays, even weirder than Weirdo Day, and send people good tidings of that holiday instead. Here are a few examples to give you some good ideas for your next Weirdo Day celebration.
"Happy Cheeseday, Maria! Don't get sick from eating all the Brie and Gruyere pot pies I sent you! Hope your day is Muensterous!"
(It is important to note here, that I do not know anyone named Maria. This was sent to my friend Alex.)
"Happy Normal Day, my fellow normal human being! I hope your day is filled with blandness and unoriginality! May Bill, Bob, Tom, Jane, and Sue, the Patron Saints of Boringness, smile upon thine ordinary brow. :/"
It is even permissible, and encouraged, to combine both the greetings of your made up holiday, with a weird message that has absolutely nothing to do with that holiday.
"Happy Triceratops Day! Go sit on an eggplant! Maybe it will appreciate the warmth!"
All good holidays need a signature food. Thanksgiving has turkey, Halloween has candy, and Valentine's Day has roast Cupid. The signature food of weirdo day is Jello. But it can not be any ordinary Jello. You have to add things to it. And it can't be just any ordinary Jello ingredient, it must be weird. No marshmallows and mandarin oranges here! Those are acceptable only as long as you have first included at least one ingredient that would make your Great Aunt look at you with disgust and ban you from her next potluck. Some great ideas would be spaghetti, mushrooms, tuna salad, or ranch dressing.

No holiday is complete without a benevolent mythological figure presiding over the events. Christmas has Santa, Easter has the Easter Bunny, and St. Patrick's Day has Hiccups, the drunken leprechaun. Weirdo Day is presided over by the Weird Clown Fairy. She watches over the good little boy and girls of the world, and on Weirdo Day Eve, he flies into their rooms and leaves weird presents underneath their pillows. I received a sausage and twelve raisins! I was so good this year!

However, much like Santa leaving coal for the naughty children, the Weird Clown Fairy also punishes misbehaving brats. To all naughty children he leaves an ugly sweater that the child is obligated by law to wear for the entire day. If the child is significantly weird enough that they actually LIKE the sweater, she will leave a full pound of steamed Brussels sprouts that must be eaten by sundown. Or else.

There is likely quite a lot more involved in Weirdo Day, but as it has only just been invented, its traditions are still in a state of flux. You can give weird gifts, put up weird decorations, and shout weird things at random strangers. You can pretty much do whatever you want. As long as it's weird.

Happy Weirdo Day! May all your toes be bedazzled with sunflower seeds!

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