Friday, April 1, 2016

I'm Engaged!

Well, it's finally happened! Though, admittedly, not in the way that most, including myself, would have ever thought. I'm engaged!

It's been almost seven years since my brother Jared got married, and this year, all of the rest of my brothers are getting married. Every single one. You can't imagine how many times I've been asked, "When are you going to get married?" Or the sheer number of times I've been told, "You'd better find someone quick, you're going to be the last one!" I don't even want to think about the many, many times I've been told, "You're going to die, miserable, useless, and alone, unless you get married right away!"

So I'm giving in. There's no use in fighting against the opinions of the masses any more. Everyone else is doing it, so there is literally zero reason for me to not get married as soon as possible. The only problem was finding someone willing to marry me sight unseen, because this needed to happen now. I couldn't wait any longer, I'm almost 30! My life is literally almost over!

To that end, I've ordered a Russian mail-order bride. Her name is Yana Ludmila, though it could be Ludmila Yana, I'm not quite sure, the website I used had very poor English, and I'm not sure which one is her first name. Anyway, she looks very nice, she's from Olga, Kyrgyzstan, and her profile says she speaks some English, so we'll be able to communicate, a little. Which is all a good marriage really needs, right? I don't know much more about her, aside from the fact that she is a translator, whatever that means. She must not be very good at it.

Anyway, Ludmila's, or Yana's flight gets in tonight, and we're get married right away. I have a friend at school who became an ordained minister online, so he'll marry us, right at the airport when I pick her up. I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures, and I'll post them on my blog tomorrow, so stay tuned! Wish me luck!

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