Monday, September 3, 2012

Dear YouTube

As much as I love YouTube, it has one flaw that really annoys me. Ads. Not one video it has ever forced me to watch has ever caused me to buy the product, support the cause, or even like that person, thing, or company the slightest bit more. In fact, it might actually have the opposite effect.
Trolling all their videos will do me about as much good as whining about it in a nursery full of screaming babies, so I thought I'd write about it here instead. What's the use of having a blog if you can't vent for other people's entertainment once in awhile? :p

Dear YouTube,

You have some weird friends, and I have something to say to a lot of them.

I don't care if you're a Mormon.

Your body spray stinks, not just because its wearers use way too much, but because it's basically a noxious blend of artificial chemicals. It will not increase my chances with women. More likely it will repel them. So put your clothes back on.

Holy Bloomin' &^%$# Oogieloves?!?!??!
In case I was being too subtle, that was me, vomiting.
The Oogieloves make me desperately miss Barney and Friends. Words cannot even begin to describe the waves of disgust and nausea that swept over my entire body when my eyes were first forced to look upon the horror that is "The Oogieloves." If I was to make one prediction regarding this revolting mess of a film that I will never subject myself or ANY small child to, it is this: The Oogieloves is sure to go down in history as the worst movie ever made in the entire history of cinema. I would rather watch ten thousand political commercials than be forced to sit through one of those nauseating trailers ever again.

Seriously people, why do you all keep telling me you're a Mormon? I don't care!

I don't drink, so stop talking about how great your booze is.

Candidate 1, I already know Candidate 2 is a lousy good for nothing liar, so stop telling me about it every two minutes.

No one even REMOTELY cares about your "Smooth Musings," Keith Stone. In fact, they make me want to pukemyguts at their complete and utter retardedness. Yes, I know that pukemyguts, and retardedness are not real words, they were invented just for you, because, given your apparent IQ, I didn't think you'd understand what disgorge or fatuousness meant.

Candidate 2, I already know Candidate 1 is a lousy good for nothing liar, so stop telling me about it every two minutes.

Are you deaf? I really, TRULY do not care that you are a Mormon, and the more you keep telling me about it, the more likely I am to start caring, and definitely NOT in a good way!

That's all for now, YouTube. Sorry to sound so harsh, I don't hate you, I just think you need to choose your friends better.

Jonathan North

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